Against All Odds

I can already feel my heart pounding inside my chest. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? I should have known he wasn't just going to drop it. And I even said it in front of the girls. I said it in front of Kanji. I said it in front of a guy we didn't even know. I just thought I could get away with it this once. So many times before, I'd been in situations like this. I never thought he'd finally figure it out. Not like this, anyway… It was all just fun and games…

"Man, this sucks," the male student sighed, "Are we seriously the only ones here?"

Yosuke lowered his head shamefacedly at the fairly empty classroom.

"Everyone voted for it…" he murmured, "And now they're not even going to show up?"

He was obviously embarrassed. I didn't think the date café was a bad idea for the Culture Festival. It sounded like it could be fun. Everyone else must have thought so because they voted for it. So why not show? He was thinking it too. I thought he had a great idea…

"Someone will show up," I said optimistically.

A wry smile curved his lips.

"Yeah," he laughed, "I doubt it."

Just as he spoke, Kanji strolled in casually. He peered around the nearly empty room, looking down at us from his massive height.

"Man, is this it?" he asked, "There's practically no one here."

"I know, I know," Yosuke muttered, "Naoto and Rise didn't even show up… This blows."

Chie looked around at all of us, disturbed by our glum moods.

"W-Well, it's not like… we have to let this all go to waste," she said, then turning to her red-clad friend, "Right, Yukiko?"

Yukiko looked almost alarmed as she was addressed.

"Uh… right!" she said, "I mean… we have an even number of people now that Kanji-kun is here."

Yosuke perked up a little.

"S-So… you guys are cool with speed-dating us?" he asked, a little light gleaming in his hazel eyes.

Chie used all of her strength to force a smile for him.

"Suuuure," she said reluctantly, "There's no harm in it. Besides, we're the only ones here, so we'd might as well…"

He was on his feet quickly, excited to interview the female members of our team. I mean, I was happy for him. It's not like this opportunity came around a lot. I understood his interests perfectly well, even if they seemed a little more obsessive lately.

The male student approached the table arrangement.

"It's probably a good idea anyway," he said, "If someone sees us doing it, they might come in interested."

He counted the number of seats on each side.

"There are six of us," he said, "Boys can sit on one side and girls can sit on the other."

We all looked at each other instantly. All of us were noticing the same issue, but Yosuke was the only one to point it out verbally.

"Wait a sec, there's four guys and two girls," he said, "How does that work?"

"Well, you guys are cross-dressing for tomorrow's pageant anyways," the male student said flatly, "One of you can play as a girl."

Kanji and Yosuke both contorted their expressions. I knew it. Neither wanted to be the girl. And with Kanji being "confused" and Yosuke being a homophobe, there was no way either of them was going to back down too quickly. The class rep knew he was in the clear. So that left me. Of course.

I mean, I didn't really want to be a girl either. I don't really consider myself feminine. So what were we doing? I looked again at Yosuke, who was glaring at Kanji hintingly, not wanting to be the odd man out, so to speak. Kanji was already glaring back, his face a little red as he started getting flustered over the whole ordeal.

I thought about it for a little while. If I went for it, Yosuke would probably figure it out. Everyone else would start placing the "uke" label on me immediately, since they were already aware of my interests. But at the same time… I would be able to interview boys… more specifically… I'd be able to ask Yosuke things that I might not normally get away with…

After weighing the pros and cons, I finally made up my mind. Boldly, I strolled over to the girls' side and took a seat. Everyone seemed sort of surprised, but the tension between the male attendees had lifted a great deal. Yosuke, relieved, seemed impressed by my courage.

"Man… you never cease to surprise me," he said softly. Afterwards, everyone came to sit down, the class representative sitting across from me, and Yukiko sitting beside me. Yosuke sat between the class rep and Kanji, which sort of disappointed me. I had sort of hoped he would be sitting across from me. Yukiko sitting next to me, Yosuke sitting no-so-across from me… could this day get any worse?

"Well… one of you guys can start," the class rep said.

We all looked down shyly, as if we didn't even know each other. I could feel both Yosuke and Kanji staring at me, wondering why I wasn't with them. I didn't really like this at all.

"…can someone please start…?" the class rep asked quietly.

But the silence was still set in. I looked over at the girls hopefully, but neither seemed particularly talkative at the moment. And I knew there was no way Yosuke or Kanji would start us off. So, again, that left me. I smiled a little at Yosuke.

"What kind of girl do you like?" I asked.

Everyone jerked their heads up, surprised that I was speaking. Yosuke's impression from before had already floated away.

"Man, you're really getting into this," he said, repulsed by my smile which fell immediately.

Kanji looked at him with a little confusion.

"Actually, what the hell is this?" he asked.

Yosuke lowered his head a little.

"A mock group date," he mumbled.

The class rep smiled at me nervously.

"I-I guess I'd like a cute girl," he grinned, tittering nervously.

Like I give a damn.

Yosuke looked at him incredulously, and then looked back at me.

"I guess… a girl that's sort of fragile and kind… someone I'd wanna protect," he said, his expression a little melancholy.

