Author's Note:

This story is a Valentine's Day gift to a dear friend. Though we've only just met, it feels as though I've known you for ages. Happy Valentine's Day, Soul Sister... Enjoy! ~ HL

iHave a Secret

"…Ooh, her teeth look good…"

"…Yep, I replaced the missing tooth and filled three other cavities…"

"…You hear that, Sam?..."

Sam giggled.

"You're blurry! Pretty blurry girl…"

"Why's she giggly?"

"We had to give her some nitrous oxide to calm her down…"

"Nitrous?"

"Laughing gas. She'll be a little loopy for a while."

Sam chuckled to herself.

"Now, come on, let's go check her x-rays…"

Sam was certainly still out of it. She had no clue where in God's Name she was. She babbled stupidly.

"Okay… but we need to get outta here, I gotta go to the dentist…"

She sounded like an idiot. Carly couldn't help but laugh. She loved Sam, but Sam sounded like a complete fool.

"We're at the dentist."

"WHOA! That was fast!

It only got worse. Now, Sam swore her thumb was missing.

"Oh man, it's gone… It was there a second ago…"

Carly took Sam by the hand.

"There, see? Your thumb came back!"

Sam giggled – uncontrollably.

"You're acting all loopy from the gas the dentist gave you!"

Carly couldn't believe her. Sam Puckett was usually…. special… but this was off the scale. This wasn't even anywhere near the scale. She finally spoke up again.

"Hey."

"What?"
"Come here… come here…"

"What is it?"

"I wanna tell you… a secret."

"Okay…"

"Come here…"

"I'm already here… What's the secret?"

Sam pulled Carly close, looping her arm around her shoulders, drunkenly. She was clearly still whacked out of her mind. She whispered into Carly's ear.

"…I like… fried chicken…"

This was no secret. A blind man could see that Sam Puckett not only liked fried chicken, but that that was the lamest cover story in the history of cover stories. Sam was lying her ass off, if only to herself.

Carly Shay couldn't help but laugh.

"It's not a secret that you like fried chicken…"

Sam immediately reversed course.

"I know. I got scared to tell you my real secret."

"Just tell me."

"Okay, Come here…"

She grabbed at Carly, running her fingers through the brunette's hair.

"I already come here'd…"

Sam was playfully stroking Carly's chocolate brown locks, almost as though she were petting a cat.

"You know that kid… Freddie?"

"Yes… I know Freddie…"

Sam whispered into Carly's ear.

"…We kissed…"

It took a moment for Carly to process what she'd just heard. This simply didn't compute. This couldn't be. This was not happening.

Sam was still winding Carly's hair in her fingers, content as a little girl. Inside, Carly Shay's world was careening out of control. What the fuck did she mean, she'd kissed Freddie? That wasn't supposed to happen! That was wrong! That was wrong on so many levels…

"What?"

Sam put her lips to Carly's ear again. Maybe her little Cupcake hadn't heard her the first time.

"Me and Freddie kissed… You know…" She made the obligatory lip smacking sounds, as though it was somehow a completely foreign concept to little, innocent Carlotta Shay.

Carly could only recoil. She had no idea what to do or say. This was Sam Puckett. Sam Puckett hated Freddie Benson. Sam Puckett was Carly's. She was supposed to be Carly's, anyway.

"You and Freddie really kissed?"

Sam was clearly oblivious. The fog invading her brain thicker than anything that had ever blanketed Seattle's streets. She had no idea who her pretty blurry girl even was – only that she was both pretty and blurry… and needed to be put in her pretty, blurry place.

"Shhh! Don't tell Carly!"

What the fuck did she mean, Don't tell Carly? Don't tell Carly? She was Carly. Why would Sam Puckett ever keep anything from Carly?

BACK AT BUSHWELL PLAZA…

"I'm hungry…"

"Hey! The dentist said you can't eat for three hours…"

"It's okay, it'll be our little secret."

Carly was furious inside. How many little secrets could Sam Puckett have for one day?

"Yeah, not our only little secret."

"What do you mean?"

"Uh… do you not remember what you told me at the dentist?"

Sam had no fucking clue.

"Nah, it's all a blur… just like third through ninth grade…"

Carly knew she'd chicken out. She was saved at the very last second, as Spencer barged in.

"Hey! I'm home from prison!"

He had been teaching sculpting to convicts all day.

Carly's precious blonde was still thinking with her stomach.

"All right, you people have no food… I'm gonna make a run to Pink Bunny, you guys want yogurt?"

Carly paid no attention to the fact that Spencer had nearly been killed today, teaching sculpting to Seattle's orange jumpsuit crowd. She was too pre-occupied watching Sam Puckett grab her purse and skip out her front door.

"Oh, that sounds fun…"

"Fun?"

As soon as the door shut, the floodgates of Carly's emotions opened up, letting the torrent through. She screamed.

"SAM AND FREDDIE KISSED!"

Spencer screamed.

"What did you just say?"

Carly recounted Sam's confession, extracted via Loopy Gas.

