A/N: Where does the time fly? Yes, it's that time of year again! Singles Awareness Day or SAD! Special thanks to Overmaster for his contributions to this year's chapter!

….

Toaru Majutsu no Aimonogatari-chan: A Certain Mythic Love Story

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Disclaimer: This is a parody. The fandom love is real, however.

….

Re:Valentines of Reminisce II: Return of the Valentines

It was a strange crossover. Even the fans who loved it agreed on that.

For one thing, Aliceteria of the Scarlet and Magical Slayer Mamika had absolutely nothing in common save for a persistent rumor that MSM had initially been planned to be part of the now-legendary Elimination Chamber Festival, one of the largest cross-franchise crossover events in memory.

AotS was one of the darkest, most depressing works around, with the joke being that everyone watched Game of Thrones to feel better after an episode, and that Gen Urobutchi thought they needed to lighten up and look on the brighter side of life (so most of the fun the fandom had was in weird memes about why someone would call themselves Peeping Eternity and countdowns to the next death).

MSM was the latest season of the Magical Slayer Franchise (the 16th so far) that aired on Sundays in the same programming block as the enduring Mega Senshi series and the equally enduring (with a brief hiatus in the 90s) Armored Raiders series, and was a return to roots season after several previous seasons of teams, idol singers, pirates, ninja, miko, nurses, robots, moe-fied Lovecraft and the badly-planned 10-year Anniversary season composed of an all-male sex-changing team that visited other worlds filled with weird male versions of previous seasons, which was so bad 4Kids ported it straight to English without changing a thing ("Onore X!" was still used both ironically and otherwise in several BBS sites). That meant a light story, fewer controversial issues, only stock footage transformations sequence nudity, and (very important according to many viewers) no all-male teams!

The impetus for the crossover had come from the AotS side. Despite supposedly having only heard of MSM in passing, not having seen an episode since the 3rd season (Magical Slayer HonoNagi, the first team season), Takarada-san had apparently pushed very hard for the crossover, speaking to writers, producers, and PR departments, doing a lot of groveling and had apparently agreed to do the crossover under extremely unreasonable executive-mandated conditions that, according to rumors among other writers who'd heard of it, were positively masochistic. It had taken a sudden bout of compassion from MSM's head writer to reign in the executives meddling on his side out of a pity for a fellow writer who looked ready to bow to the stupidest requests know-nothing execs would demand.

What followed stunned both fandoms. While officially non-canon, the 5-episode OVA told of a meeting between two heroes. In between truly beautiful fight scenes animated by UFOTABLE, and the sly tongue-in-cheek acknowledgments of certain fandom memes ("Don't worry! Explosions don't really harm people that much!"), it told the story of Mamika's adventure in another world, couched in the flashback of a young Aliceteria as she tries to tame the power of her newly-gained gauntlet and her doubts as to her suitability to wield its power.

MSM fans loved the switch as the OVA depicted their heroine as the older, more experienced hero Alice learns from, while AotS fans finally had cryptic references put into context, and a peek into the early years of their hero and why she'd continue to strive to protect a world that was probably dead already. And also adding the meme of 'Aliceteri-moe'.

Of course, there was yuri subtext. When wasn't there yuri subtext? Even the all-dudes season of Magical Slayer managed yuri subtext, despite there being only a single girl character in the whole season (in an infamous time-travel self-cest arc so confusing that, yes, 4Kids didn't change a thing). Blushing, close faces, leaning against each other, dynamic catches, riding on the same horse, the ever-lewd handholding, Mamika giving 'Alice-chan' a flower, they were practically married! There'd been the implication of a kiss just before Mamika 'woke up and it was all a dream'. Oh, they say it was just the blocking, that just because they saw Aliceteria from behind with Mamika on tiptoes did NOT mean they'd kissed, and that the 'flowers-equals-kisses' was just a fandom joke and not something that was a part of the series (despite it having been a persistent allegory since season 2, Magical Slayer Ryuuko). And that it was perfectly normal for a girl to put her hand to her lips and blush for no reason when waking up from a dream, or young Aliceteria being shown with Mamika's hanky (with the same camera angles and poses used during an earlier explanation on the significance of 'lady's favors' to knights) held lovingly to her chest.

