The Truth In the Alcohol (AKA Santana: Captain of the SS Faberry)
Length: 4,019
Spoilers: 2.13 (Comeback), slight semi-spoilers for 2.14 (Blame It On the Alcohol).
Summary: This one-shot was written after seeing the preview for Blame It On the Alcohol, and is my take on how Spin the Bottle should have played out, and the events following. (One can dream!)

A/N 1: Slight AU: This story continues from Comeback, except Santana didn't try to steal Sam for herself, she just made him break up with Quinn.
A/N 2: I apologise for Blaine's insensitivity in this story - it suited the plot, but please don't think I support his views in this. Also, please note that Blaine's response was from a spoiler I heard that was clearly wrong, so I'm sorry if he seems out of character compared to the show. I would have edited the story to make Kurt the doubter, but I couldn't find a way for it to make sense for the story.

If anyone didn't already know that drunken Spin the Bottle was often a bad idea, it was Rachel Berry. She was soon to find out. The moment the bottle landed on Blaine, he burst out, "I don't have to do this, do I?"

"What's th' matter?" Rachel slurred, hurt.

"Berry's good with her tongue!" Puck leered at Rachel, mostly out of habit, given his current obsession with Lauren.

"Just go for it," Santana said. "That's my philosophy."

"You'd kiss Rachel?" Mercedes smirked.

"So not the point."

"Kind of is."

"Just stop, I'll do it, okay?" Blaine snapped.

The kiss was a little awkward, not helped by Kurt bursting out with, "Okay, I think we've seen enough!"

Afterwards, Blaine looked uncomfortable. "Well, that just felt weird."

"That's not very nice," Rachel slurred.

"Well I know I like kissing guys. I'm just not into girls, and I don't get people who like both."

"What's not to get?"

"I think they just don't know their own sexual identity yet."

"You think bisexuals are like unicorns? A myth?" Santana interjected.

"I just don't think it's possible to like both guys and girls."

Rachel slurred, "Sure it is. I mean, I like boys, but I can't disregard the fact that Quinn is very pretty."

Blaine said, "Who?"

Rachel pointed vaguely.

"The blonde?"

"Yes. Hey, why's there two of her?" Rachel said fuzzily.

"She's not hard on the eyes, but she does nothing for me." Blaine shrugged.

"But she's so very really pretty! Sometimes she makes me feel all fuzzy, like clouds, or rainbows."

Mercedes laughed it off. "Now she sounds like Brittany."

Santana glared, but Brittany simply said, "Some people love both dogs and cats, you know."

"Is Quinn a cat?" Rachel said. "I guess she kinda has claws sometimes. And she's all graceful an' fastidious an' stuff..."

Santana stretched elegantly and called out to Quinn, "Hey, Q, Manhands here has a crush on you."

Rachel continued, unaware. "...an' Finn an' Sam are like big dogs, all cute and overenthusiastic and goofy and kinda dumb."

Quinn came slightly closer, and hissed at Santana, "Are you an idiot?"

"Quinn! I was just sayin' how you're like a cat, all pretty an' graceful an' pretty."

Santana smirked. "Hey, since Blaine doesn't believe in bisexuals, maybe Treasure Trail can kiss Q here to prove my point."

"Or you can kiss B," Quinn snarled.

"Hey!" Artie protested.

Everyone ignored him, as Santana continued, "Afraid you'll feel something, Fabray?"

Quinn, not quite drunk, but closer than she'd intended, couldn't resist the challenge. "Fine. But only to prove you wrong." She stalked over to Rachel.

Rachel blinked. "Why can I see rainbows?"

Quinn snapped, "This isn't for you, or about you. It's to shut Santana's trap."

Rachel just blinked again, slowly.

Quinn sighed, and leaned forward, pressing her lips against Rachel's. Rachel gasped, and dove into the kiss. Quinn went to step back but Rachel clung like a limpet, and after another minute or so, the brunette's tongue was stealing its way into Quinn's mouth. Seconds later Quinn moaned, then immediately pried Rachel off her and stormed outside.

Rachel looked forlorn. "Where'd the pretty rainbow go? It tasted so gooood."

Santana smirked at Blaine. "Well?"

Blaine shrugged. "Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong. It's probably just the alcohol."

"Oh, sure, blame it on the alcohol," Santana snapped and headed off after Quinn.

QRSB

She found the blonde lying on the ground outside, eyes squeezed shut.

