Spoilers ahead, obviously, but you really shouldn't be reading fanfiction if you haven't finished the game!

This is dedicated to the group of friends I am currently playing Tales of Symphonia with. They're treating Zelos with exactly the same scorn the rest of the party does, and they never notice when he's being his true self. ;_; Zelos is my favorite character, so it's super sad that no one notices how he really feels! My friends are going to be sorry . . . But by then, it'll be too late . . . UPDATE: Turned out the people I was playing with weren't sorry at all, just happy to have Kratos back in the party. CRY CRY.

Tales of Symphonia is copyright to Namco.

The Last Stand of the Great Zelos Wilder

It's funny, I know, but when I walked into the Tower of Salvation on the last day of my life, I didn't know if I wanted to die there or not.

When I set foot on those clear crystal steps, my breathing quickened and my heart beat faster. Adrenaline rushed through my brain, keying up for what was about to happen. It was exhilarating. Like I was alive. That was funny too, when I'd felt dead for so long. That coming here to die would be the first time in years that I had really felt the excitement of living.

It was funny, just hilarious, because I had feared death for so long, and I hated, hated, hated all the simpering sycophants, all the people I grew up with in Meltokio, who feared death so much they wanted me to die for them. To elect a scapegoat—pardon me, a savior—to take responsibility for everyone's salvation, and me the only one without a vote.

So when I stepped into that tower and realized all of this at once, I had to fight down a laugh. A hysterical, nervous kind of laugh, I'm sure. But it all kind of seemed like the punchline to the joke that was my life.

When the angels appeared to block our way, I felt not fear, but impatience—what kind of show did Cruxis think it was putting on? It was time for the real show to begin. And when Yuan turned up and provided us with a shortcut, all I felt was anticipation. I didn't bother to catch his eye and reaffirm that we were secret pals. The Renegades were out of the picture now, as far as I was concerned. I was done with using them.

Since the breakup wasn't mutual, that meant they were never using me, right?

Use or be used, that was the world I came from. I was everyone's pawn and no one's. Whose side wasn't I on? Joining Lloyd's little band had been deeply satisfying for the power it gave me. Suddenly everyone wanted to be in my graces. Of course, Pope, I'm your double-agent. Sure, Yuan, I'll report to you. Yes, Kratos, I'll do whatever you say. Oh Lady Pronyma, I'm your loyal servant. Of course, Lloyd, you can trust me.

None of them were any different.

So it wasn't that hard, to choose to side with Cruxis, once and for all. It had been too easy to stab the Pope in the back, and when Yuan's cover was blown the Renegades were good as dead. And Lloyd's mission to save both worlds by combining them into one? Insane. Completely impossible. All the good intentions and determination in the world couldn't make that dream come true.

As far as I could see, Cruxis was the only one in any position to make good on its promises to me. And what promises. The power to get my life back, and my sister's.

So when we stepped up to the last room I'd ever see, that's what I tried to focus on. I tried not to think about Yggdrasill's Age of Lifeless Beings. I tried not to look down, through the transparent floor, to see all the hundreds of years' worth of failed Chosen corpses, floating in a spiral under my feet. I tried not to think about joining them.

I tried not to think about how much I wanted the peace of death.

In the main chamber of the tower, violet light softly glowed from the Eternal Sword, the reason we had come. Our goal stood before us, and we were still no closer to knowing what to do with it. It seemed like Raine or Regal or someone should have come up with something beforehand. Lloyd and the others had been just plain stupid to come this far without a plan. But that was good luck for me.

My heart was pounding, and I still wasn't sure if I liked that feeling better than the carefully disciplined apathy I'd held for so long. Anxiety thrummed through my body. But when I opened my mouth, my voice carried the lie oh-so-perfectly. "Leave this to me," I said smoothly. I'd been over this in my head so many times, it was a cinch.

"Leave it to you?" Sheena asked. "What are you gonna do?"

Her tone, as usual when addressing me, was full of scorn, and not a bit of suspicion. I tried to feel neither relief nor disappointment that she had never once seen through me. I continued, "I figured something like this might happen, so I prepared a little something the last time we were here." I strode across the room, approaching the Eternal Sword. "Colette, come here for a second." I didn't even bother to come up with a decent excuse. Of all the teams I'd sided with, these people were easily the most gullible. It was almost ridiculous how easy it was to fool them.

