Warnings: angst, death, love, smut, heartbreak.

Heavy in Your Arms
part 4
by vernajast

sasuke x naruto x sasuke

(This will be my last confession:
"I love you" never felt like any blessing.
Whisper it like it's a secret
Uttered to condemn the one who hears it with a heavy heart.)

White.

He can see nothing but white.

He has gone blind (he is sure), and the silence nearly convinces him that he is also deaf except for the faint beeping of a machine in the background. For the span of four breaths, he has no idea why he is in the hospital-and then he does, he knows, he remembers, and momentary confusion is replaced by the twist of a knife in his gut. Sasuke...

"Aaaaaa(ahhhh)hhhhhhhhh!" It is the cry of a wounded animal, a death knell, and all who hear it wish they could end the poor creature's suffering.

The hospital bed creaks as Naruto tries in vain to free his bound arms and legs, touch his chakra, anything that will get him somehow closer to Sasuke-anything that will bring him back. He has to bring back Sasuke. It's the one thing he knows; it's the only thing he knows. (and really, what is death compared to orochimaru?)

The screaming ends when Naruto's throat is too hoarse to produce words and his body shivers with weakness and strain.

Inside his head, it never ends.

Outside the door and its four chakra-activated locks, the mumbles and whispers of onlookers fill the corridor. They gather in small clusters of subtle glances and forced attempts at small talk about anything other than the boy in the bed.

Sakura takes a break from her other duties to wander over and check on her former teammate. She falls into place beside Kakashi, who has not once left his post since Naruto was admitted, and both watch Naruto's chest rise and fall as he sleeps peacefully (it's a lie). Sometimes, he seems to be mumbling to himself, but it's too quiet to carry beyond the reinforced glass of the window. If he does speak, neither Kakashi nor Sakura betray what they read on his trembling lips. (Sakura involuntarily grasps her chest above her heart; Kakashi simply remains still, watching, waiting, a scarecrow in guarding his field.)

Over time, the crowd outside dwindles to a handful of faithful friends, and then, only those few who can't bear to let Naruto suffer alone.

His teammates rarely leave his side, including Sai, who is starting to rethink awakening his own suppressed emotions. (is starting to believe that it isn't worth the pain, not really)

Shikamaru comes as often as he can manage, keenly aware that had they succeeded in retrieving Sasuke the first time, it never would have come to this. When he's seen enough, he goes outside to have a cigarette and not think about his failures. (he fails at this, too.)

(Iruka never visits Naruto, never comes to watch him fading away, but no one can blame him. Not really.)

Inside the room, only the beeping remains.

'Sasuke...'

Lips move, but no sound comes out. Heart beats, but feels nothing. Eyes flutter, unseeing.

Tsunade pulls the blanket up to Naruto's chin. She represses a sigh when he mouths that word again, the word she has grown to hate above all others. If Uchiha Sasuke were alive, she would take great pleasure in killing him all over again.

Naruto's back arches off of the bed, lips parted in a silent scream, and she looks away. It doesn't drown out his shallow, gasping breaths or the rustle of sheets. And nothing can make her forget that the room is altogether too silent to belong to the same loud-mouthed gaki she has grown to love, and eventually, respect.

For a single, selfish moment, she wishes she had never laid eyes on Minato or his foolish offspring, but it passes as quickly as ever to be replaced with the same regret as eighteen years before: There must have been something I could have done to prevent it.

She brushes a blond lock from his eyes. Tsunade knows better; they all do. Naruto and Sasuke...they were always hurtling toward this end, toward each other, and there was nothing any of them could have done to stop it. This was inevitable, and—

She catches herself (not for the first time) talking as if the blond boy before her is already dead.

Perhaps it would be better if he was.

As if on cue, Naruto's back arches again and the blanket slips to the floor. His fingers dig into the sheet beneath them, desperate to grasp the one thing he swore to never let go.

She'll prescribe another sedative (she's running out of options).

That inaudible word breaks silently across trembling lips.

'Sasuke!'

(I'm so heavy in your arms.)