A/N:I don't own anything I'm not supposed to. The characters, lyrics, references, titles + anything else all belong to whomever. Please don't sue me - it is just for fun. The rest came out of my brain.

I've been toying with Tony's meltdown for a while – didn't like the Brenda storyline - so this is my version. I intended to write something light & fluffy only this is the story which emerged. Make of it what you will… Hope you enjoy.

Never been sure of the exact age difference between T&Z. And I always leave the specifics of what happened to Ziva deliberately ambiguous – fill in whatever you like.

The cases are not relevant – just a backdrop and not something I write well. No idea how those communication thingies work – I made them do what I wanted; its fanfic!

The song titles are in parenthesis, when it isn't the chapter heading. The story title is a movie quote.

Please do post a review if you have the time – I really appreciate them. Tell me what didn't work, what did or even just liked/disliked the tale.

It's the wrong time and the wrong place

Though your face is charming, it's the wrong face

Cole Porter [It's Alright With Me]

"What does 'Zee-vah' mean?"

Alice was standing at his kitchen table, checking her Blackberry. She placed her car keys on top of the brief-case. Tony paused in adjusting his cuff-links. This was an unexpected and distinctly awkward start to the day – she had even mimicked his pronunciation. Alice was a tall, stunning blonde. They had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. She was a civil lawyer, in her mid thirties; clever, elegant and even -tempered. Everything he could wish for in a girlfriend. Apart from being a little too bright and breezy in the mornings and maybe they could work on that. Alice was perfect for him.

Perfect, that is, if he overlooked her one catastrophic flaw; she wasn't an utterly gorgeous, borderline crazy, Israeli chick – with an equal aptitude for lethal logic or tumultuous irrationality – ten years his junior.

"Brilliance or brightness, I think."

Tony played outrageously dumb in not asking for elaboration of her peculiar inquiry. Whilst he tried to subdue the uncomfortable sense he'd just been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"Ah. Then what is 'Zee-vah'?"

Alice was puzzled. So far, she had found Tony affable, charming and attentive.

"Um….'s more a case of a 'who', really. Do you wanna ride in this morning?"

Despite the fact he knew the keys indicated she didn't. Alice walked over and smoothed an imaginary wrinkle in his shirt, leaning close to him.

"No thanks, I'm in court later." She was framing her cross-examination, in the same way she did professionally. "Zee-vah: that's a very unusual name."

Tony waited for what was obviously coming next.

"Who is Zee-vah?"

The query was accompanied by a collected smile to convey the innocence of her curiosity.

"Someone I work with."

Casual and unconcerned - years of fencing with the owner of the unusual name had developed his verbal athleticism into an art form. And dealing with a highly trained covert operative, on a daily basis, meant Alice's lawyerly ploy was, almost irritatingly, easy to detect.

"Who are you skewering today?" Perhaps if he showed interest in her job, she'd leave his alone.

He never told women, in the embryonic stages of a relationship, what being an NCIS agent entailed – none of them had ever heard of NCIS anyway. Tony just encouraged them to think he was an ex-cop who worked for an obscure government organization, connected to the Navy. This meant that he hadn't told any woman exactly what he did for a living for a depressingly long time.

"No-one," Alice brushed her lips against his, "pre-trial stuff for the Greville estate and property proceedings. It's all very dull."

Tony was only half invested in the kiss, expecting Alice would continue in her line of questioning. Although he held out the forlorn hope, the Fates would give him a break. Life had become mysteriously difficult to navigate recently.

"Is Zee-vah a male someone or a female someone, honey?" She was still trying to imply the harmless nature of her interest; persistence gave her away.

He abandoned evasion. Perhaps Gibbs was right about lawyers - even very attractive ones. At 5:33 a.m., Tony was ill-equipped to be performing damage control. He was barely one third of the way into his first coffee.

"Uh, a female someone." Making a conscious decision not to smile as Ziva swarmed into his mind. "She's a….she."

The description struck him as woefully inadequate. Especially since this morning Ziva would be at the Range. Also nauseatingly alert at the crack of dawn, she was maintaining and sharpening that innate, reliable accuracy of hers. She would arrive at work with flashing eyes and in an exhilarated mood. Tony realized, long ago, he shouldn't enjoy the response shooting things evoked in her quite as much as he did. Except Ziva's expertise with a firearm was an important factor in keeping her alive. It was a buffer against some of her more reckless tendencies. Not to mention it was simply part of what made her so irresistibly, temptingly Ziva. The train of thought only served to remind him that Alice wasn't Ziva. By this stage, in such a type of cat-and-mouse contest, his Ninja would be fizzing like a little Catherine Wheel or threatening pain – or both. It was what made Alice suddenly seem so insipid; lovely and agreeable but insipid.

Tony frowned. He had promised himself he wouldn't do the comparison deal anymore. He switched his attention back to Alice, putting his arms around her. She pulled away from him, picking up his badge from the table and running her fingers over it. Tony wondered if she had guessed his thoughts were not of her. He knew she was assimilating the fact Ziva was a woman.

"She's an agent too?"

"Yeah, Zee-vah's an agent." Burying the affection saying her name usually engendered. He sighed. "Why does she matter, Alice?"

He had to ask. Despite being fairly sure the reason wouldn't be a good one. If he wanted this to stand a chance, and on some level he did; he had to make an effort.

"Because you said her name in your sleep last night." Her voice had become tighter. "You've said her name in your sleep every night I've been with you."

Tony was tempted to point out they'd slept together no more than six nights – total – every made it sound a lot worse. However, it seemed as if he was testifying on the stand and Alice viewed him as a hostile witness. He tried to mollify her.

"Everyone has those dreams, don't they? You know; weird work ones or the standing-in-front-of-your-entire-college-class-naked type?"

The disarming manner and easy answer hadn't worked. She collected her case and keys with a frosty little smile.

"Oh, I have no doubt you were naked, Tony. And so was Zee-vah." Although unable to mask the resentment at Ziva's name, Alice was calm and composed in her reproach - which made him feel horribly guilty. "I'm also certain the two of you were alone, together, in your dream."

Tony flinched when the front door banged, slightly, as she left. Annoyed his first thought had been; if that were Ziva, windows would have shattered with the force of the slam. If that were Ziva, he would have gone after her, figuring out a way to fix whatever was awry between them.

The talking in his sleep was, as far as he could ascertain anyway, a new development. Although it was merely another symptom of an on-going affliction; he did dream of Ziva. Not every night and the dreams were not always sexual in nature. Sometimes they were jumbled searches or muddled conversations - kaleidoscopic images which left him feeling bereft and discontented. More problematic, for months now, he had found himself closing his eyes and thinking of Ziva during sex.

Could it be considered – technically - as being unfaithful to someone with whom he was not quite in a relationship, if he was thinking of someone else whilst screwing them? Even if that ensured they had a really good time? After all, he wasn't, actually, fucking that particular someone else in the real world – however much he wanted to. Besides, as the only woman in his life, it was only natural he thought about her – a lot. Once he was definitely in a relationship, he would stop thinking about Ziva altogether.

Tony pushed the dilemma to the back of his mind. It was way too early to be wrestling questions of ethics. Let alone the fickle concept of mental infidelity.

In any case, dwelling on the problem never provided a solution. He was a Navy cop and she was his partner. Throw in a whole boatload of other grief and it left the incontrovertible truth; a subconscious relationship was as close as he was ever going to get with her. That conclusion hurt; more than he was willing to acknowledge.