"Are you okay?"

Quinn blinked, then stared up at her, looking almost sober. "I don't know. I'm confused."

"Because you kissed a girl?"

"Yes. No. Maybe. I'm straight. And it was Berry. And I liked it."

"It's okay to like it, you know."

"But I can't. Not her."

Santana looked unusually serious, almost concerned. "Are you attracted to Berry?"

Quinn snapped, "Are you insane?"

"I've seen how you look at her when she sings, and sometimes when you think no one's watching."

"Yeah, that's why I tortured her for years," Quinn sneered.

"Actually, I think it is. No offence, but you're like a schoolyard bully with a crush."

"Whatever."

"Sam even said you intended to keep torturing her – he asked me ages ago because he wanted to know what was up with you two – but I notice you haven't really been doing it. What changed?"

"She broke up with Finn."

"And before that?"

"I don't know, okay! What's with you anyway? Want to come out as bi to win Britt back, but you don't want to be first?" Quinn teased.

"Well, actually, I kind of do. Do you honestly think Artie deserves her? This is killing me, okay! I thought at first she was just punishing me, but now I just don't know. I miss her. She's my best friend. But I love her so much."

Quinn was lost. She eventually reached out and patted Santana, who was suddenly sobbing into her shoulder. "I just can't take it anymore. He treats her like she's five one minute, and the next he's being a womanising jerk."

"Well, maybe you need to do something about it."

"Like what?"

"Sing to her? Hell, even apologise for whatever it was you said or did in the first place. I'm sure she misses you too. You're both just too stubborn to admit it."

"Sure, whatever. But she's with Artie."

"She could do better."

"Are you saying you think I'm better for her?"

"You understand her. And you love her. You just get her, I guess. It's like you two click or something, I don't know."

"And you're okay with that?"

"I used to believe my father that it was 'wrong,' but he's a hypocrite, so why should I listen to him? I still believe in God, but I've been thinking for myself, and talking to more open-minded people, and I don't think God hates lesbians or anything. He's all about love, and hate is not love."

Santana blinked, touched, then smirked. "Deep."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. Thanks."

"S'okay." They gave each other a quick hug. It wasn't something they normally did, but then neither were heart-to-hearts, so it kind of worked.

Quinn suddenly realised something, and pulled back to look at her sometimes-friend. "Hey, you played me!"

"Well, yeah, I did, but it was for your own good."

"How?"

"Just trying to help you realise the truth. And hey, if it helps me with B, then it's a win win."

"Regardless of the 'truth' you're supposedly helping me with, you hardly made me happier."

"No, it's a win win for me. If it works out, I get Britt back, and you get with Berry and stop moping about losing Lady Lips, so I don't have to put up with the whining."

"But what about Sam? You're just going to pretend like you didn't cause that?"

"You didn't really love him anyway."

"I never said–"

"Hear me out. You cheated and lied blatantly, just like when you were with that asshat Finn. It was going to come crashing down around you at some point – I just sped things along. And besides, it's only a matter of time before everyone realises he's a huge dork."

"But he was my huge dork."

"Do you really think you were in that relationship for the right reasons?"

"Well, not really, no. It was pretty much based on popularity, although he was pretty sweet to me. But then even after having decided the universe was telling me not to cheat, I still seriously considered doing it. I'm a horrible person, okay? Are you happy now?"

"Look, you just need to figure yourself out. Now that you're off the Cheerios by choice, maybe you can consider being more like the girl you were when you were pregnant?"

"Please don't remind me. I know what you mean, but I can't stand being invisible."

"I'm sure we can figure out some kind of compromise."

"I guess we'll see. But I still don't get it – I thought you hated Rachel?"

"I'm only snarky to people when they're annoying. She's annoying; it doesn't mean I hate her. I actually think she's kind of brave, all the shit she puts up with. The week before Valentine's Day made me realise just how bad she has it sometimes. Well, often."

"You know, I just realised why you were pursuing Puck. He and B have always been there for you to fall back on. Without her, you're lost, and he's your only hope for a life raft."

"Stop, please. Your metaphors suck balls. I get it; I need B. Puck's gone, and besides he's never ever put me first. I mean, he never sang to me, not once, and he only wanted me for sex. He wouldn't even say he was dating me."

"Okay, see, now we're getting somewhere."

"Don't let it go to your head, Tubbers."

"So you aren't planning to change your behaviour?"

"Nope. This works for me."

"Does it now?"