So… basically the opposite of me and his definition of the Saki Konishi he thought he knew. I tried to conceal what I was feeling towards that statement, but I knew my heart was breaking a little too much for me to hide. He looked down awkwardly, stammering unintelligibly. He quickly passed off his spot to Kanji, who pretty much described Naoto.

Just before the heavy silence weighed down on us again, the class rep looked at us with a smile.

"S-So, out of the three of us here, who would you date?" he asked.

The girls and I jumped a little at the question. Really, man? You were going to make us answer that, really?

"W-Well!" Chie stammered, "That's, uh…"

She looked over at me, fear and pleading in her eyes. I looked at Yukiko with a sly smile.

"Well… what about you, Yukiko?" I asked.

She blushed, looking at me quickly.

"Wha-? That's private!" she yelped, her eyes shifting back at Chie a few times.

"I know right?" Chie asked, her smile expressing relief and a slight sense of gratitude.

The two seemed extremely pleased to have dodged the bullet. And then Yukiko got her two cents in.

"What about you, Souji-kun?" she asked, "Who would you date?"

… …thanks. Thanks for that.

I looked over at the three boys across from me. I swear I heard a tiny bit of music playing from Yosuke's headphones and Kanji was picking at a scab on his hand, trying to scrape it off with his stubby nails. Obviously, we weren't taking this very seriously. So… if that was true… we wouldn't really have to believe what we said. Right? I was playing as a girl. So this was just for fun. Right? No one would know that I was being serious…

I smiled gently, my face feeling a little hot.

"Yosuke," I said.

Everyone jolted at my response, and the squeak of Yosuke's chair as he stumbled back a little was followed by an even heavier silence. I guess that reaction was to be expected from him, but come on. Everyone knew I'd been interested in him since day one. Even if he would never return those feelings to me, I couldn't help what I felt.

Their stares were a thousand knives in my chest… hey, guys. We're just having fun… don't take it so seriously… I guess… they didn't really know how to feel about it. I guess since they knew about me, they knew I was being serious. So why don't you say something, Yosuke? I never told you. You never acted like you knew…

Footsteps entered the room at a casual pace.

"Hey, everyone!" Rise greeted, beaming a pretty and joyful smile, "Just wanted to check up on Senp-"

The moment we looked at her, she seemed to realize what she had just walked in on.

"O-Oh," she stammered, still smiling, "Uh… see ya!"

Very slowly, she backed out of the room and took off again. I was glad she didn't have to stay around for this. She didn't need to get involved in something this stupid.

Yosuke made a soft noise. As I looked at him, I began to notice the corner of his mouth twitch. But… it wasn't like he was disturbed. Gradually, his shock faded into a slightly embarrassed smile.

"H-Hey," he chuckled, "Don't flatter me like that…"

I could hear everyone release their breath and my shoulders lowered, my smile returning. Still clueless as always…

But… it wasn't like always. Even though the questions never resumed afterwards, I could feel a sense of awkwardness lingering above Yosuke's head. He could still look around at people. He wouldn't look at me… There's no way he doesn't know by now…

When we finally gave up on the mock group date, we had to clean up and go home. Yosuke and I were the last ones in the classroom after Yukiko and Chie headed home together. I really wasn't sure how they could leave me alone with him. Not like this. You guys know something's up…

"Souji…"

Yosuke looked over at me quietly.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

Crap. This is it. I'm finished. He knows I wasn't kidding. And now he's going to be scared of me the way he was scared of Kanji. But… I didn't want to run away from the problem. I got myself into this. I have to deal with the consequences now.

"Y-Yeah… what did you wanna talk about?"

As if I didn't already know.

Yosuke looked at the floor for a moment and then at me.

"Your uncle… is going to be out today, isn't he?" he asked.

"…yeah…"

He looked a little timid.

"Is it… okay if we talk at your house?" he asked.

Reluctantly, I nodded. I'm not really sure why it makes a difference where we talk. I know what it is. And I'm sorry you feel that way… just… don't hurt me…

I follow him into the room silently. The entire trip was like this. The only thing to be heard was the obnoxious squeaking of Yosuke's bicycle as he walked it along the road. I didn't hear him say a word to me all the while, so I'm pretty sure he wants to say it in private. He only spoke to me when we walked into the house, and he wanted to know if Nanako was home. I'm pretty sure she said she was working on a project at a friend's house, and the Dojima residence was still, so I told him she wasn't. He seemed to be okay with that, and then he asked to talk to me in my room. Of course that in itself had my heart racing, but this wasn't something to get excited about. I'm probably about to lose my best friend.

I close the door and Yosuke keeps turned away from me. At this point, I don't even know what to expect. Maybe he feels bad for saying what he's said about Kanji in front of me. He felt bad about mentioning Nanako's mother in front of her, so I guess I can see him feeling a little guilty. Not that I particularly expect him to or anything. It not like anything he said was unforgivable. He didn't know. And despite my courage, I could never bring myself to tell him.