"She was all… 'Me and Freddie kissed…'

"NO WAY! GIMME THE DEETS!"

"I don't have any deets, cuz after she told me, she whispered 'Shhh… Don't Tell Carly!"

"Why would she tell you not to tell yourself?"

"I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS THE GAS TALKIN'! She doesn't even remember she told me, so now I know this insane secret that I'm not supposed to know, and she doesn't even know that I know and WHY WOULDN'T SHE WANT ME TO KNOW?"

Spencer loved her. He wanted Carly to relax.

"NEVER TELL A GIRL TO CALM DOWN! Guys always tell girls to calm down and it never works, it just gets us all whipped up…"

She hit him.

"It's because you told me to CALM DOWN!"

"You know, most guys have to get married to suffer this kind of abuse…"

Spencer Shay loved his baby sister, but he truly had no idea why Carly was so whipped up over this. It was so nonsensical. Why was Carly so whipped up over the fact that her best friend had simply kissed a boy, especially a boy they both knew and neither had shown any interest in?

"Can you believe Sam and Freddie kissed and they didn't tell me?"

Spencer offered another plausible scenario, if only to spare his baby sister's feelings.

"When you're on that wacky gas, sometimes you don't know what you're saying… Now, do you wanna hear about my day in prison?"

"No, I'm good…"

Carly headed to her bedroom. She needed to be alone.

THE iCARLY STUDIO, THE NEXT AFTERNOON…

Freddie was there, working on some geeky tech stuff in advance of the upcoming episode of iCarly. He was singing to himself, along to some nubby song on his PearPod. Carly needed to take matters into her own hands.

"Why so jumpy?"

"CUZ YOU BLASTED ME IN THE HEAD WITH PRESSURIZED AIR!"

"I was here, I know what happened…" She was as sweet as cotton candy.

"So, how'd Sam do at the dentist?"

"Like you'd expect…"

They both knew what that meant.

"She bit him?"

"Four times. He may lose part of his finger…"

Carly explained Sam's wacky gas-induced confession. There was no point in beating around the goddamn bush any longer.

"And then… she started saying some pretty…weird stuff…"

Freddie had no idea. Carly explained about Sam's missing thumb.

Carly was disgustingly nervous. There were so many things she wanted to say – all at once – but none of them seemed appropriate. She couldn't just come out with it. She had to find the least objectionable way of putting this…

"And…Umm…then… she said that you two kissed…"

Freddie Benson was nervous. Oh God… Could it be true? Did it really… Did he really? Did he really kiss Sam? How could he? How could he kiss Sam? Carly's precious Sam!

"So… she really thought her thumb was missing? That's so crazy!"

Nice try, Nub.

"AND…she said that you two kissed!…" He may be a nub, but he couldn't be deaf too, could he? Why was he doing this to her?

Freddie was making excuses upon excuses…

"YOUR MOM DIDN'T CALL YOU!"

Carly was incredulous. She was beyond incredulous. She was now just plainly pissed off…

"Is what Sam said true? Did you and Sam kiss?"

He tried to make a break for it. It turned into a physical fight, right there in the studio.

Carly wrestled him to the ground, screaming at him.

"TELL ME!"

"No!"

He fought her off, only to pin her to the ground, straddling her most private parts forcefully. Carly was shocked, but she felt absolutely nothing.

"WHOA! When did you get so strong?"

He smirked at her. It wasn't that he wanted her – only to prove his point.

"Same time the voice got lower!"

Carly Shay couldn't care less that she was pinned to the floor beneath a boy would could take anything he wanted from her, if he so chose, at that very second. She simply needed to know.

"Did you and Sam kiss?"

"Okay, yes, it's true… Sam and I kissed…" Freddie sounded exhausted, yet relieved that the revelation was finally out in the open. Carly Shay immediately wanted to throw up.

"OH MY GOD!"

Freddie helped Carly to her feet. As much as he had always loved her, he could and would never take advantage of her.

He spilled the details, as best he knew them, of the whole sordid affair.

"I was out and the balcony, and Sam came out and she said she never…"

Carly zoned out for a minute. She didn't want to hear anymore of this.

"OH MY GOD!"

"It was just one time… except for that other time… but that might've been Sam's twin sister… I'm still fuzzy on the whole Melanie Thing…"

Carly was pissed. She was pissed and she was hurt. They were her best friends – more than her best friends – why hadn't they told her?

"We promised each other we'd never speak of it again… OH MAN! I'VE BEEN SPEAKING OF IT AGAIN!"

Carly wanted to call Sam. She needed confirmation. She needed to hear it from Sam's lips.

From Sam's lips.

"I HAVE TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THIS!"
"NO! If you tell Sam I told you, she'll kick me in places that should NEVER be kicked!"

They argued. She loved Freddie – in her own way – and as much as she needed to know the truth, she couldn't live with herself if she hurt him. She finally relented.

"OKAY!"

THE NEXT AFTERNOON…

"Where's the bacon flavored ice cream?"

"There is no bacon flavored ice cream!"

