50 Reprimands
9foxgrl
A/N: Due to some 'friendly' advice, it seems I need to edit the first part of 50 reprimands. *twitch*X{
Re-edited June 12, 2014
"Not again" Tsunade muttered as she read the report. Team 7, Jonin - Naruto Uzumaki. 50th one that month had caused some kind of mayhem.
"Shizune, please get Naruto in my office ASAP."
"Hai."
A few minutes later Naruto came in holding his son Haruyuki aka Yuki.
"Did you have to bring Yuki?" Tsunade asked as he sat down.
"Hinata had a clan meeting to attend. I didn't want to leave Yuki alone." Naruto replied as he sat Yuki on his lap.
"Okay, well lets begin. Shizune ready?"
"Hai!"
From the Office of Godaime Hokage Tsunade
Dictated to Shizune & Naruto Uzumaki
To Jonin Naruto Uzuamki, Leader of Team 7; Genin Chikari, Kenji, and Shinji
Subject: After evaluating your team for a period of 6-8 weeks this is a list of what your team CANNOT, WILL NOT DO ANY MORE!
team will no longer be taking part in capturing Tora. Do you know how upset Lady Shijmi was in when she realized that your team dyed the cat pink?
"Very I was there remember? Even I'm surprised they were able to do that."
"Seconded!"
"How did they dye it pink?"
"Shinji said something about 'Harpy hair dyes'."
able to outrun ANBU and outraged chunin is not considered training.
"And yet they are the fastest Genin of their generation."
3. Swiping Kakashi's Icha Icha tactics and getting away is not training
"..."
"..."
On second though forget number 3
4. Convincing your students that water bombing Godaime Kazekage Gaara when he's here on diplomatic missions is not an excuse for training them and the Kazekage to keep alert.
"It was Kankuro's idea!"
No matter what Kankuro says
5. Snow ball fight while in Snow country doesn't count either.
"But-"
Even if it was Queen Koyuki's idea
6. Neither does a sand fight in Suna. Especially if Gaara decides to compete
7. As admiral it is for you to teach your genin water walking early, remember Chikari has a fear of water, dumping her in a shallow pond won't help
"It was Ino's idea! Shock therapy!"
What do you mean it was Ino's idea?
8. Allowing your genin to call me their Queen of the Damned is NOT FUNNY!
"It kind of is..."
Especially when I'm in a meeting with the other kages.
'Best 300 Ryo ever won.'
9. Leaving your genin to Kira Bee's care is a bad idea. We have too many complaints of bad rapping already.
"I told him not to inspire them!"
10. Naruto those genin have not need to know where the ANBU headquarters, especially if you plan on training them by using paint bomb pellets...although it did bring to light that the ANBU need a need morning regime."
"Thank you."
11. Living those genin a summoning contract early is admiral but make sure they don't destroy anymore houses.
"To be fair that was a mistake."
"By the way, how did you get the tiger, wolf, and lion contract?"
"Forest of Death."
"WHAT? DO YOU MEAN THE GIANT ONES FROM THE FOREST OF DEATH?"
12. Showing up late to the jonin meeting because you were treating your genin to ramen is NOT a VALID excuse."
"And yet Kiba's 'oh my dog ate the reminder' is?"
"..."
13. Training your boys in the art of wooing in case of such a mission is a bad idea since you CANNOT WOO!
"Oh yeah-"
Even if by some miracle you married the Hyuuga heiress. At least you're smart enough to direct the only female on your team to seek this kind of advice from your wife
14. Allowing your genin to nickname all the kages is a bad idea. even if it helps them remember who not to piss off.
"Hey, at least they know their politics."
15. You are noted to be admiral to be the first Jonin of an all abandoned sibling orphan team, are you sure allowing them to in the guest row house behind yours is okay with your wife?
"It was Hinata's idea."
"What? it was Hinata's Idea?"
16. We are admire you taking care of your genin's health issues seriously, especially Shinji's allergies to fish, but yelling at the Kiri nin for 'attempting to poison' him in the halls is not wise.
"The guy was literally a fish on two legs!"
"Can't you just train them in medical ninjutsu?"
"...You know I don't know a lot of it. How about it Granny?"
Huh? you want me train all three in medical ninjutsu? Talk to Sakura.
"She said no."
You already did? Why did she refuse?
"I don't know."
Let me have a talk with her
17. No more allowing Kenji to spout he is the 'Grandmaster of Jyuuken' just because he can use it without the Byakugan.
"Hey, how did you convince your father-in-law to let them learn some Jyuuken?"
"He lost a bet."
18. Back to the point! Letting your genin continue to call ANBU Captain Sasuke the King of Emos will lead to fewer recruits for the ANBU!
"..."
"...Even if it's the truth?"
19. Encouraging your genin to call Sakura a 'banshee' then using her to train them in dodging is not a good idea. That may be why she won't train them
"They started calling her that after she refused.
huh? this was after you asked? well you shouldn't do it as revenge!
