A/N: This is not my first fanfic for The Road to El Dorado, but I thought about writing something like this a few months back at the end of summer and finally managed to get this done. No one is probably going to read this since some of the hinted romance in here is mostly focused on Tulio/Chel, but if anything I'd like to give a variety of pairings around this section since all I see is Tulio/Miguel stories. While I greatly enjoy them, I also support Tulio/Chel, and the lack of them is really quite pathetic. My goal here is to make them relate, connect, and understand one another and make their relationship very realistic compared to the movie version. I feel if they were expressed in this way, then people would respect the pairing (and CHEL) more. And, I would hope to see more Tulio/Chel fics pop up! 8D Here, I wanted to give them a lot of depth. I need more practice with that anyway, so criticism is welcome. Just don't be harsh, please ^_^''

I don't own this movie and the characters blah blah blah jfdkagdlagd Read it!

/

The room was quiet. The only sounds were the echoes of pedestrians outside the windows where the sun barely shined. It was a cloudy day, he noticed. Not much sunshine was showing today, which was a relief on his part. Every time the sun glowed in the sky it was a painful reminder of memories he didn't want to recall, yet simultaneously he longed for the clouds to disappear and reveal the sun's warm rays.

His eyes went from wall to wall, studying the patterns that he liked most on the day he bought the house. Many different blues and grays with orange and yellow decorated the interior of each square; the cooler colors dominated all the patterns, yet the warmer colors were somehow able to balance evenly with the theme of the room. Who the hell decorated his walls? He may have liked the designs and color combinations then, but now he despised them. What was he thinking when he got this house, anyway? He scoffed at his own idiocy, wondering what must have gone through his mind all those years ago.

Tulio let out a raspy cough, and tried swallowing with his raw throat. All the coughing he had been doing was literally making him feel ill. Nevertheless, he had to be sure that the gray ashes on the cigar he held in between his fingers would fall off the butt. He watched with sullen eyes as the smoke evaporated into the air. In his morbid state, however, it didn't stop his desire.

He wanted more; more of the intense endorphins the moment he would relight the singed cigar and suck in the poisons. It was selfish and unhealthy, he knew, but he'd long since lost his will. Once he started inhaling, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from resisting. He'd had been trying to wean himself off them, but no matter what his body demanded it, enticing him to have just one more; to take just one more puff, but it was over before it could even commence.

Tulio watched as the licks of smoke danced around him, eventually dispensing into the air and giving out the rancid smell of tobacco in the dimly lit room. He could remember the times when smoking was an occasion, when he only smoked a cigar for the sake of hospitality, but that seemed like a lifetime ago. In reality, it was merely a year and a half. He felt stupid to think that he would have an unflawed, bright future with a beautiful woman by his side, and all the gold in the world… But it wasn't just about what he wanted. He found that out the hard way.

He found that gravity took hold of him that day when one fatal mistake caused them to fall off the edge of that stone ledge, watching as their enemy plummeted towards the whirlpool and disappeared into the unknown. Tulio could still feel the pain on his hands from gripping the vines that saved his sorry ass from joining the El Dorado native in the cold waters, waiting for a chance to climb to safety. He felt safe knowing that his best friend and he were out of this mess; out of the lie that could have easily caused their own deaths if that deranged priest was still alive… only to find that when he turned to him to celebrate, he wasn't there holding onto vines like he was…

Forcing back a large lump in his throat, Tulio put the cigar to his lips and inhaled deeply; trying to forget the greed and stupidity he wished he never had. If anything, he felt that he should be happy for what he received: Chel, his soul mate; a woman so beautiful that she could deceive any man with her curves as well as her furtive nature, which was probably why he ended up falling in love; and of course, the gold. He loved gold, as much as any Spaniard would, and coming back to his homeland with it made him happy knowing that he can use it to his advantage. Plus, he wanted to see the jealous glares that people would give him when he would walk down the streets of Barcelona with pockets of money and riches.

Voracious, he wanted more of everything and there was one thing he wanted more than anything else; but he didn't want to remember his face that was so full of anger. He didn't want to picture that same golden mop of blonde hair, or his pair of jovial emerald eyes that lit up every time he smiled, or his compassionate behavior towards everyone; how much of a pleasant person he was. The slightest thought about him made his heart ache because it only reminded him of what he did to lose that man… his best friend.

I miss you, Miguel…

Tulio fingered back his wavy coal-black hair, growing frustrated by the fact that he was once again thinking about him. He didn't want to, because every time he did it caused him to crave another cigar since he was desperately trying - yet failing - to cut down on the intake. At first it would only be one just to get him by, but one turned into two, and two turned into four, and eventually it would be at a point in which he would be completely lost in his own pleasure.

He inhaled once more, blowing smoke out of his nostrils like a fire-breathing dragon. He loved the feeling of the smoke pass through him, making him feel so right. Euphoria surged through him, and once again a sense of false normalcy came upon him. Another coughing fit, and after it ceased he greedily took another puff.