So, here we stand. He knows. I can tell. What I can't tell is how he's going to approach the situation. I hate it. I can only understand him when it isn't necessary. But when I need to know more than anything, he's so unreadable. Maybe that's what makes him exciting. Maybe I like feeling a little lost in adventure.

"So…"

Oh. Here we go.

He turns to face me, his arms crossed and his expression troubled. He keeps his eyes on the floor for a moment longer before meeting with mine.

"Um… you're gay… aren't you…?" he asks softly.

And for once, the word actually makes me a little shamefaced. My feet are easier to talk to than he is at the moment…

"Y-… Yeah…" I stutter.

He looks away for a moment, fidgeting awkwardly.

"You didn't… like… tell people…" he says, "That's… weird for you. You're usually pretty open… Although… I guess I can understand why you might not-"

"I only didn't tell you," I interrupt quickly, "Everyone else knows."

For once, Yosuke is keeping his eyes locked on mine. And for the first time all day, he seems a little more comfortable.

"Souji, why didn't you tell me?" he asks, a little loudly, "I said all those stupid things! I wouldn't have said them if I'd known… I-I was just teasing Kanji! If I'd known you were… y'know, that way too, I wouldn't have said anything!"

"I didn't think you needed to know…" I tell him, "I figured you didn't need someone else to worry about. Kanji was enough for you…"

"But…! You're my best friend!" Yosuke says loudly, and my heart begins to flutter, "I don't want you to feel like you have to hide from me!"

"I thought you might not want to be my best friend if I told you," I say, "I mean… I don't want things to be tense now that you know…"

Yosuke's expression seems pained.

"I don't want things to be that way either," he says, "I… I don't… It doesn't bother me, you know. What bothers me is that you were hiding it from me intentionally."

He's hurt?

"I… I'm sorry, Yosuke…"

I look up at him again.

"How… did you figure it out?" I ask, "I tried to pass it off as a joke…"

Yosuke is hesitant to respond. He bites his lip gently before going on.

"Because your face didn't say you were joking," he says, "You had… this sort of honest look. Like… you really meant it from the bottom of your heart… and like… everyone looked at you. They knew… and I think that's when I finally realized it…"

He blushes, looking to the side.

"So… were you… serious…? I mean, of all the guys out there… you… would want to date me?"

I mean, we're being honest here. I'm not exactly going to fall much lower.

"Yes…" I say.

He still doesn't look at me, but I can tell he's listening.

"Why me?" he asks, "Of all the other guys, why me?"

Still being honest, I guess. Why not?

"Because… you're different. I dunno. I mean… you're smart. You have incredible courage and you never give up… you have this passionate persistence that I really admire. You keep a strong face and you don't let things get to you so easily… but… deep inside, you hurt… and… I'm the one you turn to… I dunno. I guess… I like that you feel like you can depend on me. I like that you feel like you can trust me. Or that you felt like you could… now-"

"Souji, I still trust you," he says before I can finish, looking into my eyes, "I… I don't feel… unsafe with you. I don't think you'd try anything I didn't want you to."

I shake my head.

"No. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable…" I say, and then blushing, "…don't interpret that weird."

A smile forms on Yosuke's face and he laughs a little, slightly reassuring me.

"Nah, I get what you're saying," he says with a chuckle.

I'm finally able to smile. So… he's okay. We can still be friends. There doesn't have to be uncomfortable tension. At least… at least we can still be okay.

"Um…"

Oh. We're not finished.

Yosuke blushes, speaking to his feet. Am I embarrassing him…?

"I'm… I'm sorry, Souji…" he says.

Ah.

"No, it's okay," I tell him, "I kinda figured you wouldn't really be interested. Kinda the other reason I didn't-"

"Hey, let me finish," he snaps.

Shut up, Souji; he's talking, not you. I withdraw quietly, allowing Yosuke to speak. After all, I mean, he asked to talk to me, not the other way around. He heaves a sigh that shudders as it flows from his mouth. So… am I making him uncomfortable despite his words? I guess he's trying to tolerate me for who I am. At least he's trying…

"I, um…" he says quietly, "I'm being hypocritical… you didn't tell me everything… and neither did I. The truth is… I know why I'm scared. There's been... a lot of self-doubt lately."

…interesting…?

"Self-doubt…?" I ask.

"Um… do you… know what I'm trying to say…?" he asks.

"…not really… no…"

He looks a little troubled and frustrated. What are you saying, Yosuke? What is there to doubt?

"Okay…" he sighs, rubbing his eyes wearily, "How do I put this…? …I'm not… sure what I am… anymore…"

"Anymore?" I ask.

As opposed to back then? When?

Yosuke looks up at me again, sort of angry and frustrated. He grunts a little, unable to communicate the way he wants to, apparently. He sort of starts at me, but my feet feel nailed to the floor. His hands come out, and I expect he wants to hit me or strangle me or something… So why won't fight or flight kick in? Why do I feel like I should just let him do whatever?

His hands move up, but past my neck to my cheeks. They feel a little rough texture-wise, but he's not holding me as if he wants to hurt me. He pulls me closer to him, our eyes level and our noses but an inch apart. He seems to be holding back a little, hesitating. His hold grows a little firmer as he waits. He pulls me forward.