Despite its officially non-canonical nature, both fandoms embraced the crossover, citing it as a high-point in both series. Indeed, despite official grumbling on the part of the Magical Slayer execs, there were subtle nods and sly winks in the canon material, from Mamika remembering having experience riding a horse and using a finishing move in the Summer Movie that looked a LOT like one of Aliceteria's final attacks, to a canon interlude chapter of Aliceteria remembering an unspecified incident in her 'naive youth' while remembering– GASP!– a lost first love!

Even years later, many fanfics, doujin, and discussion revolved around the OVA, and it was frequently used as a way to introduce someone to both fandoms. A later crossover movie during the Magical Slayer Yuki season implied Mamika had found a way back to her dream world, which was why she seldom showed up in events despite being a popular character.

Hardcore fans of both sides, however, were never able to understand one thing. During the credits, near the end, there had been a line of special thanks to Meteora Österreich, a rising talent who had debuted with a series called Re:Creators, the first in a surge of copycat reverse-isekai stories. To the best of anyone's knowledge she had not been involved at any point in the project, though there were rumors that she and Takarada had met in the Elimination Chamber Festival where she had been credited as a scenario planner.

As for Takarada-san, when congratulated and asked whether there would be another one, he had always said he didn't know what he had been thinking when he made that project. Puzzlingly, when asked why he'd done it, he developed a strange expression and said he'd written it as an apology and gift for his daughter.

Given he'd been unmarried at the time, this had caused all sorts of speculation.

For his part, Takarada Naoya hoped that their understanding of the Created was right. And that somewhere out there, a knight and her lady were together.

….

Parting Ways by OverMaster

Goetia was a fading memory. The Beasts were defeated. The Crypters had fallen. Velber had been dealt with. Every Grail now was purified. And that meant the Servants had to go at last.

Fujimaru Ritsuka smiled sadly at them. "Well. I'm sure it must hurt you, as much as it's hurting me, but…"

Artoria Saber imposed silence upon him with a soft hand gesture. "Master. Before we go, please listen. We have agreed you have the right to know, even if it is a pill most hard and bitter to swallow, perhaps."

Ritsuka blinked. "What do you mean?"

Berserker Vlad sighed deeply. "Young man, while we admire your courage, and respect your drive… the fact is we don't like you."

"Say what?!" Ritsuka cried out.

"Please don't take it badly," Caster Blavatsky said. "We are thankful over all you did for us, and I don't think there is a single one of us who leaves hating you…"

"Well, I do!" Rider Columbus protested.

"Not a single one of us WHO MATTERS!" Helena said. "Regardless, Master, we are Heroic Spirits, the finest mankind has to offer, and Columbus and Mata Hari. The strongest and most apt of history, and Mata Hari. And you… well, you are the most generic, featureless and bland mankind has ever offered. It's not that we dislike you. But there's literally nothing about you to like or dislike for people like us. It would be like loving or hating the walls of Chaldea."

"When did I become worse than the serial child killer?!" a livid Columbus pointed at Caster Gilles.

"I'm ranked the same level as Columbus?" poor Margaretha wailed.

Ritsuka paled. "But… But all those times you fought over me and—"

Kiyohime sympathetically patted his shoulder as Raikou, Serenity and the Tamamos shook their heads quietly to themselves. "Ritsuka-san, we never wanted to hurt your feelings, because even if we don't feel anything for you, most of us aren't as bad as to go out of our way to hurt that who was our anchor to the world. But be honest with me, did you really ever think I and them," she poked a thumb back at the head shakers, "would have NOT killed each other already if we ever had competed seriously for your love? That we, who are far superior to common men in any regard, would have not had our sexual way with your puny self by now, had our passions truly leaned that way?"

"I… I suppose I should have thought that…" Ritsuka admitted, tightening a fist by his side.

Kiyohime lowered her head. "I'm sorry. I still hate lies more than anything, but there is no sacrifice or commitment any of us wouldn't reach for the sake of human history. That is why we came here, after all."