I'm never going to get out of this rut…

She watched him suffer. Since sneaking on a ship that lead back to the Old World she watched as his happiness withered and decayed into nothing. During that long voyage back to his home, he was devastated. He constantly told her how stupid he was, how horrible of a person he was for doing such a thing to his best friend and just leaving the paradise as if nothing had happened. She noticed how his conscience continuously nibbled off of him; one bite at a time, until he was swallowed up completely.

Chel thought he was happy; he had her, the gold, and with the combination of the two, a good future for him. But he didn't seem to enjoy it. What made her a bit frustrated was that he wasn't taking the fact that he had these things in his possession for granted. All he pretty much did was mope. Tulio had slipped into an endless depression all throughout the voyage, which resulted in him stealing a pack of the cigars from the other sailors, and his habit hadn't changed since then. The whole situation was just… ludicrous.

Here she was, almost two silent years later with the man, and she thought she could at least find a way to get him out of his endless plaintive state; show her Spain, and tell her about the town and the people and its lifestyle. Sure they've done a few scams to grab a bite to eat or to simply get money to get money, but he hadn't really shown her anything besides the usual hangouts that he and his best friend used to go. Some of which dated back to when they were youngsters.

She didn't want to get emotional about it all, but she at least had the thought that the two of them had a strong friendship… and the memories that went with it. She could have sworn she caught him at one point tearing up a bit, but most of the time he grew overly zealous to tell everything about their adventures together. Thankfully she chose to listen, which was probably the only thing Tulio wanted her to do. He wanted company, someone to be there for him, and she respected that. She knew, in some small way, a part of him vanished once he left El Dorado.

Funny... She was able to trick the foreign buffoons so she could use them to get her out of her homeland, yet she didn't get what she wanted after all. Sure she was out of El Dorado, but what could she do there in Spain? Nothing. She didn't know where to go, where to turn, who to turn to. She was once again in a cage, no matter where she went ever since Tulio pretty much destroyed himself. Since then she felt that sense of responsibility put on her shoulders. She felt the need to stay by his side. She wasn't that cruel; she may be just as hungry for gold and riches like him, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't leave someone she started to like for the sake of greed.

During those slow years, for the first time in a long time, she felt relatively close to someone other then her family. She thought she was only going to play with the man's emotions, and get him to talk and take her away from the hell that was El Dorado by tempting him with intercourse. It worked after a bit of force and effort, but in return Tulio stole something other then the gold: her heart. Maybe it was that adorable smile of his, that smug expression whenever he felt confident, or possibly his roguish charm and that little curly-Q that always dangled in front of his face. Whatever the case, she knew she had feelings for him. It saddened her to think that after a year or so of first meeting Tulio, she was finally falling in love. First Tulio during her ingenious scam, and now her… at least a year after her plan ran full circle. He was her guilty pleasure, since the moment his lips met hers.

Her affections ended up making her feel more and more sympathetic towards his melancholy attitude, but she was starting to get sick of it. She'd often see Tulio use the money they just stole to smuggle more cigars or more drugs in general to feed his hunger for pleasure. As annoying as it was to see him waste precious doubloons on things that got him high, she knew he only did it because of Miguel. He wanted him back, and she could see it in those faded blue eyes of his. Still, it didn't stop her from yelling at him because of his indifference.

Chel stood nearby, watching as Tulio continued to waste himself away by lighting a new cigar. He looks so… sickly.

Tulio's wan face gave Chel the assumption that he hadn't been taking proper care of himself as much as he should've. His sharp face looked stressed and slightly aged, almost as if his bad habit was speeding up time, and he looked as though he hadn't had a good night's rest in a long while. Overall, he looked tired and weak.

Reluctantly the seductress quietly made her way over to her male companion, walking behind him so that she wouldn't have to look directly at his face. She felt too saddened by his state to do so, not wanting to see how much it hurt him. Affectionately she rubbed his shoulders and played with his strands of hair that stood aloof from his ponytail. In a way, she wanted to distract him; get him away from the toxins he'd been inhaling. She tried to be as gentle as she could with him.

Tulio knew those careful hands anywhere. He couldn't help but crack a weak grin when he felt the presence of his love. He let her hands rub through his hair and down his back, like the good old days when he felt that need to give her his affection. He wanted to be with her, but that one small part of him wanted to be selfish and restrict his time to focus more on himself… and drugs. He inhaled her scent, taking in the fragrance of the natural yet exotic smell, which seemed to mix between the smell of the jungle and the mundane oxygen of sixteenth century Spain; when he exhaled, what came out was a loud and harsh cough that forced his body to cringe forward.

With startled movements Chel pulled back her arms and let him cough, feeling more depressed by the minute. So much for that…

Chel walked around the table, which he sat near, and eventually sat down next to him with her hand on his, rubbing it gently. She tried looking at his eyes, but she still couldn't find the same spirit she knew before. "You're killing yourself, you know…" she said quietly once he finished his fit.

