Date: November 9th, 1989

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Yo! I know. You wanted to hear about the awesome me right? Of course you do. That's why you're reading this. I won't sweat with the formalities since you already know who I am. I rather not waste any ink in this damn pen that I had a bitch of a time sneaking in here along with this paper.

I'm sitting in this dark concrete cell by myself. It's kind of cold.

No, I don't mean 'freezing my vital regions off' cold.

I mean devoid of feelings cold.

It's not awesome.

At all.

All around me is boring concrete walls. It's pretty cramped in here. This cell is probably about the size of a closet, which at this point would probably be more comfortable. The heavy metal door to the cell has no openings in it, and it's the same color as the rest of the cell. There is a small square opening with three bars in the wall opposite the door. Apparently the bars are to keep me from trying to slip my way out of here. The opening itself is too small for me to do that though. Guess Ivan was just being careful. It's supposed to be a window to let some air in. It isn't doing very well with that. It lets me see the night sky though, so it gives a little comfort in a way. Something to break the reoccurring dull color that inhabits this room with me.

Gray.

Not a very awesome color. I prefer blue. Prussian blue to be exact, but that's beside the point. It's boring, dark and depressing in here. I've been in here for days, and I've kind of given up on trying to get my legs free of these shackles. If I tried hard enough I could probably snap them, but that wouldn't get me out of here, so there is no point. Instead I'm just sitting here waiting and thinking over everything. All the reasons why I'm here. Everything that has happened and all that has come into my life. From start to finish.

How I was born.

My time in the Teutonic Knights.

The 7 Years Itch War.

World War II

All my friends.

My Enemies.

and West.

So many things have happened in my long life. I've either been off bothering Elizaveta and Roderich, fighting, drinking, or partying. Also seizing Vital Regions. Ksesese. I would hang with my buds Francis and Toni a lot too. We'd fight and conquer other countries like mad. Gilbird was always by my side as well. Raising West was fun too. Nope, never a dull moment in my awesome filled life. I mean c'mon, did you expect anything less of me?

The Iron Curtain is coming down today. Ivan told me after giving me one last 'goodbye'. It's nearing sun down. It's only a matter of time.

The Iron Curtain, or more commonly known as the Berlin Wall has kept me separated from West and mien friends. Russia erected it and split Berlin completely in half into West Berlin and East Berlin, east being under Soviet control. He made it to cut off all of my land from West and create the border of Soviet influence. He didn't want anyone else trying to take me back. People on each side didn't like the idea of the wall; It separated loved ones, friends, everyone. Barely anyone made it across the dreaded wall directly and some even died attempting such a thing. Over 100 I believe.

People have been finding loop-holes to getting past the Berlin Wall into West Germany lately. Some who have made it over refuse to go back, and the slowly decreasing population in East Germany is affecting me. I don't feel as strong as I was before. Even though I'm an ex-nation East Germany is still technically my land and less people means less strength. It isn't a very encouraging feeling. People are also angry about the whole thing, and have been protesting constantly lately. It makes my joints ache.

Lots of countries have gotten involved in the situation. Even America and England which I don't think I've been very close with. Them and France have been bickering with Russia and his Soviet Union over the Potsdam Agreements that were made before the war. They have been fighting for say over the administration of Berlin. Hungary has been fighting like mad along with West to get it taken down too. Even Austria has tried to help them in their mission. They're helped emigrants go from East to West through their countries. I'm sure Elizaveta will be happy to see it finally torn down. West might as well. I bet that blond misses me, even though he's a tight ass and wouldn't admit it. I'm too awesome to not be missed anyway. Of course he would miss the awesome me...Right?

I miss him too, and I miss Elizaveta, Francis and Toni. I even miss Roderich a little. I miss all of them.

I want to get out of here, I want to believe that I'll see all of them again. However when Ivan told me the documents were to be signed at sun set today, my hours were numbered. I knew. East Germany as my land is currently called will join and reunite with the rest of Germany. Germany will become one and loved ones will see each other again, my friends will rejoice, and I will waste away here in this cold cell, alone. Not even having Gilbird as comfort. No last goodbyes, and no chance to do the things I had wanted to do throughout my awesome life that I hadn't gotten to yet.

No chance to have one last beer with Francis and Toni,

No chance to try and regain my status as a country,

No chance to show up America the self proclaimed 'hero',

No chance to shove England's wand up his ass,

No chance to see West and Feli get together,

No chance to finally tell Elizaveta how I feel,

No chance to shove it in Roderich's face,

No chance to hear Gilbird chirp again.

