Disclaimer: I do not own Blaine or Kurt, but if the writers want to borrow any Klaine plotline from me, they're more than welcome to!

mw: For readers who have read any of my previous fanfics, this is slightly darker and definitely more angsty (although fluff is not entirely nonexistent) This chapter is very Blaine-centric and focuses a lot on his past - future chapters will involve much more Klaine. The whole series is four chapters which I have already written for a fic exchange, but I figured I'd also post it here if any of you are interested!

Dare to Be Yourself

Chapter 1: When The Silvery Lights Shined Brighter

Two chattering sophomores strolled past a short, curly-haired boy who sat alone on a marble bench. Blaine stared after them, his breath clouding in the mid-March starlight. He felt the bench grow cold underneath him as wind rustled through the trees of Dalton Academy's courtyard.

In that minute, he wished he had not said anything to Kurt. Any time he spoke his mind he always seemed to end up regretting it. If he had kept his mouth shut, maybe Kurt would be sitting here beside him, leaning close for warmth instead of storming away.

The whole debacle had all started with a relatively harmless comment, or so Blaine had thought. It was a Friday evening, which meant students could put away their Dalton uniforms for the weekend and pull out their own personal clothing. Kurt had chosen this evening to wear a particularly eye-popping new number that resulted in gaping stares when he walked past. Not fond of all the attention they were receiving, Blaine had asked him if maybe next time he would consider toning down his style just a bit.

To his surprise, Kurt had turned to him and hissed, his blue eyes flashing, "I am so freaking sick of your attitude, Blaine! I thought the point of a 'no-bullying policy' was so that people could be proud to stand out and respect one another as individuals, but you are all screwed up clones! And you – Blaine Anderson – I thought you were different, but you are the worst of all! You have no style, no opinion – you might as well not even exist!" With his face contorted in disgust, Kurt turned away from his boyfriend. The heels of his Dior boots clicked against the wood floor as he left Blaine standing alone in the hallway.

Blaine pulled his blazer closer around him for warmth; Kurt's words hurt, but he could not deny their truth. In his eagerness to escape the horrors of his previous school, Blaine had been willing to compromise whatever identity he previously had to assimilate into his new home. After all this time of acting and speaking the way he assumed others wanted him to, the curly-haired boy could not recognize what he himself wanted anymore. Hot tears began to well in Blaine's eyes, but he pushed them away, willing himself not to cry. The more he was with Kurt, the more he felt himself slowly losing grip over their relationship. After just over a month of dating, it became clear that Kurt was not the scared boy Blaine believed him to be. Rather, he was a strong-minded individual who lived life on his terms regardless of whether or not others approved. Blaine admired this quality in Kurt, but the more he saw it, the more he noticed his own lack of self-confidence.

He felt like such a hypocrite for preaching about being open and comfortable in one's skin when he avoided stating any opinion or acting in a manner that might make people dislike him. Yes Kurt was haughty and proud, but he never pretended to be any more than who he was.

Those furious blue eyes flashed again in Blaine's mind. He could feel the other boy's respect for him slipping away: "I thought you were different."

'Now that he's realized how pathetic I really am, what could he possibly want with me?'

Blaine shuddered at the thought of Kurt leaving him, realizing just how much control the other boy held over him. He needed to start pulling away or he would only allow this boy to break his heart. And that was something Blaine did not think he could live with.

"Blaine…" The smaller boy's head snapped up instantly at the familiar voice. "Why are you sitting in the cold?"

Blaine felt his heart melt when he saw his boyfriend standing before him, arms crossed over his chest, eyes filled with concern. "Because I feel deplorable for ever suggesting you should be somebody less than the amazing person you are." He admitted while the boy sat next to him and slipped one arm into his.

"I know you are and I'm sorry too – I didn't mean to say all those horrible things to you Blaine." Kurt mumbled, laying his head on Blaine's shoulder.

"No you did, and it's all right because…you're right Kurt. When I first arrived to Dalton…I was pretty messed up." Blaine inhaled sharply before letting out a shaky breath. "I wanted to fit in somewhere so bad. When I came here and people were willing to overlook the fact that I am gay, I became willing to do whatever it took to preserve their good opinion of me. Now I honestly don't know who I am anymore…" Blaine laid his head on Kurt's as he added hesitantly, "You deserve somebody better Kurt and I would understand if you don't want to date me anymore."