"Continue being strong in your own way, Fujimaru Ritsuka," Saber Artoria advised him, patting him on an arm as they began fading. "For even if we didn't love you, there is someone somewhere who does. There is one such person for every last one of us. I am going to wait for mine now. Yours already should be there."

They were gone, and Ritsuka stood there, alone and shivering.

Except because there was someone else, standing behind him. "Don't hold this against them," that person asked him. "In the end, they just had to be honest with you, or else they would have truly disrespected you. And so, I guess, now I have to be honest with you, as well."

Mash Kyrielight held Ritsuka's hand tightly, and, after a moment of doubt, leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"I really, really like you, Sempai," she warmly told him.

He smiled at her, in that bland, generic, featureless way she loved just so much.

And they lived happily ever after.

….

Gudaguda Chaldea Daily Life!

It was, admittedly, something of a cliché. Saber X Archer were a thing. No one commented when it was Saber X Rider, like with Mordred and Marie, or Rider X Caster like with Swimsuit Mordred and Swimsuit Marie. Archer X Assassin? Saber X Caster? Just be careful, those Casters can be devious and Assassins left knives and poison all over the damned place, but after the Wrathful Ex Revenge Event had settled down and Master and Master had been coaxed out of the fetal position under their blanket, they usually managed to be amicable exes and eventually nostalgic fuckbuddies. Berserkers? They're filthy animals. There was a waiting list to get with a Berserker. Even Chacha. Even if the list was only to take her to tea parties. And Kuro, of course. Lewd!

When Saber Altera and Archer Helena had been caught cheating on Caster Helena and Archer Altera however, all anyone could do was roll their eyes, even the other Helena and Altera. Because Saber X Archer was a Thing. Rama placed all his hopes upon it. It was the popular explanation for why Nameless pampered Vanilla Saber Artoria over all the other Artorias. It was what Archer Ishtar used as an excuse when she occasionally found herself filled with an overwhelming urge to flirt with and tease Vanilla Saber Artoria. It was why Saber Gilles had been blushing constantly while being ruthlessly teased by Caster Gilles ever since Swimsuit Jeanne had shown up, why no one batted an eye at Kuro's weird random trysts with Nero despite them having absolutely nothing in common and not interacting outside of random fucking. Hell, it was why Saber Artoria Alter and Nameless Alter got shipped together.

So of course people assumed Nobu and Souji were together. Because Saber X Archer.

It was a horrible, horrible, misleading cliché! Really, Servants of all people should know better! Believing shallow rumors and stupid stories was how one got Innocent Monster-ed and ended up like a frickin' LIZ!

"Cinnamon Roll, stop hogging the blanket," Nobu muttered through the huge pile of her hair against her pillow. Grumbling, Souji relinquished her grip on it, allowing Nobu to pull a little towards her side. Her ass immediately began to get cold.

A horrible cliché! So what if it was right! No Servants should be indulging in such unthinking gossip anyway! That's the sort of things that lead to more Lizs!

….

True Love

"I love you," the girl said, eyes intent with the seriousness that comes of sincerity, honesty and completely baring one's heart. "I was so lost without you. When we were apart, everything was so terrible. I was lost in my own mind. But now we're together again, and I'm ever letting you go. We'll be together forever… "

Her lips parted slightly. She began to lean forward…

"Nagisa," Kyoko said flatly, "Stop seducing your food, even I find it creepy."

"Stupid Kyoko! I thought you would understand my love!" Nagisa cried as she hugged the wheel of cheese.

….

Orphaned by OverMaster

"—and that's all for today, have a good weekend!" Director Nasu said, as the assistants killed the studio lights out and the Servants began picking their things up to leave. "See you around next Monday, everyone!"

Ritsuka smiled as she placed the coat around Mash's shoulders. "Hey, wanna go eat out tonight? I know a really nice place by the river!"

"Oh, are you serious, Master? You're so nice…!"

As they poured out of the Grand Order studios, several men and women waiting with parked cars and other assorted motor vehicles were met by enthusiastic Servants rushing out to go with them.