"But your text said 'bacon…' "

"I made it up!"

"But I brought my big spoon… What up with the gigantic pants?"

Carly ignored her. They really needed to talk.

"Listen…"

This was serious. Carly never sounded this way.

"Okay…"

"We're best friends, right?"

"Of course…"

"…And best friends don't keep secrets from each other, do they?..."

"Why, what'd you do?" Sam grabbed Carly by the shoulders, shaking her slightly. Both girls fell into a seated position on the sofa. "Is it bad? Did you finally do something bad? Holy crap, I love this!" Sam shook her more fiercely now. She was getting excited.

"I didn't do anything bad!"

"Then why are you keeping it a secret?"

"I'm not the one keeping secrets…" That was a lie. Carly knew it. Of course she was keeping secrets.

Sam exhaled. She figured she'd been caught.

"Alright, you can have your twenty bucks back."

Carly was beyond confused. What the hell was she talking about?

"What twenty bucks?"

"That I took outta your purse…"

Carly couldn't believe her fucking ears.

"…You took?..."

"You…"

She instinctively rummaged through her purse, finding her wallet empty.

"SAM!"

She couldn't believe her blonde headed vixen. The nerve!

"Well, at least it's not a secret anymore…"

"That wasn't the secret I was talking about!"

"So I can keep the twenty?"
"NO! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT YOU AND FREDDIE KISSED?"

"Uhhh…."

Carly was beyond upset. She knew what she needed to say.

"SAM! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I DESERVED TO KNOW!"

That wasn't the only secret Sam was keeping from Carly. She didn't tell Carly about kissing Freddie because that was the lesser of two evils. Not telling her about kissing the Tech Nub was easier than the truth. If she told her about kissing the Nub, that would mean she'd have to tell Carly about how the kiss meant nothing to her. It was her first kiss. It was supposed to be accompanied by angels singing, lights from heaven, birds tweeting in her ears, spaceships… something. She got nothing. It was, instead, the single biggest non-event of her life. There was all this anticipation – all this buildup – to…. absolutely nothing. She expected to feel something. She wanted to feel something – even for Freddie. Anything at all. Nada.

All she did to keep from simultaneously screaming or bursting into tears was close her eyes and picture the person she wished she was kissing. A woman. Carly.

Sam again took Carly by the shoulders. She deserved to know the truth, no matter what the cost.

"Carls, the reason that I didn't tell you… you know… about… that… is, well… it didn't mean anything…"

Carly scoffed.

"Your first kiss didn't mean anything? Yeah, Right, Sam…"

"It didn't, Cupcake…"

"Oh it didn't? And why didn't it?" This had to be good…

"BECAUSE IT WASN'T WITH YOU, ALRIGHT!"

Carly was floored.

"Oh my God, What?"

"Oh great… way to blow it, Puckett…" Sam thought.

"It didn't mean anything, Carls, because I always wanted it to be…" Sam wouldn't say another word. She simply pulled Carly to her and took what she wanted, planting a kiss fully on Carly's full, pouty lips. Her lips tasted like coconut. Sam wanted more. Carly's head was spinning. What the hell was happening? Oh God… Sam was kissing her… SAM PUCKETT. WAS. KISSING. HER.

Carly loved every second.

Without warning, the door opened. The girls were still joined at the mouth. It was Freddie Benson.

Freddie. Goddamn. Benson. Walking in like he owned the place.

"Hey, can I run upstairs for a second and install these ca…?"

His eyes met Sam's. Instantly, she knew He had spoken of It. He knew that she knew that he'd spoken of It. He also knew that he'd just seen Carly chewing on Sam's lower lip. He needed to process this… preferably before Sam broke both his kneecaps. He ran from the apartment screaming.

Sam instinctively walked to the door, locked it with the security chain, and returned to Carly's embrace.

"Are you… are you okay with this?"

The look on Carly's face was angelic.

"Absolutely."

"But… but…"

"You really don't remember anything about the dentist, do you?"

Carly smirked.

Sam had no earthly idea what the hell Carly was talking about.

"You tried to kiss me at the dentist's…"

"I did not!"

"Uh… Yeah ya did…when you were all hopped up on wacky gas…"

"Oh."

It sounded so goddamn trite, but "Oh" was the best you could do when you were a woman with no short-term memories of what had happened, and besides… why would Carly lie?

"Sam… you know… you could've told me… I just think that best friends should be open with each other…"

Sam smiled.

"Best Friends? Is that what you think we are, Carls? Best Friends don't do what we just did…"

Carly's mouth hung open stupidly. She knew that.

"But…." Sam paused for dramatic effect.

"Sam…?"

Carly sounded like a little girl again.

"Yes, Cupcake?"

She loved being Sam's Cupcake.

"Can we be… you know…. More than best friends?"

Sam answered her the only way she knew how. She kissed Carly again.

"Baby… we can be whatever the hell you want to be…" she thought.

It may not have been her first kiss, but, as far as Sam Puckett was concerned, it was the first one that counted.