"Oh my favorite little Mistake! How are you sweetness?" Hjørdis Køhler embraced Mathis tightly, grinning at her son. "You just missed your brothers! I bet you planned it, to bad Christoffer stuck around a few days." Hjørdis was a willow thin woman with straight blonde hair she kept tied securely around her shoulder. She had thick, red rimmed reading glasses perched on her nose and wore a jersey for some unintelligible time that fell to mid-thigh.

"Hey mom, this is Berwald." Mathis stepped out of the way, beaming at the short woman who instantly embraced the Swede just as fiercely.

"I'd recognize him anywhere. Those vacation pictures were adorable! Well, besides the fact a few were rather inappropriate." she shot a non-threatening glare at her son.

"He shouldn't have been so cute while sleeping." Berwald gave the woman a startled look.

"Exc'se me?" he managed, face turning bright red with all the things the little devil who had began to roar with laughter could possibly do.

Hjørdis looked serious as she replied, "Really, drawing penises on his face, and those stick figures! I don't dare to think what those meant." even as she chastised him a small smile broke out. "He's always been such a naughty boy."

"No I have no!" Mathis protested, looking at Berwald for support.

"No." the blonde answered before Mathis could even get the question out, forcing him to pout. Berwald had to admit, Mathis was acting just like a little puppy for his mom. His claims of, "I'd be happier just to send them pictures and call twice a year."

"Yeah right you little shit!" A man closer to Hjørdis' size snapped, moving forward from the corner of the tiny room to hug Mathis briefly. "You used to steal my bottle to drink out of it then give it back empty when you were five!"

"Now, now, we can talk about what a bad boy Mathis is after we have a good old fashioned Køhler interrogation of him." Motioning to a couch she sat down, Mathis and Christoffer to one side and Berwald to the other.

"Well, I know the little story of how you met, Mathis called me from the hospital the next day. So, lets go to why you've put up with as Køhler this long."

"It takes skill!" Christoffer piped up.

"I c'n toler'te 'im." Berwald said, making Mathis grin.

"That means he loves me~"

"Like someone could love you." Christoffer shot back, chuckling until he was smack upside the head by his older brother. This instantly sparked a shouting match, making Hjørdis roll her eyes.

"Boys," she tried, but her soft voice was lost to them. "Boys." she said again with slightly more force but they still screamed and did the best imitation of a manly slap fight they could. Hjørdis' face turned red. Turning to Berwald she murmured quickly, "Cover your ears, Hun, okay?" Turning back she stood and screamed up at the two who had jumped from the couch to have more range, "BOYS!"

Berwald was glad for the warning. The woman sounded like a siren. Mathis and Christoffer, thankfully, went dead silent. Hjørdis frowned.

"That's it, Mathis, go up to your room. Christoffer, go to yours. If either of you gets out I'll skin you alive and devour your souls. Understand."

"Sure Hjørdis." They each said docilely, escaping the tiny woman before worse could happen.

Hjørdis took a moment to release her hair from its holder before running a hand through it and putting the ponytail back in place. "Well, I'm sorry for that. But, would you like to figure out why I call Mathis my favorite mistake?"

"S're." Berwald was curious about that.

"Give me a second, okay Hun?" she went into a door hidden beneath the stair case, smiling back. Berwald took the moment to glance around the room. It was covered in pictures of either Hjørdis surrounded by at least twelve small children or of her with an assortment of handsome men and occasionally on woman who appeared several times. In one of the pictures, of her with her neck stretched to and odd angle as a small red-haired girl clung to her shoulder, an identical one tugging her hair, Berwald just knew something in it was...wrong somehow.

Before he could place his finger on it, Hjørdis' voice called back, "Hun, I'm back." she purred, swaying back into the room. Berwald's jaw fell open and he felt himself flush a dark red. Hjørdis was more or less naked, wearing a extremely slutty black dress that clung to her.

"Ma'am, w-w..." he cut off, shaking his head vigorously. He had no interest in woman, it was more of a shock to see Mathis' mom like...like a high-class prostitute strutting around in something so provocative.

"See those?" she pointed to a photo of her surrounded by children. "That's about half of them. I have twenty-nine children, though most are adopted or my friends and co-workers dumped them on me. But Mathis is my favorite Mistake. He was such a surprise to me." Hjørdis had slid back on the couch, arms wrapping around the Swede.

Fuck, what was he supposed to do? She looked to frail for him to risk pushing her away and he couldn't manage to get a word out still. Hjørdis chuckled lowly, her voice dropping deeper.

"Let me guess, you don't have any feelings for women at all?" she asked, earning a tense nod. Grinning she only moved closer. "Then you're lucky. She that woman over there, that's Mathis' birth mother. Few were married for fifteenth years, I'm technically Mathis' father." Hjørdis had allowed her voice to drop an octave, nearly as deep as the terrified Swede's. One hand moved to stroke up and down his thigh, moving close and closer...

"Fuck Mom, did I say you could rape him?" Mathis shouted, glancing from around the stairs. Christoffer's laughter could be heard across the house. It was then that Berwald realized what was wrong with the picture. Hjørdis had an Adam's apple.

"You never said I couldn't exactly!" she said back, laughing. "He's not my type anyway, I like them older."

"Ew, now I know your preferred sex partners! That's nasty Mom. So, he pass the test?"

"With flying colours."

"Wh't?" Berwald asked, still dazed. He quickly scooted out of Hjørdis' grip.

"I can explain, I really can this time," Mathis said, enjoying the Swede's obvious discomfort. "Your mom was a bitch, so I had to get you back. And my mom does this to everyone of our boyfriends and girlfriends. Well, not as slutty-"

"Sexy." Hjørdis corrected.

"Right, sexy. If you say so. Anyway, it's your payback mixed with family tradition. So, we can leave now and visit in about two years." Christoffer whined, huffing, "Don't leave me here."

"Y'ah. Le've." Berwald agreed quickly.

OMG! I loved writing this. It makes me way to excited. Thanks to Pankeiko for reviewing! Hope you enjoyed it. Love if you other guys would tell me what you think. Bye!