October 25th 3018

Finally worked out the date, having actually arrived here yesterday; never before has a warm, soapy bath felt so good. Mind you, the clean clothes felt pretty good too. Last night was like a dream, with the warmth, cleanliness, pretty people and finally good sleep- I can kind of see why the elves never leave this place.

Unfortunately, considering how wonderful yesterday was, today has been like an eternity of boredom, frustration and lingering feelings of insecurity around all these gorgeous elves. In short, the council was today.

There was much singing and reciting of history, as well as a debate in which they picked a Halfling to carry possibly the greatest weapon ever crafted- in order to destroy it. I am so incredibly pissed off about that bit that I can't even express it properly considering the dignified elleth within earshot of my room.

The council itself, up until that point, was incredibly, dreadfully, interminably, frustratingly boring. Now, as a child, my father would tuck me in and tell me stories of Isildur, of the Ring, of Sauron's final embodied battle, and all the relevant, historically accurate gory bits that I loved as an eight year old. They were exciting because father would whip out his sword and make dramatic slashing noises, as well as doing this really funny and oddly nasal 'Sauron' voice which always sent me into hysterics of laughter.

At the council, we had all the historical boring crap, minus the cool gory bits, dramatic noises and funny voices. I was nearly bored to tears- well, I was actually bored to tears, but that was during one of the elves' songs, and I acted like it was because I was moved by the music or some such crap, so it doesn't count.

I so wish that I had send Faramir instead- he loves this stuff, boring as it is.

PS – Have decided to ignore Wilfred. He's only after the attention, after all.

October 26th 3018

It is so relaxing to finally be at rest, to not have to be anywhere or do anything but that which I care to do- I have never before experienced this sensation, what with Gondor being invaded all the time by dark forces bent on world domination.

October 27th 3018

Elrond's sent out some scouts to collect information on location of dark forces, etc. All v. exciting, but in the meantime, we all have to just sit here and do nothing. I'm a man of action, dammit!

October 28th 3018

Went to the training courtyards today- the elves are all freakishly fast. I can't help but feel like they take away the fun of watching- when the fight's a blur, I can't even pick out who's winning before somebody's flat on their arse.

Had a go myself, with this bloke who seems to be the only other Man at this place- he won two, but so did I and as we prepared for a fifth round, the lunch bell rang. As we walked back, he introduced himself and I realised that this was the guy trying to muscle in on the Gondorian throne. Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Chieftain of the Dunedain, etc- who I beat, twice. I feel like a ninja.

October 29th 3018

Wandered over to the archery practice yards today, watched a really fetching elleth shoot several bulls-eyes from what seemed to be half a mile away. I went over and remarked that I had never seen an elleth so skilled in archery- at which point the ellon introduced himself as Legolas of Greenwood and I fled.

October 30th 3018

Am now really cautious when addressing elves, for I cannot tell them apart. The only ones I recognise are Elrond, who has really scary eyebrows, and Arwen, who is really, really, incredibly good looking, even for an elf.

Has occurred to me just how few mortals there are around here. There's just me, Aragorn, the hobbits and the dwarves, pretty much. I can't tell the dwarves or hobbits apart either, but none of them are female, as far as I know, so that should be okay.

I think I'll go get drunk with Aragorn and do some intra-species bonding.

October 31st 3018

There's nothing I hate more than a man who can't hold his drink, and Aragorn remained (mostly) sober despite us going through a good two casks of some really excellent wine. I have a hangover to kill a medium-sized horse and he's prancing around like sunlight isn't the worst invention since Balrogs- I think I could grow to hate that man.