Grief

by Kris Black

Summary: A story in which Serena has to go through the grieving process after a tragic event occurs. Follow her as she goes through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Sailor Moon manga, anime or any other part of the franchise. I do not own any characters listed in this story except any of those you don't recognize. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money is being made off of the story as a whole, or in part.

AN: So guys, this is my first try with a one-shot and I hope it turned out alright. I want to enter this into a competition at an anime convention, so please give me all the feedback that you can!

Denial

Her laugh broke the silence. The scouts all turned to look at her, their faces showing their astonishment and admonishment.

"You can't be serious," Serena said simply. "No this is just a really bad and cruel joke."

"Serena, we-" Luna started.

"No!" Serena interrupted. "No. It isn't true. Please, don't lie to me. I want to see him. Take me to see Darien."

Mina let out a sob, Amy hid her face in her hands, Lita took a heavy breath and Raye shook her head sadly.

"You know we can't Serena," she answered. "You know it. You felt it."

"No, that was only a bad dream."

"It wasn't."

"It was! There is no way that this can happen. We are supposed to grow up, get married, have Rini and rule Crystal Tokyo together. Then, once we are so old we can barely walk we are going to die in each other's arms while we sleep. After all that has happened and all that we have been through he can't just die in a car crash! That isn't how it works."

Tears began streaming down her face despite her effort to control them. There was no reason for her to cry – everything that they were telling her were just horrible, horrible lies.

"Oh, Serena," Mina cried and pulled Serena into her arms, hugging her tightly as the both wept.

"I can't live without him," Serena sobbed into Mina's arms. "It just isn't possible for me to do."

Mina shook her head, her golden hair brushing with Serena's own. She recalled the Moon Kingdom where, after the kingdom and the scouts were destroyed and Endymion was murdered, Serenity took her own life with her lover's sword. The sight of Serenity piercing her own chest still haunted Mina to this day.

"You can't leave us this time, Princess," Mina whispered softly to her. "He wouldn't want that. We need you. The world needs you."

Serena began to take quick, shallow breaths which worried Mina that she may have begun hyperventilating. Serenity pulled away from Mina gently and wiped the tears from her face.

"I-I-" she stammered, looking wildly around Raye's room in the temple where they had gathered. She was trying to think of something, some quick fix that would rectify the situation so that they could get back on with their lives. "I am the wielder of the Silver Crystal. I have brought him and everyone else back before and more than once at that. I can just bring him back."

She ripped the embroidered broach from its place on her chest, heedless of it leaving a tear where it had once settled.

"You can't," Amy spoke up in little more than a whisper.

"Of course I can," Serena snapped desperately back at her meek friend.

"You know that you can't," Raye said, standing to look her friend and princess in the face. "This wasn't some dark, negative force looking to wipe out the planet or the galaxy, Serena. It was a stupid drunk driver who caused a car accident. It is a horrendous tragedy, but it was natural. The Silver Crystal won't bring him back to you this time."

Anger

Serena's face fell in despair as if all hope in the entire universe had just been lost to her. Then her eyes flashed in a quick temper and she threw the broach against the wall on the opposite side of the room. The heavy accessory that held one of the most powerful weapons in the galaxy clanged when it hit the wall, followed by the dull thump of it colliding with the floor. The silence in the room was near lethal as the reverberations of the sound struck each of the scouts. Serena stood in the center of it all, shaking in anger as tears filled her blazing blue eyes.

"I am leaving," she said finally.

Serena marched towards the door and she had her hand on the handle before Lita managed to stop her, pulling her delicate white wrist from the handle. Lita stepped in front of the door, her nearly six foot Amazonian frame towering over Serena.

"You shouldn't be alone right now, Serena. We are here for you. Let us help."

"Let me by," Serena pleaded.

"I can't."

"You can't, I can't, no one can do anything!" Serena yelled and stomped her foot in fury. "Now step aside."

Lita held firm in her place.

"That wasn't a request," Serena said.