Tulio didn't flinch. "… Slowly and painfully."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Do you really think it's worth it?"

He still didn't make eye contact with her, and instead nursed his cigar and blew out a gray cloud of smoke that lingered in the air. "What do you mean?"

Chel rolled her eyes at the question and noted how stupid he sounded, but she replied, "Is smoking constantly helping your conflicting emotions at all? I mean, is that" - She pointed a petite finger at the cigar he held in his hand - "worth your time and effort to make yourself feel better?"

She noticed his eyes begin to wander in thought, and she was happy to see that he was actually thinking for once. She missed the mischievous side to him when he could come up with an organized plan at any given point in time.

"Yes," was his quiet reply.

"Oh, is it now?" Chel was getting annoyed, and Tulio knew it. He admitted, nevertheless, that she looked extremely attractive when she was pissed off. "Explain."

He sighed, trying to come up with something intelligent to say. He was too proud to tell her that it was a complete waste of his time to smoke all day and dwell on the past. Not to mention the fact that it was also unhealthy.

Sometimes he would find himself waking up in the middle of the night, sneaking out of bed and creeping outside to light up another cigar so he could freggin sleep. All he ever thought about these days was how much of damn idiot he was all because of a betrayal. It was a small conflict between the two of them, but yet it morphed into a problem so huge that he was unable to control the situation and how it affected others. Could he easily fix the problem? Yes. Was he willing to damage his pride to do so? Absolutely not, and he hated that side of his personality… and he knew it resulted in deadly consequences. So, he escaped that reality instead of facing it… and telling himself that he can make mistakes and move on. But the drug was too tempting to pass, and he didn't want to confront it. He was cowardly, and he still wanted that wonderful thrill that made him feel powerful and indestructible. He wanted to feel right again.

"It feels good," he said bluntly, his tone flat. "I like the sense of escaping reality, and just forgetting about everything around you. I'll lose my sanity if I don't." He lifted the cigar to his lips again, getting ready to inhale, but a caramel-colored hand stopped him abruptly. The El Dorado native wanted to discuss his problem, not witness him continue to damage his already weakened state.

"Tulio… please," said Chel, a look of desperation in her eyes. It was hard enough that she was able to comfort him for all those years, and by then all she wanted was for it to end so she can see him smile again. The problem was that the only person that made Tulio smile the way he did was Miguel. "Just stop it. I've seen you do this for only one year and I can't stand it anymore. Put it away; stop smuggling drugs. It's not helping, and I know it's not…"

Tulio's tired eyes met hers, but he once again looked away in shame and disappointment. But despite how awful he felt because of his antics and how it made everyone feel around him, he knew his addiction was uncontrollable. The progression to recovery would be slow. In response, he decided to retort.

"You don't think I'm trying?" he asked, a hint of annoyance in his tone. "I know it's not helping, Chel, but I can't help but want to do it. It's some sort of compulsion, and I try really hard to ignore it, but I can't help it! As you can see, I'm too weak to resist."

Without thinking he put the cigar to his lips once more out of bad habit, and once he exhaled with a bitter cough Chel snatched the cigar he was just smoking straight from his fingers.

"You can start by getting rid of this," she regarded the cigar with a look of distain.

Tulio stared at the singed butt with utmost interest. It was calling to him, and he wanted to answer. He could smell the vapors escaping, which made him more determined to get the cigar close to his nose and wanting the smoke to travel through him.

I don't need it…

You're crazy; of course you need it.

No, you're crazy.

Think of what you did to Miguel and ask me if I'm crazy.

Tulio swallowed hard. "Stop torturing me, goddamnit." He wondered if it was really Chel that was doing the torturing.

"Not until you get rid of this shit," said Chel, smiling slyly at his reaction, though it didn't reach her eyes.

He rolled his eyes, annoyed by her smugness and stood up to steal the cigar from her fingers, but she was faster. He glared at her, while her coy smile grew wider, making him even more pissed off.

Tulio reached again, only to be out maneuvered. "Jesus Christ, woman, give it to me!"

"No," she said simply, holding her ground.

"Please give it to me."

The desire in his tone made her jealous; why couldn't he have the same pleading tone when he craved for her? What ever happened to that? "Didn't you hear me? I said no," she said firmly.

I really don't need it.

Oh, yes, you do.

But I really don't!

Why, because she said so? You do need it. What other way can you feel as powerful as you were before?

Chel moved to the side without breaking a sweat and watched Tulio's futile attempts at retrieving his cigar with amusement. He'd give up any minute now.

"My patience is paper-thin; now give the damn thing to me!"

"What makes you think I should?"

Tulio paused, trying to say something witty. "B-Because… because I need it, that's why." Not surprisingly he was rusty.

