Title: Consequnces.
Pairing: Lisa/Deanna, past Deanna/Castiel.
Spoilers: Up to the end of season 6.
Words: Too many. Way too many.
Warnings: Mentions main character death. The C word. OCs. Homosexuality of the lesbian kind. Violence. WIP. Mentions of non-con and torture. A tragic lack of Cas in the first few chapters.
Summary: Always-a-girl!Dean. As Deanna Winchester gives birth, history tries to repeat itself. AU series 6. Shockingly long fic. Lisa/Deanna, Castiel/Deanna.

Am I ever going to be able to stop re-writing this dreadfully rough start? Probably not.

The Winchester family had an unbearably long history of screw ups, mistakes, and soul destroying tragedy-sometimes literally. Life had never been kind to those unfortunate bastards bearing the name Winchester.

Deanna Winchester honestly wondered why she'd dared hope things would change just because she and her (deceased) brother managed to shove Lucifer with more than a little help from an (ex-lover) Angel of the Lord. Christ, her life was weird.

And the two pink lines seemed to be mocking her, which didn't help. Deanna pressed her forehead into her fist, pregnancy test dangling from her other hand. Castiel. Fuck. She was going to have to tell him. And Lisa. And Ben. She wanted to keep it. The baby. Her baby. Cas' baby. Sam's niece, and her father's grandchild. Deanna was too family-minded for that not to matter.

The amount of guys she's screwed over the years, and she gets knocked up by the one Deanna actually gave a damn about. That was just shitty luck.

She was nervous, which was fucking crazy, because since when does Deanna Winchester get nervous about anything? She got freaked out, and sometimes terrified, but never fucking nervous.

"Come on, Dee. Just 'cause we haven't got balls, doesn't mean we can be a pussy about this," Deanna sneered to herself, fishing her phone out of her jean pocket.

She scrolled down in a hurry, and pressed dial before she could think about it. It went through to voice mail. She left a brief message, and shoved her phone back into her pocket.

Almost instantly, Deanna considered calling again, taking the cowards way out by telling him that, oh, those jokes about the condom splitting from enhanced angel-strength? Yeah, not so funny now, huh?

Someone knocked on the bathroom door before Deanna could grab something and break it in outrage.

"Deanna?" Lisa's concerned voice called softly, causing an unpleasant wrench in Deanna's gut.

Guilt was a regular emotion in her relationship with Lisa; mostly because a month after the flaming shit ball that was her break up with Cas, she'd hooked up with an ex per her baby brother's request. She tried not to feel too angry about that, because Cas had left for a reason, to go back home, not because he'd gotten bored of her or whatever. But, it fucking hurt, worse than Cassie. Nothing compared to losing Sam, but even Hell couldn't compare to that.

But, still. Cas left. So she went to Lisa. And now she was pregnant.

"Hey, Lise? Could you, uh, come in here for a sec?"

Lisa opened the door without hesitation, slipping in. Her concerned expression froze when she caught sight of the pregnancy test in Deanna's hands.

"There was this dude before you..." Deanna said, trailing her explanation off in favour of a wince. She felt like the biggest douche-bag in the planet, worse than fucking Zachariah. She deserved to be shot, with her own gun. Dragged out of Lisa's house, and shot.

Lisa looked at the other pregnancy tests, all five of them, and closed her eyes slowly.

"I should go."

"No," Lisa's eyes flew open. Deanna was startled. She knew Lisa cared about her enough to welcome her with open arms, take her moods in a stride, and tolerate her weapons (some habits die really, really hard) as long as Ben couldn't find them, but the firmness in her voice could rival Cas' whenever she mocked God.

She should really stop comparing Lisa to her ex, but it was probably better then that one time she mentally compared her to Sam, and ended up throwing up. Or that could have been morning sickness. Morning sickness.

If Cas didn't kill her, she might have to kill him.

"No," Lisa repeated. She kneeled, and placed her hands on Deanna's knees."I want you to stay. We can raise this baby together," Lisa paused, and, God, she really didn't deserve this woman."If you want to keep it."

Deanna felt like someone had just dropped a fucking house on top of her. Abortion. Holy shit. She had to be the dumbest person alive. Why hadn't she thought of that? It hadn't even occurred to her as an option. Would it even work on the bab-whatever she was carrying?

Hell, did she even want rid of it? Deanna had never really thought about having children. Snotty nosed brats, stretch marks, and vulnerability. It would have been a miracle not to lose the baby within minutes if she was still a hunter, and honestly, she was surprised she hadn't already. This was actually the perfect time to have a child.

If she wanted too.

Her life was so boring that she wanted to scream sometimes. She hadn't seen a demon in months. This was the first time in her life that she can honestly remember not having bruised knuckles- at the very least. Lisa had raised a baby before. She would know what to do, if she was serious about doing this together. Her mom had been able to let the hunting world go, and raise a family.

Deanna imagined it briefly; a baby, a daughter or a son, a mix of her and Cas. She hoped the kid would have Ca- Jimmy Novak's blue eyes. Between them both, the kid would be beating them off with a stick!

"I want to keep it," Deanna said with an unintentionally hard edge in her voice.

