Title: Between Dreams and Reality

Disclaimer: Artwork is Forgive Me Sirius by Satine Black ( satine- black. deviantart )

Rating: M

Chapter Nine: Euphoria

'Are you really going to stand there all day?' Remus sighed, getting up and walking towards Sirius, who had gone still in shock. 'Padfoot, are you really going to do this in front of your brother?' Remus whispered quietly, just for the both of them to hear. 'I know the two of you don't get along that well, but he's really making an effort, you know.'

Sirius looked down at Remus, eyes going impossibly wide. Remus looked nothing like in his dreams. His cheeks were fuller, his hair no longer dirty and lank. His clothes fit well and Sirius could see the faint line of muscle where the shirt Remus was wearing hugged slightly tight. The spark in his eyes that Sirius had come to love was impossible bright with happiness and even the plethora of scars that had made Sirius cringe initially were faint. He was…beautiful.

'What did you call me?' Sirius asked, holding Remus's shoulders for support as he felt his knees start to tremble. 'Padfoot…why did you call me Padfoot?'

Remus frowned and put a hand to Sirius's forehead. It slid down to cup Sirius's cheek with concern. It felt good – warm. 'Sirius, we've always called you Padfoot. Ever since you became Animagus. You're the one who came up with the name, remember? You said your dog form looked like a Padfoot. Are you sure you're all right?' Remus's thumb ran below Sirius's eye, moving down to trace the tired lines around his mouth. 'You look a little peaky.'

Sirius shook his head, feeling his throat closing up. He let his head drop into Remus's shoulders, arms winding around him tightly. Remus offered no resistance, holding Sirius with only a mild confusion that he didn't voice. It was warm; so impossibly warm that Sirius felt a prickle of tears behind his eyelids and he let them fall. Part of the warmth was also relief; part a bubbling happiness that Sirius finally allowed after years of self inflicted misery.

Remus's arms tightened around him. 'Padfoot, what's wrong?'

'Oi, can you two lovebirds break it up already? I'm bloody starving!'

Sirius wiped his eyes and grinned. 'Shut it, you stupid prat.' He smiled at Remus in assurance, reaching for his hands when he saw the look of concern and doubt flit over Remus's face. 'Come on, the food's getting cold and I feel like I haven't had a proper meal in ages.'

Remus raised an eyebrow, letting Sirius lead him to the dining table and even pulling up his chair. 'I hope that isn't an insult to my cooking. My food is hardly as abysmal as my potions.' He chuckled when Sirius refused to let go of his right hand and picked up his fork with his left hand. 'Regulus, how has work been?' Remus started conversationally, digging into his mash. His left hand shook as he tried to eat and he shot Sirius a disgruntled glance.

Sirius just laughed. He had no intention of letting go; not now when he finally had everything he'd ever wanted. Not when he had managed to finally wake up from his hellish nightmare. He needed the solid weight of Remus hand to comfort him; to keep him grounded to reality.

'Busy,' Regulus replied between mouthfuls. 'There are cases piling up and the workload isn't exactly an even distribution. There's one that….'

Sirius hung on to every word that poured out of Regulus's mouth, though most of it was legal jargon. His eyes mapped every nuance of his brother's expression, his hand progressively tightening around Remus's as he held on like a drowning man. His eyes took in the differences to his apartment. The sink no longer had dirty dishes piling up; there were six sets of cups and glasses instead of a measly two; and Sirius could even see one of the cabinet doors hanging open because of the overfill of canned food. Even the walls that was once as bare as the rest of Sirius's apartment was adorned with pictures, dating back to his and James's school days.

'You know, the other day, James was telling me about this little corner shop that sells odd muggle stuff. Some of them have been enchanted by wizards to freak muggle children and such, but it's brilliant for a laugh.' Remus turned to Sirius and smiled brightly. 'We should go together sometimes, Padfoot, but without telling Lily. Dangerous woman, that one. All that time she spent blaming pregnancy hormones, when she's only gotten worse since she popped. Now she calls it baby stress.'

There was a picture of James and Lily as well, Sirius and Remus on either side of them. They were holding a little bundle of yellow blankets between them. Sirius wondered what the baby looked like. Did he or she have red hair like Lily; or mischievous hazel eyes like James? Did they love Sirius; play with him on weekends and pull his hair when craving attention? Just the thought brought a smile to Sirius's face.

'What's the baby's name again?'

Both Remus and Regulus stopped talking to look at him oddly. Then they burst out laughing. 'Try that joke in front of James – he might just skin you alive.'