…

…

…

…

…

Ohh… …I understand… Yosuke…

So… this is what a first kiss feels like… It's incredible… and with him… I close my eyes and the feelings intensify. His soft lips press against mine as his breath fills my mouth. So warm… I kiss him back and his hands slide from my burning cheeks to my chest, moving in unison around to my back as his arms wrap around me. I finally let my hands run up to his always soft-looking hair. Wow… it's like feathers…

He moves me to the side and then back, pushing me gently. I feel a cushion touch the back of my legs, and I sit immediately. He crawls onto the futon with me, leaning me back on the mattress and kissing me passionately.

"Oh, Souji…" he breathes between kisses.

"Yosuke…" I breathe back.

He pulls out of the kiss, breathing heavily. I try to nuzzle his forehead, but he draws back slightly, so I don't push it. He looks me in the eyes, blushing still.

"I love you, Souji," he whispers.

My heart and face both explode in heat. He… he loves me…? He doesn't say "love" to people… To him, "love" has such a strong meaning… and he told me he loved me… …Yosuke loves me…

"I… I love you, too, Yosuke," I say.

At my response, a smile touches his lips, and I feel my own mimic the movement. He kisses me again, but closed-mouthed and briefly. As he pulls away, he nuzzles my forehead, just the way I wanted him to.

"I've… I've loved you for a while…" Yosuke tells me shyly, "It's hard… you know…? To think… you know yourself until you meet someone else… I'm not… really sure how I feel about being… this way… I don't know if I like it… but… I like being with you… I want this to work out… Do you… understand what I mean?"

I nod, my hold on him tightening.

"I understand…" I say, "I want it to work, too. I'll do anything for you… Anything you say…"

I press my lips to his, trying roll over so I can get on top for a moment. But he pushes away from the mattress, resisting.

"O-Okay, well… first of all, I want to be the guy," he says.

I stop for a moment, looking up at him.

"The… guy…?" I ask confusedly.

As opposed to what, exactly? He blushes awkwardly and guiltily.

"Y-You know what I mean!" he stammers, "I… want to be the dominant partner. The… one wearing the pants, if you know what I mean…"

…I'm a little staggered by this, to be honest. I mean… I don't think I ever put myself in the shoes of the… er… "girl", I guess is how we're putting this… …oh… or did I…? Is this because of earlier…? Does he think this is what I want…?

…but… it doesn't matter what I want… I have everything I could ask for. I have him… I should be grateful to have him at all… I never thought I would find someone so early on in my life. Not that it's much of a fantasy, but I always thought I'd fall for someone at a gay bar or something… Admittedly, though I always fantasized about being with Yosuke, I never expected the fantasy to become my reality… I want him… and he wants me… …I… I will be his. If that's what he wants…

"Okay…" I reply softly.

Yosuke blinks in surprise.

"R-Really?" he asks, "Just like that?"

I nod.

"I… I want you to be happy, Yosuke…" I tell him, "That's… all I want…"

A brief stunned silence passes, and Yosuke finally smiles at me.

"Souji…" he coos, "You already make me happy…"

I make him happy…? I never realized I made him happy… He didn't give me any sort of indications that he ever felt this way. Maybe… he's better at hiding than I thought…? So, then what else didn't I know…?

Instead of questioning it, I chicken out.

"…I do?" I ask.

He grins a jovial and young grin.

"Yeah," he says, "You're really cute like this, Souji…"

Heat explodes through my face.

"C-Cute…? Um… that's, uh…"

His lips touch my cheekbone and he nuzzles me. I've never felt this sort of affection from someone before… I… I really like it. He's gentle. He's sweet. He's everything I thought he would be…

"I love you…" I whisper.

He looks at me with a smile.

"I love you, too," he says.

We kiss again, and it's another longer, open-mouthed kiss. I kind of like these ones better. This way, I feel a little more passion and love from him. And in turn, I feel as though I can communicate my love a little better. I wish I had known he felt this way. How long had he been keeping this inside? How long had he been hiding from me? …was he asking himself the same questions about me? We had more in common than I thought… I wish I had told him before…

A small knock at my door brings me back to reality. Before I even have time to open my eyes, Yosuke is off the futon and standing at the other side of the room, his face red and his body shaking.

"I thought you said nobody was home!" he whispers harshly.

"I didn't think anyone was!" I whispered back.

What would have happened if we had been alone? Would he… have wanted to take this all the way…? I'm not even sure… what I would do if he did…

The knock raps at my door again.

"Big bro?"

Crap. Nanako. Better than my uncle, I guess… Can't imagine the hell I'd get from him… or if I would…? It's not like I could get Yosuke pregnant or vice versa, but regardless…

"Big bro, are you home?" Nanako asks.

"Y-Yeah, I'm home," I stutter at last.

"Can I come in?" Nanako asks.

I look at Yosuke hesitantly to see if he's okay with it. He nods a little, consenting unsurely.

"Y-Yeah, sure. Come on in," I tell her.

