I should be writing the next chapter of Waiting on 'Superman', but this idea has been nagging me for the past several days.
The title comes from the origins of when soldiers go overseas, when their girlfriends back home want to break this off, they write them a Dear John letter. This one-shot takes place during the six week period between Big Time Concert and Welcome Back Big Time. The girl ('Jane'), is writing to one of the BTR boys, and it is not an OC writing! There are supposed to be forty two letters, but I can't write all the letters. That would be to long of a one-shot. So the letters will be skipping around from day to day. I hope you all enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything or anyone from Big Time Rush.
Day (1)
Dear John,
I don't want to put your actual name in this letter. It hurts too much to know that you are actually going to be gone for six weeks. I know that you will be back in forty two days, and ever day till then, I will be writing you a letter, describing my feelings that revolve around you for that day. Whether you will ever see these letters or not, I do not know. Maybe one day you will, but not anytime soon. You would think I'm crazier than usual when if you ever saw how I truly do feel about you.
We said goodbye today. I caught you the minute before you walked out of the Palm Woods lobby. Where you going to say goodbye to me? By the look in your eyes, it looked like you weren't going to give me a goodbye. Is it because you are going to miss me so much, or is it because you just didn't want to see me? I guess my question is just another one to add to an ever growing list of questions I have about you.
Love, Jane
Day (3)
Dear John,
Three days without you. It is almost agonizing. I sit up in my room, feeling the humid L.A. heat make my bed sheets to stick to my back. My father is trying to convince me to leave me room, but then that would mean going down to the pool and seeing where you and I used to hang out, before you left for your tour and all. Do you think I am being overdramatic about you leaving? My father thinks I have lost my mind over you leaving. Its just six weeks, right?
What if it turns out to be more? If Gustavo extended your tour…oh John, I don't think I could handle that. I am already going insane enough as it is.
Love, Jane
Day (7)
Dear John,
It's been one week. One week since I have seen your smiling face, or hear your angelic laugh. I miss watching you and your friends destroy the lobby with one of your over the top pranks. I miss watching Carlos outsmart Bitters, or James cover himself in stupid orange spray (which made him look awful, may I add).
I still haven't left my room. My bedroom window is open, and the voices of children below are drifting in. At one point, your voice was one of them. I worry that your voice won't ever float through my window again John. It's been one week, and I feel like you have slipped out of my grasp forever. I fear that your face is going to fade away from my mind. I dream that you haven't forgotten my face yet either. I haven't forgotten yours.
Love, Jane
Day (16)
Dear John,
All it took was sixteen days for you to completely forget about me. The phone calls stopped five days ago, and I worried that you and the rest of the boys died in some tour bus explosion. Instead, I find your face plastered all over magazine, with some skinny blonde named Hailey. Do you love her John? I hope she loves you back, because you have lost my love forever. I guess I was nothing more than another fresh face flirt with. From the stories you told be about you days in Minnesota, James was the heartbreaker. You must be giving him a run for his money now, huh? I'm ending this letter here. I'm going down the pool, and I'm going to find a better man than you. One who won't leave me in the dust.
Love, Jane
Day (23)
Dear John,
Peter Pan and Wendy turned out fine. He was a boy who was supposed to be at least hundred years old, and she was like what, nine? Edward and Bella worked out, and he was a sparkling vampire for crying out loud! What am I supposed to be? Am I supposed to be Juliet, killing herself because she lost your love? Because you certainty aren't my Romeo. You wouldn't take poison for me any day of any month of any year. You're too busy with your new beau of the moment, Samantha. Was Hailey not good enough for you? Was I not going enough for you? I gave you all my love, and you didn't even want to give me a goodbye. And even after all that…I still have feelings for you.
Love, Jane
Day (27)
Dear John,
I still love you. I can't stop loving you. Nothing I do can make me forget about your sweet laughter, or your beautiful eyes that make me want to swim in the seas of them. Your picture is still by my bedside. I have return to the comfort of my bedroom, but with the window shut. I don't care if it becomes an oven in here. The heat reminds me of the warmth you gave me with every hug. I miss those hugs. I miss everything that made you, John. You're coming home in a few weeks. I can't wait to embrace you in my arms, like one of those cliché romantic movies. As I lie awake dreaming, I imagine how wonderful it will be to just see you again, and not on my television screen or in ink. In the flesh, watching your cheeks become red when you have a silly slip of the tongue.
And I lie here on my back; I can only hope you feel the same.
Love, Jane
Day (32)
Dear John,
I have to move on. I don't care that you are returning in ten days. I need to let go of you. I have thrown the picture of you that was at my bedside away, picture frame and all. Seeing your face on magazines with some other girl hugging you hurts me to the core. Whenever I see your face somewhere, and then the face of some girl who is so much pretty than me, it breaks my heart in two. And then at night, in the dark of my room when I write you these letters, I imagine how sweet and warm our reunion is going to be. And then I wake up the next morning, feeling revived. Then I see your face, and your new girl, and my freshly mended heart rips, breaking the stitches. I can't do this anymore John. I need to live my life, and you can't be in it anymore.
Love, Jane
Day (36)
Dear John,
I'm moving on. I had a date last night, and I must say it went well. I didn't think about you once the entire evening. And then I arrived home, collapsing into my bed. And my imagination took a hold of me, and I thought you how good it would be to feel your lips against mine when our eyes make contact for the first time in over six weeks. How good it would be to feel your soft cheek under my hand. It may not seem like I'm moving on, but I really am. For the first time in thirty two days, I didn't think about you for a few hours. I can do this. I'm like the little Engine; every day I tell myself, 'I think I can, I think I can.'
And I really think I can move on from you.
Love, Jane.
Day (40)
Dear John,
I don't think I can. I can't move on from you. My mind races with the thought of seeing you in two days. I count down the hours till you arrive back here at the Palm Woods. I haven't seen your face anywhere in the past two days, I guess because you are on your way home. Everything is going to be okay John. We are going to be okay John. You will never see these letters, and you will never know how I felt these past forty days. You will never know that I tried to move on; that I went on a date, that I tried to rid my mind of the memories of you. You will never know, and I will lie to you just so we can carry on with our way of life. We can survive John.
Like I said, 'I think I can'. And I think, we will overcome our separation for so long. I believe in us.
Love, Jane
Day (42)
Dear John,
I am sitting in the lobby, waiting for you to walk through the doors. I am beyond scared of seeing you again. If you ever found out how and what I have been doing these past six weeks, would you think I was cheating on you? Even though the phones calls stopped on the eleventh day of not seeing you, and then your face was on magazines with countless other girls, I believe you thought about me once a day. It might not have been the way I was thinking about you, but my name must have popped up in your head at some point every day, rain or shine.
I hear James shouting. You have returned. You don't see my face right now, but I see yours. Oh, look over here. No, you still don't see me. I'm not scared anymore. My love for you is making me strong. And all it took was seeing your wonderful, bright face again. I'm going to stop writing now, as you are back, and there is no need for me to carry on with these reminders of my feelings for you. I can show you in person, Logan.
Love, Camille
So, what did you all think? I figured it was time I did some Camille/Logan angst/romance. I'm not really sure there is a lot of angst in here, but there is some.
Reviews anyone?
-TheRescuer2