"What?" Kurt scrunched his nose before sitting upright. "After all the work I went through to make you my boyfriend you seriously think I'm going to toss you aside after learning you aren't perfect Blaine?"

"Maybe." Blaine admitted hesitantly.

"Don't be so facetious." Kurt rolled his eyes, before leaning forward to kiss his boyfriend on the lips. He pulled back slightly and ran his fingers through Blaine's dark curls. "I love you Blaine and because I love you I want to help you. We can learn who Blaine Anderson is together ok?"

"I would like that very much." Blaine mumbled, his throat thick with tears as he pulled the other boy into a tight hug.

"It's settled then! Tomorrow I'm taking you shopping!" Kurt beamed with enthusiasm. "Come on, we better head to bed so we can get an early start – we'll have our work cut out for us!" The taller boy stood up and began to pull Blaine with him.

"Thanks, but I'd like to sit out here a few more minutes if that's ok." Blaine smiled softly; amused by how his boyfriend seemed to think shopping solved every problem. "How did you find me anyways?"

A sheepish grin colored Kurt's face, "I can see this section of the courtyard from my window and saw you brooding out here…Needless to say I felt somewhat guilty for snapping at you."

"Ah I knew this bench seemed like a nice spot for some reason. Go ahead - I'll be right in." Blaine promised.

Kurt looked as if he was going to say something but changed his mind. He kissed Blaine on the cheek before walking off into the darkness.

Blaine stared after his boyfriend and sighed before looking up towards the black sky

'I remember a time when those silvery lights seemed to shine so much brighter.'

The luminescent stars winked mockingly at him in return, but perhaps he was only imagining things. Blaine sighed. Surely he hadn't always been like this? As a boy Blaine had been like any other, he enjoyed playing with trucks and wrestling in the dirt with other boys his age. He never had a particularly keen sense of fashion and while he had a good understanding of the female mind, Blaine attributed that more to moderating the hormone-induced catfights between his older sister Camille and their mother. He had even grown up immersed in the world of competitive sports thanks to his father. While Blaine never had the large stature of a football player, he dribbled circles around most players on a soccer field. So what ever led Blaine to think he was gay in the first place?

A shudder traveled down Blaine's spine as a tall, lanky blonde formed in his memory with freckles sprinkled across his sun-burnt nose and green-brown eyes that glittered.

"Sean…" Blaine murmured under his breath as he revisited the memories of his childhood again, except this time the dominant figure in every frame was the boy who had been his best friend.

...

Blaine was six years old again, playing with yellow Tonka trucks in the sandbox behind his house. Sean sat beside him spouting a variety of Vroom and Beep sounds in the way only a child can. Two years later, Blaine and Sean were jumping on the couches and acting out scenes from Power Rangers that led to them tousling around the floor until one of their exasperated mothers sent them outside. Then they were eleven, playing on a youth soccer league – Blaine kicked the ball to Sean and watched as the boy slammed it into the goal. Both boys hugged each other tightly, cheering at the top of their lungs despite sweat plastering green jerseys to their backs.

It was not until they were thirteen that Blaine began to think there might be something different about him. Both boys were walking back home from school as they had done every day for the past five years when Sean exclaimed under his breath,

"Dude, did you see Amanda today? She was totally wearing a bra that made her boobs look huge!"

"Uh yeah…" Blaine murmured uncomfortably, readjusting his backpack. Actually, he had not noticed his classmate's burgeoning bosom, because he'd been too busy admiring Sean's blonde curls in the seat ahead of him and wondering what it would be like to touch them.

"Hey do you ever you know…have issues when checking out girls?" Sean asked, a blush spreading across his face.

"What kind of issues?" Blaine asked, his brows knitting together in confusion.

"You know…" Sean said and glancing around furtively before adding, "Getting a boner."

The thought of his friend with a hard-on sent waves of unfamiliar warmth towards Blaine's crotch.

"Sometimes I just can't help it…and then at night I can't forget about it and you know…touch myself." Sean licked his lips nervously.

Additional images of Sean stroking himself instantly made Blaine rock-hard and he cleared his throat, hoping the other boy would not notice the effect his words were having on him. "Could we not talk about this right now?" Blaine's voice came out in a bit of a squeak.

"Why not?' Sean demanded sharply, an embarrassed flush spreading across his cheeks.

"It's just...all this talk of hot girls is kind of making me hot." Blaine joked feebly as sweat began collecting on the back of his neck.