The door knob turns and all four feet of my younger cousin steps in timidly. She looks up at Yosuke with a cute smile.

"Oh, you're here too!" she says happily.

Despite the awkwardness of the moment, Yosuke finds himself able to smile at her genuinely.

"Hey, Nanako," he says, "How's, uh, how's your project coming along?"

Nanako smiles happily.

"We finished it today," she said, "We had to make a poster of a place we really like to go. Our group did our report on Junes!"

Yosuke smiles and blushes, shy but flattered.

"Y-You did?" he asks with a grin, "W-Well, I'm glad to hear it! You should come down with your brother and me sometime this weekend. I'll bet Teddie would be glad to see you too."

Nanako gasps excitedly, looking to me for the okay. I smile at her and at Yosuke.

"That sounds like fun," I say, "We'd love to."

Yosuke smiles at me happily. Nanako doesn't contain her excitement particularly well.

"Yaay! Thank you so much!" she cheers.

She looks at me, then Yosuke, and then at me again and her smile falls.

"O-Oh, are you guys studying? I didn't mean to interrupt," she says.

She's so innocent that I can't help but smile.

"No, no, you're okay," Yosuke assures her, "Actually… I was losing track of time. I'm supposed to help out around the grocery department today."

My head snaps in his direction quickly. What? Why didn't he say something sooner? …or… is he avoiding me now?

"Oh, okay," Nanako says, "See you later."

She closes the door behind her as she leaves.

Yosuke looks back at me again, smiling sadly.

"S-Sorry," he says shyly, "But… I really do have to leave."

"Can we meet like this again?" I find myself asking before I even have the chance to think about it.

Yosuke smiles.

"Yeah," he says, "Maybe we can meet here again tomorrow?"

He wants to meet like this again… He wants to kiss me again. I slowly rise to my feet, walking to him quietly and resting my face against his shoulder. His cologne is sort of subtle, but the scent makes me feel a little calmer. His nose presses against my head and the warmth of his arms embrace me as he pulls me closer.

"Yosuke…?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah?"

"…am… I your boyfriend?"

There's a pause before he chuckles softly. His lips brush against my ear and his hands rub against my back.

"Yeah… I guess you are," he responds with a loving smile.

The words put a grin on my face. I'm his boyfriend… He's my boyfriend… We're in love. This is really happening, isn't it? Maybe… we can go on dates and do things I never did before. Things I could only imagine until now. Things I wanted all along…

Maybe we can be like Berra and Eduardo from Magical Witch Detective.

…

Shut up, Souji.

Yosuke's arms loosen, though I never want him to let go. Why can't he stay…? He smiles at me reassuringly.

"I'll see you tomorrow at the pageant, okay?" he says.

Oh, God. Right.

"Y-Yeah… okay," I tell him.

"Love you," he says once more, and the words never seem stale.

"Love you, too," I say.

He winks as he waves at me, taking his leave at long last…

…

I can hardly wait until tomorrow.

Why the hell do I have to be subjected to this? I mean, as if the cross-dressing weren't bad enough, why'd I have to get stuck with her of all people? Rise would have been awesome and even Naoto and Chie who don't dress particularly feminine or wear make-up would have been fantastic. But no. I get stuck with HER.

Yukiko searches through the rack of girls' school girl uniforms, seeming nervous.

"You're so tall…" she mumbles, "I'm having a hard time finding a long enough skirt… you might have to wear a much longer skirt than the uniform… oh, this is good. It would look really in-character with these tights."

Oh, this just keeps getting better and better…

"Th-That's fine. Whatever," I mutter.

At least it'll all be worth it in the end. Yosuke promised me this morning that he'd come home with me after school so we could pick up where we left off. As long as that was still at the end of this, I would suffer through whatever ordeal was ahead of me.

Yukiko's in my face again, applying blush or something with a soft, thick brush. It's not as soft as Yosuke's hair… …I wish he was here with me. I don't know where the others went. Kanji went off with Rise, Yosuke went to another room with Chie, and Teddie went somewhere else with Naoto. I think. What could I expect from them, I wonder?

"So, um…"

Why are you talking to me? Leave me alone.

"What happened after we left yesterday…?" Yukiko asks softly.

She wants to know? I look at her finally, realizing for the first time that she's genuinely concerned.

"I-I mean… Chie kinda took off before I could say anything, so I was just wondering if things between you and Yosuke-kun are still okay…"

"O-Oh," I stammer, "That's, uh… that's sweet of you."

She blushes awkwardly, switching brushes nervously.

"You were kind of forward yesterday. What you said… did… he think you were just joking, or…?"

"N-No, no. He caught on pretty quick."

"Oh."

She takes the brush away, shuffling off quickly and returning with a long, silver-haired wig twined into braided pigtails.

"This was the closest color I could find that would match your hair…" she mumbles, "I think it'll look pretty cute."

Subject change? What?

"O-Oh, yeah. Cute," I say softly.

Yukiko takes a wig sock and places it over my head, tucking my bangs beneath it. So… she's not going to ask further questions about the happening of yesterday…? Why even bring it up at all if you don't want the whole story?