Lita hesitated for a moment before stepping aside and letting the princess pass. She couldn't disobey a direct order. The moment that Serena felt the fresh air on her face she began running, ignoring the scouts' protests from behind. She ran the whole way back to her house without stopping. Her legs burned from exertion and her lungs protested wildly but she didn't care, she hardly even noticed. She fled to her room, slamming the door behind her. Her father was at work, her brother was at school and her mother had run some errands.

Serena screamed, she screamed louder and harder than she thought was humanly possible. She screamed at the universe, at God, at fate for doing this to her. She had given everything for the universe. She had given up any semblance of a normal life, she had given up her grades, sleep, weekends and she had given her life and the life of her friends on multiple occasions. Now, now the universe took the only thing she had ever asked for – Endymion, Darien, her prince.

Serena shook with anger the likes of which she had never felt before. Her body practically vibrated from the intensity of it. Why should she have the one thing that she cared about the most in the entire universe ripped away? She picked up the nearest thing to her – a stuffed bunny that she had received for her last birthday – and threw it at the wall as hard as she could. Finding a much-needed release, she picked up the next thing and the next. She demolished her room, throwing everything and anything she could. She tore the blankets off of her bed and threw her alarm clock on the floor causing it to sound off once in displeasure. She picked up a picture frame next and poised to smash it on her bedside table. It turned ever so slightly, allowing a glimpse of the picture tucked safely within it.

There, Darien smiled brightly back at her, his arm around her shoulders as she laughed at something he had said. A sob escaped Serena and she collapsed in the middle of the destruction, weeping.

Why was she always fated to lose her love when she was on the verge of happiness?

Bargaining

The next day was a blur. Darien had no remaining family, so it fell on Serena and the Scouts to plan his funeral. Serena was hardly in any condition to move, let alone plan who would say the eulogy at her soul mate's funeral – a funeral that should not have happened for thousands of years. Raye and Mina made most of the plans while Serena looked at her hands, playing with the promise ring that Darien had given her before he had left for America.

When the Scouts returned to the temple they all sat for a few moments in silence in Raye's bedroom, no one quite knowing what to say. Mina sat next to Serena, holding her hand tightly. As the Scout of Love, the sudden departure of Darien tore into her heart like it had been ripped from her chest. Why did her princess constantly have to lose her prince? She held on tighter to Serena, just to ensure that she was still beside her. It was one of Mina's biggest fears that this would destroy the princess, and she couldn't bear to witness it a second time.

"Raye, you have more visitors," Raye's grandfather said, startling them as they had all been lost in thought.

"You can send them in, Grandpa," Raye replied in a disheartened voice.

A few moments later, Amara, Michelle, Hotaru and Trista walked in the room.

"Princess," Amara said sadly.

Serena looked up for what seemed like the first time in hours. Her jaw quivered slightly before she launched herself into Amara's arms. Amara hugged her tightly, patting her head in a comforting motion.

"We came as soon as we heard," Michelle said sorrowfully.

Serena pulled back tearfully and smiled slightly and Michelle before bending down to Hotaru.

"Hello Hotaru."

"Hello Princess," the little girl said and curtseyed.

Serena looked over at Trista and frowned deeply. Trista bowed and Serena continued to stare at her.

"Send me back."

"I beg your pardon, Princess?"

"Send me back," Serena said. "Send me back before the accident. Let me warn him, let me save him. This isn't the way it is supposed to be. Please, I will give anything to have him back, anything."

"Princess-"

"Anything you want, Pluto. I will get you free of the Time Gate; I will give you anything in this entire universe if you just let me go back and save him."

"I can't."

"Yes you can, you are the keeper of the Time Gate. You are fully capable of sending me back."

"I can't Princess. This must have been meant to happen in this timeline, sending you back would disrupt it."

"That is the point; I want it to be disrupted. Please let me save him, Trista," Serena begged, nearly on her knees.

"I cannot and I will not, Princess." Trista replied. Her eyes filled with regret but her voice stern.