No chance for anything.

Out of this small opening in the concrete which is a poor excuse for a window, I can see the sun beginning to set. The sound of a pen elegantly gliding across a piece of parchment resounds loudly in my ears as my heart beat begins to race erratically. Soon after, I hear people on each side begin to smash and tear their way through the offending wall. Clanging of metal. Crackling of wood in the fire. Shoes hitting the ground in a full out run. The slamming of bodies against each other in loving embraces. Hands slapping the skin of another's back. I hear people laughing and cheering in celebration as more wood and debris collapse into heaps on the cold ground. I hear clangs of beer glasses, and masses of people joining together to sing in tone deaf bliss. Everyone is happy.

I need a beer damn it.

As I sit here listening to it all, I can feel my heart beating heavily inside my chest. It's starting to get even more painful, along with my breathing becoming more and more labored. Memories are flashing through my head along with other thoughts. Things are all coming and going at once.

This is taking too damn long.

My vision is becoming blurred and I can't see so clearly, the clamor outside has faded into the distance. Though I could just be losing my hearing too.

Either way, I'll keep writing.

My friends are probably celebrating like the humans are as I sit here. Elizaveta will be doing a victory dance, West will be drinking a beer, Roderich will be stubborn and try to look unhappy, Francis will try to feel up Arthur in celebration, Alfred will be screaming that he's the hero, Toni will be gorging happily on tomatoes to celebrate, and Feli will probably be waving a flag or something.

I wish I could be with them.

I don't want to leave.

I always thought I'd go out with a bang you know. Not slowly losing consciousness in a dank Russian prison cell, chained down to the floor. Fading away alone isn't something to be proud of. This isn't really fading though. I feel like my heart is going to explode inside my chest. It's getting really painful.

Ignore the stains on this paper, the water from outside the pathetic window is dripping onto the page. Stupid window.

The Iron Curtain finally fell. I can feel my will to keep my eyes open depleting as I write. I don't like this. Something is rising in my throat, I hope it isn't blood. It probably is isn't it?

That's another thing going on in my head. Questioning thoughts. I have so many unanswered questions still. Like, will things be different in the world with me gone? Do you think people will be sad when I'm gone? For some reason I hope so. If people aren't sad, then that isn't awesome. It means I wasn't awesome. I was just left as something in the distant past. Nothing of importance.

I'm not nothing Gott damn it! I'm Prussia, Gilbert Beilschmidt, the awesome me! With white hair that's been drenched in the blood of victory. The red eyes that have seen their share. The head that has constant bruises from frying pans. The body that is decorated with countless scars from battle and other terrible things.
The awesome man with the Iron Cross as his symbol!

...

The man who is in a prison chained down. The man who can't even admit he loves a certain someone. The man who wasn't strong enough to not be separated from his brother. The man who has bled countless times at the hands of Russia. The man who's land was sold off piece by piece to other counties. The man who is dying alone.

Hey, Reader. Do me a favor will you?

Remember the awesome that is me.

Remember Prussia.

Remember this last entry.

I don't want to fade away, that isn't awesome. Thinking about it now, none of this is awesome. I'm wallowing in my own thoughts and probably writing in near illegible letters as the last grains in my hourglass slip off the edge into the pile of sand below.

This isn't what I wanted.

But if all of my friends are happy, I should be happy too.

...

I don't want to die.

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He managed to finish scribbling down his last thoughts on the piece of paper before blood began to make its way down the corners of his mouth. He slipped it into his pants pocket to keep it from being stained more than it already was. The pressure in his chest cavity continued to rise and more blood began dripping from his mouth. He held his hand to his mouth to silence his oncoming coughing fit. As he coughed, blood splattered on his hand that he had fixated in front of his mouth tightly. It dripped from his chin and trickled down onto his chest and started to stain his black shirt. The pain kept rising with every cough and as it started to overwhelm him he gripped his symbol that was always present around his neck with his other hand. His Iron Cross, he held it tightly to his chest for some kind of comfort.

His last resolve before he slipped away was simple.

Go out with that crazy look on his face. That awesome grin everyone had seen at some point.

He refused to let his eyes close.

He refused to let his smile waver.

'Everyone deserves to see this sexy face one last time.'

Hope you liked it. Review and tell me what you think, please! I'll keep this short. Review! UPDATE: Go to my profile to see Companion fic. Review that too!