"That it?" I ask.

She looks at me suddenly, embarrassed and flustered.

"W-Well… are you okay?" she asks, "I mean… Yosuke-kun can be pretty insensitive at times, so I just was wondering what he said to you… Did he… at least let you down gently?"

So I wasn't the only one doubting Yosuke… I know I had been in the same boat the day before, but I started to feel a little defensive. She didn't have room to make assumptions about my boyfriend like that. He was better than that. He wouldn't hurt me…

"He didn't let me down!" I tell her.

A few things clatter to the floor as Yukiko jerks back into the desk.

"Wait- WHAT?" she yelps.

I turn around to look at her. Clearly, this wasn't the answer she had expected.

"Yeah, he asked me to be his boyfriend," I say indignantly, "He loves me, too. He told me he did…"

She continues to stare at me in disbelief. I mean, yeah, I still wonder how it's possible too, but I know it all happened. He reassured me of that this morning, and that's why I know it was never a dream. Even if it was just a dream, it would be the best dream I've ever had.

So why so startled, Yukiko? You think Yosuke would hide what he felt forever? Or… is there something I'm missing here…? Before I can ask if she disapproves, Yukiko smiles at me excitedly.

"Souji-kun, I'm so happy for you!" she squeals, "I'm so happy you've found someone! I guess I don't have to worry about him hurting you anymore!"

"I guess not," I say, trying hard to refrain from smiling.

As I look at her, I catch a glimpse of the clock, and almost immediately my heart skips a beat. We're running way behind. She's moving way too slowly…

"H-Hey, the pageant starts in twenty minutes. I still need to get dressed…" I tell her urgently.

"Oh! Right! Here," she says, thrusting the clothes and wig into my arms.

She stands there awkwardly, staring at me and making me feel self-conscious. She… doesn't get the hint.

"Um… please leave?" I hiss, and she blushes, fleeing from the room apologetically. I swear, sometimes that girl pisses me off. As I assure that I'm alone, I begin to slip my clothes off to get into the uniform. Who would have thought we'd be meeting under these circumstances…?

…even so, I want to see him again. More than anything.

As I stand backstage listening for my cue, it's difficult for me to keep from laughing at Kanji. I mean, I know that none of us are happy about dressing up like girls but… he looks sillier than I feel. Yeah, we're all wearing either a dress or a skirt, but… It just doesn't work for him.

He groans a little, pulling uncomfortably at the white dress. He scratches at the curly blonde wig, frowning more. When he frowns and scratches like this, he starts to look like an ape. Pfft.

"Damn, this itches," he mumbles, "Why'd she have to give me this wig? It sucks, man…"

Chie, Yukiko, and Rise huddle in the corner, hiding explosive laughter. Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. You'll all get yours later today.

I smile a little at Kanji, trying to reassure him, though I'm laughing on the inside.

"It's not all bad, Kanji," I lie, "You make a pretty cute girl."

Kanji blushes a little.

"Uh… thanks, Senpai?" he says, almost in the form of a question, "You, uh… you look pretty cute too. I mean… if you were a girl I'd date you."

"…thanks?" I respond, confused.

I look down at my outfit. At least Rise went out of her way to make Kanji look like an American star. I got the uncreative Yasogami High girls' uniform. And a sword. What the hell? I think there's supposed to be a joke behind this, but I don't get the reference. The tights are constricting in a way that I don't want them to, and the skirt leaves me feeling exposed. Dammit, I wear pants for a reason…

"Kanji! Your wig is falling out of place!" Rise calls, "Come back here so I can fix it!"

Kanji grumbles and wobbles to her awkwardly on his heels, leaving me to stand alone as he sulkily allows Rise to fasten his wig in place with bobby pins. He pouts like such a big baby. How can such a tough guy be reduced to this?

"Hey, Souji…"

The familiar voice from behind catches me off guard, but I turn quickly to smile at him.

…wow…

Um… even though I'm gay… I'd totally still date Yosuke even if he was a girl. There's something sort of awkward about his feminine appearance, yet he's cute and charming. If he displayed more confidence in himself, he'd be even cuter.

Chie chose to dress him in a short schoolgirl skirt and a cream sweater-vest with a big red bow. The make-up looks, as I expected from Chie, a little crappy but the strawberry hairclip's enough to make me squeal like a fangirl… I mean, if I had no restraint at all whatsoever.

He blushes just like he did yesterday, holding his arm shyly.

"Wow, Souji… you make a really cute girl," he says softly.

I feel heat burn my cheeks.

"Heh… you too…" I say shyly.

Yosuke seems uncomfortable today… He looks behind me and then back at me.

"Oh, you've got a little something in your hair," he says, picking at my wig.

His fingers are so nimble… I find myself blushing as he works to make me presentable. But then he leans a little closer to my ear.

"After school, right? Your room?"

My mind is suddenly reeling with memories of yesterday. His lips against mine, the taste of his breath, the scent of his cologne, his weight pressed firmly against my chest as he lays me on the futon, kissing me and running his hands run along my body…

"Souji? Your room?" Yosuke asks again, still very quiet.