Sean's face immediately spread into a devious grin, "Geez Anderson, you're such a perv! By the way, Lily was totally making eyes at you today in math class! She may not have boobs, but she has a really pretty face. I'd get with her if I were you!" He punched Blaine lightly in the shoulder.

Blaine tugged on his t-shirt collar, "Uh thanks."

That afternoon, Blaine told Camille what his friend had said and asked if he was strange for not thinking of girls like that. The seventeen-year-old girl suppressed a grin before reassuring him: it didn't mean anything strange – some boys became attracted to girls earlier than other boys. Blaine thought about asking his sister if it was normal to get hard when thinking of another guy, but some part of him knew that it wasn't. Instead, he bit his tongue back in shame.

Blaine tried hard to like girls, he really did – because it was all Sean was talking about anymore: Girls he thought were cute, girls he wanted to see naked, girls he wanted to…do things with. Despite Blaine's best efforts, he did not feel a romantic attraction to any of them. Instead he became increasingly aware of his interest in Sean. Whenever the boy was around him, Blaine felt his palms begin to sweat, his heart to race, and his mouth stumble to form coherent sentences, but the tall bronze boy never seemed to notice.

One night, the summer before their freshman year of high school, Sean stayed over at Blaine's house. This night wouldn't have been different except at 2 in the morning when Blaine just wanted to get some sleep the other boy whispered:

"Hey Blaine, do you have that laptop your folks gave you for high school?"

"Hrgh? Yeah…why?" Blaine asked, fighting to stay awake as he rubbed his eyes.

"Because I have a treat to share." He whispered in delight, reaching for his backpack and pulling out a DVD. Blaine could not make out the title in the dark, but he could see the dark figures of two women intertwined together.

"A movie?"

"Psh, more than a movie – it's porn! One of the guys from football practice lent it to me!"

"Oh" was Blaine's only response. Sean had been recruited for the high school football team, which had already started practice over the summer. Blaine wanted to be happy for his friend, but it meant they got to spend less time together, not to mention none of Sean's teammates seemed to like him. They stared at the shorter boy with a flinty-eyed glare that suggested they knew his secret. "Sure, let me get it out."

Blaine couldn't help but be surprised by his friend's excitement as the boy inserted a pair of headphones into the laptop before setting up the movie. Blaine didn't even care what the movie was about – two women completely naked and doing things to each other that aroused no interest in him. Rather he was entranced by Sean's reactions. Both boys were lying on their backs, the laptop between them – each boy with one ear bud in his ear. A glazed look came across Sean's eyes as he reached down to palm the growing erection in his pajama pants. His soft grunts and pants sent blood pouring down into Blaine's cock.

Sean looked over at Blaine lustily, "Do you…ugh…mind if I take my pants off?" His voice thick with need.

Blaine shook his head, not trusting his mouth to form words when he saw the other boy's cock stand upright against a net of thick curly hair in the faint light of the computer screen. Blaine gasped slightly as he saw Sean's hand trace the head of his exposed length, before pumping it gently. Unable to restrain himself any longer, Blaine slid his hand under his own pajama pants, fumbling to close his fingers around his already weeping erection. Minutes later, he heard Sean's breath speed up and saw that the boy had closed his eyes, spurts of white cum coating his exposed stomach. The sight alone sent Blaine over the edge. As Blaine felt the pounding of blood in his head subside and glanced at Sean who grinned back at him, he became aware of two things: Blaine Anderson was in love with his best friend and Blaine Anderson did not find women sexually attractive, because he was gay.

The boys had similar sleepovers throughout the rest of the summer: Sean had nowhere else to safely watch his borrowed porn while Blaine couldn't wait for his friend to jack off next to him. It had gotten to the point where just the anticipation of the other boy coming over to his house made Blaine hard. However once high school started, the fun and games ended. Sean became even busier with football and his new blond girlfriend from the cheer-leading squad. The sleepovers ended when Sean stopped watching porn because his girlfriend was willing to satisfy his lusty appetite. Instead, he would rehash in explicit detail all the things he and Kelly did with a bravado that made Blaine cringe.

Without his best friend, Blaine felt completely lost and unsure as he navigated the high school hallways. Eventually he joined the school's glee club and was surprised to find how much he enjoyed singing and performing. With the spotlights shining on him and people cheering in the audience, Blaine felt himself come to life. Even Sean came to one of their performances and told Blaine he "looked pretty cool." Those words alone had the curly-haired boy giddy for days. But the more he became involved in show choir, the more Sean pressed him to start dating.