"Shirou…!" Saber Artoria raced into her man's open arms.

"Praetor…!" Saber Nero did the same for Hakuno, both melding into a torrid lesbic embrace and deep tongue kiss.

"'Sup, Bluebeard! 'Suuuuup…!" Ryuunosuke laughed, as he and Caster Gilles highfived each other.

"Astolfo-kun," Celenike purred, moving onto the small pink haired paladin and grabbing him by the ass. "This weekend's your turn to be the dom…"

Astolfo laughed, patting her fondly on the butt. "Ahhhh, I don't really deserve you, Master…"

"Karna, Karna! I bought this awesome new game we've just gotta try! Look, it's the premium edition, it came with a whole set of figurines!"

"You are the best, Master Jinako…"

"Ah! Anastasia-chan…!"

"Kadoc-kun…!"

Diarmuid simply grinned as he walked up to Kayneth and Sola Ui, wrapped an arm around each, and walked away with them, leaving a meekly whimpering Fionn behind.

"Oh, hey, Rin," EMIYA walked up to his Master, all the while Ishtar and Ereshkigal only could glare. "I like what you just did to your hair, but why…?"

Rin shrugged. "Mom's idea, she said an image change wouldn't hurt until it's time to film Hollow Ataraxia, so I don't get myself mistaken for some people in the meanwhile. So you like it, huh? That's nice from you; some other Servants should learn a few things on loyalty from you…"

"Be quiet, woman, and tell your father he should get over that already!" Gilgamesh arrogantly said, getting into the golden limousine where Tinec already was hugging him, and Enkidu smiled and fondly petted his own Master's furry head.

Caster Medea flipped her sniffling Lily counterpart a kiss and wink before departing in her sedan with the ever stoic Kuzuki. Kirei was waiting patiently as the Hundred Faces Hassans stuffed themselves into his small black car, one after another, like clowns getting into a tricked circus vehicle, before sighing and taking the driving wheel himself. Berserker Lancelot likewise waited respectfully as Kariya, Sakura, Medusa, Shinji, Drake, Zouken and Cursed Arm Hassan all entered their F-15, and only then he boarded the cockpit and took off with the usual maddened "ARRRRUUUUUU!"

The other Servants simply looked in silence as they left the parking lot, the last ones being Arthur and Ayaka in their bitching motorcycle. Then the likes of Blackbeard, Blavatsky, Mata Hari, Napoleon, Kiyohime, Caligula, Billy the Kid, Boudica, Nobunaga, Okita, Okita Alter, the Mysterious Heroines X, Tesla, Baggage, Nitocris, Altera, Da Vinci, EMIYA Alter, Holmes, Moriarty, Columbus, Scheherezade and Marie Antoinette, to mention only a few, only could stand there, while a cold breeze blew over them.

A single tiny shiny tear ran down the polished helmet of King Hassan as it began raining on them. "It does not matter," he gravelly said. "We are better off with… our… freedom…"

….

All-Star Date A Live

Stupid Wizards. Two Meet. Determined Spirit. Much Kissing.

….

Complex Yamai Complex

Even for Spirits, the Yamai sisters were… strange. Clingy.

"They're incesty, Shido, just say it like a man and get over it," Kotori said, cheeks just the faintest bit suffused at the latest yuri-esque shennanigans the two were doing over dinner, trying to feed each other.

"They're just… really close?" Shido half-heartedly, probably quarter-heartedly, protested on their behalf.

"Incesty close," Kotori deadpanned. The suffusion intensified slightly.

"Well, they used to be a single being," Shido said as Yuzuru leaned forward and licked off a piece of rice from Kagura's face. He gulped and was thankful he'd long since switched to loose pants and tight underwear.

"So this is all just masturbation rather than incest?" Kotori said, still deadpan.

Her brother gave her a suffering look. Kotori had long practice in not exceeding current levels in cheek suffusion.

The sad thing was, the Yamais were among the saner of the spirits…

….