"Oh? Oh, really?" Chel's grin was full of mockery, making Tulio want to strangle her pretty little neck. "Do explain, oh wise schemer."

Tulio once again paused, unable to think quick enough to come up with a lie. In his fantasy world, he did need it. He wanted to forget Miguel, and the fact that he wouldn't be able to see him again. If he had it his way, he'd bandage their friendship that had been destroyed by his desires and selfish dreams. But he couldn't, since he was too late. It was all because of his raging hormones for the pretty native that stood before him and the gold he desperately wanted to feel on his hands. How could I be so stupid to want those things? "I don't need to explain anything."

"Bullshit." Chel's expression morphed from a grin to a scowl. The more he replied with pathetic excuses, the angrier she got. Her anger, however, was mostly due to anxiousness. She feared he would resort to more stimulants if the cigars weren't enough. "You know well enough what's wrong with you. You only want it to forget."

"Shut up," he said firmly, his tone irritated and desperate. He reached for the cigar again, touched it, but failed to get a hold of it. Tulio didn't want to lose, and he wanted more of the wonderful poisons that were so close yet so far from his grasp.

Her emotions went wild. Her chest was heaving, forcing back the hiccups of air that would escape once she would start crying. Chel didn't want to cry; she just couldn't. Problems wouldn't be solved if she let tears go down her cheeks. All she thought about right then and now was how much Tulio put himself in a situation that made him carry a heavy burden that stalked his every move.

"No, Tulio, I'm not going to sit here and watch another day fly by. I'm sick of this! I'm sick of seeing you like this!"

Tulio watched her gesture to him as a whole, which made him feel even more vulnerable and pathetic.

"You know what's sad? What's sad is that I watch you wither away into nothing all because of some betrayal-"

"That betrayal is the stupidest thing I could have possibly done," interrupted Tulio, his voice rising from her incomprehension. "I promised him I would stick to our plan to steal the gold, and go out into that city and watch with pride as they fell to their knees. We wanted something in our lives that would be worth our time, Chel. What did you think we did here? We gambled, cheated, lied, stole, and other shit that the lowliest of men would do. We were just a bunch of buffoons that got lucky and found El Dorado, where mountains of gold were there just waiting for us! They were practically screaming to us that we needed that gold to prove to Spain that we weren't a bunch of poor saps!

"… But then you came along. Then you just had to be flirty, didn't you?"

Chel's eyes fell, quickly wiping a few tears that escaped down her face.

"I couldn't help myself, that's why. I resisted the first time just to keep our friendship in tact, but obviously that didn't last very long. And you know what happened? I fell in love. I fell in love like the typical idiot I was… and that was a dangerous game I decided to play. I was so blinded by it that I wanted you to come with me back to this miserable dump, and in doing so I ended up forgetting about Miguel…"

Chel saw as his face got paler and paler, as if expressing all his feelings were literally making him even more ill. In truth he was merely emotional, and it was also hard for him to talk about things like this. She knew how much it hurt for even the smallest mention of his name.

"Tulio, you can't change the past. You can't change what you did and because of that you're stuck with what you have, and that's me. Be glad you have somebody, because if I weren't here you'd be even worse then this. Hell, you'd be long gone if I wasn't here comforting you! I hate to see you mope around all day and devour five packs of cigars. Please, just -"

She sighed, frustrated, unable to finish her sentence. Nothing was said for a good while, and within each minute the melancholy atmosphere in the room doubled in size. Tension built up in the small, enclosed room.

Suddenly, Tulio's eyes squinted out of hate, his eyebrows meeting in a clash. "Since when did you ever give a shit?" His tone was harsh.

Chel turned, looking at him with begging eyes, almost as if to plead that what he would say wasn't some sort of rejection. She's had enough of it in her life as it was. Receiving it from someone she cared for would be too much for her to handle; not when she used to have nothing.

"I caught you, didn't I?" Tulio looked smug, yet his eyes were full of realization and anger.

"Caught me for what?" Chel asked, though she had an idea of what he was referring to.

Tulio rolled his eyes, as if her excuses were just as ridiculous as his. "You think I haven't figured it out by now? When we walked straight into that jungle soaked and wet from that goddamn waterfall and stopped for camp that night… It hit me. I saw joy in your eyes, but it wasn't because of me, was it?"

Chel definitely knew what he meant.

"All this time you only wanted us to escape El Dorado, didn't you? You used us to get what you wanted… and while I felt extremely impressed with your cunning, I couldn't help but want to stab myself from the information I received just from your body language alone."

He had to figure it out eventually…

"You wanted adventure. You wanted riches. You wanted to explore the world and find out what was out there instead of being surrounded by the few people that probably cared about you in that city. And… what hit me the hardest was the fact that you probably never cared about me the way I cared about you. By now I know you don't care, but you were the closest thing I've had to recovering and I didn't want to be left alone…"

Chel felt hot tears stain her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away, too proud of herself to let them be shown after what the both of them have gone through.

