AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I understand that there are people who are becoming impatient because I have been unable to upload any new chapters to either "Love Me Forever" or "Love You Through It".

This is to show you how busy I have been. Presently I should be asleep or doing homework I have been unable to get down. But I see that there is a concern that I need to appease.

Let me go in order:

I was gone for a month and a half without access to time for writing

My grandmother died

My best friend moved hundreds of thousands of miles away because of her parents' divorce

My great-uncle died

My great-aunt died

My cousin committed suicide

My aunt almost died

My problems with self-harm got worse

School started

People were spreading rumors

I got into a relationship, and the girl was only using me a fucking joke.

I had to have several meetings with school admins to figure out what was going on

I was forced to sit in a room with my parents and tell them I self-harm. They still only partially acknowledge that I am not mentally sound.

My best friend almost died in a car accident

I was able to pound out a few miserable, dark, and depressing One-Shots for Once Upon A Time while trying not to carve into my wrists with a kitchen knife.

I decided that there was already enough darkness in my Castle stories that more would not end well and everyone would just end up dead, which wouldn't make anyone happy

My therapist discussed with my parents about putting me on anti-depressants and they flipped because they feel that I don't need them, but in fact, I believe that maybe I do.

Some people I thought were my friends decided they wanted to join in the rumors.

My parents still have a time limit on my computer, because I do not have my own, it is a shared desk-top that crashes at least twice a week.

My brother, after getting into an argument with me, retaliated by dumping my flash-drive into a bucket of water.

My parents are still treating me as if I'm worthless, and as if I am not emotionally troubled.

I carved deep enough I almost thought I may have needed to go to the hospital, but I was able to get the bleeding to stop. My parents don't know because they don't listen to me. I almost tried to tell them, but they just ignored me, then called me selfish because I had interrupted their conversation.

So yea...

I've been busy. I get that some people may be impatient, and I sincerly apologize that the cruelness of life has gotten in my way.

So yea...

I'm hanging on the edge, my therapist is almost ready to tell my parents to institutionalize me, which would take me away for even longer. So, please, how about I work on my sanity before I try to work on my stories. Because my sanity is where I will find the ability to write anything but death, suicide, murder, pain, misery, and destruction.

Sure, I write a lot of that... but at least there's some happiness throughout... but when I tried working on chapter 8 of LYTI? You wanna know what happened? I killed Lanie, and Javie, and then Ryan got shot, and Kate got hit by a car and died, and then Castle in his insanity got drunk and blew himself away. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? HUH? No... didn't think so. So sooorry I decided not to post it.

My life has taken a rapid spin for the worst, and I'm just starting to dig myself out. I'm just starting to unbury myself. I don't need comments from people saying 'DON'T JUST SAY YOU'RE BUSY!'
Because you know what? I write for me. I love to share it, I love sharing and having others read. BUT I WRITE FOR ME!

What I write is FOR ME! A sense of hidden reality that helps me grasp at what I will never have. But right now, the only thing I'm grasping at is life, and that makes me write about death. If you want that, then fine. I'll post that. But I'm not the most sound of mind as of present, but decided that maybe my thoughts and graphic displays of hacking away at body parts would not be the most appropriate.

So here you go. This is for those who have been complaining. This is for you to see that you're adding to my misery. Do you think that I don't know you guys want me to upload more? Do you think I enjoy not being able to write and finish my stories?

I do hope you understand,

With love,

CBCMH