'Oh come on,' Sirius laughed, 'humour me. Pretend that I've forgotten.' He squinted towards the picture again, wanting to go nearer but not wanting to at the same time. His instincts told him to stay here, his hand enclosed within Remus's. He didn't want to get up, so he held himself back, trying desperately to see the picture. It only seemed to be getting farther away. He could see it with perfect clarity but for some reason, his brain was having difficulty registering anything beyond James and Lily's face. As if a large mental block had just fallen behind his eyes.

They laughed harder; unnaturally hard, Sirius thought.

'You're a riot,' Regulus chuckled, wiping away a tear. 'What's their name…honestly.Some godfather you turned out to be.'

Their name. Not his. Not her. Their.

And that's when Sirius knew.This was everything he'd ever wanted in life. This was his most inner desires. 'You don't know, do you?' Sirius asked and wasn't at all surprised when his voice came out broken and needy. He wanted to be wrong, needed it; but Sirius wasn't a fool. 'You don't know because I don't know. The baby isn't born yet, so there's no way I can know.'

Both Regulus and Remus quieted down. They didn't look guilty nor did they look angry at being found out. They looked blank, like puppets waiting to be animated. Sirius's mind gave them no emotion; hence they had nothing to channel but the way Sirius felt: blank, lost, and empty. Sirius's hold on Remus's hand, if possible, tightened. It was warm, so very warm, and when Sirius pressed a finger to his wrist, he felt the steadythumpthump of his heartbeat. It had to be real.

'I can't stay here,' Sirius whispered, shaking his head. 'You're not…you're just a projection of what I want…you're not real…'

'Sirius, you're starting to scare me,' Remus said softly, glancing at Regulus who looked equally startled. 'You're not well. You should-'

'No,' Sirius cut in. 'No, no, no…I'm stuck Remus. The fact that I'm here means that I'm stuck somewhere in a trap; maybe Peter too. There are a lot of people outside depending on me and I need to go and help them. So I…' His words caught in his throat when Remus's eyes started to tear.

'Don't leave me,' Remus choked out, his nails now digging into the soft flesh of Sirius's hands desperately. 'If I did something wrong, I'll fix it, I promise. I'll be better. I'll be everything you want…'

'Remus, you areeverything I want and that's the problem.' Sirius looked away, unable to bear looking anymore. The sight of Remus's tears and the desperate squeeze of his fingers seemed too real to fake. Perhaps he had it wrong; nightmares weren't meant to be comforting. Nightmares weren't meant to twist his heart so painfully.

'If you stay, Sirius,' Regulus said softly, 'If you stay, it will be perfect. We'll be together – there'll be no pain, no loneliness, no loss. For the first time in your life, you'll be happy. Isn't that good enough to make you stay?'

For a second, Sirius actually considered it. And then he remembered Remus – the real Remus, who was trapped and possibly dying somewhere outside. Sirius was the only one who could save him at the moment; and Remus was not something Sirius was willing to sacrifice for a happiness fabricated by his own mind. 'I love you – both of you,' he whispered. A hard lump gathered in his throat and he swallowed, trying his best to strengthen his resolve. 'That's why I need to leave…' He pressed his forehead to Remus's and kissed him gently. Yet again, he was left to wonder if he was making a huge mistake - the softness of Remus's lips against his couldn't possibly be fake. 'I'll save you, I promise.'

Sirius looked at their joint hands – their fingers twined so tightly that it was impossible to tell them apart. And then he let go…

The pain that followed was terrible and all consuming. It felt like his soul was being ripped out from his body. Every nerve ending felt as if on fire; his back stretching and contorting; his legs bending and snapping at odd angles. His vision blurred as his mind tried desperately to hold on to the last of his conscious. Even through his haze, he could make out Remus's hand – still outstretched, still reaching for him in an attempt to pull him out of this circle of pain. He could hear Regulus's voice, asking him to 'take Remus's hand, please, please come back!'

He almost did.

And then he was back on the cold stone floor, knees drawn tightly to his chest and body curling inwards in agony. Tears streamed down his face, a loud sob escaping his lips. He'd lost it – he'd let go of every single thing he'd ever wanted with all his heart. He'd given it up for this all consuming darkness that seemed to open its mouth impossibly wide and threaten to swallow Sirius whole. Remus.He could still see Remus's outstretched hand; could still feel the closeness of their fingers that would convert into warmth if he just reached for them.