"I was in love with you, Chel, and all you did was sex me up and play with my feelings. Maybe I loved your sense of humor, or your enthusiasm for adventure, or your cute little laugh and the way you smiled. Maybe I thought you were beautiful and hard for me to resist. Maybe -"

"Stop!" she said, holding her face in her hands, nearly sobbing, unable to stand the burning sensation in her throat and chest. "I know, Tulio, I know! I wanted to get out and I duped you and Miguel for those reasons, but -"

She paused, giving herself a bit of time to compose herself. Tulio observed how mentally scathed she appeared, tensing up her body with her face tightening. Great job, you stupid heathen; making her this vulnerable and weak. You're such an asshole. As much as he would hate it, he wanted her to feel better even if it meant her bawling her eyes out in a heap on the floor.

Chel took in a breath full of air, trying to hold back the tears and aching sensations so she could speak. "I wanted to get out of there because I hated it there. Just being in the environment was too much for me…"

"Chel… what do you mean? What happened?"

With her petite hand she put a thick strand of her dark hair behind her ears. Part of her wanted to tell him, but she didn't want him to take pity. What comfort would she receive out of someone who could do nothing to help her? What good would she get out of the meaningless 'I'm sorry' bullshit? Nothing but a way to get attention, and as much as she loved getting attention she didn't want to get it in a way that would reveal her weaknesses. "I used to have a family I would come back to. Most of the time I was out on the streets with my sister, but eventually once we finished playing we would return home to my mother and father with dinner ready. I had the best life, in my humble opinion… because my early life was a breeze. I had no worries or problems; all I needed was the freedom I had and my family. Life was almost perfect…"

She looked up at him for any changes in his reaction and like she expected his blue eyes were filled with sympathy, or what she thought was sympathy. In all honesty, he looked more curious than anything else and was probably waiting for a chance to comfort her. He can be so cold, yet so warm. Chel once again lowered her gaze.

"Well… if your life was so normal then why did you leave it?" asked Tulio.

"I didn't leave it!" she snapped, making him jump. Chel softened her tone, trying not to be so hasty. She swallowed, sniffing, expecting to choke up. There's no use in hiding it anymore. Who the hell would he tell? "Everything was fine… until Tzekel-Kan became the new priest. He wanted change in El Dorado, and the way to worship the gods was to give them sacrifices according to him and his constant references to the texts. Many didn't like the idea, obviously, but he insisted it would please the gods. The chief at the time, who was once El Dorado's priest before Tzekel-Kan took his place, was always willing to keep their deities in good spirits and agreed with him. So… throughout the year Tzekel-Kan sacrificed frequently, causing chaos, and…"

Chel couldn't help but let more tears fall. Her lungs hurt from clogging the sobs that she knew would escape. Just tell him already. Stop procrastinating.

"Chel… c'mon, tell me what's wrong." Tulio insisted, rubbing her arm. There was no use in letting her feel this way… not when he was already down. Has she been hiding something from him all this time?

Small sobs escaped. More tears. More pain. "The goddamn son-of-bitch chose my parents as sacrifices. He cut out their hearts and tossed them to Xibalba, and all I did was stand there in the crowd to witness their bodies being dropped into the water. No proper burial. To him they were just dirt under his fingernails and nutrients for the gods. My sister and I, for the longest time, were alone and had each other to survive. Sometimes we went to different houses or to other families with similar loses to see if we could belong somewhere, but none accepted us much to our discouragement. At times besides searching for those who didn't want us, we planned to run away together where no one could harm us; away from society and the way of life we used to know. It was a simple plot… but we never got a chance to fulfill those dreams because the next thing I knew she was eventually chosen as a sacrifice. And do you know what I did about it? Nothing… absolutely nothing. What could I do when I was so young? Just watching the only family member I had left to die was just…"

She stopped herself for a moment, trying to calm her senses in order to finish her story. The gruesome events of her family members practically being chopped into pieces replayed in her head like a broken record. "From then on it was just me and my wit. No one gave a shit about me, so why should I care about them? That stupid bastard ruined my life and I vowed to steal anything that he valued… like gold from his temple and sacred art and jewelry so he'll know how much I hated him and his stupid worshipping and deranged mind."

The conman watched as she lost control of herself, dropping her head into her hands and breaking down in front of him, her body shaking. Tulio didn't know what to do. Should he hold her close or would it upset her more? What if he was too clingy if he did? Did he really want just as much solace as she did right now? He didn't know how to react. Part of him felt the need to grasp her body and let her cry on his chest; let her do something other than feel completely alone and useless… like he felt.

He slid ever closer, taking her gently in his grasp and pressing her body against his, choosing his first option on what to do about his despondent girlfriend. She proceeded to whimper, making the front of his shirt damp. He let his head sit on top of hers, keeping her wrapped up in his arms as if to protect her from the rest of the world. "Chel… I'm here." He rubbed the back of her head, letting her hair fall in between his fingers.