Deanna sat on the hood of her car, her legs crossed, eyes up to the stars. Lisa was asleep in the house, and so was Ben. She liked to sit out here sometimes, protected by a ring of salt, and heavily armed. It was quiet, and dark. She let her hunter's senses run wild, listening obsessively for noises. It kept her mind at ease.

There was the smallest sound of feet planting in the grass, and Deanna rolled smoothly off of the hood, whipping out her gun, and fired.

"Ow!" a slightly nasally voiced whined. It was familiar enough to stall her next shot. "That almost hurt, Dee-Dee!" Suddenly, he was standing in front of her, looking down."You shouldn't be laying in the dirt like that. Not in your condition." He grinned down at her, offering a hand.

"You know. Wonderful." Deanna glared up at him, and shot him in the crotch before he could vanish her gun. He barely winced, but it made her feel better."I'd say Gabriel, but he's dead."

"Reflexes haven't dulled," he noted with a theatrical grunt, and unflinching grin."And, really, Dee? Not even family can keep a good Archangel down." Despite his cocky words, a shadow passed over his eyes.

Deanna eyed him carefully. She tensed, before slowly relaxing. For now, she'd believe he was who he said he was. "You guys really are the masters of evasiveness, aren't you?" Deanna pointedly adjusted her gun, keeping it aimed on his crotch. "What the hell do you want?"

Gabriel beamed, opening his arms, and his eyes moved down, resting on Deanna's flat stomach."I'm going to be the cool uncle, of course! I can't do that without fetching my darling little n-"

"Don't," Deanna said."I don't want to know yet." She paused, curious. "You can tell?"

Gabriel shrugged, and smirked down at her stomach, kneeling. "Yes. I can feel...it right now." He placed a hand to her stomach, and received a boot to the face.

Deanna clutched her leg with one hand, and hopped backwards, cursing.

"What was that for?" She turned to the sound of his voice, aiming the gun again. He almost looked disappointed."You know that's not gonna hurt me, Dee-Dee."

"I don't want you anywhere near my kid," Deanna spat.

Surprise splashed across his face, follower by anger. Gabriel's eyes narrowed, and he stepped forward. "What?"

"I don't trust you," Deanna said bluntly. "You could be Gabriel, or you could be someone else, and until I've had the baby, you aren't coming anywhere near us."

"Motherly protective instincts," he sneered. The anger drained from his vessel's face. "And after the kid's born?"

"If I think you are who you say you are, you can play the doting uncle."

Gabriel eyed her for a moment. " Alright." Suddenly, his eyes narrowed. "Have you told little brother?"

Deanna shook her head, soothed by his agreement, slowly lowering the gun to point at the ground."I called."

"He won't be able-" his earnest response cut off, and he stared upwards briefly.

"Won't be able?" she demanded.

"Don't be too hard on him, huh?" Gabriel winked at her."A girl like you could eat my brother alive," he paused, and looked at her stomach again, grinning. "Hell, you probably already have." He lifted his hand in a wave."I'll see ya in nine months, princess."

"Princess," she repeated in disbelief. Deanna stood outside a few moments longer, and turned his words over. Gabriel was (probably) still alive. She shouldn't be so hard on Cas, and their baby would have an uncle. A crazy, archangel uncle.

"Poor kid," Deanna shook her head,"You never stood a chance."

Some of the fear building up under her skin had been eased. Cas was alive, at least. Deanna turned, and began walking back to the house, tucking the gun back into her waistband. The back door opened before she could pull out her keys; it was Ben, holding one of her sawn off shotgun, pointing it at her.

He lowered it as soon as he saw her, looking sheepish.

"Where the hell did you find my shotgun?" Deanna asked, and pulled it out of his hands, checking it over quickly. Ben stepped back, and she stepped into the house, locking the door behind her.

She had considered teaching Ben how to fire a gun once, but decided to make the house a fortress against any supernatural threats before teaching a temperamental kid how to use a gun. It was a haunting waiting to happen. It was one of the many times she'd longed for Bobby in the weeks since she'd left his house.

She'd been pregnant then, unknowingly. The knowledge rattled her slightly.

"It wasn't exactly subtle," Ben murmured, crossing his arms over his chest, and giving her a bitchface Sammy would have been proud of. It made her chest ache, but Deanna was getting good at ignoring that.

Deanna touched his hair briefly, and pushed him towards the kitchen."Couldn't sleep?" Deanna asked when they were sitting down.

Ben shrugged, looking away."What's it like having a younger..."

Deanna had flinched, halting Ben's question. He stared at her strangely. She looked away this time, and screwed her eyes shut.

"Why were you out there?"

Deanna threw herself on the change of subject, and looked back at him."I missed my baby." She paused at his expression."My car."

Ben grinned."You do have a really nice car."

Deanna grinned back in delight. "You know maybe I'll teach you how to fix her someday..."

Somehow Ben's grin managed to widen. "Really?"

"Sure. Why not?"

The next seven months passed by slowly. She had vague memories of Sam as a baby. She'd practically raised him when they were younger, so she wasn't too worried about that. But Lisa helped with everything; baby clothes, doubts, mood swings, cravings, random aches that disappeared way too quickly to be entirely normal. The sex was different. Deanna woke up, wishing to see another pair of blue eyes a little less.

