The dawn came upon our little boat like a stealthy predator. The sun rose up from the depths of the sea, causing the illusion like that of a million shimmering diamonds breaching the surface of the water. The sky glowed with hues of red and orange while oceanic birds sing their praises to the morning and chattering dolphins jumped playfully alongside the boat. Yes, truly, this was a beautiful sight indeed…if you happen to be one of those 'morning people.'
That damn sun beamed through our porthole window with the intensity of Bahamut's mega flare. I whined pitifully and tried to turn away, only to find that I was pinned down. I nearly panicked as the light took away all my vision and I suddenly became blind and pinned down. I was almost ready to thrash and throw whatever it was off of me when my eyes adjusted, and I saw Squall.
His arm was draped over my stomach and hung limply off the side of the bed. His head was resting on my chest as he snored softly. His mouth stood agape and his hair was all ruffled like an unruly chocobo. I swear sleeping is about the only time the adjective 'adorable' can go along with Squall Leonhart in the same sentence. Trust me, I know from many experiences staying in his dorm. Um wait, no one is supposed to know that. Shit. Me and my big mouth. Well, you can keep a secret can't you? Oh of course you can. Silly me.
Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, Squall. It's rare that he ever has that look of pure contentment on his face. One instant being sleeping of course…the other…well…um never mind. In those instances there were no scowls or pouty faces. It was just blissful peace. Oh it was so tempting to wake him up, he'd definitely die of embarrassment in this position, I just know it. Don't get me wrong now, Squall is very capable of being a sweet guy, and he does smile, it's just that it doesn't occur that often. But that doesn't make me love him any less, and hey, I'm working on him.
I could have stayed there and watched him for hours but…he was drooling all over my nightshirt. It was best to get up before I ended up drowning. I decided to go see how my water phobic dog was doing. I carefully slid out from underneath him, which was accomplished with the grace of a drunken ruby dragon and I hit the floor with a thud. This did not stir the ever vigil Mr. Leonhart. Which a part of me was glad that maybe perhaps he was finally starting to relax. The other part of me was whining for help off of the floor. My head was killing me.
I ran a hand through my hair, put on a pair of shorts and walked out the door. I proceeded onto the deck where I met up with the aristocratic bunch. They gawked and gasped at my slovenly appearance and attire. They could bite me, I was on vacation damn it.
Angelo's room was twice the size of ours with plush carpeting and that gold leaf wallpaper. He was sitting in his Estharian armchair when I walked in. He stared at me with that 'oh I'm happy to see you, but I won't wag my tail or come to you because I'm thoroughly pissed' look.
"Hey Angelo!" I said in my most saccharin doggie talk voice. "How are you this mornin'?"
He jumped off of the chair and dropped on the floor and whined like this was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. And it was all my fault.
"Oh c'mon, it can't be that bad, this is a regular palace you're staying in!"
He chuffed and rolled his eyes. That's the problem with smart dogs, like smart people they are blessed with an insane amount of attitude. Training was a bitch, trust me.
I walked over and sat beside him and pushed him over so to give him a peace offering in the form of a belly rub. No dog will pass that up, no matter how pissed off he is at you. He sighed contentedly as I ruffled the fur on his neck and scratched that little spot on his stomach that makes his back leg spin into overdrive.
I stopped and looked him in the eyes. "So are we friends again?"
He rose up and licked my hand as if to ask why I stopped.
"Wanna go outside and have a look around?"
He gave me a fearful look and tucked what little tail he had under at the mention of the word 'outside.'
"It'll be fine, I promise. The ocean is very far below us and there's plenty of railing to keep you from falling into it."
He tried to hide his face in his paws.
Apparently, this would take a different coaxing approach.
^~^~^~^~^~
"I swear, I'm not carrying you all over this boat Angelo," I groaned as I tried to put him down on the deck. "How can I put this as gently as possible? You're too heavy!" We looked like an episode of Scooby Doo. He whined and tried to climb further up onto my shoulders, thus causing me to lose my balance. We both collapsed onto ship with an overly loud thud. He howled as if he had been tossed into a lake of hot lava. This caused raised eyebrows in the passersby.