He bit into his lip, tasting blood, as another spasm of pain passed though him. There was something stuck in his throat, choking him. It was clogging his air pipes, growing bigger by the second; and Sirius coughed. Sirius coughed till his throat felt raw, yet he was still gasping frantically for oxygen.

'Sirius?'

Peter voice sounded so far away; faint almost.

Sirius coughed again and this time he felt it move. Whatever was stuck in his throat moved upwards, scraping painfully against the sensitive walls of his oesophagus. Sirius could taste the blood rising up in a thick glob, before spitting it out to the floor. Thick splashes of red splattered on the ground, but there was nothing more. The clogging pressure in his throat had disappeared and so had the pain.

Sirius looked up to see Peter standing over him, shock and worry painted over his face. Sirius wiped his mouth and stood. His throat burned as he spoke, 'You all right, Pete?' He coughed, tears of pain springing to his eyes again. He wiped them away roughly, feeling sorry for Peter when his old friend nodded numbly. Sirius wondered what Peter had seen; if happiness for him had been the same kind of toxic euphoria. 'How long have we been out?'

'N-Not long; few s-seconds at the most,' Peter stuttered, not even glancing at his watch. He started walking briskly, Sirius following close behind. 'But we don't have a lot of time to spare. The full moon…'

Sirius nodded, falling into a brisk jog and then all out running. He didn't know where he was going and he was glad the winding the tunnel didn't give any options but the path ahead of them. The light on his wand was serving less and less purpose, despite it being on Maximus.The halls were impossibly dark; so dark that it felt like an endless abyss. Sirius could hear Peter stumbling behind him, but didn't bother to stop until he reached a dead end.

'Fuck!' Sirius screamed, glaring at the wall in front of him. Had they taken the wrong turn? Perhaps he'd been right and the trap had gone as far as to leave Sirius in an empty tunnel. Perhaps Sirius was never meant to make it out of the dream. If Sirius and Peter went back, would they be trapped and unable to get out? 'Fuck!' He punched the wall hard and that's when he heard it.

It was faint, but he could hear someone screaming behind the wall. It was definitely male and it sounded like whoever was on the other side was in a world of pain. 'Remus!' Sirius screamed, banging against the wall, his fingers desperately searching for any tell tale grooves or buttons that would let him in. The spells he sent towards it ricocheted back and almost instinctually, he knew that the lock wasn't spell based, not entirely. 'Remus! Remus, I'm here! Hold on, I'm here!' He scrabbled further, sliding against the entire length of the wall as he felt panic rising within him. 'Remus, Moony, just hold on for me!' He pushed against every tile of stone and somewhere along his search, he must have found the trigger because suddenly, the wall began to crack down the middle. It groaned loudly as it separated and pushed back on either side, creating an entryway large enough to for a person to fit through.

The first thing that hit Sirius was the sound of a pained scream that pierced him down to the very marrow of his bones. He stared at Peter in horror, barely noting the perfectly diagonal cut across his palm and the dim green glow underneath the sleeve of his shirt. The second scream broke Sirius out of his stupor and he rushed in, nearly choking from the stench that hung within the room. It smelled like vomit and old piss, and something else that was so foul that it made Sirius's eyes water. He coughed, covering his nose with his sleeve. 'Remus!'

There was a large figure huddled at one corner of the room. Sirius could barely make out the face by wand light, but he rushed towards it. The smell was terrible and Remus lay face down on the floor in an odd angle that must have been painful. Sirius quickly reached for him, turning him over, and then immediately let out a scream of horror. The corpse in his arms stared back at him, one of its eyes partially eaten by maggots and burnt skin flaking off against the brush of Sirius's hands. Sirius pushed it away from him, watching the dead body roll across the floor and barely suppressing the urge to puke.

Another scream ripped through the air.

'Sirius, he's here,' Peter called from the other side.

'Go back,' Remus croaked when Sirius crouched in front of him. 'Please, go-ugh!' Remus's words cut off as his jaw lengthened and his teeth pushed together, crowding into his mouth in the form of semi-sharp fangs. Yellow, inhuman eyes stared back at Sirius, switching to flickers of amber as Remus fought to hold the transformation back. Sirius could see bristles of brown fur wriggle like worms trapped under Remus's skin, before breaking out violently.

Remus was still trying to push away Sirius; his arms were weak but the elongating nails dragged down Sirius's arms. The other hand swatted towards Peter, trying to do the same when a loud cry fell from Peter's lips.

Remus's yellow eyes turned towards Peter immediately, 'Traitor,' he spat, his words still garbled but distinguishable enough to understand.'Traitor!'