She called Cas often, sometimes I love you slipped out, and she hated herself for it only slightly more than she did for continuing to call him when he never picked up, or called back. But she kept him updated by voice mail, even when she was sick with rage, or dizzy with concern. It felt like the right thing to do.

It figured; the first time she told him...that was over the phone in an embarrassingly emotional fit.

Sometimes she talked about Sam, sometimes she talked about her and Lisa, getting a small shock of something like shame whenever she mentioned the other woman, and Ben. She found herself telling his voice mail more than she told Lisa, and, in true Winchester fashion, Deanna refused to think about. She took a fuzzy picture of the scan, and texted it to him. She told him when the baby kicked.

It reminded her of trying to pin her dad down, constant voice mails, and fucking disappointment.

Deanna kept Gabriel's visit to herself. She thought about it a lot, whenever the horrifying thought that maybe Cas was dead entered her mind. He couldn't contact her. It wasn't that he didn't want to.

Ben had always wanted a sibling. He was so excited that Deanna didn't have the heart to warn him about the heartbreaking perils of being an older sibling, of loving someone so much that your entire being screamed with it, of mourning them before they were even dead, of throwing everything up in the air to make them happy when they aren't around. The projecting was obvious enough that even she saw it. Things would be different for Ben and her kid.

Ben was happy, and had discovered an unfortunate talent in photography, snapping photos of everything. Lisa said she was happy, but there was a strange edge to her smile as Deanna grew bigger. Deanna mourned her hotness, and abused the treadmill.

Somehow things...worked.

Childbirth was a breeze compared to hell. Deanna would have laughed her way through it, but she didn't relish the questions it would provoke. And that was why, she gave birth at Lisa's. Hellish visions of a literally blinding light shining out of her vagina kept her up at night.

If she was going to give birth to a Nephilim (and it felt like she was pushing a fucking giant out), she didn't want people nearby. The baby wouldn't be safe in a hospital. Fuck. She almost wished she hadn't told Gabriel to take a hike, it could have gotten her a few extra hours asleep. Or less.

As more pain erupted like lava over her lower half, Deanna re-thought the word breeze. It felt like someone was wrenching her cunt open with a car jack, while someone else went to town on her lower back.

"Fuck!" Her head jerked back so fast, she narrowly avoided a concussion on the wooden floors. Her face screwed up, and she pushed on instinct.

She was never going to have sex with Lisa again. This must be one of the things that no couple ever survived, and they weren't all that strong in the first place; her fault. Things would be so much better if Deanna was capable of connecting with a normal person.

"Motherfucker..." Deanna growled, gritting her teeth. Another wave of pain swallowed her whole, leaving her gasping, panting through it."Son of a bitch..."she said, as she pulled a face."Maybe literally."

She was so glad Ben was at school. Sex Ed was bad enough, but watching something come out of her vagina would probably put him off woman for life.

"Almost there," Lisa soothed, her gloved grip bruising on Deanna's legs, peering...up. Her voice trembled lightly with panic.

She sent an 'accidental' kick out at Lisa with a cry of pain, sending her staggering back into the sofa. It wouldn't bruise, just keep Lisa from going blind if the baby took after daddy. There were several towels, and a bed sheet at the end of her birth canal, softening the...landing.

A long scream ripped itself from Deanna's throat, interrupting her cursing pants, and she pushed on instinct. Shit! Shouldn't she guide something somewhere? She couldn't remember. There was sweat and goo, and...

Something...came out, slowly and slickly, turning. Her womb contracted repeatedly before stopping, and Deanna started swearing again. She needed a shower. She needed a fucking beer! Screw the slippery slope Sam had often mentioned when he was still...She needed a rewind, or something. She needed Sam and Cas and Bobby and her dad. Her mom would have been nice, too, but even in her wildest dreams, Deanna couldn't imagine that.

And then it cried: a wet sounding sob. The baby cried, and something inside of Deanna jumped up. Her body tried to follow suit, only to be stopped by a wave of shuddering pain from her second favourite body part, followed by a light tugging.

"Shh," Lisa hissed in pain, rubbing her jaw violently. With the other hand, she hurried to jot down the date and time. She lurched to the floor mere seconds later, checking on the baby. There was a small, relieved sound moments later.

"Sorry," Deanna rasped. "Okay?" In her rush to save Lisa's eyes, had she hurt the baby? She might just have to kill herself if she had.

Lisa smiled tightly at her from between her knees. "I got a doctor with Ben. I bet I didn't have your kick through. And we're both fine."

Deanna cringed. Lisa patted her bare knee. The warm summer breeze swept through the open window. Deanna's eyes flickered down, trying to see her baby. Would the baby be cold?

The baby let out a soft, unhappy whine when Lisa scooped it up.

She smiled down at the baby, wrapping it up in a clean towel. "A girl," she murmured. Deanna's heart gave a violent spasm in her chest, and her eyes burned...in pain. A girl. A daughter. Huh. "She's beautiful."