"Oh stop it," I said as I picked myself up. "Honestly, I don't understand how you can stand up to a two ton behemoth and then be such a baby over a little salt water."
He gave me a look that seemed to say, "A little? A little?!? Listen woman, I am surrounded by miles and miles of liquid terror, don't you dare try to make light of this situation!"
Maybe I understand my dog a little too well. I don't know.
Suddenly he turned and his expression seemed to change completely. The fear in his eyes was suddenly overcome by something else. I followed his gaze. A few feet ahead of us stood Maude McCay. She waved and smiled that big denture gleaming smile of hers as she approached. I started to wave when I realized what was resting underneath her other arm.
Oh Hyne no. Please no. But it was. Yes, the only thing that could possibly take my dog's mind off of his water phobia.
"Rinoa! How are you today dearie? Have you met my little Cocoa-Nut? Isn't she the prettiest little kitty cat you've ever seen?"
"Heel Angelo, heel Angelo, heel, heel, heel." I repeated over and over under my breath as I put on a sweet 'I give a damn about your cat' smile.
"Oh isn't she gorgeous?" I said as I reached out and tried to pet the prissy furball. She hissed violently. I quickly withdrew my hand before it came back with a few digits missing.
"Aww look at that! She likes you!"
Yeah right. That thing was evil, I didn't need sorceress powers to tell me that. There was a demonic presence in those icy blue Siamese eyes. It's tail twitched with malice.
I heard a low growl emanating from the dog at my side. My control over him was faltering. Steady boy, I thought to myself, we'll try to make as quick of a get away as possible.
"Here doll, can you hold her for just a second?" She said as she took her cigarette case from her straw stitched purse. "I swear if I don't get my nicotine fix I'm going to keel over right here and now." Yes, yes we all realize the irony in that statement.
"Oh, um Mrs. McCay, I really don't think…"
"It's Maude dear," She said as she handed me the longhaired evil. "Thank you, you're such a sweetheart."
"Uh…no…problem," I sighed. She turned her back to us as she fiddled with her lighter. The thing began to rumble in my arms. Too bad it wasn't purring. It stared up at me and flashed an evil grin full of pointy teeth. I closed my eyes tightly for fear of having them clawed out. A minute or so later I peeked over to Maude, wondering how it could take this long to light a cigarette. I saw her leaning over the railing looking out at the ocean. Apparently on her second cigarette now. I am now almost certain she was the inventor of chain smoking.
Angelo licked his chops and growled again. The cat looked down and growled back before beginning to drive its claws deeper into my arm.
"Mrs. Mc..er I mean Maude," I whimpered. "I really think you should come take Cocoa-Nut now, she doesn't seem to be too fond of me or my dog here."
"Oh nonsense!" she said as she looked over at me from her shoulder. "My Cocoa-Nut absolutely adores dogs."
Yes, and she was adoring herself right into my flesh! I gritted my teeth to fight the pain as I felt the blood begin to trickle down my arm. Upon smelling said blood, Angelo diverted from his obedience training and took action. I was in danger and he decided he would save his master by doing the worst thing he could possibly do. He lunged at the cat and barked.
This caused an unsettling and painful sequence of events. The first was the cat leaping onto my face. This lead to me screaming, thereby causing Angelo to go ballistic and jump on me trying to get to the cat. Which caused me to fall…and that was only the beginning.
"My baby!" I heard Maude shriek as the cat let go of my face and ran off full throttle like a mad sprinter. I groaned as four dog feet trampled over me in hot pursuit. "Get that mongrel away from my angel!" Maude began to run after them, coughing and hacking the entire way. After I lay there for a moment I mumbled something that is too offensive to repeat, picked myself up and followed the trio in a limping trot.