Peter was cradling his charred arm, whimpers of pain escaping his lips. He was backing away from them, his small eyes darting nervously towards the escape, before fixing horrified expressions towards Sirius and Remus. Sirius had only begun to register the implication of Remus's words and started to make a mad dash toward the exit, but he was already too late. Peter had run out, triggering the door to the cell. The heavy stone walls that had parted for them earlier were now drawing to a close, Peter's face quickly disappearing. Sirius could only make out an expression of fear and a mouthed sorry before the crack between the walls disappeared, leaving only smooth stone at its wake. Sirius never had a chance.

'Peter!' He screamed, banging against the wall with his fists. 'Peter, you fucking traitor, I'll fucking kill you! When I get out of here, I'm going to fucking screw you over, you blood bastard!'

'Kill me.'

Sirius turned towards Remus, watching in horror as his spine bent backwards and elongated gruesomely. Sirius could hear the cracks of each link and they separated and chinked back to together.

'Please,' Remus whispered, and his voice was now barely above a whisper. Sirius could tell it was costing him a lot to simply speak now. He looked distorted and inhuman; caught between his own body and the beast's. 'Before I kill you…I-' His body curled inwards and Sirius saw the width of his chest expand, 'Please…'

Sirius shook his head. 'We'll get out of this. I promise I'll get you out of here.'

There were tears in Remus's eyes now and Sirius couldn't tell if they were from pain or otherwise. 'Please…I-' Remus never got to say any further, as his body convulsed violently and his transformation sped to a complete. Slitted yellow eyes stared back at Sirius, curious at first and then hungry, as a slow, feral grin spread across its face.

A cold fear swept across Sirius and he pushed himself further back into the wall. His stomach twisted into knots as it circled the area once, twice and then leaped. There was no place to escape as Sirius watched its body springing in a perfect arc towards him. If thought back to that very moment, Sirius didn't know why he did it or how he'd known it would work.

Moments before the blow, Sirius found his body shifting to the form of big black dog.

'I can't wait anymore,' James harried, biting his fingernails to stubs. 'Sirius is in there; he could be in trouble….I can't just-'

Frank held his shoulder firmly, almost painfully, 'Wait. It hasn't been that long. Have faith in him.'

There was a murmur of ascent from the fair few groups that had gathered together. Neither of them had found anything; trap or otherwise. There was no mistaking the location; Dumbledore was sure as all the Order members that Remus was being held within the area. Which only led to two conclusions: either he really was in the underground tunnel they'd found or that he was already dead. It wouldn't be the first time they'd lost an Order member over a failed mission.

James fidgeted nervously. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He looked back at the rest of the Order members – many of them were keeping hidden either behind thickets of trees or through delusion charms. They were strategically placed with their wands drawn, ready for any kind of trap or attack that might spring on them. Only Frank and James stood at the tunnel entrance, waiting with growing anticipation for Sirius to return. Twenty minutes, James had promised himself; he would wait twenty minutes and not a second more. His eyes followed the hands of his watch – ticktock, he told himself, licking his lips nervously. Ticktock, Sirius.

'Peter! What happened?' Frank cried out, rushing to help Peter up the stairs. Peter was shaking badly and bleeding from severe burns on his left arm. He smelled terrible – like charred flesh and old piss. 'Where's Sirius?'

'He-' Peter panted, his eyes shifting from Frank to James and then to his feet. 'He got trapped inside. I couldn't get him out; there's some sort of dark magic on the- on the-' He coughed, 'He asked me to get help. He said it was too dangerous for me alone, so I need to get help and-'

'You're lying,' James cut in, numb realisation spreading within him. 'You can't even meet my eyes.' He shot Peter a stern look. 'If it was that dangerous, Sirius would never ask for help. He would never put anyone else at risk…'

It was a shot at the dark. Truth was that Sirius would have asked for help if he knew James was capable of doing so. But there were alarm bells of paranoia were ringing in his head; every twitch that ran through Peter's body, ever stutter and shift of eyes seemed wrong. Wrong, wrong,wrong. If Peter was innocent, he wouldn't falter; his eyes would not widen in horror and realisation; he would not try to run.

But he did.

He struggled as Frank caught him by the back of both arms, twisting them so that he cried in pain. A part of James, the part that still believed in his old friend still asked for proof. He pulled back both of Peter's sleeve, feeling bile rising to his throat as he saw the Dark Mark tattooed on his arm. It was glowing a dark ominous green. How many times had James fought with the Dark Mark looming over his head, knowing it was a lost cause and that yet again, they would be outnumbered and suffer casualties? How many had Peter contributed to? For how long? Why?

