So I decided to tackle this for the sheer fun of it and see how it turns out. I have no idea why but for some reason, I've started to love Lady Deadpool more than Deadpool. I mean, she has so much potential as a character, and besides who doesn't love a strong female lead kicking ass and taking names? It's very empowering for some reason (Remember Buffy?). Well, here goes nothing! By the way: Wanda's voices are in italics and bold-italics, while hers is in the bold.

Chapter-Second best.

I have no idea how I got from where I was to where I currently am now. Irony is a cruel bitch that has conspired with her talkative yet mildly attractive sister, Fate, to pluck me from the only place that I ever knew as home. And she didn't stop there. Oh, no. She went even further. At first, the impromptu "we-need-you-to-save-the-universe" thing totally worked on me and I joined a group of similar, less attractive Deadpools that I have actually grown to like since they are really just different versions of me (which is ironic because I'm a bit self loathing.)

Anyway, some cliché-d cosmic entity hired me and the other me's to fight another cosmic entity, (why can't they get along?), in the male Deadpool's universe.

Yeah, I know—a male Deadpool. Cooties galore. But the mission surprisingly went well. Kinda sort of. We half assed it, got lucky and defeated the awareness (lame name for a villain right? I said we should call him Frank). Then, we kinda wandered around the vastness of space for a while, and did the usual, y'know—helped put the smack down on some space pirates, helped a world become financio-economically (is that a word?) aware, much to the chagrin of their very angry king. Just the usual craziness that space tourists usually get into.

And then all of a sudden, alpha malepool suddenly has to come home to his earth and take care of business. I heard him muttering something about a team up comic and uncanny x-force, whatever the hell those are. Tito, the dog and the zombie head took the ship and decided to go spend some time touring the world. Although, that was after I nagged them about staying safe and making sure I had a way to reach them in case of trouble. Arrrggghh! I can't believe I'm naggy now. Next thing you know, I'll be buying a pair of mom jeans.

For some reason, at the moment, I've found myself in one of my typical situations. I'm in a gun fight with a bunch of guys I don't know, in a city I don't know and I can't help think that this is all because I couldn't say no to the guy Deadpool's request because that's all I ever do—agree to other peoples wants cause I'm scared of disappointing people but all that's ever brought me is—

Stop that!

One of Wanda's voices echoed in her head as she ducked low behind the car that she was using as a shield, dodging a barrage of bullets as they hit the car and whizzed above her head. "Say what?"

Stop narrating the story. You should focus on what's in front of you.

I concur.

"I am focusing!" she exclaimed as she stood up to fire incessantly at her combatants, dropping the clips out of the hand guns she held when they were empty and taking cover once more after that. "I've totally got my head in the game, guys!" she affirmed, loading new clips in each gun she held.

No you're not. You don't even know who you're fighting.

I concur.

"Yes I do!" she said indignantly. "They're…they're, umm…twilight fans?"

Bank robbers.

Same difference.

"Y'know, I actually like twilight, so why am I badmouthing it? Forgive me, Rob Patterson!" she yelled as she yet again returned fire.

Pattinson.

Whatever.

I can't believe we're fighting bank robbers on a strange earth that we were sweet talked into coming to! We suck!

I concur.

Stop saying that!

Wanda shoulders visibly slumped as the bullets continuously assaulted the vehicle she sat behind. "…I know. I know. I…I don't know how to say no" she lamented.

So you'd make a horrible bank teller. And professional 'no' sayer. So what?

"And now look at us. We're fighting bank robbers in…where are we again?"

Wisconsin.

Really? Then don't say it.

Say what?

I know you want to say cheese. So don't…even though I just did.

Wanda shook her head in anguish, feeling a bit down as she considered her plight. "Yup. We really officially suck" she admitted out loud to herself, pausing for a minute before suddenly letting go of her pistols and grabbing a grenade from her belt. Pulling the pin out and throwing it backwards over her head in one fluid motion, she was still pouting when the explosion went off and she felt the force of the blast as it was accompanied by the screams of the bank robbers. "Seriously, what're we gonna do about our suckiness?" she wondered, paying no heed to the destruction that she had just created.

Now you're talking.

We need to stop sucking, pronto.

That's what she said!...as she was wearing the symbiote suit?