The breakfast buffet on the lido deck was quickly dispersed with many shrieks and cries and breaking of dishes.
"Waiter! There's a cat in my eggs benedict!"
"Mon Dieu! My soufflé!"
"Look at the pwetty puppy mama! Can I keep it?"
"Oh my God!"
"My new shoes! Gerald! I have oatmeal on my new satin shoes!"
"Incoming!"
"Shit! This was my best breakfast buffet suit damn it!"
"You see this Henry? This is why you can't have a dog."
They made one trip on top of the buffet table by the time I reached the deck yelling and whistling for Angelo. The large bowl of fruit spilled across the deck straight into the shuffle board tournament. One of the participants mistook a grape fruit wedge for a puck. A foul was called that resulted in an all out brawl big enough to rival any hockey game.
I continued on after them. I was able to make out the directions they were taking from Angelo's consistent barking and Maude's insistent yelling. Then there were of course the tale-tale signs from the chaos they left in their wake. As fate would have it there were many breakable events going on that morning. The exotic ice sculpture demonstration for instance. The Convention of the Purveyors of Fine China, the Glass Expo, the champagne glass stacking competition, and the knitting club to name a few more. Yeah, the vacation was now no longer a free one. I guess what they say is tru…what? The knitting club? What about it? Oh, breakable, yeah well there were a lot of fragile hips in that room.
I ran outside along the walkway and banged repeatedly on our room's door in hopes of waking the sleeping lion up for assistance.
"Squall! I could use some help!! Angelo is trying to eat Mrs. McCay's cat and it's a war zone out here!"
Silence.
"They've really messed up a lot of stuff out here…I'm sure I'll be paying out of my pocket for all this."
Not a creature was stirring inside. I tried turning the doorknob. It was locked of course, and I didn't have the key.
"Or I could put it on your SeeD credit card…because I do have that handy here…"
Whether he reacted to that statement or not I couldn't wait around to see as I heard Angelo let loose a howl of terror.
I caught up with them poolside with my dog hanging off the edge of the diving board with the ball of fluff sitting proudly above him grooming herself with the greatest of care.
"Angelo, hold on!" I said as I made my way around to them. The cat took it upon herself to bat at his nose during this time, gloating in her triumph. The pleading look on dog's face did little to earn the cat's mercy. She began bouncing on the board. Yeah, I didn't know they were that maliciously clever either. Angelo howled again as his grip gave way and he hit the water with a loud splash.
"Swim Angelo!" I cried from the water's edge. "Dog paddle!" I tried to mimic the movements.
And dear Angelo with his natural instincts taking over…sank like a stone.
Damn it.
I jumped in after him, picking him up from the pool's bottom. He struggled to cling tighter to me as we surfaced, which alas made swimming much more difficult. After much splashing and choking I made it to the ladder and dragged my stiff as rigor mortis dog out of the water. He coughed and shook with horror.
"I could kill you, you know that?" I said as I fell onto my back and looked him in the face. He looked back at me with big brown sad eyes and licked me on the nose.
"Stop trying to plea bargain."
His little nub of a tail began to wag furiously.
There is no winning with dogs.
I staggered away from the pool dripping from head to toe and keeping the soggy mutt close beside me.
"Oh my God are you alright?" I saw Maude running at us up ahead.
"Yes we're fine Mrs. M--" She didn't even notice us as she sped past us in a hot pink slacks blur.
I glanced behind to see her scoop that spawn of Diablo's cat and hug it tightly.
I sighed and grabbed Angelo by the collar and dragged his shivering form across the deck. We were the subjects of many an evil stare and explicit statements before we made it back to the room. Whereupon I called on a small explosive spell with enough kick to tear the steel bolted hinges from the door. It fell with a loud clang.
I looked through the dust and debris for the outline of Squall. Death was the only excuse I was willing to take from him. He was sitting in the breakfast nook staring up at me with a slight look of horror…playing triple triad. His triple triad opponent gave a slight squeak and twitched one of its long ears.
