A/N: I'MM BAAAAAAAAAAAACK. its been under 2 weeks so i guess thats an accomplishment. a measly little weasly accomplishment. anyway, i got some reviews that were asking if kate really thinks she's in a relationship with josh because of how saucy and couply she acts around castle. my answer: yes, she feels she is in a devoted relationship with josh. the only reason i let her do stuff like the cannoli is because she does stuff like that on the show. she's daring and flirty with castle, no matter how commited she is to josh. if she wasn't like that on the show, she wouldn't be like that here. SO! this chapter is a little different. its more about Kate's inner turmoil. and there is some josh content (sorry), i really needed to introduce him again. because thats kinda the point of the story. he's like nagging at her mind. so we'll see what she does with that nag ;). i got pretty caught up in caskett because theyre so damn LOVEABLE. ok. stopping. now. PLEASE read A/N2 cuz it has an important question. brooos. :D im so hyper right now, you have nooooo ideaa. (i can't say it with the same amount of appeal as Beckett, unfortunately :/...) ON WITH IT! ~Alice

Disclaimer: ahahaahahah that WOULD be the day, wouldn't it. Alice, crazy nutbar, owner of Castle.

Kate froze, the cannoli in her mouth long forgotten. Richard Castle's lips were about an inch away from—Oh my god, had his eyes really just flickered down to her lips?

Kate had no idea why she was freaking out this particular time instead of all the other times they'd found themselves inches away from each other. It was probably the—the… Kate stuttered internally as she looked up into his cobalt eyes and found their expression to be one of sheer joy.

Why was he joyful? Was this one of those joyful moments? Should she be joyful?

Kate slapped her inner self for being so schoolgirl-like. Seriously, what was her problem today? A wave of guilt washed over her as she realized she had been inches away from cheating on Josh. Well, not cheating per se, but she didn't know if she could stop the situation from snowballing if they had—Kate, you are OUT OF CONTROL. You will not be couply or kissy or anything remotely close to that with Castle because—because… Kate found herself searching for a reason in vain before finally finding one-You are with Josh, and he-he is your boyfriend, and you love him. Sort of. Completely. Maybe. And you work with Castle. It wouldn't work out. It couldn't work out. It would mess everything up. Right? RIGHT! Kate screamed at the strange voice in her head that seemed to ship her and Castle and sounded suspiciously like Lanie. This needed to stop. Now.

Castle saw Kate's expression change from one of surprise to one of adorable panic. He couldn't prevent the joy that had crossed his face when he found himself studying every detail of Katherine Beckett's impossibly beautiful face. He'd probably scared her off. Why did he have to be so intense and mushy with Beckett? He wasn't like that with other women.

"But, uh, Rick?" A small voice in his head chided him.

"Kate Beckett isn't another woman, and other women aren't Kate Beckett."

Duh, Rick thought to himself.

They were still frozen in place, both pairs of eyes locked on the other.

With sudden and unnecessary force Kate yanked her head away, visibly slamming her back into the booth. She saw disappointment flicker through Castle's eyes, but she also saw something that made her sigh with relief: understanding.

She promised herself she would show some restraint. She couldn't lose Josh. They had something really special.

"Not as special as what you and Castle have." The inner Lanie-shipper-voice-thing sing-songed in her head.

"SHUT UP!"

Kate didn't realize she had said it out loud until she saw Castle's expression.

"Oh…uh… not—not you Castle. I didn't mean—" She faltered around several one-syllable words that were really just sounds until Castle cut her off; grinning.

"Its okay, Detective, I get it. My imaginary friends piss me off sometimes too."

Kate narrowed her eyes and resorted to take a sip of espresso instead of attempting any more words.

Somewhere in her mind she noticed the underlying chocolaty flavor of the espresso that made her want to curl up next to a fire with a good book and go to sleep. With Castle—no, with Josh. She quickly corrected herself, wondering what really was in this food. No doubt Castle had Francesco the waiter slip in some love drug. That sounded like something he would do. Chuckling at the thought, she was painfully aware of Castle's eyes boring into hers, unblinking and forever attentive.