Hilarious. Don't you think that it's odd for a girl make those kinds of jokes? They're insensitive.

What're you, a girl?

YES!

Jumping atop the hood of the car that had protected her so far, she assumed a crouching position as she surveyed what the damage was. Across the road, the bank doors had been blown off and two of them were sprawled near the wall, at some distance away from each other. The flames of the grenade didn't affect them, but the force had. They had obviously been thrown violently to the wall because one of them was bleeding profusely underneath a tiny crater in the wall that he had probably caused. The other one wasn't so lucky; his legs had been blown off and he was half passed out from the pain, moaning abatedly.

"Whoops, this was totally my bad" she said tentatively, walking towards the bank doors slowly now. "These shrinky dinks probably stopped the alarm from going through. But after an explosion like that, cops'll probably be here in minutes"

Who was that shameless exposition for? Cuz it wasn't for us.

I like it. It's like having English subtitles for a movie that's in English.

Wanda's face scrunched up in disgust behind her mask, when she looked at the thief with the forcibly removed extremities. "Yuck. That's nas—"

The sound of gunfire interrupted her and she didn't know when she was suddenly being thrown a couple of feet onto her back. Grunting as her hands rovered over her torso, feeling numerous bullet wounds, she was surprised to see a third robber come out of the bank holding a duffel bag, the little part of his face that showed through his ski mask displaying an angry expression. "You killed Jim and Bob, you bitch!" he yelled at her, shaking his semi in her direction.

"Hey! Mouth, young man! You can't shoot me and have your teenage angst thing; that's not fair!" she croaked out, weakened by her sudden blood loss.

I bet I know what you're thinking now.

That the author is an uncreative bastard who used this exact same 'shot-by-a-bank-robber-thing' for his 'X-23, Merc with a mind' fic?

No! She's thinking about how she's always been putting other needs before hers, and how it's made her end up here.

Seriously, you're always gonna be second best to the guy version of you. People just knew him first. Even though you always existed when he did.

"So…what do you want me to do" Wanda asked, waiting as her body healed itself.

"What?" the masked gunman shouted. "Are you talking to me?"

"Shush! Talking to voices here, Rudey McRudepants. Wait your turn" she admonished, making the goon look at her like she was insane. "So voices, continue…?"

You need to step out from Deadpool's Shadow. It's time for Lady Deadpool to shine.

Yeah, I mean, you're currently in a recycled scene from that 'Merc with a mind' fic. You're always getting Deadpool's seconds.

It's time to do what you want. Not what anyone else wants.

"Wow. You guys are actually agreeing with each other. You're serious"

"What the f#$ are you talking about, lady?" the thug screamed, pointing the gun even closer at her. "And how are you still alive?"

"Wait, you're still here?" she asked, slowly attempting to get to her feet. "Y'know, people who rob banks usually run afterward. Wasamatter, you haven't figured out that part yet?"

"Oh, you bet I have. I'm using you as a hostage" he revealed, keeping the gun trained on her head, as she stood straight once again. As if on cue, the sirens of police cars blared throughout the area, signaling their approach. Wanda decided to play it even safer and put up her hands as the guy aimed his weapon straight at her. "Okay, maybe you should ease up a bit. Let me guess, you're doing this for a girl, right?"

"Shut up!"

"Well, that answered that question. Watch the shooty thing, Tex!" she warned, when she saw her captor get a little shaky and nervous with his firepower. "But shooting my face won't do you any good. Things already fugly as uck"

Actually, you do know that you're gorgeous now, right? The awareness thing accidentally fixed it.

Seriously, she forgets every two seconds. Don't bother to tell her.

"Oh, right…I should get that checked."

"Who the hell are you talking to? Huh? The police?" the robber questioned, panicking.

"What? I could never afford one of those ear talkie things, seriously. Hey, are you expecting someone?"

"No, why?" he asked, suspicious that she was up to something. Before she could respond with another one of her quips, a dark blue flash descended on him rapidly, knocking him out. Quickly getting up the figure took a somewhat defensive stance against Wanda. "Hey…you're the female version of that Deadpool guy" the costume clad teenage girl with long brown hair realized.

See? No respect.

You sound like Jabberjaw.

"And you're Spider-Girl. Not the MC2 version, otherwise known as fan favorite May 'Mayday' Parker, but the…other one."