'You dirty little traitor,' James growled, his hand closing around Peter's throat. They were coming, James knew. There were more of them coming and Sirius had been right from the very beginning – this whole mission had been a trap from the very beginning. He could see realisation sink in to every other member of the Order as they tightened their wands. Someone had also sent a Patronus, a small nightingale, presumably to the rest of the scattered groups or Dumbledore. 'I'll kill you!' His fingers tightened, threatening to cut off Peter's air supply.

'James, no!' Frank cried. 'Don-'

There was a loud bang and James barely had time to cast a Protego over himself and Frank, when he felt his fingers slipping away from Peter's throat. 'Get him!'

There was a brush of fur against his palm and the last thing he saw as he fell was a large, grey rat.

Eyes.

Grey eyes.

Grey eyes that pleaded, begged, commanded for him to keep still. They pinned him. They kept him from his freedom.

Kept him from his revenge on the human.

Their strengths would have been unmatched if not for the human within him. The pitiful human that had purposely made itself weak so that they would die. Dirty, filthy human that always suppressed him, denied him…he hated the human.

He growled at Grey Eyes. Bared his teeth in warning but Grey Eyes didn't listen. It didn't scare.

The human was crying now. It never cries. On the nights when he reigns and this body is his kingdom, the human never cries. It fights at the beginning but loses too quickly, and then lets its mind fall away. The human succumbs to him; becomes him.

But now it was crying. He didn't understand the words of humans, but he understood emotions. He understood fear, he understood survival and hunger, and he also understood attachment. Creatures like Grey Eyes bore more attachment than those like him, but sometimes he craved for a pack. A pack that others like himself grow attachment to and thus, protect.

The human had an attachment to Grey Eyes, even though Grey Eyes was not human. Grey Eyes was like him, but smaller, with fur coloured a darker black. There was a strange sort of rage within bubbling within him at being rejected yet again by the human. If Grey Eyes and he were the same, then why did the human loathe him so? Why the Grey Eyes over him?

Grey Eyes whined low in his throat and licked his muzzle.

And then he understood.

He felt the beginnings of attachment.

XxxxX

It was the day James was sure he'd lost Sirius.

The rat had gotten away – both from his Death Eater comrades and the Order.

The quiet forest had turned into a battlefield in seconds, with only a few of them holding the fort while they waited for reinforcements. Even so, they were outnumbered. And as dirt blew up in chunks from misfired spells and the air and trees burned from Dark Magic, James felt his desperation rise.

He felt like a traitor to his brother and best friend.

Because he'd followed his head instead of his heart and stayed to help the team. Because logic told him that it was all right to lose one if you could save many. It wouldn't be the first battle they had suffered losses, but James didn't want that casualty to be his only brother. Selfishly, he hoped it would be anyone else but Sirius.

It was that very sense of loss that fueled James to fight.

And that very sense of loss that had him falling to the ground, blood gushing from the side of his head in what would later be treated as a minor injury. It hadn't seemed minor back then; not when James fought to keep his conscious and lost the battle just as quickly.

There were no casualties. Not this time.

It was Frank Longbottom who later found Sirius, huddled in a corner, fingertips bleeding raw from his efforts to escape their stone prison. He was cradling Remus Lupin against his chest like a child, breathing hard as if just suppressing the urge to cry. He'd looked up at Frank with vacant eyes and chapped lips, and pleaded softly, 'Don't let him die.'

If Remus had died and gone to heaven, then he was glad. Finally, he felt at peace. The constant onslaught of pain that he had suffered through for months had finally come to an end. It was warm where he lay, held so carefully much like his mother did when he was a child. The ground underneath him was soft and he knew that his legs were bare from the soft tickling sensation against his skin. A soft breeze ruffled his hair and Remus buried further in, seeking out the comforting smell that overtook his senses. He let out a soft sigh of content and opened his eyes slowly.

'Afternoon.'

Remus closed his eyes again and smiled. He really was in heaven. 'Afternoon,' he replied, voice hoarse from sleep. He opened his eyes enough to form tiny slits, admiring the face in front of him. It was truly beautiful: chapped pink lips turned upwards in a smile; stormy grey eyes that looked light silver because of the dark lashes framing them; and a slightly crooked nose that crinkled slightly when Remus ran his finger over it. 'Are you dead, too?' he asked softly, and a part of him selfishly wanted Sirius to be so. He didn't want this to be another one of his attempts at communication or just another lucid dream.