Crap. I forgot to reply.

"Y-yeah. That sounds great," I whisper, trying to shake away the images before I get too excited.

He smiles a little, pleasantly amused.

"What, am I turning you into a mouth-breather?" he laughs.

Oh. Am I that obvious? Damn, these tights… I look down quickly just to assure that I'm not. No. Still good.

"I'm okay…" I tell him.

Chuckling, he pats my shoulder.

"Good," he says.

Kanji comes back, standing beside us. His presence emits pure unease. This time, the awkwardness seems different. I don't know if it's the fact that we're all in drag or what, but… it's uncomfortable.

"Uh… hey, Yosuke-senpai," he greets.

Yosuke's expression had contorted a little, repulsed as he caught sight of Kanji's appearance.

"Whoooooooa…" he says, his eyes scanning Kanji's lanky body with additional disgust, "What the hell happened to you?"

Kanji lets out a gruff laugh.

"Hah! Likewise!" he spits.

"No, no, it suits you," Yosuke lies, apparently trying to pick a fight, "I'm sure a lot of guys could get behind that."

Kanji glares at him angrily.

"I don't have to take that from you," he says, "You can't even start that crap with me anymore. Now that you have a boyfriend, you can't say a damn thing. So shut the hell up."

Immediately, the color drains from Yosuke's face. He looks at me quickly, and my heart slows a little as the pain and betrayal present themselves to me in a heartbreaking glare.

"You-?" he cries out a little.

Wh-what? Why is he upset? He told me that we were a couple! He told me he loved me! Why is he mad at me?

Wait, how did Kanji even find out? I only told Yukiko that… dammit, that stupid little… I look back at the girls, and all of them look in different directions immediately, nervous and guilty. Girls and their gossip… my, rumors spread quickly here at Yasogami High…

I look back at Yosuke, and I know he's pissed off. But… I don't understand… I thought we loved each other… Why couldn't I tell our friends? We all trusted each other. It's not like it would leave the group…

"Yosuke…?" I ask, reaching out to him a little. He jerks away.

"Don't touch me, you dumbass!" he barks, "God, you're such an idiot, Souji! I can't believe you would-! After what I-!"

Those harsh words… A devastating blow to my heart… You don't mean it… right? I try to reason with him again, but he storms off. I can't get him to talk to me now…? But… We're supposed to be together… right? I didn't know I couldn't tell anyone… This… isn't my fault… or is it…?

We managed to drag ourselves through both the "Miss" Yasogami High Pageant and the Miss Yasogami High Pageant. All the while, Yosuke avoided me. During both events, he kept his eyes away from me and refused to speak when I addressed him. I didn't realize he would get so upset… Kanji and the girls tried to apologize to me, but it didn't help anything…

Afterwards, we all went to enjoy the rest of the Culture Festival, but I didn't feel even slightly better until Nanako and my Uncle showed up. Apparently, Dojima's going to be working, so he left Nanako with us for the evening. Before she could sense that there was something wrong among the group, Yukiko tried to lighten the mood by offering to have a sleepover at the Amagi Inn.

I mean, I assume it was to cover for me, or to try to make amends. But I wasn't interested in sleeping at the Amagi Inn. Remembering that Yosuke and I had made a promise to meet at my house afterwards, I wanted to keep our promise. But when I started to say no, Yosuke agreed to the sleepover at the inn…

…

…

So here I am… staring at him as he sulks from across the table in the boys' room. Dressed in blue kimono from the Inn, the four of us sit around in heavy silence. I'm not really sure when, but someone filled Naoto and Teddie in on what was going on. Since then, Teddie hasn't been able to leave the subject alone.

He sits beside me, smiling at me in a friendly, but curious way as his face emits natural sparkles of innocence (?) and excitement.

"What kinds of things are you going to do now that you're together?" he asks.

I blush uncomfortably.

"Really?" I ask, "We're going to talk about this right here? Right now, at a time like this?"

"Why not?" Teddie asks, "It'll loosen up some of the tension. So you scored a hot stud, huh, Sensei?"

"Oh my GOD, will you shut up…?" Yosuke snarls.

He fishes in his pocket for some change, handing both Kanji and Teddie a few hundred yen.

"Why don't you guys go out and buy a fruit milk?" he asks bitterly.

Oh, crap. I know what this is… I feel like I'm going to throw up. Yosuke's making the others leave, but not me. I know what he's doing… I don't want to get hurt… But Teddie takes Yosuke's gesture the wrong way immediately.

"Ohhhhh, getting some alone time with Sensei? I see how it is!" he giggles jovially.

Kanji covers his face in embarrassment.

"Ted, no, idiot… come on, leave 'em alone…"

Despite his bizarre interest in our relationship, Teddie is eventually persuaded by Kanji to follow him out of the room to buy a drink. The moment the door closes, I feel my insides hurting. Yosuke looks at me angrily.

"I can't believe you told them," he hisses.

