Secrets & Revelations

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner & Emily Prentiss

Spoilers: A/U Season 6, Spoiler up to and including "The Thirteenth Step"

Rating: M / NC-17 for Nudity, sexual situations, mild profanity and discriptions of graphic violence.

Summary: Emily knew it was never really over. Now she finds herself alone and facing one of her greatest fears. She doesn't have anyone she feels she can turn to, until help steps up from the most unlikely of sources.

Author's Note: This is the first part of the "Secrets" series and sets up the events for the two-one shots "Secrets & Tragedies" and "Secrets, Changes & Reunions". It's given me ulcers. I have deleted and re-wrote large portions of this because of things that you see on the show in "Sense Memory". I didn't want this to have the feeling of knocking off the show; so much of her behaviour will be told from Hotch's point of view.

I had actually written a scene where she barricades herself in her apartment. Then I watched "Sense Memory", thought 'well, shit' and deleted it.

Emily is much softer around the edges and is likely to be less the hard ass agent you will ever get on the show but a significant amount of research went into this fiction before I decided to mess with her this much. It deals with acute hyper-vigilance and fear induced sleep deprivation both of which, to me seemed reasonable giving what is to come.

Paget Brewster is such a wonderful actress and so able to convey emotions with a single look, a true "face actor," that I actually felt and understood her fear at the end of "The Thirteenth Step" and it spawned this whole thing.

So again welcome to my insanity, pull up a chair and enjoy. As always your comments are welcome. Thank you to everyone who had reviewed previously, your comments warmed my heart. I hope you enjoy this one as much as the others.

Many Blessings, Brandywyne.

This story is a work of fiction by an amateur writer and is for entertainment purposes only. The writer is in no way associated with Criminal Minds or anyone connected to the program. No Copyright infringement is intended and no monetary compensation has been received by the creation of this story.

All publicly recognized characters and storylines are owned by The Mark Gordon Company ,Paramount/Viacom, Touchstone Television, CBS Television Studios, ABC Studios, and their related entities.

All original characters, settings and/or storylines are Copyright protected ( Rev. Brandywyne L. Walker 2003 - 2011) Any duplication or distribution of this story, in whole or in part, expressly prohibited without written consent of the Author.

Gasping For Breath, Reaching For Balance

Emily Prentiss walked out of the pub where she had just met with Sean McAllister, a man that she hadn't seen or spoken to in several years and the news he had come with had been crushing. Her composure lasted until the soft cool breeze caressed her skin and then she stumbled sideways and gripped the stair rail to regain her balance.

Ian Doyle. It was a name that she hoped never to hear again and spent most of her time trying to forget. It was a name that, even ten years after the fact, still filled her with unparalleled terror.

For a moment she felt a strong sense of vertigo and the ground was threatening to rush up and meet her. She pressed her palm to the wall and stumbled to the side of the building, heading for the alley, away from the lights and prying eyes.

She was more than aware that she looked like drunk at the end of a bender and couldn't find it in herself to care. Not this time.

For long moments after Sean left the bar she sat and stared at the spot that he'd been. Willing herself to wake up and realize this wasn't real, that Sean hadn't been here, hadn't told her what he had, that it was all a dream. Eventually she shook herself out of her stupor and stood, picking up her jacket and purse.

Anger filled her at once. She was stronger than this. She was the daughter of Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss, a Federal Agent with one of the most prestigious units in the world, and a former member of Interpol's Special Investigations Unit.

She could do this; she could put on the face she had been taught to wear since birth. She could push this into the back of her mind; compartmentalize what she couldn't handle and deal with the practicalities, just as she had always done.

She let out a soft gasp and closed her eyes as her emotions welled up and threated to choke her again.

She opened her eyes, pulled back her shoulders and raised her chin. She could do this, she was stronger than this.

That lasted till she got outside and felt the cool air on her skin.

"Sean… Is he coming here?" She knew she already asked the question but it seemed to like the most pressing thought in her mind, the only thought in her mind.

Sean gave her a look of pity and concern, "I think we both know that you will be the one he wants the most. The one he will come for last."

Finally finding a dark spot in the side alleyway, Emily pressed her palms flat to the wall in front of her and bent at the waist, trying to control her emotions, her breathing. She repeatedly gasped for breath, knowing she was about to hyperventilate, but seemingly unable to prevent it.

"How long do I have?" She swallowed hard and pushed forward, just like she always had, "How long do you think it will take before he gets here?"

"It depends a lot on how much he wants you to suffer before he finally kills you." Sean never couched his thoughts, was always straight forward and honest, a reason they worked so well together in the past. For the first time she wished he would have lied to her.

Emily thought back over the years to the last time she had seen Ian Doyle, thought back over all of the things the man had done, what she knew he was capable of, and dropped to her knees.

"You need to start thinking about contingency plans."

Emily's jaw dropped at what he was suggesting. "My life is here, my family is here. I can't just up and leave Sean. What I do here is important."

"But not as important as your life, Lass." There was a softness in his eyes that was reserved solely for her. She could see it in his eyes. He was begging her to understand and to give in, to run.

She gasped again and felt the bile rising in the back of her throat. Unable to control it any longer she threw up the glass of wine she had while sitting inside with Sean. She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth and allowed the tears to come; finally giving up on control, knowing that it was useless.

In her mind she could see the body of Elsa, his housekeeper who had been an informant to Scotland Yard. She thought back to the things he had done to her body before finally killing her, the images burned into her brain. Scenes of carnage she had only seen rarely since. She knew what was in store for her and it caused her to gag again.

Sean reached out and grasped her cold and clammy hand. "Let me take you home Emily. You shouldn't be alone right now."

She gave him a trembling smile, willing him to leave and give her space, give her time to regain what was left of her composure. "No. You have things to do. I'll be okay. I just need a minute."

Pulling herself up to her feet she leaned back against the cool wall and tried to control her breathing. She couldn't seem to get a solid breath; the last time she felt like this was when she first returned to the States. A logical part of her mind questioned why after ten years and almost four with the BAU this would be affecting her like this. She had seen worse since then, not much worse, but still.

Sean. She shouldn't have told him to leave. She was all alone now; there was no one she could go to, no one she could tell. Everything was classified, seriously classified, and the only person who would understand what she was feeling, the only person she could talk to, she just pushed away.

Her balance, her fortitude, which she had always relied on, had abandoned her and for the first time since Ian Doyle was arrested she was truly afraid.

Sean stood off to the side, hidden partly behind a tree in the darkness and watched as Emily made her way out of the alley and to her car. She was shaky and pale. He would have given anything to prevent telling her this. She took so long to recover after Doyle was in jail. They had waited as long as they could before seeking her out, warning her of the threat that was coming.

He looked over at the smaller woman as she leant against her car. She meant the world to him. She had come to him as a young agent, he assigned as her handler.

He didn't think much of her at first, didn't understand why they would have used someone so young and unskilled. She was small, unassuming and shy. The only thing that she seemed to have going for her was that she fit the type that Ian Doyle was attracted to.

But over the year that they had worked together, he had grown to love her, admire her dedication and her desire to learn everything she could from the older man. And by the end, he loved her strength, her ability to overcome anything in her way, including her own fears and demons.

Demons that were now unleashed on her again.

You couldn't really know Emily Prentiss without loving her in one way or another and Sean vowed in that moment that he would do what he could to help her. He would protect her, and keep her safe; even if she would only allow it from a distance.

TBC in Chapter One - The View From Office Windows

Prologue