Sirius chuckled, his breath fanning Remus's hair. It hadn't been a breeze after all. 'What's your mother's middle name?'

Remus frowned, caught off guard by the completely unrelated question. 'She has two – her real one and the one I gave her…' He rubbed his eyes, feeling the grittiness of sleep-sand against his palms. He looked past Sirius, squinting slightly when the light behind the other man's body seemed impossibly bright. His fingers clenched around the sheets covering him, feeling their softness and malleability. Everything seemed so tranquil and white, the only smattering of colour was the vase of red roses that stood on the bedside table – this was definitely heaven.

'This is real,' Sirius whispered and he sounded as if he'd just come to the conclusion himself. 'We found you a week ago and brought you to Mungo's. You were deteriorating quickly and in a lot of pain, so they kept you asleep to speed up the healing process and reduce the suffering as much as possible.' He smiled, running a hand through Remus's hair gently and Remus noticed that they'd it short for him. 'They told me you'd wake today. I've been waiting…'

Remus felt a weird flutter in his chest and slowly, almost hesitantly, he reached out to touch Sirius's face. He traced each feature with careful precision, committing it to his mind in case Sirius disappeared again. Sirius was patient with him and kept his eyes closed as Remus's shaky fingers ran over his eyes, his mouth, down to his jaw and shoulders. And before Remus knew it, he was pulling Sirius roughly into an embrace. He was holding the man too tight, he knew this; the strength in his arms had returned and he was no longer the waif of a man that he'd become over the last couple of months. But Sirius didn't protest and only held him closer, arms wrapped securely around Remus's waist. There seemed no way to express the confusion of emotions he was feeling – relief, security, love, and elation all blended together as one.

'I don't understand…I remember being…' Remus grimaced, 'trapped.'

'We were,' Sirius confirmed, 'we would have been dead if not for your warning. Peter has been feeding information to Voldemort for a long time now; your rescue was one of the many. He was leading all of us into a trap.'

'I remember I burned his hand. It-It only happens when-'

'Someone tries to hurt you,' Sirius completed, nodding. 'Dumbledore explained to me…in a jumbled sort of sense…and I pieced the rest together.' He carefully ran a thumb over Remus's cheek, as if expecting to be burned also. 'That night, when you were being attacked…by Greyback…I think,' he looked at Remus for affirmation then continued, 'I put myself between the two of you unknowingly. I was trying to reach you and at the very moment he was about to kill you, I came through. I died, if only for a few seconds, but it saved your life.' He smiled softly. 'I'm glad I did.'

Remus heart skipped a beat. He returned Sirius's smile with one of his own, a slight blush tainting his cheeks. 'Thank you for coming for me.'

Sirius shook his head. 'It wasn't just me. Everyone in the Order came for you. Everyone fought for you and now because of you, they're safe. Well,' Sirius put in grudgingly, 'as safe as it can be, I suppose; given our cause.' Remus remembered Sirius's hate for the Order and suddenly felt a rush of gratefulness towards Sirius for having come this far just for him. 'There's going to a new prerogative now – a search for Horcruxes. They're difficult to find and probably set between a lot of traps.' Sirius swallowed. 'I'm joining them,' he admitted, reaching for Remus's hands and holding them within his. 'That was my mistake from the very beginning. Rather than blame the Order for letting the people I love die, I should have worked to protect them. This time, with you, I'll get it right.'

Love.Sirius had said that, hadn't he? He'd said, love. Just to be sure,Remus thought, as he leaned and pressed his lips tentatively to Sirius's. His heart beat holes through his ribcage as he waited, eyes closed and praying that he hadn't misread anything. When Sirius began to respond, Remus's mind soared and then finally shut down. He ran by instinct, hands moving underneath Sirius's shirt to run across warm skin. His knees creaked from an entire week of disuse and even his fingers felt stiff, but he took no mind. He pressed himself closer, breath hitching when he felt Sirius's push up his embarrassingly short hospital gown. Sirius's hands caressed his thighs, running over his arse and squeezing.

'We're in a hospital,' Sirius said, voice already hoarse from arousal.

