Replacement

Disclaimer: We own nothing but the psychotic idea that started this. If we DID own Hetalia…

Warnings: … yeah.. This is rated M so you know what's coming… Also, swearing, Prussia, America, acknowledgement of all the German blood in America, both country and human names used, ect.

Pairings: GerIta, America/Italy, Random-Ass America/Prussia

Germany's lips crushed against Feliciano's. Damn Italian. Having to get him so hot all the time.

Said Italian reached over, working almost feverishly on his jacket. Germany's hands moved without his mind's consent, quickly pulling off the smaller man's shirt, mapping out his thin frame, reaching down- what were his pants still doing on? He'd have to fix that.

Ludwig quickly reached for the smaller nation's zipper and tugged on it while he moved his lips to Feliciano's soft neck, elicitating a moan. With haste, the two made their way to Germany's bed, where the German managed to get his shirt off before the Italian started rubbing against the other's erection. Germany groaned in response. Italy smirked as he started on the German's lower half. He felt Ludwig start to nibble on his earlobe and reached down to remove the pants and boxers that kept him from his lover's manhood.

Italy's fingers ran through Germany's silky blonde hair once the other's lips returned to his own. The kisses got rougher and more involved as each tried to get the other hotter, harder. Germany placed his hands on the others hips, gently leaning him onto the bed before straddling him. The blond reached towards his bedside table, toward the lube lying there. He grabbed the bottle, quickly squeezing its contents onto his fingers, warming it. He gently put his hands on the Italian's knees and spread his legs.

Italy moaned and lifted himself slightly, trying to give the stronger man easier access. Ludwig reached down and pushed a single digit in, wincing as his lover hissed in discomfort. He searched a bit for the spot that would turn pain to pleasure and smirked as he found it. Feliciano's back arched as he pushed down onto Germany's finger, moaning loudly. He quickly added another finger, then another. Scissoring and stretching until the man underneath him was practically mewling with anticipation.

The blond reached for the lube again, slicking up his member. He pushed himself against Feliciano's entrance. Italy clutched his arms, prepar-

The phone rang. Goddamn it. Of all times…. Why then? Germany ignored the vibrating device, repositioning himself once more so he could finally stick his-

"I'm Awesome~! No you're not dude! Don't lie~ !" That annoying ringtone belonged to one person… the only person who could seriously ruin Germany's sexy mood. With an aggravated sigh, the German reached over to grab the blasted phone.

"Beilschmidt." Ludwig said, trying to hide the anger that he was feeling as he glanced over at his small lover, who was pouting.

"WESTEN! HILF MIR! JETZT!" Prussia yelled into the phone before he hung up. Germany listened to the dial tone a bit before he closed the phone and set it down. Italy stared at the German with confused eyes as he panted slightly, still hard and hot.

"Germany… W-what's wrong?" he asked, noticing the other's conflicted expression.

"It-it's Prussia…." Germany didn't really know what to do. One part of him wanted to ignore his annoying older bruder, but the other part noticed that his bruder probably did need him. After a few moments, he made his decision. "Italien.. es tut mir leid. I must go help meinen Bruder." Even as he said it, the poor man felt his erection just die.

"C-cosa? You-you're just going to leave me like this?"

Ludwig cringed. "I-I will be back as soon as I can. I promise."

Italy stared at him. "That doesn't help."

,,Ich weiss," The man muttered sheepishly as he put his clothes back on. "S-sorry," He left.

"… Fuck."

Hungary's mental man-sex sonar went off in her head. Gay porn was near. It was very, very near. Must. Find.

Her eyes widened as she set her sights on Germany's house. Could it be? Damn, the stuff she got from them was always good. Then-who was that walking out the door?

Germany? Something was wrong here. He was supposed to be inside right now fucking Feli. And she was supposed to be watching. What. The. Hell? Was Italy still inside?

She waited until Germany got into his car and left before she snuck through his window, trying to find the young Italian. Where could he be? Why was Germany's house so fucking huge? These were questions that needed to be answered. Right now though, she concerned herself with the former.

The brunette woman made her way down yet another flight of stairs into a hallway. Inside one of the doors had to be Italy. She took note of a slightly open door at the end of the line. She opened it.

Yahtzee.

Italy blushed and tried to cover himself. Not an easy feat when you're spread as wide as he was. Hungary could tell he wanted to shoot himself and decided to soften the blow.

"Italy?"

"… Si?"