Chel found that she wanted to let out more thoughts that were trapped inside her mind, and the more she did the better she felt with the quick yet comforting beat of Tulio's heart at her ear. "It was like a prison, just by living there. The more I see it every day the more it reminds me of how stupid I felt as I watched my family die at the temple. If I get out, I thought, then being away from that horrible place would be less painful… and I was wrong.

"It's still there."

Her dark-haired companion continued his soothing, hoping it would release the built-up tension. "I hate feeling so exposed like this… Having to resurface this guilt I've had for so long."

Tulio looked at her, trying not to choke up himself. Every single word he heard from her mouth was practically mirrored in his own mindset: Guilt. He gulped down any other thoughts and told her, "I want you to know that I'm here for you, Chel."

She wiped her nose, not making eye contact with him. She was afraid of the faded spark in those blue pearls; how much it reminded her. "Why do you care?" You know now, Tulio, now leave before you hurt yourself.

His face hardened, serious as ever. "Because I do."

She half smirked. "It's still not a good answer."

"You know what I mean, Chel." She felt a light, brief kiss on her lips, making her body shiver. "We can't split up, if you think we should that is."

"Well," she scoffed, frustration written all over her face, "why should we be around each other if each other's guilt is just going to keep rubbing off on us? It's like a constant reminder of having those nagging thoughts in the back of your mind… and just seeing each other is just going to feed the fire."

He felt the need to protect her. He failed to protect Miguel from his pain, and if he let Chel continue to have such thoughts then he feared Chel would leave him angry and confused just like his one and only best friend. He already lost someone; losing another would drive him mad. With his thumb he stroked her cheek. "The question is… What would we do if we split up? Who would comfort us? Who do we go to for support? Ourselves? Forget it. Look at me. I'm a perfect example."

Chel played with her own hair, making it an excuse to stay silent. He's right, you know. If Tulio was hurting this bad with his deceased best friend and using cigars to kill the pain, then the possibility that she could do the same was still there. Despite having these feelings of remorse since she was a child, there were still plenty of other options in means of escape.

"I'm sorry, Tulio, but… I don't know if I can handle it."

"Chel -"

"I want the guilt gone, Tulio! If that means we have to go our separate ways then so be it! Shit, why do you want me around when I'm just going to make you feel even more remorseful?"

He wanted to go deaf. How could she say such things? She's been alone most of her life and she wants to split up with him all because of the fact that she was alone to begin with? Tulio didn't understand it. How could she think this way? If anything he wanted her to stay as close to him as he possibly could. Couldn't she see that he cared about her? She's been one of the only people besides Miguel that he ever gave a damn about, considering he had no one else.

"Because… Because I don't want to go back to the way things used to be for me, either." Like her just minutes ago Tulio felt tense and stiff against her body, as if everything he had kept hidden was finally being released. Somehow she felt the tables have turned. With bloodshot eyes she saw as he too began to crumble. "I don't want to be found by him—"

"Him? Who's him?"

Tulio buttoned his mouth shut, accidentally spilling the beans. He didn't want to talk about his past, not when Chel has had it so much worse, in his humble opinion. Losing your entire family in a short time while you were still young and helpless was no one's idea of fun; he felt he couldn't compare. Hell, at least she knew her family. Why should he tell, anyway? What would it benefit? Certainly not her mood, that's for sure. "Chel, we're already depressed and you don't need -"

"You heard my story, now spit yours out."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

His eyes darted around the room, trying to find the quickest way to escape. There was none. He couldn't run away this time; not when every corner he turned to was a wall. He needed to find a way out… but then he noticed that Chel was still holding his cigar, practically tempting him. Tulio stared at it, wanting it. He wanted to disappear and hide behind it, so he wouldn't reveal his secrets; refusing to let the memories come back.

"Don't you freggin dare," she said dangerously, noticing his longing gaze. With a quick toss she scored a direct hit into the nearest trash bin, looking back at him expectantly.

But, Chel… I need it.

"Tulio, c'mon. Tell me."

He felt her hand on his shoulder, her touch making a wave of warmth come over him as if she was the medicine to cure his common cold. Tulio could barely stand it, but with a depressed sigh he put his head in his hands and began his story he didn't want to tell. "I never knew my parents, and being in an orphanage was the only way to be accepted here in Spain. According to those who ran the orphanages, I've been with them since I was a toddler. Those days were simple, until I was eventually adopted not long after I turned four.

"He was a bachelor, and the only reason he wanted me was for one thing: money for gambling. With my tiny hands, I could steal money from pockets and purses with ease, and since I was so naïve I thought he actually loved me like I was his blood-born son, and he most certainly knew that. That was before he started to beat me whenever I refused to do things he asked. I can still remember his rock-hard fists on my body, and having to wince every time I moved because my arms and legs were covered in bruises. To this day I'm shocked at how much I had to take from him. And sooner or later, after I got too old for his games, and I started getting a mind of my own, he beat me more if I did things wrong… and after that day I never came face to face with that man ever again."