Remus could tell by the erection pressing against his hip that Sirius didn't particularly care. Neither did Remus. There were only a few seconds of hesitation, before Remus caught that familiar wicked glint in Sirius's eyes (the one he'd admired for hours in school) and pulled him into a hard kiss. Tongues tangled and teeth clicked, and he felt Sirius moan a little when Remus's knee moved between his legs. A part of Remus told him that he should be taking it slower; that he'd only just woken up and this was their first time together. First times, the logic of romance said, had to be flowery and slow and poetic in a way that involved wine and fireworks. But Remus had at least gotten one out three right; because therewere fireworks behind his eyes every time Sirius's naked cock brushed against his own. And yes, it was frantic and desperate and just bodiespushing at each other, but Remus had waited for this for years.Had hid behind bookshelves, watching and wishing and hoping and loving so, so hard that sometimes it hurt.

'Shh,' Sirius whispered, when an involuntary moan slipped out of Remus's mouth. 'Medi-Witch could come in anytime.' Even as he warned Remus, Sirius's traitorous hand was pumping their cocks together. His eyes were wild as they looked at Remus; blown out to a shade of black that could have matched his unkempt hair. There was sweat beading across his forehead, running down the smattering of stubble across his jaw and disappearing behind the collar of his shirt.

Remus pulled the sheets over their heads. Sunlight filtered through the thin fabric, illuminating the little cocoon they'd created with stark white light. Remus was again hit by the notion that surely he was in heaven. He could see nothing beyond Sirius's beside him and his own hands joining Sirius's between their bodies, bringing both of them to the very peaks of their orgasms.

Remus bit into Sirius's shoulder as he came, eyes screwed shut tightly and body jerking into their combined hands. One of Sirius's hands came up to encircle his waist, pulling him closer as Sirius muffled a loud moan against Remus's chest.

'I used to look for you,' Sirius confessed after a while, when they'd cleaned up their mess and righted their clothes. Sirius was holding Remus against his chest, fingers massaging the knots in his shoulders. 'I didn't remember it at first, but after you showed me that memory…' He laughed softly, his eyes glancing towards the door again to check if any of the Healers were nearby. 'I couldn't remember what you looked like and I would curse myself for not taking a good look at your face earlier. It was ridiculous…' He kissed Remus's forehead softly before resting his chin on the werewolf's head. 'It was first time I'd ever felt that way from only a kiss. I'd come looking for you in the library, exactly where I'd found you. I didn't even know what I wanted out of it – to figure things out or pursue a relationship...I just wanted to find you again…'

Remus blushed, still unable to believe any of this was reality. He whispered softly, 'You found me…'

Sirius laughed, his chest vibrating against Remus's ear pleasantly. 'Toughest game of bloody hide and seek, ever.'

If Remus had to describe his feelings from that very moment of his life, he would call it euphoria.

'Hello! Hi!' The woman jogging up to Sirius waved manically, the baby in her arms bouncing with every step. She stopped in front of Sirius, catching her breath in quick pants before she spoke, 'Sirius, right? Do you remember me? We met the last time you came, though I'm not burning anything this time.' She let out an embarrassed laugh that her son mimicked.

'Patty,' Sirius smiled, kicking the engine. 'And little Moony,' he tickled the child under his chin, delighting in the giggle that escaped Moony's lips. 'How are you?'

'Oh the usual. I was wondering where you'd gone to since you never came back. Have you finally decided to move here?'

Sirius shook his head. 'Not yet. I needed another opinion,' he gestured towards the other figure sitting still on the motorbike and he could tell by the surprised look on Patricia's face that she hadn't noticed him until now. She peeked past Sirius's shoulder curiously, causing Sirius to chuckle. 'Remus, this is the woman I told you about, do you remember? Come on and say hello. He's just a little shy,' Sirius explained when Remus seemed hesitant. He gestured for Remus to come forward with a slight nod of his head. 'But he loves children, so I have a feeling Moony might take a right shine to him.'

'I don't suppose he babysits,' Patricia joked, still watching Remus curiously as he dismounted the bike and walked towards them. Her curiosity slowly turned into wide-eyed astonishment as Remus took off his helmet and set it aside.

'Hello, Patty,' Remus whispered softly, and Sirius could see that his eyes were turning glassy. 'Hello Moony,' he laughed when Moony promptly put the fingers Remus had stretched out in a mock handshake into his mouth. His voice broke a little and Sirius reached for his other hand, squeezing it tightly.

Patricia had still not said anything. She was staring, quite unabashedly, at Remus. Staring and staring and staring, as if desperately trying to fill in the pieces together. Her teeth dug into her lip in confusion. A part of Sirius wished she would remember, just like that, but he knew better. Memory spells like this were powerful, and the constant sense of wrong that crowded your mind was weak enough to be overpowered. A part of her recognised Remus, probably felt an attachment to him that she couldn't explain; and it was that part of her that made her touch a trembling hand to his face. 'Honey, do I know you from somewhere?'