Love it or Hate it by OverMaster

"A hate potion?" Medea repeats, vaguely interested. "Yes, of course I can brew one, easily. It wouldn't be the first time I am asked to make one, even if love potions were far more requested. Before I grant you this gift, however, I must know something." And then she asks, already imagining the answer, "Who is it for?"

"For myself, of course," Brynhildr says, and Medea congratulates herself inwardly, over being correct again.

"You are a fool," the Caster bluntly replies, for she has lost the grace of the gods herself, and in that sense she is too much the Lancer's equal as to respect her.

Brynhildr forces a scowl on that normally melancholic or robotic face. "I cannot take it anymore. I cannot endure this any further, and you must know that. Every week, more targets for destruction at my hands arrive. And... it was grave enough when it was only Siegfried, but now Sigurd is with us as well... You must understand, I am too much of a menace under these circumstances. Hating those around me, they will be safe from my spear. That, and death, are the only ways out I can see, but a Valkyrie can never surrender herself willingly to death."

"What makes you believe," Medea coldly asks, "that you will be able to protect mankind anymore, hating everyone around yourself?"

"I will keep on fighting because it is my duty," Lancer seriously answers. "That is all a true warrior needs to keep themselves on the path of combat. My personal feelings should not matter."

Medea shakes her head. "Leave."

"But-"

"I know many a thing about never ending, all consuming hatred," Caster coldly tells her. "It won't make your life any easier. I will only make your existence even more miserable than it is now. Don't delude yourself."

Lancer then simply stands there, staring fixedly at the witch, and finally turns around to leave the workshop.

"I will hate you forever for this," she flatly promises in her way out.

Medea speaks softly as she goes back to her labors. "Then I must be doing something quite right..."

But she doesn't feel any better, either.

….

Puella Necro Taylor Archmagica: A Certain Mythic Necromancer Lich! Special Valentines Episode!

Hoee! Taylor Hebert has triggered as a Mythic Necromancer Lich with powers of unlife and death! Calling herself the Whispering Tyrant, she is a hero of justice who saves Brockton Bay! Puella Necro Taylor Archmagica: A Certain Mythic Necromancer Lich, special episode, hajimarimasu!

Lisa Wilbourn, née Sarah Livsey, had needed to make some lifestyle changes since she met the Whispering Tyrant. For one, baby cologne. Lots of it, since it was more palatable in huge amounts than more 'adult' perfumes, which were to be applied by the drop lest you start smelling like some plant that rotted (which is usually what it was, so yeah). Also, remembering to wear the little ring that protected her from having her life force drained should Taylor forget to turn off her 'drain life force' power. The ring also protected her from the powers of her ex-employer, which she considered a happy bonus from her thoughtful girlfriend.

Girlfriend. It was still weird to think. She'd thought she was aromantic and asexual, and she'd been fine with that. Turns it, she'd just unknowingly been a necrophile into younger girls!

…

Yeah, nope, it still didn't sound any better.

Her girlfriend, at least, could feel soft and warm when she put her mind to it, and really, the cologne was mainly overcompensation. And she was delightfully fun to tease. There wasn't really enough blood left in her to blush properly, so she made up for it in body language, awkward flailing, shuffling in place and stuttering. So cute.

Making one last twirl in front of the mirror, she pronounced herself ready for their date.

And then the Endbringer sirens began to blare…

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

It was once written by a great writer that emotions were the result of glands, and the dead did not have them, as their glands were non-functional.

Taylor Hebert had firsthand experience to prove that this was, in fact, dead wrong. Sorry, Sir Pterry. Please forgive us!

Her heart did not beat, even though it felt like it should. Her lungs didn't need to breath except when they needed air to run over her vocal chords for speaking, something she made sure to do every day to keep them nice and supple. Stomach, intestines, colon… all just leather hosiery at this point. Her skin was dried and desiccating to beyond the point of anything scammers on TV would try to claim could be 'rejuvenated'. And her hair… her precious, precious hair…!

Taylor stared at the mirror and prepared a 6th tier power, waving a hand at herself as an alien, chaotic, unknowable configuration of sounds that compressed the idea of some kind of blasphemous dark power issued from her lips. Skin, soft and supple, if a little pale and cold; eyes, clear and glistening; hair, long, curly and fluffy; teeth, not long and fang-y; other parts… not dead-looking. All right! She was date-ready!