"Huh? Oh, okay." Colette, cute, little angel Colette stepped forward, and not one of the others stepped with her. Someone should have protected her from me. It was at that moment I knew that I'd crossed a line. I stared into her eyes as she walked toward me, willing her to turn away, to run back to the others, to safety. But she didn't get it. She looked straight at me and her step didn't even falter.

Until the angels appeared around her. She gasped, wide-eyed, still uncomprehending.

Right on time, I heard the sound of Lady Pronyma materializing on the raised platform behind me. Her voice was pleased. "Good work, Chosen. Now, bring her to me."

"Sure thing," I said cheerfully. Experience made it effortless to play the part of the obedient lapdog, but no matter who my master was, the collar always chafed. As always, I tried to convince myself that I was the one in control. So I activated the teleportation circle. In a flare of green light, Colette vanished, only to reappear right next to Pronyma, to be surrounded by her enemies.

Her friends finally recoiled, taken aback. If this journey had taught me anything, it was that it was painful how slowly these people caught on to anything.

"Zelos!" Genis was the first to find his voice, and there was nothing in it but pure, unadulterated shock. And I couldn't help but think bitterly that if anyone had been paying attention, this wouldn't have been a surprise.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sheena sounded bewildered too, and afraid.

I knew I shouldn't have felt so frustrated that none of my so-called "friends" knew anything about me. After all, at first the act had been in earnest—the great Zelos, rich and famous, popular and conceited, gutter-minded, womanizing Chosen—and each of them had taken the bait, hook, line and sinker. Later, when I thought I might actually be starting to care about them, I started to slip. Whether on purpose or by accident, I started to show my true feelings. Little by little, I started to come out of hiding.

And no one noticed.

So I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, myself, to hear so much hostility in my voice as I replied. "Oh, shut up. I'm just putting myself on the winning side. What you're trying to do is hopeless and meaningless. What's the big deal? Colette wanted to be a sacrifice, remember?" Reviving Martel was what the whole Chosen deal was about, so ironically, handing over Colette counted as fulfilling my predestined duty to Cruxis. Not that I really cared about that. All this fate-of-the-world stuff was far too tiring to care about.

But it was grimly satisfying to hear Lloyd finally, finally get it right. "Zelos! You traitor!"

Because if I was the traitor, it meant that I wasn't the one betrayed.

I couldn't feel that I had trusted this group of people with the truest view of myself that I had given anyone, and had been stabbed in the back for it. I'd opened my heart—to Lloyd, to Sheena, to Colette, to all of them—and started trying to be myself, trying to live, trying so hard not to be dead inside for the first time since that snowy winter's day, when my mother died in a pool of blood and told me I should never have been born.

And no one cared.

But oh no, I wasn't the one betrayed! There was no reason for me to feel betrayed by the people I had begun to trust. Because the great Zelos doesn't get betrayed. I betray. I wasn't the kind to give others that power over me. I had that power over others.

So I breezily replied, "It's so funny that you would say that. It's not like you trusted me in the first place."

"Betray you?" Pronyma's voice was silky. "How amusing. Zelos was our spy from the very beginning. Isn't that right, Zelos?"

Yours and everyone else's, I inwardly agreed.

"Is that true?" Lloyd asked, astonished, dense to the end.

Colette sounded sincerely hopeful. "It's not true, is it? Please say that she's lying . . ."

I supposed that the time had come to finally tell these idiots the truth. All of it, starting with my philosophy in a nutshell. "I side with the strongest. It was a simple matter of weighing the Renegades, Cruxis, and all of you."

"You were leaking information to the Renegades, too?" Sheena cried. "I can't believe you! You were always a pervert, but I never doubted that you were a good person when it came down to it."

Oh, Sheena, it was because you'd never cared enough to doubt anything about me. It still hurt that you were my first childhood friend and you were the easiest one to dupe. All I had to do was hit on you, and your volatile, self-righteous anger would push you so far away that you forgot everything true about me. So why stop now? I replied mildly, "Why, thank you, my sweet, voluptuous hunny."