"Uh…hey…hey Rin." Squall said nervously. "You two been out for a morning swim?"
I stared holes into his head. "I could have used your help Squall."
"Huh? When?"
"Oh just a few minutes ago…when I was pounding on the door and screaming for help!"
"Oh shit, that was you? I thought it was housekeeping…or more precisely…Mrs. McCay."
I felt the heat of the fireball as it formed within my hand.
"Honest to Hyne's truth Rin, I didn't know it was you!"
I watched as he continued to lower himself further beneath the table. It was fun to watch him squirm.
"Well…you see we were having an intense card game and really its not a good idea to leave this guy alone with the cards…because he's a dirty thief!"
His opponent chattered with rage.
"I was in trouble Squall! Where's the protection? Don't you have one of those tingling knight senses when danger is near or something?
"Um…no Rin that's Spiderman."
"Whatever. You know, I can't believe you brought a GF on our vacation!"
"But it's just Carbuncle. He's small and fits into most overhead compartments, and from my experience it's always handy to keep one around for emergencies."
"Triple Triad is an emergency?"
"Sometimes…yes, yes it is."
Carbuncle gave a triumphant squeak and threw down a card he had been holding and flipped the remainder of Squall's cards over on the table.
"What?!?" Squall screamed in rage. "You cheating bastard!!!"
The furry GF screeched and made clicking noises, pounding his little green paw on the table in his defense.
"Don't give me that crap you little cretin, that was an illegal move and you know it!"
The ruby on the rabbit-like cretin… I mean creature's head began to glow.
"What do you mean not by the rules you were playing by? We were playing standard rules! I told you that!"
Carbuncle growled and bared his teeth.
"Come here you little--"
Before Squall could grab him a bright light filled the room. When it cleared Squall was on the ground choking himself.
"Rinoa…" he wheezed.
Oh, I would have helped…really…but I was too busy staring at…um…a spot on the ceiling.
~^~^~^~^~^~^~
Later that day after Squall had recovered from his asphyxiation, we went out on the deck to see how the rest of them had fun. Once again, I was dragging a heavy load across the boat.
"Rin I look like a moron in these swim trunks!"
"Yeah, well you look like one without them too." I muttered. Actually that's so far from true, but I was upset darn it.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"There you kids are! I've been looking all over for you!" Maude huffed as she approached us at a staggering speed for her age.
"Save me Rin!" Squall hissed as he jumped behind me.
"Oh you big baby," I said. "You'll fight an arena full of T-Rexaurs but you're scared to death of one little old lady."
"Yeah
well she's old enough to have been frisky with the T-Rexaurs
when they were hatchlings. They have
life spans of hundreds of years Rin…hundreds of years!"
I rolled my eyes at his incoherent babbling and gave my sweetest smile as Maude came to a grinding halt in front of us.
"Hey Maude what's up?"
"I forgot to tell you that I signed you two up for the Ping-Pong tournament that's been going on all day. You two have made it to the finals!"
"How…how is that possible?"
"Well, by not showing up, you two managed to do better than any of the other teams against our reigning champions."
"You're…you're kidding right?"
"Listen honey, I don't run clear across the lido deck to tell someone a joke, that's just not how I want to seep away five minutes of my life."
"Sorry. But how is it remotely possible that we have advanced to the finals without even lifting a ping-pong paddle?!?"
"Well see, technically you are the only team that isn't in the infirmary at the moment."
"Oh my God, they put them in the infirmary?"
"Yeah…well all but the one player who was hit in the head by that stray shuffle board puck."
"People are getting sent to the infirmary for playing ping-pong? Isn't that one of the safest sports one can play?" This was beginning to scare me.
"I suppose it is. But you see the reigning champions are graduates of the John McEnroe School of Tennis and Ping-Pong. So um, they are a little quick to anger. Try not to do anything to upset them. For instance no name-calling. Do not make direct eye contact. Don't breathe in their general direction."