Remus smiled weakly. 'I doubt it, ma'am.'

'Your parents maybe?' She asked hopefully.

Remus shook his head and this time, he could not control the single tear that rolled down his cheek. 'I'm an orphan, ma'am.'

'Oh honey,' Patricia's stare broke as she reached out to wipe Remus's cheek. 'Don't cry. I'm…' she trailed off, biting her lip again, before winding her arms around him tightly. Moony got squeezed between their chests, but didn't complain, only watching them with wide eyes and a thumb in his mouth. 'You'll be fine,' she whispered in his ear, patting his back softly, 'Don't worry, you'll be just fine.' She seemed almost reluctant to break their embrace, her hands lingering as she moved away. She smiled kindly and tried on a fake cheery expression, 'So, what do you think of our small little town? Do you like it enough to move in?'

Remus didn't seem capable of speaking so Sirius answered instead, 'Remus and I are looking for some place quiet.' He made sure Patricia noticed their entwined hands. 'Where people don't pry or ask too many questions. Where it's safe…'

'Oh,' Patricia stuttered, before catching herself and smiling brightly. 'Then I think you would like it here,' she assured. 'Everyone keeps to themselves here mostly and we have an odd couple right down the road here, though most say they're just friends and…' She laughed nervously. 'Sorry, I'm rambling.' She was looking at Remus again, and Sirius realised that she'd never actually stopped. Her eyes never left Remus even when talking to Sirius. 'You'll move in, won't you?' She asked Remus more than anyone else. It sounded like a plea.

'I-' Remus looked at his feet, 'We don't know yet.' His fingers closed tightly around Sirius's.

Sirius took the hint. 'Patty, I'm so sorry but we really need to leave now. We'll talk later, maybe?' He didn't wait for Patricia to reply and didn't notice her shake her head, instead pulling Remus towards the bike and quickly starting the engine again. He could feel the urgency in Remus to get away from the tautness of his body and the way he hastened to pull his helmet on. Perhaps coming had been a bad idea after all.

'Wait! Patricia cried, running towards them just as Sirius buckled his own helmet. 'Wait, I know this sounds ridiculous but I feel like…' She grabbed Remus's arm, her expression almost desperate, 'I feel like you need to move here. You'd like it, I swear, and I…Moony and I would love to see you again….' She trailed off, moving away, 'I don't want you to think of me as mad, but please; I'd like you to consider it.'

Remus nodded. 'I will.' He reached out to ruffle Moony's hair.

And then they were speeding off, on the roads at first; and then when there was nothing left but green landscape, Sirius's bike ascended and took off to the sky. They already had a home to go to – a flat that needed to be filled with Remus's things and memories they were likely to create. A family that wasn't related by blood but by heart.

'Why didn't you reverse the spell?' Sirius asked after a long hour of silence. He'd slowed the bike down to a comfortable pace, leaning back against Remus's body as they watched the forest below them pass in a green blur. The sky seemed impossibly blue this up close and Sirius felt that if he just reached out his hand a little bit, he could touch the clouds and feel it burst in his hands. It was a silly notion, but the feeling of Remus's arms wrapped around his waist did odd things to his brain. 'You could have had them back, so why didn't you?'

Remus shrugged and rested his chin on Sirius's shoulder. 'Why steal from them the little bit of happiness they've managed to build? The war isn't really over yet, is it?'

Sirius smiled and placed a reassuring hand over Remus's. 'It'll be soon, I promise.'

The End

Oh dear God, that was the longest chapter by far. I honestly hadn't planned so much but then I started writing and things just started to piece together this way. Hope you guys liked the finale and do drop in a review with constructive criticism or your favourite bits. I'd love to hear from all of you. Thank you for sticking with me throughout and for being my constant muse. Cheers to all of you and lots of love!

Moonlight:That choppiness was actually never part of my format. I don't even write that way. It was a glitch in the uploader itself apparently where all my italics just somehow became one whole garbled mess. But thanks for pointing it out. I fixed it. And hope you enjoyed this chapter and it was easier to read (glitch free, fingers crossed). No more cliffhangers. Just a neat bow tie ending. MelanieWitzigreuter:Aww, I didn't take too long to update this time! The ending is finally here and I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! Thanks so much for reviewing!