TITLE: Eyes of Darkness

AUTHOR: Obi the Kid

RATING: G

SUMMARY: A Yappy Obi story. Obi-Wan has a futuristic nightmare.

DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

NOTE: This story came from another challenge. I asked Bren to give me a title for a Yappy Obi fic, but a title that one would never associate with Yappy Obi or humor in general. Then I had to take that dramatic title and make a Yappy Obi fic out of it. So, here goes!

"MASTER!"

"Another nightmare?"

"Yes. This time it was really scary."

"You asked for a hug and were refused?"

"No, that's not scary, that's just flat out wrong."

"So what was this one about?"

"The…Eyes of Darkness."

"What?"

"The…Eyes of Darkness."

"Yes, you said that. What does that mean?"

"It means the eyes are dark."

"Whose eyes?"

"His."

"His who?"

"His eyes. That boy."

"Obi-Wan, I am not Mace and therefore I do not enjoy your mind games. Just tell me what you are talking about."

"That boy, Master. The one you steal from the desert. Rip him right away from his mom you do. Well, that's after you make nasty adult mush faces with her. Lead her on and then abduct her son. Sad."

"No idea what you are talking about, Obi-Wan."

"Because it hasn't happened yet. Hello? Future tense. You should notice these things, Master. But anyway, he has the…Eyes of Darkness."

"I have no plans to steal a child. Trust me, after you I don't ever want to see another child as long as I live."

"You speak a falsehood, Master. And it is wrong. You leave me on that ship with a broken something or other while you leave on a gambling, adult-mushing and child stealing spree. And those creepy handmaidens, they start drooling at me and try to sit near me and…do things. Ick! Nasty."

"I'll leave that alone. Back to the boy that I supposedly kidnap. Why does he have eyes of darkness?"

"He just does."

"And why is he in your dreams?"

"Because he's trying to kill me! Why else would someone have…Eyes of Darkness…if not for killing purposes?"

"He's going to kill you with his eyes? You know I won't allow that, Padawan."

"No, Master. Not with his eyes. And he doesn't kill me until the girlie fight, but that's not important right now. And you aren't around to stop him by the way. Some insane, acrobatic, horn-headed, tattoo man kills you while I get stuck behind a laser wall that serves absolutely no purpose aside from separating me from you."

"Have you been watching those science-fiction movies again, Obi-Wan? I told you that stuff isn't real. Those creatures aren't real. It'll just rot your brain."

"No, well, yes. No. I mean, yes I have been, but no, this isn't from that. I just know this."

"You know this."

"I know it be true."

"Why are you talking like that?"

"Because the…Eyes of Darkness…drove me to it and do you want to know the worst thing about him?"

"Him who?"

"Master, pay attention! The…Eyes of Darkness guy."

"Oh, sorry. Okay, what's the worst thing about him?"

"He's unmushy."

"Of course that is not a real word, but that's not unusual in conversations with you. So, he doesn't hug."

"Well, he does, but he doesn't hug me. He only hugs that pastry-headed woman. You know, the wussy queen who starts out all big and bad and brave, and then becomes a total idiot? But he loves her and kisses her and well, other things that I really don't want to talk about or think about. Ever."

"So, I steal a kid who becomes this eyes of darkness guy, he hugs the queen and ultimately kills you. Is that the story?"

"In a nutshell, yes. Scary, isn't it?"

"Fiction. It's all fiction in your mind, Obi-Wan."

"There's no room for fiction in there, Master."

"There is no boy. There is no queen. There is no tattoo man. There is no laser wall. There is no…wait. You said you got stuck behind a laser wall when the crazy tattoo man kills me. Why weren't you next to me?"

"I got separated."

"How?"

"He kicked my butt pretty good, Master. And I fell thousands…don't look at me like that…I fell hundreds…okay I fell about a hundred feet and onto my shoulder. It hurt. But I got up, pain and all and did this awesome jump and then I ran and ran and ran…but I wasn't fast enough and got stuck behind the wall."

"You didn't call on the force to increase your speed?"

"Um, well, no. I didn't really think about it."

"You were too busy being impressed with yourself for the big jump you made."

"It really was big, Master. You should have seen it."

"Why are you speaking in the past now?"

"I've lost track of things."

"Okay, it's late, you need sleep. I need sleep. Can you manage the rest of the night without Mr. Dark Eyes haunting you?"

"The…Eyes of Darkness guy you mean?"

"Whatever, yes him."

"You should take him seriously, Master. The first hint he gives that he's evil is that he only shakes my hand, he doesn't hug me."

"The galaxy does not revolve around hugs, Obi-Wan."

"It should."

"Well, it doesn't. Deal."

"Maybe if he'd hug me, he'd think twice about killing me during the girlie fight. It really is a girlie fight too, Master. The both of us, swinging our sabers like stiff-armed action figures and spouting silly lines to each other. At least I get to disappear when I die. I wonder what that's all about anyway. Do I become a ghost?"

"I hope not."

"You're already long dead by that time, Master, so it really doesn't matter, does it?"

"Okay, I am finished with this conversation. It's giving me a headache."

"What about you when you die, you become a ghost and then you talk to me from beyond the dead and tell me how to become a ghost after the girlie fight?"

"If you die in a girlie fight then you are completely on your own after your death. I can't have a girlie ghost following me around the afterlife. I have a reputation to maintain remember?"

"Yeah, about that…"

"Don't start. Just go back to bed. Think about happy things like…"

"Mush?"

"Yes, think about mush."

"Okay, but if the…Eyes of Darkness haunts my dreams again, I'm busting into your room and demanding a hug."

"I've changed my lock code."

"I know. You change it every week. You count the number of times you say 'No, Obi-Wan' during the course of a week and you change your lock code to that. Last week's code was 247. You changed it yesterday to 301."

"How do you know that?"

"I pay attention. I'm like a sponge. I soak up everything."

"Except the lessons that I teach you."

"There will be time for lessons later, Master."

"Enough. Go to bed. Now."

"But what if the…Eyes of Darkness guycomes back?"

"Then talk to him about how much you love mush, that'll make him back off. And maybe he won't kill you in a girlie fight after all."

"But how can I talk to him when I'm sleeping?"

"Pretend."

"Oooo, nice! I can do that. Okay, goodnight, Master! Sorry about the whole 'telling you the future' thing. At least now you'll know to stay away from that…Eyes of Darkness kid and his adult-mush loving, child selling mom."

"Goodnight, Padawan. Sleep tight. Don't let the…Eyes of Darkness bite."

"You are an evil man, Master."

"I know. But not as evil as the…Eyes of Darkness right?"

"Master! You'll give me the creeps. Well, I already have the creeps. You'll give my creeps the creeps. Stop it."

"Then leave the room. Go to bed."

"But…"

"…Eyes…"

"That's mean."

"…of…"

"Stop saying it!"

"…Dark…"

"Okay, okay. Sheesh. I'm going to bed. But don't come crying to me when I get stuck behind that laser wall and tattoo man slices you up."

"That's a nice thought, Obi-Wan. Thank you."

"That was mean, Master. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I love you. Hug me?"

"No. Bed. Now. Don't make me say it again."

"Say what?"

"…Eyes of…"

"NOOOOOOOO!"

The End