Disclaimer: I own seriously nothing. I do not own anything even vaguely Harry Potter related, I do not own Take Me Or Leave Me (that's all Rent), my life is sad and pathetic.

A/N: I've been really interested in Remus/Sirius fanfiction lately, and I'm working on a long, legitimate story, but I had to do this. It just felt necessary. Please excuse the fact that I am absolutely ridiculous.

Lily ran her fingers through her boyfriend's dark hair, giving him her best "come hither" look. He continued to stare blankly at the dying fire in the hearth. "James," she yanked his hair, "James. James!"

"Hmm? Yes? What?" he replied, shaking his head.

"I get the feeling you're distracted," she said, smirking. "What's on your mind?"

"Remus and Sirius," he sighed. "They're fighting. Have been for a few days, now."

"I thought they were doing so well? Getting closer and closer, by the looks of it."

"Yeah, my thoughts as well. Suddenly, Monday evening, they're no longer speaking. I can't get a word about it out of either of them," he dropped his head into his hands.

"Did anything monumental happen on Monday?"

"Nothing! I've thought it all over and over. Breakfast, you ate toast with apricot marmalade, we went to classes, you changed into that green jumper I love because I spilled pumpkin juice all over you during lunch, more classes, you gave me that look during dinner and I spilt pumpkin juice all over myself, suddenly Pads and Moony aren't speaking. Oh, and the glaring. They can glare like no one I've ever seen. Like sharing a room with a hippogriff and a particularly rude 3rd year," James' mouth dropped into an "o" that was practically comical, "Do you think it's the pumpkin juice? I think I may have hit Remus with a bit of it."

Lily sighed, shaking her head. "Could you be any thicker? I adore you, and it's flattering, really, but do you pay attention to anything but me?"

"Not really. So it's not the pumpkin juice, you reckon?"

"No, definitely not. How about we go back over the day, only concerning anything to do with Remus and Sirius, okay?" she took a seat next to James on the couch. She'd given up hope on any chance at a fireside snog.

"Oh, were you paying attention?" He looked up hopefully.

"Some of us can focus on more than one thing at a time, James." He harrumphed insolently, and she continued, "Breakfast: yes, I ate toast, we've covered that. Your ridiculous friends were being ridiculous, but all seemed normal. Elizabeth Vane tried to sit on Sirius' lap, he pushed her off but threw a wink in her direction, and all of her idiot friends giggled wildly; it gave me a headache. Remus seemed fine. Ish. Maybe a little edgy, at best, but he's not great in the morning, right?"

"Who is?"

"Fair point. Okay, classes, they sat next to each other in Defense, they appeared to be arguing now that I think of it, then in Potions I wasn't paying attention-"

"The great Lily Evans wasn't paying attention?" James mock-gasped.

"Oh, don't patronize me, you git. I was trying to keep you from melting our cauldron. As I was saying! Lunch: you spilled pumpkin juice on me, I was irritated, Susan Rogers whispered something in Sirius' ear, he pinched her bum as she walked away; it was revolting. Remus snapped his fork in two. Then- oh sweet Merlin," she brought her hand to her lips, her jaw hanging open stupidly.

"What? What? Lilyflower, what is it?" James snapped his fingers in front of her face repeatedly. "Did I break you? What happened? Lily!"

"I think I've figured it out," she said blankly.

"And?"

"And it's going to take a lot more than a good talking to to get this out of them, let alone fix it," she took a deep breath, "I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'm going to need you to help me with a… prank. I have a plan."

James kissed her soundly, "You've never been sexier."

"Remus, could you look over my Charms essay? I'm having a bit of trouble describing the wand movements."

"Of course Lily," as he leaned over to give her essay a quick glance, she slyly dumped a vial full of turquoise liquid into his tea.

Sirius had been a bit easier. All James had to do was shout, "Oi! What's that?" and his best friend was distracted and looking around for a solid 45 seconds. Sirius insisted it was because of Padfoot, but James was pretty sure Sirius always had the attention span of a kneazle in the Black vault at Gringotts.