His throat started aching as it continued to tighten, choking him. It became difficult to swallow as the next few words poured out. "And one day, I met a blonde-haired kid with an annoying optimistic personality and a silly red shirt that was too big for his body out on the streets one day. His statements were blunt and casual, and his laid-back lifestyle made him seem lazy, but despite our differences we got along… and I finally felt that I had someone to be with. Someone that gave a shit about me and didn't take advantage of me. I felt like I finally had someone that I had a connection with. I had a friend; a brother even… and he saved me from having to deal with that horrible man. But now I abused what I had and now everything I ever cared for is gone, and there's no way in hell it's coming back."

Chel could feel the pent up emotions behind his tense position, and she was waiting for him to sob. But he didn't, which she expected. "I've always been selfish. I wanted more than anybody else just to show them all that I wasn't just a scrawny, ratty heathen who couldn't do anything right. I dreamed of riches, and having gold and jewels overflow down my hands so I can have whatever I pleased with no one to tell me what I could and couldn't do, and getting so wrapped up in it for so long… I feel like such a fool, because I was turning into him. I wanted everything, like power and control, just like he did. What else did I know?"

He finally let his body give way, his voice starting to tremble despite his embarrassment. "I don't get why I'm so careless and ignorant all the time, and being the egotistical asshole I usually am. If I could change one thing then it would be this whole mess… so I wouldn't have to feel so lost and more alone then I've ever been before."

Tulio sat there in his cringed position for a long while, his head still in his hands as he refused to let himself cry. He knew it wouldn't help him… yet somehow he felt that inhaling cigar smoke would make everything go away?

Chel sat next to him, sitting there quietly as silence filled the room. She wanted to do something, anything; anything that could stop his guilt, and stop herself from relating (somewhat) to his turmoil. She was speechless, and shocked from what he told her. She never would have guessed… much to her relief. If that was how Tulio was brought up, then he probably tried all that he could to not become the same person who 'raised' him. Something of the sort was almost impossible to do.

With tentative hands she rubbed his back while he sat as stoic as a statue, impassive with his fingers in his hair out of his own frustration. She watched as he just sat in his chair, barely moving.

She asked him quietly, "Well, if you're so ignorant and cold and careless, then why are you mourning?"

More silence. Same still position. He didn't move a muscle. Right then and now she admired how much time had passed when he wasn't taking in smoke. His mind was suffering, yet the resources around him to drown the pain were still there. He finally lifted his head, looking at her with dark eyes. Tulio had no answer; no witty comeback when he knew he was wrong, or a comment that came out sarcastic.

"If anything, I think you're more down-to-earth then any person I know," Chel said, looking into his eyes to search for a way for him to believe what she had to say. "You're smart, level-headed, and at times can worry about others almost too much, but the thing I like most about you is that despite your hard-headed demeanor you can be as fun and as loose as Miguel. You can be so up-tight, but when you're not you're smiling and laughing and… well, letting go; the Tulio that makes me giggle and be myself without worrying about being judged. I don't care who you say you are, because none of it is true.

"If there is one thing I've learned in the year I've known you is that you're a beautiful man and I -"

She swallowed down her words, restricting herself from saying something so dangerous. Not now, Chel, not now. Saying those words would mean one thing: a chance to be close to another person again. She didn't know whether or not she was ready for it yet.

"Chel, what were you going to say?" Tulio said with a spark of hope in his tone, which almost sounded like pleading. Was she going to say what I thought she was going to say?

Chel licked her lips nervously. She should have just kept her mouth shut, yet she let her emotions get the better of her. She couldn't help it. As much as she wanted him there was no way in hell she was going to admit something as serious. She felt she wasn't ready for it yet. She was scared to lose the only person she had left that meant the world to her.

Tulio watched as she stalled, grinning weakly with amusement. With careful hands he lifted her chin up to meet his gaze and spoke softly. "You don't want us to split apart, do you?"

She looked away out of embarrassment, yet let him revolve her head straight back to his, forcing her to look at him. "Chel… answer me, please."

"No, I don't, all right?" she said, wanting to strangle him for making her feel pressured. "But I feel like we have to, for our sanities."

"Why? You want to live the rest of your life feeling trapped?" His words sounded bitter, but they needed to be said. "Don't you want to be free… of everything?"

"Of course I do!" she spat. "I've been wanting to be rid of it since… well, that day when it all happened."

She couldn't help but stare into his eyes, and she could have sworn she saw color return to them. They were the pair she'd been waiting to see again.

"Then we need to stay together, no matter what. We may share similar forms of grief, but knowing that we have these things in common can strengthen us. Don't you see, Chel? We can recover through all this… and be rid of the guilt for good."