"Well, I might have to tone back the insults a little. Who knew people could be so damn sensitive? But anyway, I'm gonna try and keep it real through potentially less abrasive means."

Quinn laughed. "You sound like Rachel."

"Hey! I may not hate the midget, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to be compared to her!"

"Just give it time," Quinn teased.

"Look, I'll make you a deal. I'll try to win B back, if you'll agree to talk to Berry about this tomorrow."

"She's drunk off her ass. I doubt she'll remember a thing."

"Well, if she doesn't remember, I give you the option of wimping out. Otherwise, you will talk to her about what happened."

"Sounds reasonable."

"But if you do wimp out, I'm giving you a new nickname."

"Oh, are you now?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"I'm thinking Custard."

"That's really lame."

"Think about it. Do you really want people associating you with custard?"

"Well, no, actually."

"My point exactly. So, do we have a deal?"

"Okay, deal."

The two girls grinned and shook hands. It was a truce, maybe more. It felt good to hopefully have a friend again.

QRSB

While they were gone, Blaine was inundated with criticism from Kurt, Mike and Mercedes, who thought he'd been insensitive. He decided the worst remark was being told, "You're gay; I thought you'd be more accepting."

Because it hurt. Maybe he should. But it was hard; he'd never met anyone who was bisexual, and he kind of always got confused between that and transsexual. Not that he was trying to judge anyone; he'd just never understood any of that stuff. So he was openly gay – that didn't mean he wanted to be in a freaking pride march!

Mercedes was rambling about bisexuals being attracted to people for their personalities or something, and Kurt was saying that some people were attracted to physical aspects of both males and females. Apparently although Kurt himself was gay, he'd done some research online when he'd first started questioning his sexuality, and found some forum discussion somewhere that was quite insightful. Or something.

Blaine was getting a headache.

QRSB

By the time Santana and Quinn walked back into the room, Blaine decided he'd had more than enough, and he pounced on Santana. (Figuratively, not literally.) "Are you a unicorn? Or, like, a myth?"

"Are you drunk?"

"Well, yeah, kind of. But are you bisexual or something, after your big defense back there?"

"I hate labels." She shrugged. "Look, how I see it is that I like guys, and I love B."

Artie said, "As a friend."

"What?"

"You love Brittany as a friend."

"Whatever. I love her so much it's hard to define exactly how I love her. I just know that I do. And I'm tired of being a coward."

Brittany could only stare at Santana.

The Latina turned to face the blonde. "I'm so sorry I hurt you, B; I wasn't trying to turn you down, or push you away. I just freaked out, okay? But I love you, and if you ever want to sing a duet, I'll be all over it, even if it's as gay as that song Celine and Weezy sang the other week," she smirked at the pair.

Mercedes just rolled her eyes playfully at Santana. Rachel was instead staring intently at Quinn. She suddenly burst out, "Rainbow! Rainbow's back!"

"I'm not freaking Rainbow Brite!" Quinn snapped, storming out again.

"Oh God, she's starting to channel you, Rach!" Mercedes's teasing was lost on the other girl, who was staring at the door, pouting.

Brittany was oblivious to the drama, still staring at Santana. "You'll sing anything?"

"Anything. Even that Melissa Etheridge song."

"Pinky promise?"

"Sure. Promise what?"

"We'll sing any song I want. And you won't freak out and desert me again."

"Okay, I promise."

Pinky promise complete, Brittany continued, "You know, I never got what pudding has to with someone leaving you..."

"Wait, this is all a joke, right?" Artie demanded.

"I don't think so, roller-boy," Lauren said.

Brittany continued, oblivious, "Can we sing Suddenly I See?"

"Of course. It is our song, after all," Santana said, before remembering she had an audience, and throwing in a cursory warning glare.

Brittany suddenly turned to face a scowling Artie. "I'm sorry Artie, but I can't be with you. You spend most of your time either talking down to me like I'm a child, or treating me like I'm something you stepped in. I really like you when you're being nice, but I'm sorry, it's just not enough."

"You're just doing this to be a bitch, aren't you?" Artie said to Santana.

"Believe it or not, Wheels, not everything is about you." Santana turned and smiled at Brittany and extended her pinky. Brittany burst into a huge smile, and joined their fingers, almost dancing as they walked away.

Artie was stunned. "Wait, what just happened?"

"You've lost her, boy," Lauren smirked. "Deal with it."

