"Ted, Ted!"

"Barney?"

An intense stare. The longer it lasts, the stranger it gets. Ted feels the urge to lean in, towards Barney. Why did everything always gravitate towards Barney like that? How did he do it, how did he manage to have everything attracted to him, how did he draw and pull everything in? How did this work, how did everything always end up orbiting around Barney in wide swirls, while he stands, unfazed, in the centre of it all?

"We need more beer!"

Ted finds he can only agree. Standing up turns out much more complicated than he remembers. Has everything always swayed like this? Even when he doesn't move it seems that everything is swimming out of his focus, like the room tries to sneakily revolve around a slightly tilted axis (Barney?). He makes it to the fridge – eventually. And he manages to return back to Barney and the safety of the couch. The couch is his boat; it keeps him over water in his unreasonable swaying and rocking apartment.

He tosses Barney the beer, and surprisingly, he catches it, which Ted acknowledged with cheering and a whistle.

Down the beer goes, and then another one. This is shit-wasted, and as they pass the usual states of their getting-shit-wasted-together routine – like now the fun-state, where all is giggling (and occasionally tickling), mounting in hysterical fits of laughter – Ted finds that this really only works with Barney.

There comes the somber-sad-state, where they stare into space for undefined spans of time, the air growing thick around them. Sometimes this ends in murderous attempts involving the pizza-boy (who, they are convinced, is the cause of whatever it is that made them somber-sad-ish) and the cushion. Sometimes those moments end in a revival of the hysterical laughter over the pizza, like tonight.

The salami is grinning at them.

"Dude," Ted suddenly interrupts, pressing a hand on Barney's mouth tightly, killing the laughter, "It's nearly 2:30 a.m.!"

Barney looks at him scandalized, then a little outraged as he tries to pry Ted's hand of his mouth. This only has Ted move closer to lean in. He whispers into Barney's ear conspiratorially and in the process nearly smears tomato sauce all over Barney's cheek.

"Dude, quick, we need to think about something!"

Barney's eyebrows wander up.

"Seriously dude, you know how nothing good happens after 3 a.m.? Quick, we need to…to- OUCH!"

Under Ted's hurt and reproachful look as he winces and holds his hand, instead of an apology, from Barney only comes more laughter.

"See? See? It's already started! You bit me! How's that anything good?"

"Ted," Barney presses between gasps for air and giggles, "you're such a jerk!"

This earns Barney a smack to the back of his head, and then, before either really knew what happened, it turns into a couch fight. But the apartment turns against Ted, as it chooses that particular moment to tilt towards the right sharply, so Ted is forced down on the couch and Barney, favored by the spin, ends up on top of him and definitely winning whatever it is this is. Though gracelessly, 'cause falling on top of him has no class whatsoever, Ted insists. Or he thinks he did anyway, in his head at least.

And then everything gets pretty weird pretty fast.

Ted's head is spinning, or maybe the apartment is, and it's most definitely the apartment to blame for all of this anyway, and then Barney's weight slowly disappears and after being crushed it feels like floating upwards, which makes absolutely no sense at all. But the white of Barney's dress shirt hovers above him, and an intoxicating smell seems to pour from it, and then there is a sparkling blue that fixes him intensely.

The weird energy makes an appearance again; Ted knows it is there, he can feel it. But just as he wonders how it will do fighting gravity, for Barney is above him, and it would have to push him upwards and against gravity in order to draw him towards the white and blue, something happens. Ted was convinced that this was Barney's secret. That it was his power, a gift or maybe an ability, to draw everything in. But as he lays on the couch Ted begins to wonder if that is true at all, because this time it is Barney who leans in, who leans down and towards Ted, and for once Ted feels that maybe, just maybe, he does have some effect at Barney after all. But honestly, how could Ted have ever expected this? Barney was the gravity centre, not he, so why would Barney lean in?

But all thoughts shatter the moment Barney's lips touch his, the musing and the boat-rocking apartment and the beer and the gravity vs. Barney's own gravity and the silly pizza-boy incidents and the let's get-shit-wasted-together, it all just vanishes.

This is smooth, it is electrical and somehow promising, and also utterly wrong, which is why, after a heartbeat, Ted pushes against Barney's chest with both his hands. Barney budges a tiny inch; it is barely enough room for protest, especially with Barney's smell smashed between them.

And god he smells so good.

"Barney, what the hell?"

"It's alright, dude, just the alcohol," Barney murmurs, and Ted's not convinced, he knows he shouldn't be satisfied with that answer, that this is definitely not what Barney should have said, but Barney's breath ghosts over Ted's cheek and he misses a beat, paralyzed for a second.

Only a second, though. Then it is all shoving again, because Ted feels that he really, really ought to try a little harder to get Barney off of him, more specifically that he really, really ought to want to get Barney off of him – which maybe he doesn't. Also he is pretty sure Barney ought to want to get off of him and more importantly ought to want to want to get off and, let's not forget, ought to want Ted to want this too – the getting off thing, of course.

And then Ted gets scared `cause the pushing really doesn't seem to help at all, and what is even worse, Barney ignores it completely.