"Dude, Valentine's Day is in a couple weeks, are you thinking of asking any girls out to the dance?" Sean asked as Blaine waited for him in the locker room to change after football practice.

"Not really. Why?" Blaine shrugged, not sure why it mattered whether or not he dated any girls.

"Look I think it's cool that you sing and dance and all…but a lot of the guys have been making smart remarks about you being gay since you joined glee club." Sean mentioned, pulling on his shirt and jeans.

Blaine felt his shoulders tighten in apprehension, "Do you think I'm gay?" He asked, the word bitter and metallic in his mouth.

Sean shook his head with a hearty laugh "Of course not, I told the boys how quickly you come when watching those porn flicks with me." He pulled on his socks and sneakers before tying his shoelaces.

Blaine's mouth turned dry, his stomach churning loudly. His hands felt stone cold and yet hot sweat began to collect under his armpits. This was it. This was the moment he could finally tell Sean the truth. He stared down at the linoleum tiles of the locker room before looking back up at Sean, "What if I told you it wasn't watching those girls that made me come?"

The blood drained from Sean's face, "What are you saying Anderson?" The taller jock backed away slightly as if to stave off an unknown blow.

In that moment, Blaine knew it was a mistake, knew this wasn't going the way he wanted…but the words came tumbling out of his mouth anyways in a breathy whisper: "I think I'm in love with you."

Sean's face contorted into one of pure revulsion as he backed away even further from Blaine "You mean all these years when I thought we were just friends you were having all these secret gay fantasies?" When Blaine advanced towards him, attempting to apologize, Sean snapped. "I bet you were even thinking of me as you lay jacking off next to me! Weren't you, you filthy fag?" He slammed the smaller boy up against his locker, one of his hands clenching Blaine's shirt until his knuckles turned white. "Did you fantasize about me sticking my dick up your ass? You sick freak!" He slammed the boy against the metal locker again.

Tears began to roll down Blaine's face, "W-why are you d-doing this t-to me? I t-thought we were f-friends."

Sean's face softened slightly, just for a moment, before it hardened back into a flinty scowl. "We were…until you decided to open that mouth. This is your fault Blaine. We could have been friends…but you ruined it." Sean pulled away from Blaine, causing the boy to crumple in a heap on the floor. He slung his sports bag on his shoulder and headed towards the door, before turning back to face Blaine, "The next time you see me I suggest you run unless you want that faggy face of yours bashed in." The door slammed shut behind him, leaving Blaine to cry alone in the broken afternoon light.

...

Blaine felt the tears threatening to resurface as the icy wind whipped his face but he wiped them away. He had forgotten how all the bullying had started and now that he remembered, he wished he didn't. Images of football players slamming him into lockers and bruising him where they knew it wouldn't show assaulted his mind – each and every incident instigated by the boy who had been his best friend, the first boy he had ever loved. Sympathetic expressions from faculty members who told him they couldn't do anything while he slinked through the halls in terror. The overwhelming feeling of isolation.

The memories were too horrible for Blaine to bear. Like Pandora, who had opened the box containing each of mankind's ailments, Blaine wished he could catch and imprison every dark memory that haunted him only to be their victim. Instead, he did all he could do: Blaine suppressed every shove, every slur, and every sneer into the depths of his brain until they were removed from his conscious thoughts. With a shaky sigh, he stood up and began walking towards his dorm, pausing only to glance at the window above him where a tall shadowy figure watched him. Blaine waved towards the boy with a soft smile, before heading back towards his room. The yellow curtain fell back in place against the window.

Blaine: Oh my God...how could you make me so depressing?

Kurt: I think it adds more to your character and I have to say the inner tortured aspect of you is very attractive.

Blaine: Kurt, I think you need to put away Wuthering Heights

Kurt: Oh Heathcliff I will haunt you for the rest of you days!

Blaine: Please don't, I'm not into ghosts

Kurt: Ah such a pity, there is epic and iconic love found in tragedy!

Blaine: Yes well I'd rather just enjoy being alive with you like normal human beings.

mw:Ok...Bronte rant aside I hoped you all have enjoyed the first chapter and let me know if you want me to post others in the future! The next one is not quite depressing, I promise xD