"I order you to do so!" Serena practically screamed, frantic to save Darien.

"You have no dominion over the Time Gate. You cannot order it to be opened."

"You just want him for yourself!" Serena exclaimed, surprising and startling almost everyone in the room. "What? Do you think that I didn't see how you looked at him in the Moon Kingdom? Did you think that I didn't notice in this lifetime?"

Trista looked slightly guilty.

"Princess, I would never-"

"Get out," Serena said darkly after a few moments.

"Serena!" Raye admonished, standing up.

"You heard me," Serena said to Trista, ignoring Raye, before she exploded: "Could you not have warned us that this was going to happen? Why did you let us have delusions of a future that will never happen? What about Rini, what will happen to her now? Why would you give me all that hope and then just let it get ripped away?"

"Princess, there are many different timelines-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses," Serena said fiercely. "Darien is gone. Darien. So don't go on about timelines to me, because I sincerely don't give a damn. Now get out before I have to throw you out of here. Every other Scout in this room would help me in a millisecond if it were in their power."

"Princess-" Amara interrupted, once again ignored by Serena.

"Get out!" She screamed, closing her eyes and collapsing onto her knees.

When she opened her eyes again, the Outer Scouts had left and Mina was by her side, holding her hand once more and brushing Serenity's hair gently out of her face.

Depression

An hour after Darien's funeral, Serena found herself at the entrance to his apartment building. She walked to the familiar elevator, pressed the well-worn button and waited the usual amount of time before the doors opened, showing the hallway which would lead to the door she had opened many times. She took a deep, soothing breath and stepped out of the elevator. She walked to the door of the apartment and took out her spare key. She unlocked it gently and slipped in like a thief in the night.

She shut the door as quietly as possible behind her and took her shoes off in the entryway. She left the lights off as she ventured through the apartment. The living room was immaculate, just like Darien liked it. Not one item was out of place except for the used coffee mug sitting on the coffee table. He must have left it there before heading to school.

She turned and made her way towards his bedroom. She moved slowly at first but by the time she made it to the bedroom door she had almost hit a full out run. She opened the door quickly and shut it just as swiftly behind her. She leaned her back against the door and inhaled deeply. This, this was where Darien remained. She walked over to his closet, where all of his clothes were all neatly folded or hung and ironed. She pulled out one of his t-shirts and inhaled it deeply, filling her lungs with his scent.

She undressed and put the t-shirt on, keeping the fabric close to her face and curled up into his bed, which smelled exactly like him. Here, Darien surrounded her. Here, he was with her. She looked at the picture of them that he had on his nightstand, the replica of her own. She slept well for the first night since the accident.

When the Scouts hadn't heard from Serena in a week, they were worried. In fact, Mina was frantic that something may have happened to her.

"She is probably just grieving," Lita said, trying to calm her friend. "We all are. I am sure she just wants to be by herself."

"Lita, do you know what happens when you have two lovebirds and one of them dies?" Mina asked.

"No."

"The other one dies shortly after of heartbreak." Mina replied. "I am not letting that happen to Serena, not again."

"You think she is going to kill herself?" Raye asked, incredulously.

"I didn't say that."

"What do you think we should do then?" Amy asked.

"We have to find her and I want to make sure that one of us is with her at all times," Mina said firmly. "Our duty first and foremost is the protection of the princess."

Serena was awoken by sudden, bright light. She moaned and pulled the warm comforter over her head, shielding her from the beams.

"Serena, wake up," Raye snapped and pulled the blankets off of her in one fluid motion.

"Leave me alone," Serena grumbled, curling herself into a ball in order to preserve what little warmth remained on the bed.

"Serena, have you been laying here all week?" Mina asked concerned. She sat beside Serena on the bed, gently reaching out to touch her shoulder. Serena didn't respond.

"We are worried about you," Amy said softly. "And so are your parents."

"And we are running out of excuses for your absence, Serena," Lita said as gently as she could manage.