"Sounds like a couple of tough guys," Squall said from behind me.
"No, no they're girls."
"Girls?" Squall laughed. "You've got to be kidding!"
"Hey! Girls can be tough!" I said.
"Yeah, whatever."
"Oh, please. Girls don't stand a chance in any sport against a guy who hasn't had a hip replacement."
"Excuse me?"
"What I didn't say anything!"
"No, but you thought it!"
"What? You were reading my mind again? Rinoa, we agreed you wouldn't read my mind anymore!"
"I couldn't help it! It…um…slipped!"
"Yeah right. Tell me another one!"
"It did! And you know, I wouldn't read it if I knew I could trust that ignorant male mind of yours!"
"Oh yeah? Well read this!" He sneered.
"Squall!" I gasped. "That was so mean!"
"Um, kids," Maude interrupted. "I hate to break up your lover's spat, but they are waiting for you in the ping-pong arena. You two can settle you're argument there."
"This'll be a piece of cake," Squall said, his competitive spirit soaring. One could easily see he was dying for some sort of action, even if it was ping-pong. "We will beat them no problem, thanks to me!" He jumped out from behind me and raised his arm in triumph.
Maude looked him up and down before she gave a wolf whistle. "Nice trunks," she said referring to his chocobo printed swim trunks that I got him last year for his birthday. Hey don't look at me like that, they were on sale.
Squall flushed and tried to cover up Mr. Chocobo. No, not that! The print on his shorts you pervert!
Entering the so-called arena, it was clear to see our opponents had a following. You know one of those chanting, war-paint wearing, obnoxiously loud followings.
"Squall I think we should get out of here. These people look vicious."
"Oh don't be silly Rinoa, these are the usual attendants to a sporting event."
"Oh Hyne! I think that guy just bit the head off of a seagull!"
I couldn't help but notice the splatters of blood on the table as we approached. This wasn't going in the "vacation o' fun" scrapbook. I could feel it.
"Squall, I think you should know, I'm allergic to pain!"
"Oh Rin of little faith, you've got me on your team. What could you possible be afraid of?"
"Dying."
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Stop doing that!"The crowd parted and we were suddenly face to face with our opponents. I was expecting them to be about forty feet tall or so, breathing fire, enormous claws. Hey, Maude didn't say they were human.
But no….it was worse.
They had matching bowling shirts with crossed ping-pong paddles embroidered on the back!
Yeah I know, I'm a sucker for playing up the drama. Sue me. Their entrance was met with the roar of the crowd as they removed their Ray-Ban sunglasses and paraded around the ring like a couple of Galbadian monkeys. Their reputation seemed to elude them. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. The announcer jumped on the table and began his overly excited introduction.
"Ladies and Cabana Boys! Let's get ready to Ping-Pong!!" Yes, that definitely has to be in the book of "The Lamest Statements of All Time." Nevertheless it drove the crowd wild. "In this corner," he continued. "Our reigning champions of the pong, the paddle goddesses themselves, Nicole Ping of the Nile and Kristine the Pong-in-ator!"
Oh my God…Sorry, those names still make me say that to this day
"Oh my God," Squall droned. See, I told you.
"And in this corner! Fresh meat…Rinoa Heartilly and Squeal Leonhart!"
"That's SQUALL Leonhart!"
"Oh sorry about that…I mean Scald Leonhart!"
"Squall! Like the sudden and violent storm!"
"Violet? Violet Leonhart?""Let go of me Rin, I'm going up there to kill him."
"Easy there tiger, calm thy violent stormyness."
Meanwhile tweedle ping and tweedle pong were performing some sort of weird rituals over their paddles in preparation for battle. Really…I didn't think ping-pong was that popular.
"Geez, what a couple of geeks," Squall said. Fine time for him to be speaking his mind.
"Excuse me? Did you say something chocobo briefs?" One of them threatened.
"Don't bother with them Nicole," the pong-in-ator said. "Let your paddle do the talking."