Castle wanted to know what had made a small smile flicker across her face. He wanted so badly to share whatever joke she had thought of. He wanted to know Kate. Not Detective Beckett, whom he knew intimately as a partner and as a friend, but Kate. Kate the Temptation Lane fan. Kate the former model (yes, he knew about that). Kate the Mets fan. The Kate that curled up and went to sleep, maybe even snuggled with a pillow, not the one that ran hundreds of feet in spike heels and knocked down suspects three times her size. He was sure that even though Detective Beckett may be flashier, Kate would amaze him even more. The little glimpses she allowed him always left him astounded.

Kate broke the silence that had been stretching between them.

"Why do I feel like we've been lost in our separate thoughts for ninety percent of this—" She almost said date, but this was not a date. At all. I wish it was. Get a grip. You're drunk. Or something. Kate, you're drunk with… love? What? No. That's stupid. You're stupid tonight. Maybe I can control my thoughts just a little bit? Maybe? For two seconds? Ugh. This exchange lasted less than a second in her head before she cleared it and continued. "—outing."

Castle didn't miss the slight pause and strained word usage, but he dismissed the thousands of word possibilities that flooded his mind to replace "outing."

"I think you feel that way because we have been." Castle responded distractedly, still trying to ward off the inner barrage of words.

"Well, we should talk then."

"Words. My specialty." Castle said with a comically obscene wink.

"So, what do you want to… talk about?"

"Carnivorous desk lamps, the conspiracy between the NYPD computers, or… you." Castle ran through the ridiculous choices as if he were talking about the weather until he arrived at the last subject with a grin so dazzling Kate thought she could lose herself in it forever.

"Gee Castle, I didn't realize we'd be talking about enriching things today." The sarcasm dripped from her voice.

"Got to keep you on your toes, Detective. So which one will it be?"

"I've got a good one! Option D, none of the above." She said with a smirk.

"You're no fun."

"Really. You're the one that came up with carnivorous desk lamps."

"You asked me what I wanted to talk about and I told you! Besides, I don't think it's totally out of the realm of possibility, do you? I mean if desk lamps could move do you really think they'd be herbivores? Naw, with that heat they'd be havin' BBQ desk-workers every meal and—"

"OK, ok, Castle. Got the point. Desk lamps would be carnivores if they could move. I feel enlightened."

"Glad I could help."

Kate rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress the laugh she felt coming.

"Oh Castle, you really are a piece of work you know that?"

"Yup. I've been told that by approximately…five hundred and forty-three people."

"You keep track, do you?"

"Uh huh, I like to know what people think of me."

Kate had a nagging suspicion he was only half kidding.

"So, Rick, how many people have found you "ruggedly handsome?"

"One thousand and four." Castle responded in a heartbeat.

"And this was after how much wine?"

"A bottle or two…or three… but that's not the point."

"No, no, not at all. I find alcohol actually makes my vision sharper. Doesn't it do that to yours?"

"Well played, Beckett. Well played."

"I've got to keep you on your toes, right Castle?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

His previously dazzling smile had become so blindingly brilliant that if Kate had been standing she was disturbingly sure she would have lost her balance. Maybe landed in his arms. Not so bad… Kate. Focus. Josh Josh Josh Josh Josh. She chanted his name to herself until she felt that she had some grip on reality.

Looking down at her hands she realized the struggle to stay away from Castle was spiraling out of control. She didn't want him to have this affect on her. But he did. He made her feel euphoric, beautiful, daring; the list went on. He made her feel… everything. Every emotion she thought ever existed swirled in a kaleidoscope-like confusion when she was with him. She wished she could have something she had been lacking from the day she walked up to him three long years ago.

Clarity.

A/N: I hope Kate wasn't too OOC. I'm not sure if i like this chapter. PLEASE PLEASE leave a review and tell me want you think. they give me purposeeee in my liiiiifeee. :D also i really want to know if this was ok or just really bad. tell me bros. oK important question time: would you like me to do one last chapter of this "little thing" with a bit more Caskett interaction and maybe some more Musing!Beckett or would you like me to go on to the next thing already. let me know dudes and lurkers and lions, i love y'all!