Taylor twitched, then collapsed into a ball of nerves again.

The Endbringer sirens began to blare.

Oh, thank God! Work!

As Taylor Hebert scrambled to get out of her date clothes and into her work clothes, she called out to her Nightwaves not-so-hidden in the unnaturally dark and cold waters of Brockton Bay. Perhaps some people took heart when they saw the school of sleek, 100feet-long, 200 ton midnight-black flying sharks breached the water and begin to circle around the PHQ like a terrifying nightmare come to life. At least it was on their side.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

After Leviathan had been torn apart and, unbeknownst to all, added to Taylor's undead horde– or possibly hoard, depending on how you look at it– Taylor and Lisa finally went on their date, both soaked to the bone, cold and with all the baby cologne washed off.

One got used to it.

….

Love It or Hate It Coda

Medea didn't look up as her door was about abruptly slammed open.

"Wait a minute!" Brynhildr cried as if continuing a discussion they'd just been having. "What about Jeanne Alter? She hates EVERYTHING! "

Medea turned and gave her a flat look. "Do you really want to risk being like Miss 'My Edge, My Edge, My Dark And Gritty Edge!'?"

Brynhildr paused. "I still hate you!" she said firmly and slammed the door.

Medea sighed and went back to her latest sculpture.

The door opened again. "Medea-sama!" Kuro sang.

"I'M NOT GIVING YOU A DICK! GO BOTHER THE WIZARD IF YOU WANT ONE!"

….

For your Sake By Overmaster

"Awwww, you've been so sweet, all day long, to me, Mistah J...!" Harley Quinn sighed, as the two of them made their merry way through the park filled with grinning bodies. "I wish you never took that hat off...!"

Squatting behind the thick bushes by a side of their path, Killer Croc, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow and the Ventriloquist and Scarface all looked down at the Mad Hatter.

"I think," Croc said, "she suspects already."

Hatter sniffed haughtily, keeping his nose upturned and the remote in his hands. "As long as she's still happy, what difference does that make?"

….

The Knight and the Lady

At the end of time, when the many became one, the last storm had gathered its angry winds to destroy a land already dying.

And at its center, a singly knight stood, lance in hand, upon her own grave. Upon her arm, tied securely, the favor from a lady. On the corner were engraved the two foreign glyphs KM.

Aliceteria February stood alone on a dead world, knowing she was the only chance of any hope. All was dead, devoured by Peeping Eternity with the forces of Die Unterwelt, and only she stood left. On her lance rested the possibility to life, and eternal nothingness.

Behind her, she heard a noise. She turned.

A small smile, soft yet shining. "Sorry I'm late, Alice-chan." One hand rose up holding a paper bag. "But I brought curry! We can eat it together later."

They faced the dread necromancer side by side and for a moment, their hands met and held on. The gauntlet of Gotz von Berlichingen was raised as the lady held aloft a wand of exotic make.

"MAGICAL SPLASH… FLARE!"

Many agreed the Comiket-exclusive ending of Aliceteria of the Scarlet was better than the 'official' one and gave wonderful resolution to a years-long crossover crack pairing.

After all, now it was canon! And so LEWD!

….

Divine Right by Overmaster

"Of course not! No, never, no, no, no!" Tamamo protested, already readying her fist. "I'll never accept your having a harem...!"

Her Master sighed, then grabbed her by the shoulders. "Tamamo-chan, you misunderstood me. It's not supposed to be my harem. It will be yours..."

She blinked, then smiled slow and widely, flattered. "W-Well...! That changes everything...!"

Nero was told the same. Each always assumed the other just played the role of the stubborn reluctant wife, so neither did ever catch on...

….

- End of 2/14/2019

….

A/N: because a reviewer once described Okita as a perfect cinnamon roll, that's why.

So, the inspiration and productivity problem has been fixed. Apparently I just needed a new fandom. So I do Worm now.

May the lolis have mercy on my soul.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.