"I don't think you ever completely had her to begin with," Mercedes said. "Didn't anyone else see Brittany comforting Santana in the hallway after everyone abused her in Glee the other week?"

"No. What happened?"

Mercedes simply said, "Those two understand each other like no other."

QRSB

The Glee clubbers all spent the night at Rachel's house, mostly scattered around the lounge on a variety of mattresses and airbeds.

Quinn couldn't sleep. She spent hours dwelling on what Santana had said, before finally – reluctantly – accepting that the other girl was right. She did have a crush on Rachel. It was surprising how calm she felt after admitting it to herself, as though letting go of the denial made her feel lighter somehow. She resolved to talk to Rachel whether she remembered the kiss or not. She needed to know how the other girl felt.

QRSB

Rachel slept in way past her usual time; it was almost 9am when she woke up, and was confused at the light coming in her window. The confusion immediately became a throbbing pain, so she staggered downstairs to the kitchen. She almost fell over a body at the foot of the stairs. Said body groaned and sat up. "Rachel?"

It was Quinn.

"Quinn. I'm so sorry! I hope I didn't hurt you! I would say good morning, but I'm not really feeling it right now." She groaned. "How do I make it stop?"

"Come with me. I've only been through a full-on hangover once – it was more than enough – but S told me what to take. Where do you keep your painkillers?"

Rachel led the way to the kitchen, and Quinn dug out some tablets for each of them. After washing the tablets down, both girls just silently leaned against the kitchen counter.

A few minutes later, Rachel sighed with relief. "I can almost believe that my brain won't explode now. I was beginning to doubt it. Would you like to accompany me outside so we won't disturb the others?"

"Yeah, I don't imagine Santana and Brittany would appreciate it right now," Quinn grinned wickedly.

"Wait, Santana and Brittany? Did I miss something?"

"They're back on. Santana's even willing to sing a duet with Brittany in front of the Glee club."

"Oh. Well, I'm happy for them."

"You don't look happy."

"To be honest, I guess I'm a little envious. It's just that I'm alone. Again. I've never been with anyone for Valentine's Day. I'd hoped this year would be different, but again I was let down. I mean, after Finn's confession I know I'm better off without him, and it'll give me a chance to find myself again, but it still hurts a little, you know?"

"I get what… Wait, Finn's confession?"

"Yes. I went to see how you were when you both had mono, but you'd already left. Finn claimed he'd only kissed you to get it out of his system, but when I asked him about it, he claimed it felt like fireworks. He wouldn't answer when I asked what he felt when he kissed me, which was sufficient answer in itself."

"You came to see me?"

"Well, yes. You and, uh, Finn of course."

"And you asked Finn about kissing me?"

"Yes. Why? Is it wrong to be curious?"

"Well, no, but now I'm curious. What did you ask, exactly?"

"I think, well, no, I know – I, I asked what it felt like to kiss you."

"If you really want to know what it feels like, you could go direct to the source," Quinn said, blushing.

"Are you saying that you, Quinn Fabray, would kiss me? Rachel Berry?"

"Yes. And for the record, I know who we both are," she grinned.

"So you didn't hit your head last night and aren't now suffering from amnesia?"

Quinn laughed. "No."

"It was a valid concern," Rachel muttered. "So really, no ulterior motives? No hidden agenda?"

"No, nothing like that, I promise. I'm curious, too, okay?"

"But Finn implied it was nothing special."

"Well, I suspect he's wrong."

"Don't get your hopes up."

"Are you honestly trying to back out of this now?"

"Well, no, but I think we should get some breath mints or brush our teeth or something. What if we have morning breath? And what if there's such a thing as hangover breath – I'm sure it would be a thousand times worse than ordinary morning breath!"

"Okay, Rachel, breathe. I've got some mints in my bag, just give me a minute." Quinn snuck inside and came out a short time later, handing a couple of mints to the nervous brunette. "Breathe."

Rachel smiled and accepted the mints. An awkward silence descended.

QRSB

Five minutes later, Quinn just couldn't hold it in any longer. "You must have finished your mints by now!"

"Not quite."

"Stalling, huh?"

"I am offended by that accusation. It's just that I prefer to use my tongue, not my teeth."

"I'll keep that in mind," Quinn smirked.

"Quinn Fabray! You know that's not what I meant!"

"Of course. But you made it too easy."

"I'll give you that."

"Come on Rachel, it's just a kiss."

"And hell is just a sauna."