I looked to Pronyma, turning my back on my former companions, and revealed my purpose. "But in the end, I choose this side, because Mithos promised to release me from my fate as a Chosen of Mana."

Regal's voice was the first that carried no surprise, and was beginning to show the anger they all must share. "You hate being the Chosen so much that you would betray your friends?"

"Oh, yeah, I do," I said evenly. "It's because of that title that my life has been a total joke." My gaze narrowed to a glare. "I can't stand it. I can't wait for Seles to become the Chosen instead."

Lloyd's voice rang out, in that brainless determination that everyone was so infatuated with. " . . .You're lying! I still trust you, you hear me? You're the one that told me I could trust you!"

Maybe the most ironic thing of all was that that was the one lie he never did believe.

"What are you, stupid?" I snapped. I looked back up to my superior and sang, "Lady Pronyma! Hurry and take Colette."

"I leave the rest to you," she purred.

The three angels drew closer to Colette, and the warp platform hummed. "Lloyd . . . Lloyd!" she cried, as the light of transport shone around them. "Lloyd!" And then they were gone, and the room was deadly silent.

I took a step toward everyone. "So . . . this is how it ends."

Lloyd flung out an arm in a gesture of disbelief. "Why, Zelos? You were our friend!"

"Friend . . . huh?" I was skeptical. "I never did get you to trust me, though."

Lloyd had the gall to look apologetic. "That was . . ."

I walked forward, and there wasn't any emotion in my voice anymore. "Don't feel bad about it. I mean, I did deceive you, after all."

"There's got to be some sort of explanation for all this. This is just another joke, right?"

"Hah!" A short laugh burst out of me. I was a little shocked that it still hadn't sunk in. I felt embarrassed, for both of us. "I don't know what to tell ya. I'm just a weak, lazy bum. All I want is a fun, easy life. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less!"

I'd touched my Cruxis Crystal, and orange fire flew about. When I took my hand away, a glow remained, and I knew it was shining softly from my brand-new, brilliant orange wings. Finally, something the party could be legitimately surprised about. They couldn't have known that the last time I'd snuck away, it was to vow my eternal allegiance to Yggdrasill. That was when he activated my Cruxis Crystal and began my angel transformation. These wings of fire and light were the final symbol of the side that I had chosen.

The group seemed no less dismayed when I unsheathed my sword.

I stepped into battle stance. "Might as well go all out, right?" I said, quoting Lloyd's favorite line to start a battle with.

Lloyd finally understood my intent. He drew his swords slowly, then stood before me, close enough that I could see his brown eyes, wide but resolute. He didn't stand at the ready, but he didn't waver. "You bastard . . ." was all he said. The others had warily reached for their weapons as well.

"You can call me whatever you like. But It's not gonna change anything. You ready?" I held my sword out straight in challenge. Then I flew at them.

I wasn't out of surprises yet. The wings were only half of it, allowing me to hover out of range, until Sheena or Lloyd or Regal jumped high enough to bring me down. All of us had our abilities enhanced with exspheres, but the Cruxis Crystal is king of exspheres, and I had the blessing of the angels on me. I started the firefight with a word they'd never heard from me before: "Judgment!" White-hot beams of light crashed down from the sky, and where they hit, my friends-turned-foes were hit hard. I tried not to listen as Sheena cried out in pain.

All too quickly, I heard Raine's command. "Revitalize!" I'd grown to like hearing her voice say that word, but this time the web of blue light that flooded the room didn't touch my body with cold healing.

This was going to be one tough fight, but I had healing magic, too.

The battle was a blur. With the entire group crashing down on me at once, and flares of magic lighting the arena from all sides, it was hard to see much of anything. It took a lot of my energy just staying ahead of the front-line fighters, parrying and trying to dish out more blows than I was receiving, and every once in awhile throwing in a few spells. It gave me some pleasure to knock their casting twerp down with his own medicine, and I threw the Professor off-balance and disrupted her protective incantations a few times.

But I wasn't kidding anyone. Least of all, myself. It was a losing battle.

And I was thinking, I never wanted to be the Chosen. All my life, I'd been rejected by my parents, shunned by the Church, and viewed as a threat by the royal family. I spent every moment of my life wishing I could just run away. I should've never been born.