Serena remained as she was, not moving a single muscle.

"Maybe you should go home for a day or two, just for your parents," Mina suggested.

"My home is with Darien," Serena replied hoarsely, as if she hadn't spoken the entire week. "I don't have a home anymore."

"Don't talk like that!" Raye exclaimed and forcibly pulled Serena from the bed, standing her up. "We are your home, we are your family. Serena, you have to snap out of this."

"Raye-" Mina warned.

"No!" Raye exclaimed, cutting her off. "I am through coddling her, Mina. I am not going to sit idly by while she pushes us away and destroys herself! Serena, you are going home right now."

Serena didn't respond and let Raye pull and guide her. She didn't have the energy – the drive- to do anything else. The Scouts guided her home like she was a toddler, all the while debating if someone should stay with her. A babysitter.

"It is all a part of the grief process," Amy explained. "She is depressed. Next comes the final stage – acceptance. She will start getting better."

Acceptance. Serena would never accept that her soul mate had been ripped from her, never to return. The thought was just too unbearable.

The Scouts guided Serena into her house and up the stairs to her bedroom. They stayed for awhile longer, all talking. Serena couldn't comprehend a word that came out of their mouths – as if they were speaking some foreign language. She lay down on her bed as they agreed that she would be alright with Luna there watching over her. Each took their leave, offering her their love and support.

Serena couldn't remember the last time that she had eaten and she couldn't bring herself to care. All food that her mother and Lita had brought for her remained untouched. She wasn't hungry ad couldn't force herself to eat.

Serena picked up one of her teddy bears, the one that she had bought especially because it looked like Luna P and reminded her of Rini.

Rini.

Another onset of anguish filled her up and seeped into her bones. Rini, her beautiful daughter, she would never see her again. Serena hugged the doll to her chest tightly, remembering all the times that Rini had slipped out of her own bedroom and into Serena's because she had a nightmare.

Rini's room! Serena launched the doll onto the bed and bolted out of her room – the first time since she had returned to the house other than using the bathroom. Serena ran towards the attic – which they had cleared out and converted into a room for Rini. Serena tore open the door, only to find dusty old boxes in a barely-touched attic. It was as if Rini had never existed.

Serena's breath hitched and she covered her hand with her mouth to prevent the sob that was trying to escape. Her tears welled, even though she had thought that she had no more to yield. This was the final testament that Darien was never coming back – Rini was no longer a part of her future.

Serena collapsed on the floor, wishing for death.

Acceptance

Luna had found Serena in the attic and immediately called the Scouts. Lita lifted Serena off of the dust-covered floor and carried the princess back to her bedroom.

"When will it be over?" Serena asked, anguished. "I feel as though my soul has been ripped out and my heart has bled dry."

"Hush," Mina wept. "Please don't talk like that."

Serena didn't reply. She merely looked out her bedroom window. The light of the full moon lit her face, basking it in an ethereal glow.

"I am tired," she said simply.

"Then sleep, Princess," Luna said as Lita tucked Serena into bed. "Tomorrow will be a better day."

Serena didn't wake in her own bed. She awoke in a land of golden fields. The air was fresh and clean and the sky was bluer than blue. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. Everything was positively alive.

"Elysium?" Serena whispered in awe, recognizing the beauty.

She stood, her white gown billowing around her. Why was she here?

"Serena!" Someone called out behind her in the distance. She twirled around, who could possibly be calling for her here?

"Serena!" Could it be?

The figure in the distance ran closer.

"Darien?" She called out, terrified to even be the tiniest bit hopeful. Despite that, her legs were carrying her towards him as fast as they could carry her.

When Serena was close enough to be sure that it was him, she pushed herself harder, covering the distance between them in an inhuman speed. She propelled herself into Darien's open arms, feeling secure for the first time in what felt like eternity.

"You kept me waiting," Darien said. "Why are you always late?"

Fin.

AN: Please review/leave helpful comments and tell me what you thought!