"Hey, isn't that from Ever After?"

"Yes," Rachel grinned. "I didn't expect you'd know it. Despite not being a musical, it's one of my favourites. Danielle is so strong and independent."

"I agree. And I'm surprised you know the film. It's got one of my all time favourite quotes: 'I would rather die a thousand deaths than to see my mother's dress on that spoilt, selfish cow!'"

"Oh, I love that too, but my favourite line is, 'No, the part where you said my name.'"

"I thought you admired her independence," Quinn teased.

"Well, yes, but that part is so romantic."

"Why that part in particular?"

"Well, all this time, the prince thought she was of noble blood, but he learnt the truth and still loved her, once he got over himself. He called her by her real name for the first time, how can it not be romantic?"

"True indeed. In that case..." She fell gracefully onto one knee. "Rachel Barbra Berry, I would be grateful if you would do me the very great honour, on this fine morn, of making out with me?"

Rachel giggled. "You somewhat ruined the tone at the end, but that was cute. Thank you."

"So you're ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

"Okay." Quinn stood up with a grin, and leaned forward to connect their lips.

Their kiss was a little more tentative than the one the previous night. Both girls were sober, and fully aware of what they were doing.

Rachel hesitated before she began to respond. She gasped when Quinn's tongue brushed her lip, and soon the blonde's tongue was teasingly meeting her own.

Some time later, they reluctantly parted for air, but continued to stare at one another.

"Wow, that was just like kissing a rainbow!"

"What? You mean you remembered all along?"

Rachel chuckled at the look on Quinn's face. "It's not like you asked me, you know. And how could I forget? It's not every day you end up kissing someone who's tortured you for years. Even less often when you like it."

"You remember liking it?"

"I'll admit, at the time I wasn't fully aware of what had ensued, but it really sank in when Santana spoke to me about it."

"Santana?"

Rachel misunderstood her tone. "I was as shocked as you, believe me. I thought I was being Punk'd or something."

"I know the feeling," Quinn muttered, but Rachel didn't hear.

"...but she was surprisingly nice. I must confess I didn't entirely believe her until you asked me what I'd said to Finn. It takes more than mere curiosity to ask what it feels like to kiss your supposed enemy, and I'm sure your question was just as hard."

"Yes, asking what you said was incredibly nerve-wracking, believe me."

"So, what now? Although I very much enjoyed kissing you, I really do believe it would be beneficial for me to be single for a longer period, to get to know myself better." She suddenly squeaked. "That's not to say that I'm telling you we should date at any point!"

"I wouldn't be opposed," Quinn quirked a brow, "But I like your reasoning. And honestly, I'm still adjusting to the fact that I like y- I, uh, liked kissing you. And I'm not completely over what happened with Sam."

Rachel's face fell. "Doesn't this change anything, then?"

"Of course it does. I didn't mean I still want Sam; I just need to work on being a better person. I don't ever want to feel tempted to cheat again, so I have to know myself, and be in a relationship for the right reasons."

"That sounds like an admirable goal."

"So, how about we try being friends for now?"

"Really truly friends?"

"Really truly friends. Just, you know, ones who liking kissing each other."

"That would be lovely. And if we kiss occasionally, then I wouldn't complain."

Quinn returned her grin. "Sounds like a plan."

QRSB

Santana's other motive soon became clear; the sudden inexplicable friendship of Quinn and Rachel was much more interesting to the gossip-mongers than an official relationship between two girls who'd always seemed like they were an item. Within weeks, the two pairs of girls had new nicknames: Brittana, and Brittana 2.0.

Santana and Brittany went back to the way they'd been, plus the occasional make-out session in the halls at school. (Santana insisted on keeping it PG; she claimed she'd threatened or injured enough people over inappropriate PDAs that she'd be a hypocrite – and asking for a beatdown – if she went farther herself. Brittany was just happy to have her sweet lady kisses.)

Although Quinn and Rachel claimed they weren't together (yet!), they were as touchy-feely as the two Cheerios had always been, so the joking nickname stuck. The blonde and brunette who made up Brittana 2.0 really didn't have it in them to care; besides, it would make it much easier for whenever they were ready to make it official. After all, it was only a matter of time.

A/N 3: Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed my story! Comments would be most appreciated, and constructive criticism is always welcome.

A/N 4: If Lauren appears to be somewhat channelling a certain sash-wearing lord from the Shindig episode of Firefly, it's not an accident. ;)