There were moments, in my last stand, when I tried to think of succeeding. For Celes. To put all my heart in it, all my heart and hate in it, to succeed. To defeat them.

But I knew all along it was suicide.

Because I didn't step up with Colette. I didn't go with Pronyma. For once in my life, I wasn't running away. I was running to something. To the end. So this is how it ends.

Why?

Maybe I didn't really believe I'd get my life back.

There would always be someone trying to use me. Even if Celes became Chosen, someone would try to use me against her. I could be captured and imprisoned in the very same abbey she'd been kept in, to make sure I stayed out of trouble and as collateral to make sure Celes would fulfill what everyone thought was her duty. The thought infuriated me.

"Burn, baby! Eruption!" I shouted. Fire and lava engulfed the Sage siblings, interrupting their magic and, more to the point, making them cry out in terrible pain.

"I have you! Chi Healer!" Regal countered, and soon after I heard Raine call, "Healing Circle!" I was too busy defending myself from the triple onslaught of Lloyd, Presea, and Sheena to cast another spell.

Maybe the reason I'd decided to die was that I wanted everything destroyed. Yggdrasill's Age of Lifeless beings would do away with the Chosen system and its inherent discrimination. It would get rid of all the problems I was so tired of. It would be so much easier if everyone and everything were just destroyed.

Because even if I had a life to live, what was the point? There was nowhere I belonged. I had no home. My closest friend was a butler, and Sebastian deserved a better life than just waiting on my whims. All the money in the world couldn't buy me real friends, or love, or happiness. No one wanted me for me.

"Eternal Devastation." I barely heard Presea's quiet tone, and when I registered what she'd said it was too late. The barrage of rocks flew toward me, knocking me from the air. Before I could get my bearings, her ax was crashing down again. "Fiery Infliction." I just managed to scramble away, but Lloyd was close behind. I whirled my sword around and tried to dodge both of them, but I was getting cut up, bad.

But maybe, just maybe, the reason I couldn't win this fight was that I couldn't bear to beat Lloyd & Co. Even though I'd given up the hope of companionship, there was some ghost of that desire in me. Some regret that things hadn't worked out. Some tiny amount of genuine like for this rag-tag group of dreamers. Or at least pity. Even though they'd never pitied me. Even the ones I disliked, I knew I couldn't kill. Sure, I enjoyed fighting them, taking out my anger on them, even took pleasure in hurting the guys, letting them share my pain. The girls, well, mostly I defended myself against them, even if I didn't really try to lash out, and didn't purposefully wound anyone.

I just hoped I had the courage to get killed.

"Pyre Seal!" Sheena yelled, suddenly in my face, and I was blown backward by an explosion of cards. I landed hard, hard enough to knock all the breath out of me, and I almost blacked out. I gritted my teeth against the pain of that and all the unhealed cuts and scrapes and gouges I'd received. For a moment, I just focused on breathing.

All I could think about was Sheena's face, before she'd blasted me with that ninja technique. The fury that I'd seen there, directed at me so many times. When I was dead, then she'd be sorry. Then she'd feel guilty for not listening to my words. For not looking past my stuck-up exterior to find the childhood friend she'd had before. Was that Zelos still here, inside this husk?

I gave a short, bitter chuckle. How childish it was to wish that they'd be sorry. How narcissistic, how me. I didn't really wish ill on any of them. I didn't care enough to.

Besides, it was unfair to hate them for not hearing what I really meant, not seeing who I really was. I hid myself deliberately. I shouldn't be upset that they couldn't read my mind. Or my emotions. It felt like I'd split into so many different people, to act different roles, that I didn't even know myself anymore . . . so how could I expect anyone else to?

I realized that I'd taken a moment too long to recover. They were waiting on me. Just standing there. Panting like I was. The room was full of the sound of breathing, and Raine still calling out recovery spells. I was suddenly terrified that someone would take pity and heal me.

This was my fight, and they had better not dare pity me.

I opened my eyes to see Sheena take a slow step forward. She was still on her guard, but I saw the battle card in her hand shaking with indecision. Don't you dare. I was furious with myself for being so weak. Get up, get up. I pressed two fingers to my Cruxis Crystal for courage, and I knew exactly what to do.