As the two boys sipped their choice breakfast beverages, unawares to the fact that they had essentially just been drugged, they avoided each other's eyes, but, when a 6th year Hufflepuff strode up to Sirius, Remus shot both of them a glare that would turn the sun to ice. Before she retreated (very quickly), Sirius gave the golden-haired boy a nasty look and kissed her hand.

"What's you problem?" Remus hissed.

Sirius opened his mouth to respond with a rude remark, but that is not quite what happened.

"Show time," Lily whispered in James' ear.

Sirius stood up, looking slightly bewildered. "Every single day, I walk down the street, I hear people say 'baby so sweet'" he grinned, being the show-off he was, he threw himself into the song and his incredibly dramatic performance, "Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me, boys, girls, I can't help it baby," he turned to Remus, ruffling his hair, "So be kind and don't lose your mind, just remember that I'm your baby. Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me."

McGonagall stood, but Dumbledore put his hand on her wrist and she reluctantly returned to her seat. His eyes were twinkling as he made a complicated movement with his wand- the suits of armor began to play music.

Sirius continued, now taking his madness onto the table, "A tiger in a cage can never see the sun, this diva needs her stage, baby let's have fun!" he continued making a spectacle of himself, but looked directly at Remus. "You are the one I choose, folks would kill to fill your shoes! You love the limelight too now, baby, so be mine and don't waste my time, cryin' 'oh honey bear are you still my, my, my baby?'" he batted his eyelashes at Remus mockingly.

"Don't you dare!" the other boy cried.

"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me. No way, can I be what I'm not, but hey, don't you want your girl hot?" he threw a wink in Remus direction, "Don't fight, don't lose your head, 'cause every night who's in your bed?"

"Did you know they were sharing a bed?" Peter squeaked. James nodded no, unable to form single words, let alone full sentences. Lily was… dancing in her seat, a triumphant grin on her face.

"Kiss, pookie," Sirius said, leaning into Remus.

Remus pushed him. "It won't work!" he scolded. To his chagrin, he continued on with his own verse, jumping onto his seat. "I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline, I make lists in my sleep baby, what's my sin? Never quit, I follow through, I hate mess but I love you, what to do with my impromptu baby?"

"Remus really has a lovely voice, doesn't he?" Lily commented mildly.

"So be wise, 'cause this girl satisfies," he blushed spectacularly. Sirius nodded his head in agreement, making the werewolf blush even more. "You got a prize, but don't compromise, you're one lucky baby. Take me for what I am!"

"A control freak," Sirius interjected.

"Who I was meant to be," the lycanthrope glared.

"A snob, yet over-attentive."

"And if you give a damn-"

"A loveable droll geek," the black haired boy still managed to gaze at his lover with adoration, despite their ridiculous situation and rather impressive argument.

"Take me baby, or leave me!"

"And anal retentive!"

"You know, in their situation, that may actually considered a good thing," James laughed.

"Oh, look who's joined the party," Lily replied, ruffling his hair.

They both cried out, "That's it!"

Remus continued, "The straw that breaks my back!"

"I quit!"

"Unless you take it back!"

They faced each other, both on the table, "Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn, take me baby or leave me! Take me baby, or leave me! Take me baby, or leave me! Guess I'm leaving! I'm gone!"

The entirety on the Great Hall broke into applause. Sirius bowed repeatedly, then, Remus, coming to his senses, jumped to the floor and stormed angrily from the Great Hall, blushing crimson.

Sirius turned to James, "This is your doing I suppose?"

"Actually, this was all Lily," the other boy replied, proudly.

"Bloody brilliant! Welcome to the Marauders, Lilypad, glad to have you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an insufferable swotty lycanthrope to apologize to and snog senseless," and with that, he was off.

"Did all of that happen?" Peter asked, trying to clean out his ears with his pinky.

"I think it did, Pete," James replied, patting his consolingly on the shoulder.

"Huh."

"Indeed."

"You think I should tell them the potion won't wear off until tomorrow?" Lily asked.

"They'll figure it out," James replied, shrugging it off, "Apricot marmalade, Lilyflower?"

A/N: I'd like to point out that I am well aware of the fact that Rent didn't come out until far after the Marauders graduated Hogwarts, and normally this would drive me absolutely out of my mind, but this is a frilly oneshot and frankly, I don't give a damn. Read/review/send me hugs.