Lisa carefully passed her to Deanna, cord attached. The baby gave a gentle cry, cooing nonsense. Deanna cradled her delicately, and looked. She had gotten her wish. Her baby had Castiel's electric blue eyes. Her head was damp and bloody, so she wasn't sure what colour her hair would be.

Deanna hurt with how much she loved her; nothing could prepare her for this. Her baby was beautiful, and lovely, and oh, God. She was crying, actually fucking crying. She was more of a baby then the newborn, but fuck. She loved her down to her tiny, tiny toenails. Deanna kissed her lightly, barely daring to touch her with her rough, killers' hands.

How could such a thing be part of her? With everything, she had done; in hell, and on Earth. Cas. Their baby was like Cas. Too perfect, too wonderful, too beautiful for Earth. An angel. Her daughter was a freakin' angel. Literally.

Deanna stared at her daughter's sleepy face, listening on edge for every tiny sound she made. Her sweat soaked hair hanging over her face, unable to hide lovesick green eyes. Lisa's hand brushed her face gently, and she still couldn't look away. She was probably beginning to look like Cas with all of the deranged staring, but she didn't give a damn.

"What are you going to call her?" Lisa asked softly, placing another towel over the baby's body, wrapping a blanket around Deanna.

Deanna didn't hesitate. There was no other name for her. "Mary."

"After your mother?" Lisa probed carefully. She stood up, and closed the window, sitting back beside her, pulling another blanket around them.

"After Mom," she agreed. Mary's gooey cheek left a trail of slime against her shoulder, marking the loose shirt she wore.

Lisa's fingers tangled lightly in her hair, looking down at the baby. Some part of her wanted to hide Mary away from Lisa's eyes, but Deanna stilled the impulse.

"Mary...Ellen Winchester." If it was good enough for the Harry Potter books Sammy loved so much, it was good enough for her. Hadn't the main character named his kids after the dead?

Mary squirmed in her arms, a soft sound escaping her mouth, her head lolling back into Deanna's shoulder; left shoulder, his handprint. Deanna kissed her daughter briefly, resting her cheek against her forehead.

"I think she's hungry," Lisa said when Mary let out another soft sound.

"Oh." Deanna said, looking at her daughter uncertainly. "How do I-"

Lisa gave her a quick run through on what to do, helping her out of her t-shirt. It was probably one of the most awkward conversations Deanna's ever had, including Bobby and her dad trying to explain why there was blood coming from her 'special' place, and giving Sammy the talk; about demons, and sex - when he caught her with one of her classmates.

Soon, Lisa disappeared to phone the hospital. Mary suckled hungrily, and she grimaced at the new feeling. Deanna grabbed her mobile to distract herself, flipping tiredly through the numbers, and dialed the far too familiar number.

"A girl. Mary Ellen Winchester. She's fucking beautiful... and really hungry. She gets that from me, but she has...your eyes. I don't know where the hell you are, or if you're even still 'alive'." Deanna hesitated."Goddamnit. You should be here," her voice came out unwillingly soft towards the end, and she hung up before she can say more.

Deanna can admit she cared about him a helluva lot, she can also admit she was pissed as hell with him for it all. Never calling back, leaving her after being so...

In the never-gonna-happen-future, Cas had been so desperate for her, thorough that drugged haze. She kinda thought he always would be, and maybe she's not as okay with that as she thought. She respected duty. She respected him for going back to pick up the pieces, understood even. Heaven is his Sammy, and she can deal with that, but not with him completely cutting her out.

The phone was already back on the table when Lisa re-entered the room, and sat down beside her.

"They're sending someone. They should be here soon. Are you cold?" Lisa relaxed when Deanna shook her head. She was wrapped in a cocoon of covers with her girl. A bone deep tiredness weighed on her, but she hadn't felt so good since way before hell.

"A girl," Deanna said quietly, and grinned.

Lisa smiled faintly."Ben will be happy."

"Are you?"

"Yes," Lisa said, and it almost looked genuine. She leaned over, and kissed her, slow and searching. Mary whined unhappily, forcing her to break the kiss to hush her gently.

"Do you know any songs?" Deanna asked.

Her dad had been too busy to sing, and Sammy had preferred stories with happy endings. But it isn't entirely about that. Deanna may love Cas and Sammy too much to be completely sane, but she cared about Lisa too, to a weaker extent but there would be time to expand on that.

She wanted to see her smile, and smile she did.

"Rock-a-by baby..."

"Deanna," someone poked her spine."Deanna," someone poked her ribs."Deanna," her arm.

"Chinese burn..." she slurred sleepily.

The poking stopped."What?"

"Gonna give you a Chinese burn," she said, and rolled over, grimacing in discomfort at the burn between her legs. Reluctantly opening her eyes, she blinked a handful of times, clearing the unwelcome fuzz away.

Ben stared at her, a crayon in one hand, using her thigh as a makeshift table. She was numb enough not to feel it. His camera was beside him.

Deanna mustered up a warning glare.

Ben looked completely unintimidated.

Deanna wasn't surprised. She probably looked like death nobody bothered to warm over. She rolled her eyes at him, and nodded at the picture.

