I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender

Did I do a good thing, Mama?

That thought floated in her mind like a piece of driftwood on the tide. Pushed to shore, and then back out to sea. Fingers caressed the smooth bone pendant. Images of her mother pushed her doubts away.

She was bathing in sea and moonlight. Yue was full tonight, shining in all her pale glory. Katara couldn't sleep on such nights. She could feel the water, the waves. The push and pull. It was like a heartbeat; blood in, blood out. It pulled at her mind and pushed her towards the waves. So she floated here in her bindings, rising and falling with waves.

She traced the design.

He was a monster.

She didn't kill him, just didn't save him.

He didn't serve it. Firebenders didn't deserve it.

A tune carried itself from her throat. It was an ancient thing, this song. If it once had words, they were lost in the snowy past of her tribe. But she could hum the melody. Gran-Gran did all the time. But it was Mom that taught it to her. In the long dark of winter, she would hold Katara and Sokka close and sing them softly to sleep. Humming it now, was almost like feeling her embrace. Almost.

They took Mom away.

The firebenders killed her!

They made Dad leave.

They killed all of our benders, drove Hama to madness.

They destroyed the airbenders, waged war on the Earth Kingdom.

And He was one of them.

Still…she felt a little hollow inside. That look Suki had given her. A shiver ran through her body that had nothing to do with the seawater. Now she and Sokka were sulking. Katara could understand Aang; he was too innocent and wouldn't hurt a whale-fish if he was starving to death. And Toph! The waterbender had noticed her rage, the tremors, and the rocks creeping towards her. For the world greatest earthbender, she needed more control.

But Toph was a little girl, how could she understand? She lived in a mansion filled with servants! She never had to explain to the little ones why the adults went way, or why some days they had less food to eat. Toph was too busy running from her family and playing in the dirt. Toph was too busy playing the Blind Bandit in some twisted need for attention.

Clutching the necklace, Katara decided that Zuko was Toph's Jet. A dorky, evil, stupid Jet. They play nice and act sweet to you, then use you, hurt you. Zuko would have done that to Toph. She had seen them, talking and laughing in their quiet corners. They shared one another's secrets, Katara had seen that before. Who knows what he would have tried to make naïve little girl do?

Zuko couldn't be trusted.

He attacked the village. He attacked Gran-Gran!

He tried to capture Aang, a little kid and the only hope for the world.

He burned Kyoshi Island.

He stole her necklace.

He killed Yue! If Zuko hadn't barged in with Zhao, the moon spirit never would have died and neither would have Yue! His fault!

He betrayed her. She had reached out her heart to the enemy of all people. She swallowed his whole sob story about his mother, probably a lie. If she had used the spirit water on him, Aang might have been gone forever.

Her hand relaxed and fell into the water beside her. The waves rocked her, and she looked up towards the beautiful moon. The hum died in her throat. She whispered to the wind, "I did a good thing, Mama. I killed a monster."

Another young woman was wake, this one laying on her bed. Her eyes had long since adjusted to the dark, but could still only muted shapes. No fine detail. No depth of color. It seemed appropriate. She knew what the room looked like anyway. She knew how red the sheets and drapes were. She knew the vanity, the wardrobe, all of it. Still, this half sight irked her.

Raising a palm, Azula lit a small flame. The rest of the room faded back into darkness, leaving only her little fire. A marvelous little thing, warm and bright. And firmly under her control.

She was in control. The flame barely even wavered or flickered. She was a master firebender, the youngest in many centuries. That meant control, and power. Azula was master of this flame and herself.

Zuko hadn't even tried to firebend against her, just used those swords of his. Silly ZuZu.

No!

She wrenched her mind back to the flame. It was a child's exercise, controlling a small fire like this. Manipulating the small details, the heat, color, and every movement, that was an exercise of a master. And she was a master. A master was in control.

Zuko wasn't worth the time or effort of the briefest of thoughts. Neither was Mother, Mai or Ty lee. None of them. She always liked him better anyways.

The flame flickered and grew a little.

It was fair in a way. He got Mother, and she got Father. Mother gave him cuddles and weakness. Father gave her power and control. Besides, Mother thought she was a monster.

Did killing ZuZu make me one? What Mother was afraid of?

The fire lost its blue hue, turning orange and red.

Pointless, they were too weak to understand. Being strong and in control meant burning through such nonsense. What did all the coddling get ZuZu? Dead!

By her own hand.

The flames threw shadows into the dark. They twisted and grew. From a formless mass they become more familiar shapes. Zuzu, a very young Zuzu, with a wide smile showing a few missing teeth. He was carrying, with some trouble, an even younger child with wide wondering eyes. He tried to lift her higher, as if to give someone a better look. The shadow spoke, "This my sister! I am her big brother!"

Azula gave a strangled yelp as the fire burned her hand, leaving her once again alone in the dark.

Toph was dreaming this night. Even the blind dream. Her dreams were memories instead of her usual blind bandit fantasies. It is not surprising in light of recent events, that she dream of Zuko.