"I-I just told Yukiko," I mutter, "I didn't know I wasn't supposed to say anything…"

"Are you stupid or something?" Yosuke barks, "I told you yesterday that I wasn't sure how I felt about being in love with another guy, and that I was pretty sure I didn't like the idea of being gay or bi or whatever! Now I've got Kanji all pissed at me for being a hypocrite! Of all people, Souji, I trusted you with that secret! And you went and blurted it!"

As he yells at me, I feel salty tears burning in my eyes. He trusted me… Am I… not to be trusted… because of this…? After everything yesterday… he's this upset… I feel awful…

"I'm sorry, Yosuke…" I croak, "I didn't know… I wouldn't have told her if I'd known you didn't want me to tell… but… she didn't trust you… she thought you let me down… she thought you hurt me… I didn't want to sit there and let her talk about you like that…"

I look up at him, realizing that his frown has softened a great deal. Maybe… he understands why I had to tell her. Maybe he's okay with it…

"I don't care what others say about me…" he says, "You know that…"

Or not… I blink away the tears quietly.

"…so… is that it…?" I ask, "You're breaking it off before it goes further…?"

Yosuke looks at me, frowning a bit.

"What are you talking about?" he asks.

"You… don't trust me anymore… so you don't want to be with me anymore…"

"Don't be a dumbass, Souji. I'm not shallow. I thought you knew me better than that."

…what? He's not… breaking up with me? I peek up at him again, and his frown is different this time. He doesn't seem to be mad anymore. Rather… he looks sort of hurt.

"What…? You thought I was going to leave you just because I got upset?" he asks quietly.

Now I feel even worse…

As I lower my head, Yosuke sighs.

"Souji, come here," he says, beckoning me over to his side of the table.

Reluctantly, I pick myself up and move to sit next to him. He places his hand on mine, giving it a gentle stroke with his thumb. Already, my muscles are relaxing at the affectionate gesture. He sighs a little.

"Look… maybe I kinda gave you the wrong idea…" he says softly, "I'm… I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to be open about this relationship. But… it's not like I don't want it to work…"

When I look at him, he frowns a little.

"Maybe… just so we can stay on the same page… we need to set some rules…" he tells me.

Rules…? Well… maybe that's for the best. I won't have to worry about taking signals or not knowing what is and isn't fine with him…

"Um… okay…" I reply hesitantly.

He holds his index finger up.

"Rule number one: you're not allowed to tell anybody else. At all. Not Nanako, and not Dojima."

Okay… If they find out, it won't be from me… I can avoid this mistake again.

"Got it," I promised.

Holding up a second finger, he went on abruptly.

"Rule number two: no PDA. Period," he says sternly.

I… wasn't even breaking that rule…

"Rule number three," he continues without waiting for my response, "I will let you know what you can and can't do."

"What do you mean…?" I ask, seriously confused at this point.

"Well… if you want to regain my trust… you have to prove that you can listen to me. So… when we're romantically involved… I'll tell you what you can do that won't make me uncomfortable. …and… as the dominant partner, I want to lead."

The hell-? He's… going to tell me step-by-step what I'm allowed to do with him? There's no way-! …then again… this is my fault for making him feel this way… Maybe… I deserve to put up with this. All I have to do is do what he tells me, and I'll gain his trust again. We can go back to what we were like before.

"So…" I begin quietly, "Um… we can still be together… as long as I do what you say is okay…?"

Yosuke nods, smiling agreeably.

"Yeah," he says, "If you can do that, you'll have my trust again."

He wants this to work. That's good, right? As long as he wants this to work… we can do it. I smile a little, blushing shyly.

"So… um… can I… snuggle with you?" I ask.

Yosuke smiles and blushes. He's so sweet when he's happy…

"Sure," he replies, "Just until the guys come back."

Slowly, I scoot closer, resting my head beneath his chin. His hand runs up my arm and to my hair, stroking each silver lock affectionately. He wants this to work… he wants this to work, so it'll be okay…

"Can I kiss you?" I ask quietly.

He hesitates a moment.

"…y-yeah. Okay," he stutters.

I look up at him and kiss him passionately on the lips. He grunts and pulls out of it quickly.

"Souji, um… let's just stick to cuddling for right now," he mutters.

Oh… so… that's not okay after all… He let me know. He's not upset with me… Biting my lip, I lower my head again, nestling it under his chin. His chest slowly rises and sinks as he breathes evenly, calm and relaxed. It's nice to be able to listen to him breathe… To be this close at least… I should be grateful that I can do this much…

"Hey…"

I look up at him again, wondering if I did something wrong. But his eyes are gentle… His lips curve a little smiling only slightly as he blushes.

"I love you," he whispers.

As he says it, my heart begins to flutter. He still tells me he loves me… So it must be true… Yosuke wouldn't say something like that unless he meant it… He wants this to work. He wants us to be okay. Because he loves me. I wrap my arms around him, nuzzling my face against his neck and shoulder. Even though he didn't consent to it, he embraces me lovingly. I return his words softly, and I feel him smile.

With my face pressed against his shoulder, he didn't notice the single tear that left my eye.