"Yes, you're right Kristine." Nicole raised her paddle and waved it in front of Squall like a puppet in front of a child. "You're going down Squawk!" she said in a weird high-pitched voice.
"That's better," Kristine said.
We picked up our paddles as the sounding foghorn signaled round one. The Pong-in-ator served the first ball, which made a line drive and popped off the bridge of my nose. Who knew ping-pong balls could hurt a person so much.
"Ow! My nose!"
"Hit it with the paddle! The paddle!" Squall yelled. He was getting way too in to this.
"Shut up Squall! I tried! I think my nose is bleeding."
"Suck it up soldier we're pressing onward to victory!" Oh great, military flashbacks.
The next serve bounced onto Squall's side to which he immediately backed away and held his hands up.
"What are you doing Squall?!?"
"What? It was out!"
"You half-wit! This isn't tennis! It's only out if the ball flies over the table!"
"Well why didn't anyone bother explaining the rules?!?"
"Because the rules are pretty damn self explanatory in ping-pong!"
"Don't use the snide tone with me Rinoa, you know I can't stand that!"
"Oh reaallyyy?"
"Stop it!"
Meanwhile, the wonder-pong twins were dying with laughter.
"Well at least I don't try to hit the ball with my face!"
"Well you know we are now losing this piece of cake thanks to you! Please Squall lets face it, your ping-pong abilities are about as advanced as your social skills!"
"Oh look who am I?" He said as he pranced around in front of me holding his nose. "Ow my nose, ow my nose, ow my nose!"
That's it Squid! I've had enough! I summoned up an electrical charge in my hand and threw it at him. With lightning fast reflexes he shifted his paddle and reflected it across the table where it hit our opponents who were previously enjoying watching our argument over popcorn and sodas.
"Rinoa! Look what you did?"
"Me? You're the one that reflected it!"
"And the winner's by elimination, Rinoa and Squeak!" The announcer yelled. The crowd was speechless. The Ping of the Nile and the Pong-in-ator were out cold.
"It's Squall dammit, Squall!!!"
"We won?" I said in disbelief. "We won?!?!"
I screamed in delight as I ran up and wrapped my arms around Squall's neck. He hugged me back tightly. "I can't believe it!"
"I told you Carbuncle was handy." He said. Somehow that statement brought us both to our knees in a laughing fit.
~^~^~^~^~^~
Later that evening there was a ceremony and luau on the veranda in our honor. The former champions now wrapped in bandages, kneeled before us both and presented us with the championship paddles.
"I'm really sorry about the whole jolt of electricity thing you guys…really sorry." I cringed.
"S'alright," said Nicole. "It happens."
"Yeah, its okay, we're just extras, we're used to it," Kristine added.
I have no idea what they were talking about, obviously the uh 'shock' had yet to wear off.
"Congratulations you kids!" Maude said as she approached. "I knew you could do it! Here you go! I sewed them myself!"
"Cool!" Squall said. "Bowling shirts!"
"Not just any bowling shirts, these are your new titles."
And with that friends, from that day onward…until two weeks later when we lost the title, I Rinoa Heartilly wielded a ping-pong paddle as the great Pongzilla, and many a ping-pong ball cowered before the almighty Squall Leonhart, The Lord of the Pings!
Yeah I know, it's the overacting thing again. I've really got to stop doing that.
^~^~^~^~^~^~
Much apologies for the delay in getting this chapter written! I promise the next one won't take as long! *knocks on wood * Once again, I must thank my dear amiga Ashbear for her wonderful input and advice and of course character rights to one Maude McCay! Um..Ashbear, you'll come pick her up soon won't you? She's trying to redecorate the basement…I'm frightened…it smells like mothballs.
One little last note as I must shamelessly plug Ashbear and I's fic-in-progress Somewhere In Between, in which we have just added chapter 3! Check it out if you wish at:
http://www.fanfiction.ws/read.php?storyid=889825
Thanks again to everyone for reading! Ciao for now!