"What're you doing, small child?"

Ben looked annoyed."You sound like a pirate."

"Pirates sound nothing like that."

Ben opened his mouth to argue, and then stopped, staring at her."Really?"

Deanna nodded sluggishly."Me an' Sammy fought a pirate ghost, was killing sea men. Semen." She laughed slightly, because, drugs or not, Winchester's don't giggle like girls, even if they are one. "I wonder if Mary's gonna be anything like he was...as a baby..."

She shifted, kicking off the blankets, stretching slightly. The small of her back arching off the bed, legs straight, with muscles tensing and relaxing. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Ben watching her legs.

"Seriously?" Deanna blurted. Ben's eyes flickered back to her, sheepishly. "I'm your mom's girlfriend. And you're 10."

Ben shrugged wordlessly."Didn't you ever check out your dad's girlfriends?"

"Umm, no." She squinted at him."He didn't have any- publicly. He knocked up this nurse." She paused. "Even Iwouldn't have looked when she'd just popped out a kid."

That was a lie. She would have. Legs were always sexy, even if they were attached to a pregnant woman. Formerly pregnant. Whatever.

Ben grinned, as if reading her mind, and Deanna pushed down an uncomfortable pressure in her throat. Fucking Cas. Son of a bitch. She was easier to set off then a car alarm.

Deanna glanced around the room."Where's Mary, anyway?"

"In with the rest of the...spawn." Ben said, and laughed to himself.

Deanna narrowed her eyes at that, recognizing the look. Lucas Thompson had worn the exact same look when she had punched his annoying cousin's front teeth out on his sixth birthday. "What's so funny?"

"You were pretty out of it when they tried to take Mary," Ben laughed loudly at the memory."You punched a doctor out. He was, like, five times your size. "

Deanna shifted, grimacing uncomfortably. Her knuckles were bruised. The first time in four months. She'd started showing pretty late, around the fifth month, and people thought a girl working at a music store was a slut. Usually, they'd be right, but there was a baby on board that train, damnit.

And she was in a relationship, of course.

"I drew a picture of it," Ben added, and pushed it towards her. "Watching you beat up people when you're pregnant never stops being funny."

Her life was shockingly demon-free, but not of random asses that needed to be taken down a peg.

Deanna took a look, and grinned loosely."I look like the Hulk."

Ben returned her grin."More like Buffy."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not that blonde." Deanna paused."Or short."

"You're almost six feet," Ben agreed, and hesitated.

"Something on your mind, mini me?" Deanna gave him a curious look.

"Should I call you Mom now?" he asked finally, watching her with quietly curious eyes.

Deanna's heart jumped, and her mouth shut down. Sarcastic comments rose to her lips when she faced demons and angels, when she stared at Michael through her father's eyes, when Sammy begged her to kill him, and Cas kissed her goodbye, but as Ben looked at her, and waited; nothing came.

"Only..." Wariness stilled her tongue, as she sank deep into the shark infested waters dubbed 'normality'. It was unbelievably screwed up that she'd rather face another pissed off archangel than answer the kid's question'."Only if you want to."

Ben nodded.

Deanna cleared her throat, uncomfortably. "Do you know if I can move, or what?"

"No," he stood up. "I'll find...someone."

"Hey, Ben." She called before he could leave. He stopped, and turned back to face her, looking curious."Where's your mom?"

He smirked."Apologizing to the doctor."

Deanna's lips twitched.

Ben returned a few moments later with a young, chubby nurse.

"Your son said you wanted to move," she said somewhat awkwardly.

A quick glance at Ben convinced her not to correct the nurse. Deanna pushed herself up with her arms. "Yeah."

"Well," the nurse hesitated. Deanna flashed her a smile; wide, slightly pleading, and charming. The girl blushed hotly."I suppose-I could bring your daughter here, Miss Winchester?"

Deanna shook her head."I'd rather go to her," she feigned hesitation."If that's okay?"

Deanna wanted to see her daughter, she'd fucking crawl there if she had to. If she could move, it was going to happen.

"I suppose..." The nurse moved across the room, and nervously checked the IV attached to her hand."I'm sorry. I don't think you can move with this-what are you doing?"

"Pulling my IV out," Deanna said absently, wincing as she did so. She looked at the shocked nurse."This thing have a back? I'm not going to flash people when I get up?"

Ben snickered, and pulled a bag off of the floor, digging through it, and pulling out a pair of Deanna's sweat pants.

"Thanks, buddy."

"Miss Winchester-"The nurse tired. Her eyes were wide, and her face was slack with shock.

"Call me Deanna," she said, and slipped out of bed. There was a sore throb between her legs. Ben helped her stay steady as she pulled the sweat pants on.

Deanna looked down at herself, and pulled a face. "Gross. I'm wearing a dress."

"It's a hospital gown." Ben said. "And pants."

"Still a dress." She rubbed her legs, snagging a tissue to dab at the back of her bloody hand. She tossed it into the trashcan across the room.

"Score," Ben murmured. Deanna leaned on him slightly, her hand pressed against his shoulder. He gripped her elbow, and they started walking.

"But-" The nurse stuttered as they left.