Using the last of my strength, I hopped up with a flutter of wings and brandished my sword at her. She flinched back, frozen in distress, and I said loudly, so slowly and deliberately that even that stupid Lloyd couldn't miss it: "SUPER. LIGHTNING. BLAYYyyyyyy . . ."

I didn't plan on casting the spell, which made it sound awkwardly cut off when I didn't finish the last word. But maybe it sounded strange because Lloyd had run me through. I heard a whimper from Sheena, and sounds of distress from the rest of the party. I looked down at Lloyd's sword, stuck partway into me, then back up at his face. For once, neither of us was surprised. For him, it was instinct. He'd probably killed hundreds of people on this stupid quest. Despite his vows not to sacrifice anyone, he had no qualms about killing Desians or angels or bandits or plenty of others who were in his way.

I knew he'd gotten good at killing.

"Damn . . . heh heh heh . . ." I chuckled bitterly, still amused. If my life was a joke, the joke was on all of us.

"We trusted you," Lloyd said, and his voice didn't even shake.

When he pulled the sword out, I barely felt it. I didn't know what that meant, but I knew it wasn't a good sign. Or it was, depending on how I looked at it. It seemed I'd accomplished my purpose. I fell backwards, flat on the ground. After a moment, I tried to sit up, but I couldn't. My hand went to the wound, beyond healing. I tried not to think about it, tried not to feel it. "Th . . . that was pretty good . . ." I stammered.

Lloyd put his swords away and knelt down beside me. "Zelos . . ."

I thought I'd wanted them to be sorry. But already I couldn't stand that note of regret in his voice. ". . . It's okay. To tell you the truth, I was getting pretty tired of living anyway . . ."

"Don't talk like that!"

I remembered something that should take his mind off me. "Oh yeah, about Colette . . ." All this talk of sides was meaningless now. "She's below, in the hall of the Great Seed. Make sure you save her . . ."

"Why did you fight us?" he demanded.

I supposed they deserved to know my motivations, even if they hadn't cared to find out. "Because . . . my life was a mistake." It was getting harder to talk. I could feel it now, the pain, hard and bright, starting to overwhelm me. "But . . . once I'm gone . . . Seles might . . . be happier and . . . they'll finally let her out of that abbey . . ."

"Don't tell me that's why you . . ."

Lloyd almost sounded heartbroken now. It was so pitiful I had to laugh. My last laugh. "Heheheh . . . nah, that's just a bonus . . . Make sure you destroy my Cruxis . . . Crys . . . tal . . ." Of one thing I was pretty sure: that an eternity of having my consciousness trapped in an exphere would be worse than a life of feeling dead inside.

Yep, I figured that covered it. I was out of words to say. Which was good, because I was out of time. I dimly knew my body had fallen backward, and the darkness meant my eyes must have closed. Everything was fading away.

And maybe it was the last knife twist of all, that the last thing I heard was Sheena's bitter voice. " . . . Damned . . . idiot . . ." It came from far away. She hadn't knelt down with Lloyd. She'd never bothered to get close to me in any way. I don't know why I cared. Ah, but Sheena, you weren't my biggest regret, by a long shot.

As everything fell away, I had just enough time to wonder if it was all a terrible mistake. When did I get on the path that led me to this death? I don't know if it could have been avoided. Who could be blamed? My parents? The people of Meltokio? I knew it was self-centered to feel sorry for myself, when each of Lloyd's group had a tough past behind them too. A company of losers. And I couldn't blame them for not caring, not trying to see me for me.

I'd made these choices myself.

Lloyd . . . you stupid idealist. You never seemed to run out of belief. Why didn't you believe in me? Maybe it would have taken you. If you had hoped in me, maybe I would have been able to succeed. To change this fate. Still, it wasn't your fault.

If Lloyd and the others thought they had hurt me, they were wrong. The great Zelos didn't get hurt. The great Zelos hurt others. They were the ones who would be sorry.

In the end, I used them too. I used them to end my pain.

Thanks for reading, and please review! Lots of people have added it as a favorite but I barely have any reviews. And if you like this one, please check out my other ToS oneshot, about Presea, "Sandcastle."