And then the leaning in starts again and Ted knows what is coming, and since Barney doesn't seem demoralized by his attempts at pushing him away, he tries and resorts to the don't-move-tactic, and really it's more from shock than a tactic, though Ted wouldn't admit that. So he tries not to move at all.

He tries really hard. But Barney is trying really hard too.

But really, through the haze and the alcohol, Ted knows he has to stay still, 'cause if he'll as much as breath Barney'd take that as encouragement and then things would start to get really out of hand.

But Barney above him is so alive and enthusiastic that it is hard to not just open his mouth already and give it a go, but maybe the tactic is working, because now Barney is getting frustrated at his lack of response and this is good, Ted supposes, this means this madness will stop now and they can just go back to drinking and laughing and trying to knock out the pizza-boy with a mug.

"Dude," Barney huffs, "not cool!"

Ted hopes he means the whole kissing thing 'cause that would mean they can pretend this never happened, but Ted suspects that Barney is merely annoyed at how uncooperative he is being and that would mean more and soon and much and he doesn't like the thought of Barney trying his best on this- on him.

He should have known better than to try to say something, he should have known that Barney would only take advantage of that, of him, and as soon as he parts his lips to tell Barney to get the hell off of him there is a tongue in his mouth and first it tastes like pizza, then like beer, and then that washes away and leaves Ted with the disturbing realization that he now knows exactly what Barney tastes like.

Everything seems jumbled, and the spinning becomes worse the longer this lasts, because really? Barney is kissing his brains out. It all shuts down. Just like that. Ted has to admit that Barney knows what he is doing, because this feels so good.

Barney's tongue works its way through his mouth and does things that get Ted ridiculously excited when a second before he swore to himself he wouldn't enjoy this, and this is now very obviously proved a lie, 'cause really it's hard to feel bad with this, and now Ted feels himself respond, which seems the only reasonable thing to do right now, so he tries and kisses back, only a little, but oh man, does that get Barney going. Ted really can't help it, this has him moan into Barney's mouth, and now Ted can feel Barney's lips curl up in that triumphant smirk, and Ted realizes he didn't stand a chance from the beginning.

And then there are hands in his hair and weight pressed against him and warmth in his cheeks and breath on his ear and tugging and puffs of air and his fingers digging into the cushion and feverishly spinning and a tongue gliding over his neck and red-hot tickling and then there is skin and then it all gets too much-

"Barney, please," Ted manages, and it is breathless and sounds more like a plea than anything else.

Ted knows he can't stop this on his own, he feels so weak and at Barney's mercy and the shoving hadn't helped and now everything is spinning and he is going down, drowning in the intensity of this.

And Barney looks him in the eyes and then he gets all soft, and for a second Ted is sure they're finally gonna stop, but then Barney bents down again and suddenly the pace is slow and it gets ridiculously sweet.

This, Ted thinks, is even worse, this he really can't take, this is far too much and way out of proportion.

And then a hand sneaks under his shirt and fabric rustles, and as Barney turns his attention to Ted's chest all Ted can do is breath.

Really, he knows Barney is a sneaky bastard and this is only to distract Ted from protesting again, but who is he kidding? It works. He doesn't really know what is going on and what exactly Bareney's doing, but concentrating on Barney's tongue makes everything seem so horribly overwhelming, though at the same time it feels so good.

The hotness and the lump in Ted's throat are bearable, and he figures that since whatever this is is in full swing now anyway he really doesn't need to think about it that much. There's a moment when it's really hard to ignore the nagging, but then Barney's fingers dig into his hips and he nips at his collarbone, and without Ted wanting his body wants to rear up at the sensation and he throws his head back and all thoughts are gone, because Ted seriously gets lost in this, and all he can do to not feel that helpless is to twine his fingers into Barney's hair, 'cause he figures since Barney's touching, he's allowed to touch too. And now, whenever he feels like it he can pull and oh, he likes Barney's reaction to that, so he gets a little adventurous and grips Barney's shoulder, and goes under the dress shirt, and now Barney starts something new in the area of his neck and ear and this has Ted dig his nails into Barney's back in return.

But now Barney comes up and suddenly Ted realizes just how hard he's breathing and he hates how Barney gets all smug at the sight of him, but it also turns him on to have Barney look at him like that.

Really, are they supposed to be doing this?

And then just when Barney dives in to do things to Ted's neck and shoulder, just as Ted's vision blurs from the haze of lust this sends him into, his head falls to the left and he can see the clock on their TV, green glooming in the darkness.

It causes Ted to move, and Barney gets all enthusiastic, until he realizes Ted is trying to shove him away again. And when he finally retreats Ted nods to the clock and Barney sees what has him upset: 2:59 a.m.

They share a look and then they both scramble to their feet, finally two separate beings again. And as Barney starts to gather up his clothes – he can't find his tie – Ted frowns and grabs a hold of Barney's tie, which he failed to notice still dangling around his neck. Next thing Barney knows, Ted grabs two beers and pulls him towards his bedroom.

Which is a good thing, because the second the door closes, Lily and Marshall let themselves in with their spare key, like they sometimes do when they feel they have no time to get to their own damn apartment to do it and instead borrow their old room – or even Ted's couch – and then they disappear at the nightly hour and the next day they all pretend Ted doesn't notice.

Only the next day Lily and Marshall pretend they didn't notice.