Ben was still snickering when they reached the right ward. They passed by the gawking fathers who hadn't quite worked up the nerve to go in yet, and stepped into the room. A black nurse tried to stop them.

"You should be resting," she said. She was tall and pretty with great skin. The charming smile slid to Deanna's lips a little easier then with the other nurse. She could see Ben taking stock of the other woman.

"Listen," she peered down at the woman's breast, "Amelia. I pushed one of these kids out of me like four hours ago, and I've barely been able to lay eyes on my daughter since."

Amelia looked concerned."Surely you're tired?" Shouldn't you be drugged went unsaid.

Deanna shrugged."I staggered all of this way to see her," she gave her a wide-eyed, innocently hopeful look. "Please?"

"Well," Ameila said, looking torn until Ben joined in on the puppy eyes."Okay, but only for a little while."

Deanna couldn't help but grin, nodding eagerly. Something in Amelia's face softened.

"Promise me you'll go back to your room after?"

"Pinkie swear."

Amelia smiled slightly."What's your daughter's name?"

Deanna kept smiling, and reminded herself that this woman was a nurse, and a name couldn't hurt her kid. "Mary Winchester."

"Oh," Ameila said, something sparked in her eyes. "She's yours?"

Deanna raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Yeah. She's mine. Why?"

Amelia lead the two of them through the tiny baby cots, and besotted fathers. Deanna wondered if Jimmy had ever stared down at his daughter, Claire, like that. She was willing to bet her other baby he had.

"I shouldn't be saying this," she murmured quietly to them, "but she has the loveliest eyes."

The woman glanced into Deanna's green eyes, and held her gaze, biting her lip slightly. Deanna's eyes moved down to the woman's lips. They looked soft. Her eyelids lowered slightly, and the corners of her lips quirked upwards, a familiar flirtation pressing down upon her. The woman looked shyly away. Cas never had, but Deanna wasn't sure if that was out of boldness or social awkwardness.

Cas. Shit, Lisa.

Abruptly, Deanna looked away, her eyes meeting Mary's. She relaxed completely, tense muscles unwinding, a loving veil sliding over her hard green eyes. If Deanna didn't know it was impossible, she would have sworn the kid smiled up at her.

Ben's grip on her arm tightened as he peered down at his new sibling, a look of wonder on his face. Mary gazed back at them both, blue eyes sparkling in a way that almost looked curious.

"She does, doesn't she," Deanna agreed, her voice coming out slightly wispy. She bent over, pushing her loose curls behind her ear, a grin tugging at her lips.

Ben tugged at her sleeve."How the hell did you push her out of you?"

"Well. It wasn't easy, sweetheart."

"Is she your first child?" Amelia asked, somewhat puzzled. She was hovering uncertainly. Deanna's eyes flashed to the other woman briefly.

"Yeah. She is."

"You and your..." her gaze flickered down to Deanna's hands, settling on her bare ring finger.

"Girlfriend," Deanna filled the gap in, and straightened up."I don't know about Lisa, but I'm very pleased."

Amelia nodded, looking somewhat disappointed. "Of course." Her gaze fluttered to Mary briefly, and Deanna resisted the urge to step in front of the newborn.

She was on edge, and very protective. The ache between her legs didn't help matters. Nobody wanted to be around a protective Deanna Winchester, let alone one in pain. There was a reason Walt and his buddy shot her seconds after Sammy almost two years ago.

"I'll give you a few minutes," Amelia murmured, and began to walk away.

"Wait," Deanna said."Can I hold her?" she asked, gesturing to Mary.

Amelia turned back, shaking her head to herself. She looked slightly distracted."Yes. Sorry. Of course-quickly." She hurried back, and passed Mary to her.

Deanna sucked in a slow breath as panic beat against her ribs. She carefully positioned Mary in her arms, fucking terrified of dropping her. Her daughter cooed up at her, big eyes and gummy mouth. She was lighter then Deanna would have thought, considering how much shit she ended up craving while pregnant. Her hair was light and fine, blonde like hers had been as a kid. And Sammy's.

Ben balanced on his tiptoes, clutching Deanna's shirt in order to peer at the baby. Deanna crouched slightly to give him a better view.

All was quiet for a long moment, and then Ben said exactly what danced around the back of Deanna's mind. "Strange hat."

Deanna laughed slightly, giddily. It'd been years since she'd felt so good...back when her family had been, well, a family.

"She needs to go back in now," Amelia said, snorting slightly. Deanna ducked down, and gently laid Mary back into the cot, brushing her lips against the very top of the baby's head as lightly as she could.

Deanna forced herself to step back.

"She's okay?" Deanna found herself asking.

Amelia smiled at her. "A perfectly healthy baby girl." There was some amazement in the woman's expression."I heard you gave birth at home. That must have hurt."

"How did you know that?" Deanna's smile became slightly fixed.

Amelia's smile was warm."You punched one of the most hated doctors. The nurses talk."

Ben smirked up at her.

"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled. "Am I ever gonna live that down?"

"No," Ben answered happily.

Deanna had barely sat down on the bed when Lisa walked in, the other woman's eyes met hers, and she smiled. Ben looked up from his drawing, and grinned at his mom.