"What would you say if I told you that I could find someone to lessen your, ah, pain right now."

Italy normally would've refused. He really would have. But, it's just that he was so hard and Germany had just decided to be a deutsch-bag and leave him here and oh god he wanted release. Please. Just please. "O.. kay."

Hungary beamed at him in what could possibly be the creepiest smile he had seen in all his life. He remembered Russia when he came by his house that one time…

Hungary was creepier.

So… who could she call? She had the phone number of just about all of the nations… but this was a very special job that needed to be done. Hungary couldn't call just anyone. The female went through her contacts in her head. Greece was very skilled when it came to these types of things but he was usually asleep. Denmark said he was going to be with Norway and she had already bugged his house just in case. There's France…who would be more than willing, but that probably would not go so well for Italy. Scotland, not the best match. Korea would most likely make the situation worse with his trademarked 'everything originated in Korea!' line. Prussia…. Oh god no.

No matter who she thought of, it just didn't work. But then, a thought hit her. Wait… Prussia? Who is like Prussia? A smirk crept onto the brunette's face. She knew who to call. (Ghost Busters! :D jk)

"Don't worry Italy. I've got the perfect match for you. I'll be right back." Hungary told him as she left the room. Italy just stared at the door while he tried not to whimper.

"Do not fear! The hero is here!" America yelled as he kicked open the unlocked door. Italy yelped at the sudden noise. Hungary had been gone for nearly an hour and she had returned…. With America, who looked at the small Italian with a confused expression.

"…Ciao?" Italy forced out sheepishly. America stared at him before he looked over at Hungary, the perfect example of what someone's face would look like if they were made of stoic.

"I thought you said he was in pain."

"He is! Just look at him! You need to help him!" America shook his head, his expression flat.

"Italy… is kind of dating… Germany, right? Just a note." Hungary thought for a moment before she burst out into emotion once again.

"Yes! But… he just left him like this! And he needs release sooo bad! Be the hero! Help him!" she pleaded. Italy was silent as he listened to the conversation. He didn't want to cheat on Germany or anything… it's just he wanted to be free of the pain. And it was kind of Germany's fault for leaving him like that.

America glanced from Hungary to Italy before he sighed.

"Fine, fine. Just don't tell England. Or Germany… I don't want to die." He finally replied. He looked at the Italian for a second before sighing. "I think.. I have a way of making this easier for you."

Italy's brow furrowed. "How?"

America shifted uneasily before taking off his bomber jacket and glasses.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

"Shut up." Alfred finished taking off his clothes and hesitated a bit before reaching up and slicking back his hair. Italy's eyes widened.

"America.. are you Germany's clone?"

".. Not even slightly. Just-no."

"Then why do you-"

"Do you wanna be fucked or not?"

"Uh…" Italy blinked, realizing that it might not be a good idea to piss off the man who was about to top him.

America smirked and walked over to him, Italy instinctively flinching away. This was wrong. I-it- He wasn't the original.

America leaned over and whispered in the brunette's ear. "Relax. Just pretend I'm him, yeah?" It was the "yeah" that got him. The way the blonde had pronounced it… so much like "ja".

Italy took a deep breath. "O-okay."

America's hands slowly caressed the smaller man's body, his mouth licking and biting and sucking every square inch he thought would be comfortable for him. Feliciano got, if possible, even hotter than before. He bit back a gasp. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"Stop with all the goddamn questions. I'm trying to make this work." America looked up as Italy tried to stifle another moan. "Don't hold anything back. I wanna hear you."

The Italian blushed. "Al- ah- alright."

America smirked. This might be more fun than he thought. Looking over, he spied the lube where Germany left it. On the floor. How uncharacteristic.

He scooped up the bottle and emptied what little was left onto his hands. Looks like Germany would have to go out and buy some more. America sure as hell wouldn't replenish his supply.

America restretched Italy's entrance before coating his cock and pressing himself up to the smaller man. Italy's breath hitched. How long had he been waiting for this? Germany, you asshole.

America squeezed Feliciano's thighs slightly as warning before pushing in. Italy gasped. Alfred was bigger than Germany, enough to feel, anyway. Would he be able to walk tomorrow?

No.

America began to move and all qualms of tomorrow left the Italian's head immediately. As a country of love, Feli had to admit: Alfred knew what the fuck he was doing. His moans turned to half screams as America thrust inside him, hitting his prostate with each movement. America's hands travelled down his body. He swore his skin burned at every place he touched. The burning sank down to his abdomen as he felt his end coming near.