"Together?"

Tulio expressed a singular nod. "Together."

Somehow his simple reply comforted her… reminding her that she wasn't as alone as she claims to be. She may have little to share her life with, but since meeting him and his loveable partner Miguel… she felt lucky. Not only did it save her from becoming Tzekel-Kan's next victim, but it got her to a completely different place in which she could escape.

She felt his arms wrap around her curved frame, pushing her into him just to receive a warm embrace. Chel surrendered, expecting him to want some affection as she burrowed her cheek into his breast. For a while they remained silent, enjoying the comfort they felt in each other's arms and knowing that having one another was the only way to get past their struggles. They were afraid to let go of one another.

Tulio couldn't remember the last time he had a hug from anyone, but he knew what it felt like and he's received it before from Miguel. He remembered when he did receive that first hug from him, just for the fact that Miguel cared about him. Being the affectionate one, Miguel gave him hugs just to give hugs and he loved every second of it. But that was when they were children, and it had been a long time since receiving the same contact from his friend. They had long since grown up into men, and he admitted that he missed that portion of his life where he was innocent and times were simpler.

It felt wrong for her to picture her sister in place of Tulio at the moment, but she never got such close contact since her sister died. She missed the times when they played pranks on the neighbors, hiding toy balls from the neighborhood boys to watch them bewilderingly search while the two laughed their butts off. Her sister was older and smarter, but she learned everything from her, and she longed for a chance to relive those memories with her sister by doing what they always did best: goofing off and misbehaving. She loved every second of it, but she had to move on. Dwelling on the same nostalgic thoughts for so long wasn't healthy for her or Tulio… and right now she felt she needed the contact just as much as he did.

She sighed piquantly, letting her mind fog up as she stood there in his arms, feeling she was safe from her need to return to the past. She couldn't stop herself from whispering the words she knew she meant and felt. "I love you…"

He'd been waiting for those words to tumble out of her mouth for the past five minutes, and when spoken it made his heart pound forcefully in his chest. He loved her as much as she probably did… but would he be worth the commitment? What if their relationship were to go further? Would it result in marriage? Would Chel ask him to have children? Such thoughts scared him more than anything. His 'father' was no more a gentleman then he was a good role model… and it was the only thing he knew. He couldn't picture himself as a parent; he couldn't see himself doing the things that a father would do, because of how he was raised…

No. He refused to think it. For once, Tulio would not worry. What did it matter whether or not he had a good upbringing? He was his own person now. No one would tell him what to do, where to go, or what was right or wrong; he wouldn't be punished, and he wouldn't let others control him. Tulio knew what was right… and the one thing that he did right was to make sure he would never become him.

Cupping her cheeks in his hands he pressed his lips to hers for a passionate kiss, melting straight into her as she returned with just as much vigor. It felt good for them to give one another the attention they've been craving for what felt like eons, and from what they could recall the last time they had done so was in El Dorado before the tragic occurrences. Needless to say they missed it.

Tulio forced himself to pull away, to make a final line that would probably cause his girlfriend to literally jump five feet in the air. "I love you, too…"

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, he saw as her lips curled into the beautiful smile he always adored. Soon, both had wide grins on their faces and overcome with a sense of joy they haven't felt in a long time. They couldn't help but connect once more, lost in their own romance, as the room around them seemed to disappear.

From the window, the sky was still foggy and obscure, but Spain's streets looked relatively brighter by sundown. With the setting sun in the distance the square was painted of oranges and pinks, penetrating the windows of the couple's small home and invading the smooth surfaces of the tiles on the walls: each square was decorated with multiple blues and grays, with the acceptation of and orange-yellow in the very middle. Cold colors dominated the patterns, yet the warmer colors still penetrated ever so slightly to add life to the designs.

Now that Tulio thought about it… he kind of liked the look of that pattern.

/

A/N: Sorry it's so long :P At first it was just going to be some sympathy fic, but then I thought I wanted to add much more description of Chel and Tulio's pasts and imputing the grief as a method of expressing them :) Ah, angst. And I know, I played the typical cliché "tragic past" card everyone loves so dearly. I didn't want to do it, trust me, but I had to make their pasts relatable to each other and Tulio's past, for instance, was the only way for me to make him connect with Chel. I'm such a hopeless romantic 8D

I got inspiration from the book Ordinary People since I read it in my English class not too long ago, so understanding the grief portion of it is still difficult for me to understand since I struggled with it, but I think I managed to pull it off. (I tried not to rip anything off, but if you recognize anything there then don't hate me :P I picked their pasts based on what would fit most on the simple plot.) Still, there are probably plenty of emotions I failed to bring up when I was expressing Tulio and Chel's grief. I haven't really had any close death situations, so I was basically writing blind. If you had any sort of thing happen to you then point out any kind of other emotions you felt; understanding human nature could benefit my writing.