"How're you doing?" she asked, crossing the room to kiss Deanna's forehead, and then Ben's.

"I'm great," Deanna grinned, her hands curling around Lisa's slender hips."Ready to go?"

Lisa gave her a look of surprise, and dawning amusement."Are you? It's been a few years since I gave birth-" across the room, Ben made a sound of disgust, causing Lisa to give him an affectionate look, "-but I was barely able to move with drugs."

"I have an incredibly high tolerance for pain," Deanna flashed her more teeth."I wanna go home."

Something in Lisa's face softened."You've never called it home before," she stroked Deanna's arm soothingly.

She shrugged wordlessly.

Lisa stroked her arm one last time, before she nodded. "I can get a nurse."

"Thanks, Lisa." Deanna watched her leave, before turning to Ben."What are you doing now?"

"Drawing Mary," he said, a small frown of concentration on his face. "Don't all newborns have blue eyes?" He lifted his head long enough to give her a puzzled look."Why are hers so different?"

Deanna shrugged, but her reply was cut off as another nurse entering the room with Lisa. She was kind of relieved; she hated lying to the kid. She could hardly tell him she screwed an angel without traumatising somebody in the room.

"Your partner told me you want to leave," there was a look of disapproval on the woman's face. She'd probably heard about what happened from that girl. Deanna couldn't bring herself to give a damn.

"That's right."

The nurse checked her chart briefly.

"You should be fine," the old crone said curtly.

"And my kid? I can take her too?"

"After fours hours, we can't keep you in," the woman said, glancing between Deanna and Lisa, her nose wrinkling in disdain."More's the pity..."

Deanna's spine straightened, and her eyes flashed angrily."Listen, lady-"

"Deanna," Lisa said, somewhat pleadingly.

The nurse left the room with a stern glare.

"What a bitch," Deanna grumbled. Ben huffed out a laugh.

"Deanna, please don't swear in front of him. And Ben, stop encouraging her."

Lisa was a lovely, kindhearted woman, but she had this horrible trait of treating Deanna like a fucking kid when she was less than pleased.

Deanna literally bit her tongue, and calmed the stormy cloud building in her gut. A slow burn anger was so much harder to deal with then the quick, wild flashes that always came with a demon hunt.

"Let's just go home," Lisa sighed.

Deanna dressed in a hurry, becoming used to the strange aches her body gave out whenever she moved. Some of her remaining anger dulled when she saw that Lisa was holding Mary. Lisa readily handed the squirming child over, murmuring something about bonding. Deanna flashed the homophobic nurse the bird when they passed her.

Ben spent the ride home snickering to himself, and clutching his camera and drawings. Lisa was oblivious. Mary dropped off in Deanna's arms fairly quickly. Sometimes she would catch flashes of a smile drifting over her own face.

The house was a welcome change to the hospital. It was late enough that Ben was shuffled off to bed immediately. Lisa wasn't far behind him, stopping to hover in the doorway when Deanna went for the couch.

"Aren't you coming to bed?" Lisa looked startled. "You must be tired."

Actually, Deanna felt like she'd just downed several cups of coffee. Her body felt mutilated, but she didn't. The sudden rush had swept over her almost the instant she'd stepped inside. It felt like a minor adrenaline rush.

"Not yet. I'll probably crash in a minute." She pulled a blanket over the two of them."I'll watch TV for a little while."

She wanted a shower, but she wasn't leaving Mary yet. She stroked the top of her daughter's head, feeling the soft wisps of hair beneath her fingertips. She switched on the TV. Deanna was half way through an old episode of Doctor Sexy. MD when her senses tingled.

She glanced down at her daughter, and breathed in slowly. She never went far without a weapon of some kind, but the whole giving birth thing had kinda took the matter out of her hands. She was trigger happy enough on a regular day.

Still, she had managed to slip a scalpel in her bra. Before she could shamelessly use her baby's appetite as a distraction to grab it, she realized something.

"Come to play the fairy godmother?"

The air shimmered, and Gabriel appeared with a flourish and a grin.

"What? No headshot?" He looked at her carefully."I must say being pregnant suits ya, Dee-Dee. Makes the girls-" he made a cupping motion around his chest,-"pop wonderfully."

"Sniffing around your baby brother's ex?" She shook her head mockingly. "That's pretty cold."

"You've done it."

Deanna shrugged."What can I say? I'm a horrible person." Her mock friendly expression chilled."She's sleeping."

The trickster shrugged, and sat by her legs."I don't mind." There was a hidden hardness in his boyish expression.

She could tell him she had no intention of keeping him away from her daughter, as if she actually could, but where was the fun in that?

"You ever held a baby before?" she asked curtly.

"Once or twice, princess. You wouldn't believe how desperate people are for an angels blessing." There was a naughty undertone in his voice, that brought a grin to match his to her face. Never been all that fond of him, but he had a sense of humor; a sick, twisted sense of humor, but one nonetheless.

Deanna shuffled forward, and he met her half way. His thigh was brushing her hip. She reluctantly transferred Mary to his arms, a strand of her wavy dark blonde hair hanging above her daughter's sleep face.