She raised another earth wall with a flick of her wrists. There was the slightest of tremors as the fire blast collided with the stone. Another gesture and the wall went sliding towards her opponent. Past the wake of the moving wall, Zuko's weight shifted and launched himself into the air. A hand pushed off the top of the barrier as the firebender cleared it, she assumed.

A slide of her foot and the ground he meant to land on shifted. His next movements were blurred as she felt a wave of heat past very close to her. Even the world's greatest earthbender might tend to be distracted as an arc of fire passes mere inches away from her. Adding insult to injury the firebender was calming standing in one of his more common stances.

Toph growled lightly. She was accustomed to having so much trouble, but Zuko was right. She knew who to fight earthbenders. Sparring with Katara was difficult, the waterbender kept herself more or less rooted and shifting weight often gave away her attack. Even most firebenders weren't an issue. A kick or a punch aimed in her direction but out of striking distance? Please.

But Sparky and Twinkle toes? Aang barely stood on the ground, practically spending all of his time floating. Only Momo and Appa spent more time in the air then him. If he had a cutthroat attitude, she never would have survived the Earth Rumble with him. But he was a pansy….great for airbending monks, bad for earthbending students. Zuko was different. Not nearly as rooted as Katara or earthbenders, but not flighty as Twinkle toes. He could be very sneaky too. And when he jumps in the air, she largely has to guess if he simply moving, feinting, or actually sending fire her way.

And that wasn't even the most frustrating thing. She could feel the nervous rhythm to his heartbeat. His blasts of fire felt more like warm sunny day then burn-you-to-a-crisp fireballs. If there was one thing she hated, it was people taking it easier on her!

Toph jabbed a finger in his general direction, "Sparky, if you don't stop taking it easy on me I am going to lock in a room with Katara!" The earthbender put on a triumphant smile as she felt a shudder run through his body.

"I am not taking it easy on you I just…" His heartbeat fluttered again.

"Don't you dare start on the poor pathetic blind girl routine! This little doll can bury your ass…"

Whatever else she might have said was lost as she felt him gently grab her hands. She allowed him to guide her hands as she tried to ignore her on shaking heartbeat. He positioned her hands a few inches apart in front of her. She felt him spark a flame between them. It was weak, just enough to warm her hands. She thought she could feel the heat flicker, like he was having trouble maintaining the flame.

"I am losing my bending."

Her dreams shifted to later that, when Zuko told the rest of Gaang that his bending was gone.

"I lost my stuff."

Toph couldn't resist, "Hey, I haven't touched your stuff." She imagined that he was glaring at her, probably was too.

"No, I mean my firebending stuff…I can't bend."

Silence hung in the air as all present tried to process that information. It continued as they tried to think how to respond to something like that. Katara, on the other hand, knew what to do. She laughed.

"The big bad prince of the Fire Nation lost his bending." Whatever she was going to add to that insult was lost in her giggles.

Toph was pissed. She knew the others were upset or at least confused at Sparky's admission. She knew they definitely felt upset at Katara's response. They just sat there and let Zuko's heart sink. The little earthbender was not going to let this stand.

"Don't you dare laugh! What if you were the one that lost your bending! Well, how about it? You know how it feels to lose it when Pokey gets you. How about having that all the time! Then you would just be another bitch!"

Katara stood up to say something, but was held back by her brother. She looked and him angrily and he just shook his head.

"And you, Twinkle Toes! What would be without your airbending…" Toph felt a warm hand on her shoulder. By the heartbeat and smell, she could tell it was Sparky.

He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "That's enough…and thank you."

Back in the waking world, the little girl smiled and rolled over. The rest of the night was spent fantasizing of toppling the Fire Lord, ruling as the mostly benevolent Queen…oh and having her parents as her servants.

In another place, far from the others, a young man awakes and ponders his fate.

I am dead.

I think.

There is nothing but dark before eyes. The air is humid and heavy. I am unsure what I am on, if anything. Some of it feels soft and wet; other is more like stone or perhaps roots. Is this what is it like for Toph?

That it matters.

I am dead.

I should be. I deserve it.

Failure.

Traitor.

I deserve this oblivion. If I wasn't such a failure, Father would have been proud of me. If I wasn't such a failure, Grandfather never would have asked him to kill me. Then Mother never would have had to save me. She never would have vanished. It was my first betrayal, being so incompetent.

I betrayed Father. I was afraid and wouldn't fight him.

I betrayed Azula. Mom always wanted to be nicer to her, I never listened. Now she lost her mind.

I betrayed Uncle. I should have listened to him more, played pai sho, and had tea with him! Instead I betray him and send him rot in jail. Then he disappeared too.

I betrayed Katara. She was actually starting to trust me and I starting throwing fireballs at her. No wonder she let me fall.

I betrayed Mai….in a letter.

I failed Aang as a teacher, losing my fire.

I am dead and deserve it. Now I shall live out eternity in this hell where Agni's grace cannot reach me.

So be it.

Wait...I thought I heard something...