"A-Americ-"

"ITALY ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WE HEARED SCREAMI- uh.." Germany and Prussia stood at the door, expressions only to be defined as: WTF?

Italy shuffled uncomfortably under America as he looked at his lover. "Um… Hi Germany!" America mentally face palmed. Germany looked around the room quickly before he noticed Hungary lying in a corner, passed out with a puddle of blood oozing out of her nose. She had a smile on her face. A huge smile. Prussia rolled his eyes at the sight before both Germans' eyes darted back to America. The American sighed.

"I see you're back. Well, I was taking over for you while you were gone. You left him here all prepared and shit… you dick. What the fuck is wrong with you?" he hissed. Germany blinked a few times.

"Um… I'm sorry…. Who are you and why do you look like me?" The confused blond asked. America stared at him before he realized what he was talking about.

"Oh, that's right." He began while he ran his hand through his hair, messing it up again. "I'm America. Here, you can take over if you want." America told him as he pulled out of Italy, got off the bed, and grabbed his clothes and glasses. Germany and Prussia just stared at him.

"Uh…." Germany mumbled. "Danke…?" Prussia started laughing loudly.

"Dude! So that's what you look like with your hair slicked back! I told you that you have a TON of German blood in you!" The albino taunted. America instantly sent him a mischievous glare.

"Shut up. I'm finishing up with you. You're room. NOW." Prussia stared at him for a second before replying with a nervous chuckle.

"W-Was?"

"You heard me." America then grabbed the Prussian and dragged his ass to the nearest bedroom, leaving Germany and Italy (and a certain passed out Hungarian) alone in Germany's bedroom.

Italy was silent as he blushed profusely. What would Germany think? Technically he had cheated… but he needed release sooo bad! And his lover had just up and left!

"Italy…"

Feli winced. "S-si?"

"W-was.." Italy flinched. Germany was going to kill him. Or worse. Oh, God what if Germany broke up with him? Ludwig continued. "Was… he better than me?"

Italy's face lit up. "Of course not, Germany!" Well maybe a little. "Um… Germany?"

"Yes?"

"America did say you could finish up. Do it. Like now. Please and thank you."

AND THEN AS SPAIN WOULD SAY, GERMANY BLUSHED REDDER THAN A TOMATO AND THEY ALL HAD WILD SEX AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. KESESESEESESSESSESESE~

Authors' Note: Yeah…. Um… we started this at midnight, and we finished it at five in the morning. So yes, 5 hours of pure crack has been condensed into this fic. Hope your mind doesn't splode becuz of its awesomeness. Yeah, I went there. So here's the thing. In my…. Colleague's mind, America and Prussia are totally fuck buddies…. I have to say it's very hot. And poor Italy, but hey, when you get desperate, America is perfect!

We're gonna follow this up w/ two omakes. One with continued America/Germany/Italy/Prussia confusion and hotness. And the other being just what Prussia and America did once they left that room. Both will totally be rated M. So enjoy those.

America seriously does look almost precisely like Germany with his glasses off and hair slicked back. Just like a slightly shorter clone. Weirdly, that one brother of his (Canadia?), does not look like him. We don't know.

If you noticed the teensiest change in mood by America once he took his glasses off, this was done on purpose. In both me and my colleague's mind, once America takes off his glasses, he becomes a bit… darker. Not necessarily Dark!America, but that America is within closer reach than normal.

Translations: There's a shit ton.

German:

,,WESTEN! HILF MIR! JETZT!"- WEST! HELP ME! NOW!

,,Italien… es tut mir leid."- Italy… I'm sorry.

,,Meinen Bruder"- my brother (although if you didn't know this I feel really bad for you..)

,,Ich weiss…"- I know…

,,Danke"- Thanks

,,W-was?"- What?

Italian:

"C-Cosa?"- Wh-what?

"…Ciao"- … Hi

… Everything else in here is kind of self explanatory. If you don't know what ja or si means you fail at breathing.

Okay everyone, we'll get out of your hair now. We'll put the omakes up at some point… when I kidnap my dear friend again… which will be soon. I'll jump out of her closet and kidnap her.

Friend: So you are coming out of a closet, then?

Me: … -.- shut up and get your head out of the gutter. Even if it means it will be homeless.

Friend: Nein. And bye!

Me: Auf Wiedersehen!