Mary stirred as Deanna leaned back to give them somespace. She hovered pointedly at the edge of his vision. A smirk curled at the archangel's borrowed lips as he gazed down at the baby. He hummed thoughtfully, shifting Mary in his arms with a care that startled Deanna slightly.

He wouldn't have gotten within five feet of the kid if she'd thought he didn't give a crap about her, but she just didn't expect him to be so...careful about it. Like handling glass. Like how she held the kid.

"How was pregnancy?"

"The pregnancy went...smoothly. Completely demon free. It's like this town's got the cooties." She glanced at him.

Gabriel grinned, raising his eyes to look at her."You didn't think I'd leave my niece completely unprotected now, did you?"

Deanna knew he wasn't just gonna go away after this. He'd want to be in the kid's life. It was what she'd want. Keeping in mind exactly how and why he'd died, Deanna decided to give civil a try.

"Thanks," Deanna forced out.

He looked startled."Whoa, Dee-Dee. That was almost polite. I thought that was Sammy's-" in a flash of fury, Deanna ripped the scalpel out of her bra, and stabbed him in the knee.

"Ow! Ow!" Gabriel yelped, grimacing as he shifted Mary into his other arm. He pulled the scalpel out of his knee. It was barely bleeding, but he was pouting like he was bleeding to death. "I'm gonna let this one slid, but, God, Deanna, try not to make this a habit." He looked at her for a moment. "Too soon?"

"Always too soon," Deanna muttered darkly. Screw civil.

Gabriel handed Mary over, and stood up with a wince.

"I haven't been able to get hold of Cas," Deanna said before he could leave.

Gabriel paused."Have you tried praying?"

Deanna stared at him darkly.

He shrugged."There's a war going on in heaven right now," he tossed this new information out so casually. "Little brother is in pretty deep. He'd be here if he knew."

Castiel was fighting a war in heaven. Deanna knew he was more than capable and pretty badass, especially by angel standards, the arrogant dicks, but it was...uncomfortable to think of him fighting without her or Sam as backup.

Gabriel was staring at her."I'm no cupid, Dee-Dee, but the kid's got it bad for you."

Something sour curled in her stomach, and, as his words sunk in, eased. An unknown ache melted away. She had Lisa. She had Ben, and Mary, and a whole new life-but...her body was full of scars, her mind was so fucked up it stopped being funny years ago, and that was it. She wasn't...this. She wasn't normal; she was a fucking Winchester.

Deanna had been raised as Daddy's little solider, not Daddy's little girl, a demon had once said, adding, is it any wonder she turned out to be such a dyke? It's how her father found out about her less then vanilla sex life. From a demon stalker when she was 15.

"Me and Lisa- we have something."

"You love my brother. You don't love her." His words were as blunt as a bullet to the face, about as subtle too.

"Thought you were an archangel, not a cupid."

"I have eyes," he shrugged."It doesn't really matter. Things will work themselves out or they won't, but I'm rooting for you two crazy kids." He winked at her."Have fun, Dee-Dee."

In the next second, he was gone.

Deanna sat still, silently staring at the space where the archangel had been. She got up, and walked into Li-their room. She placed Mary in her cot, covering her up with a rare flash of tenderness. She changed clothes, and crawled in beside the other woman. Lisa was sleeping, but she turned into Deanna's touch, welcoming her.

Maybe...maybe she didn't love Lisa, but she could. She could love her, and have a life with her. Stable, safe, and boringly normal. Deanna closed her eyes. Years of hunting had left her capable of forcing herself into an uneasy sleep, unfortunately it had also left her with instincts that her had flying out of bed, the pistol hidden in the bedside table in her hands, finger pressing on the trigger, safety off, when she was woken by a shrill cry.

Deanna stilled her jumpy trigger finger before she could do any damage. Her heart crashed inside of her chest, pumping panic into her blood. She quickly re-did the safety, and shoved the pistol back into the drawer. She rubbed her face, hissing out a groan between clenched teeth.

"Okay," she said. Behind her, Lisa groaned. She was willing to bet Ben was doing the same. Deanna hesitated. This was something John Winchester, one of the most paranoid son of a bitches under the sun, had never prepared her for.

"Mommy's here?" she said, venturing hopefully from a safe distance.

Mary screamed louder, tiny fists flailing. Nice set of lungs on the girl.

"That's probably the right reaction," Deanna murmured.

She bent over the cot, and scooped Mary up, holding her to her chest. She checked the diaper, and found it clean. She wasn't hungry, or scared. Deanna figured she was just screaming for the sake of it. Deanna left Lisa, face down but quietly supportive, in bed.

Half an hour later, in desperation, Deanna started humming Metallica, hoping the kid took after her in that way and she wouldn't have to break out the prayers.

It turns out she did, which was good because the only prayers Deanna knew where the ones Cas had moaned into her skin, and considering how bad her Latin was, she wasn't entirely sure they were prayers. It figured that her angel talked dirty in Latin.

Her angel as in dude-that-pulled-me-out-of-hell, not as in...she was justifying herself in her own mind.

Awesome.

Just...awesome.