20. Using your genin to try and find out what's under Kakashi's mask does not count as stealth training.
"But it worked."
Even if it worked.
21. Using your team to attack Rock Lee with holy water and yell 'the power of sanity compels you' is not a good idea.
"That was a great idea at the time."
22. Having a watermelon seed fight near Neji and his team is not a way to instill friendly feelings or instigate a friendly spar.
"He started it."
Even if he started it by throwing the first punch
22. Using ramen as a reward will not motivate your team to work faster.
"You're right...I should threaten them with Kiba's cooking!"
"..."
23. You WILL punish your team for mimicking your 'artistic' remodeling of the Hokage monument! Honestly the Kages saw that!
"THAT WASN'T US!"
24. Reenacting the last war with an army of transformed Kage Bushins to teach your Genin history is admiral but please not in the middle of town. Honestly we had seventeen panic attacks due to your fake Pain.
"But hands on learning is more efficient! And even Iruka said his classes learned a lot!"
25. Convincing Iruka to allow his class to observe it was not a good idea.
"Hey, he came to me when he heard of my plan!"
"Although the rise in test scores was a good point."
26. Threating your team to leave them in Lee's hands for a week if they do not obey is not a valid threat. even if it reduces them to tears, begging for forgiveness.
"Okay, that is the second worst threat I got."
"What's the first?"
"Leaving them with the Hyuuga elders for an 'etiquette lesson' Now THAT is torture!"
27. Leaving your team in the care of another Jonin so you can aide Interrogation in a new torture techniques. But for the love of everything holy why did you chose Shino?
"It seemed like a good idea at the time and I honestly thought that he could reign in their chaotic tendencies?"
"How is his therapy going?"
"He stopped screaming at the color orange."
28. Teaching your genin that the Godaime Hokage is their evil ruler who can kill them with a flick of her finger is okay.
"-Because it's true."
But saying that I can kill them with a twitch of my eye or a hiss, or any other matter of inspiring fear isn't funny
"..."
29. STOP MAKING THEM WEAR YOUR TRADEMARK ORANGE AT VILLAGE FESTIVALS!
"YOU were the one who said make them visible ever since the water cooler incident."
30. Wearing orange is not training!
"...If they can get into ANBU HQ, the Hokage Tower and sneak in an out of the village all while wearing orange then you threat is illogical."
31. No more bandit hunting missions until you teach your genin not to prank them to the brink of insanity.
"That was me, and their leader said something inappropriate to Chikari."
32. When your genin team is kidnapped the proper response is to notify me and call for back up, not storm a base and take out an entire S-Rank organization on your own!
"I'm practically a one man army with my Kage Bushins. Kyuubi AND the Toads are my back up."
"..."
33. Getting them into the Bingo Book so early is not a good idea.
"Not my fault they were C-Rank thieves. That was before I met those three."
"I MEAN THE B-RANK STATUS!"
"Their B-Ranks now? I'm going to have to step it up a notch."
"YOU'RE A FLIPPING S-RANK!"
"So?"
34. No more dog walking missions for you guys.
"YES!"
However kennel cleaning missions are still available.
"..."
35. Stop spreading rumors Sasuke is a vampire.
"No promises."
36. Stop Chikari from bothering Ino.
"Lost cause."
37. Don't leave them with Anko more than five minutes. The sheer destruction from last time was...immeasurable, even on the Lee Scale!
38. You're not allowed to help out at Ichiraku anymore for D-ranks.
"Why?"
"Your Ero-Waitress Jutsu."
"..."
39. No teaching Ero-Jutsus.
"Too late."
POW!
"Dada!"
40. On a related note, no one besides your team is allowed to babysit Yuki.
"Why?"
"On the decree of your father in law."
"..."
"He believes their chaotic tendencies will scare off any kidnapper."
"He's got a point..."
41. Kyuubi is not you're team's mascot!
"Blasphemy!"
"He kind of is."
42. The Tailed Beasts are not superior overlords of jutsu, ramen and the moon.
"..."
"..."
43. No taking your genin to the capital.
"Not my fault that the royal guards are scared of them."
44. No letting them near tabloids.
"That lady had it coming when she tried to claim Yuki was a bastard child! Besides, I didn't order them to do it."
"Wait what? I meant no letting them publish their stories! When was this..."
"...never mind..."
45. No letting them read Icha Icha with Kakashi.
"THAT BASTARD IS TRYING TO CORRUPT MY GENIN? I'LL CASTRATE HIM!"
46. Stop letting Ibiki borrow them to torture his prisoners with.
"But they're getting a well rounded education."
47. No encouraging Sasuke's remaining fan base to go 'harem' on him.
"That wasn't us!"
48. Stop letting them play the lottery!
"Let me guess, you're mad that they always win?"
SMACK!
49. Stop with the self imposed missions of tribulation.
"The what?"
50. Now last of all...STOP BRINGING OUT KYUUBI TO PUNISH THEM!
"No."