Spider-Girl slowly started to see that there was no need to defend herself. "Huh. I didn't understand a word you said."

"You're like my X-23 in this fic!...You are reading that 'Merc with a mind' garbage, aren't you?"

"More words I don't understand. Uh oh" Anya said, seeing cop cars pull up in front of the bank with numerous cops getting out and pointing their weapons at them. "Uh, we gotta go" she announced, grabbing Wanda by the waist and using her web-grapple to pull them both to safety atop the bank building, luckily not getting hit by the police gunfire. "WAHHOOOOOO!" Wanda screamed, as they landed, and unfortunately she did so hitting her butt hard on the rooftop. "Ow! Other than that questionable landing, that was awesome! Let's do it again!"

"Okay" Anya said to herself as she stood arms akimbo looking at Wanda "she's completely insane. Just like how people say that Deadpool guy is." She watched the mercenary get up while unceremoniously rubbing her butt. "So, umm…were you robbing the bank or stopping those guys from doing so?"

"Uhhh, whichever one gets me in the least trouble" she replied, causing Spider-Girl to shake her head into her hand. "So, you were stopping it, right?"

"Yeah, I was. Crime fighting is empowering to chicks like us."

Please, just don't weird her out with your strange beliefs.

"…So, sweetie…are you ready for the incoming alien invasion and the rapture thing that comes before that?"

"…Ooookayyyy…I'm just gonna go now" Anya muttered, turning to jump of the building and swing away. Before she could, however, Wanda held her back with a hand on her shoulder. "Wait! If your Spider-Girl, then what're you doing in Wisconsin?"

"This is New York" Anya deadpanned.

My bad.

Are you sure you're not a boy voice? Only they could be so bad with the directions and the 'where are we now' stuff.

"Whoops. New York, huh?" she wondered out loud. "That's pretty sweet"

"Yeah, I guess…so, uh, what're you here to do anyway?"

Wanda's hand nervously shot up to the back of her head. "Well, this is gonna sound corny but I guess that…I'm here to find myself. To find out where I belong, to make myself happy for a change"

"Oh. That sounds…nice, actually. I hope you have luck with that. This city's insane"

"Even better. Thanks, Squirrel Girl—"

"Spider-Girl"

"Jubillee. I hope I get lucky too" Shaking her head yet again in disbelief at how awkward the crimson comedienne was, Anya turned and took off, leaving Wanda standing alone. "So…?"

We go do what you want.

"And it could be anything?"

Anything. Except…y'know.

"Hmm. So apart from kidnapping Steve Rogers and making him tell me I'm pretty over and over, what else can a girl do?"

You shouldn't say everything out loud, y'know. You're in a fic. People can read it.

"Can they read…this?" Wanda asked, holding up her hand to the sky and making an obscene gesture.

No, but they can imagine. It's part of the freakin motto of the site!

Wanda stood with her head propped up at her chin by her hand and thought in depth about what she wanted to do. "…I've got it!" she finally proclaimed, after several minutes.

What? What do you wanna do.

"…I wanna join the Avengers!"

Seriously?

"Yeah!" she said, as she started pacing back and forth. "I mean, back in our universe, the Avengers broke up early because of the whole registration thing and Cap became a huge tool not long after, so…I've always thought that I would make a great part of the World's premiere super-hero team. I know I have the chops to pull it off"

…That…is not so bad, really. Let's go to the Avengers then!

I wish we could walk away from this place in slow motion with an explosion behind us. That would make it special.

With the 'Buffy' theme song playing. That would make it special-er!

"Avengers, here I come!" Lady Deadpool declared as she…what is this?

"Say it, author guy!"

Fine! As she…as she walked in slow motion to the Buffy theme song with a gigantic explosion behind her. There. Are you happy now?

"Very, author guy. Very" she confessed as she leapt to the building close by and kept going, determined to finally do what she wanted.

…The author guy sounds kinda cute.

Don't date people you work with. Trust me.

The End?

Well, there it is! Only in a Deadpool…I mean Lady Deadpool fic—can I flirt with a voice. How awesome is that? See you next time on "Second Best" when we get this bad boy rollin' and our Heroine (in more ways than one), Wanda, struts her stuff for the Avengers!...I'm just kidding. It's totally a one-shot. Thanks for reading, though!