Me: It's a bit out of character, but I'll be honest. I love immature humor.
But if that's what you're expecting, you might want to go somewhere else... A lot of what's here will probably make a lot of you lose your appetites.
Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Pokemon; Team Galactic; Commander Saturn(the protagonist); or any other Pokemon related references... I just write the fanfics. Enjoy!
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Madder than a Buneary:
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A Team Galactic Valentine's Day!
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"Why me!" Commander Saturn bellowed in frustration
He kicked at the nearest wastebasket, pulled at his hair, and yelled like a maniac, causing several grunts to look on in horror at the sight!
"You are probably wondering why such a calm, collected member of Team Galactic is losing his cool." I, Lady Umbreon, narrate for everyone, "The honest truth, is that today has to be one of the worst days in his miserable life... Ever!
"Reflecting over the past events of the day, cause him to recoil in shame and disgust. And it's no wonder he can't seem to relax afterward!" Lady U. nodded, then listened to the big question
"Why? Why is he freaking out so vehemently? Well, let's just climb onto Dialga's back, travel back in time, and find out!" Calls out a Dialga, and mounts it, "This is going to be interesting, at the very least, so I should hope you all can cope with Saturn's need to PMS the entire time... He's normally more calm, not that I particularly care... But it was funny to watch him freaking out the entire time!"
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At the day's start, 5 am
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Glaring at the alarm clock that whizzed and beeped in an even more annoying manner than usual, Commander Saturn sat up in his cot to smack it off. Not yet moving, he glared at his knees, and rested his head in his hands. Today was going to be one of those days... The kind of day that just says; 'Hey, you! Stay in bed, if you know what's good for you!'
Too bad he never listened. And too bad he had no choice in the matter anyway!
Moving at last to rise, he shuffled over to the bathroom and prepared for the day ahead.
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5:30
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"Here's today's orders!"
A grunt passed Saturn a folder, that was just bulging with Master Cyrus' thorough instructions for the day. Naturally, they weren't all for Saturn himself, but it was his job to distribute commands to the officers and grunts under him. A task he relished on occasion.
After barking orders, handing out instruction sheets, and going over his own agenda for the day, he noticed an extra card at the bottom of the pile of the folder's contents.
"What's this...?" he grumbled, annoyed that something more was still there
Turning over the small card of paper, he scanned it's simple text,
Come to the Rooftop Lab at 20:00!
Then, after memorizing the brief message, stuck it in his pocket. Obviously, Master Cyrus had something to say that he wanted to keep confidential, to either the commanders, or just Saturn himself.
But why the Rooftop Lab, and not his office? Maybe it had to do with their recent secret projects... One way or the other, though, Commander Saturn was going to find out later that evening.
Untroubled by this fact, he headed to his own office to complete some paperwork.
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6:15
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Commander Saturn sat at his desk, and looked at the near-empty inbox.
"Good. At least I'll be able to get some lab work done today as well." toneless, expressionless... Cool and unruffled as usual
Reaching for the small pile, he looked up and glared at the sudden knock at his office door.
"What is it?" he said sharply
He gave an annoyed sniff, when he saw several giggling female grunts enter his office, all at once. They shyly piled several red and pink boxes on his desk, before running swiftly out again, squealing loud enough to wake a full Snorlax!
"What the hell..." he growled when the last had left, and he had a chance to look at the ridiculous pile of cards and boxes that were either plain, or very lacy, with hearts all over everything
Standing up, he moved from his office to go and see if Commander Mars was in. A lot of those lady grunts had been members under her, and still more were subordinates of Commander Jupiter as well!
For some reason, lots of male and female grunts were entering and exiting the offices of said Commanders, and they all seemed to be in an embarrassed hurry to get away once they had passed through!
Saturn noticed that they all seemed to be holding more pink & red boxes and cards going in, and then coming out empty handed again...
"Just what the hell is going on here!" Commander Saturn shouted, getting everyone's attention!
A bad idea, as it were, because by drawing attention to himself, he'd opened himself up for attack!
"Please, Commander... Please accept this Valentine's chocolate I made for you!" One of the girl grunts cried breathlessly
"Valen-what?" Saturn had to take a step back, because he was now being surrounded by quite a lot of grunts with the same request as the girl!
Not just girls and lady grunts... For some reason Saturn would never want to figure out, several of the male grunts were trying their luck too!
Many shouts of, "Here!", and "Please accept this!", rang in his ears before he was finally able to escape the chaos and hide in his office.
"Wha-what is going on here?" he panted, leaning against the door for support
Then, he noticed the pile of pink and red that still sat on his desk. Striding over, he pushed it all to the floor to uncover his phone, and dialed Cyrus' office. Whatever bug had infected all of the Team Galactic grunts, hadn't infected him, but it was obvious that he would not make it to the Rooftop Lab meeting, if he couldn't get his work for the day done on time.
"What is it?" an irate voice asked, on the other end of the connection
"Commander Saturn, here. I might be a little late for that meeting in the Rooftop Lab, if I'm held up by the sudden chaos that has every grunt acting like mad Buneary."
"... Did you not remember to check the calender for today's date?"
"It says, 2/14/xx... Why?" Saturn was perplexed
"It's obvious that you come from a different country, if you don't know what today's date means for most of Sinnoh's citizens."
"No... I don't know what the significance of today being the fourteenth means. Why is it important?"
"It means that today is the day that people go around giving each other gifts of chocolate, or just well wishes for the weeks ahead. A day called Saint Valentine's day." Cyrus sounded very annoyed, "An irritating curse, if anything, and people believe they can be complete morons on that day. Also, I didn't summon you to a meeting in the Rooftop Lab!"
"Bu-" Saturn had been about to protest at Cyrus' angry tone, when a clang that meant Cyrus had hung up sounded
Deciding he'd wasted enough time dithering on trivial matters, Commander Saturn settled in to complete the paperwork that he'd intended to start in the first place, all the while ignoring the timid knocks on his door that could only mean more grunts trying to saddle him with more... 'Valentines', they called them... Shaking his head, he kept right on working until lunch time, when he headed out to the cafeteria to grab something to eat.
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12:20 (Yeah... He's very regular...)
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Sitting down at a table with a plate-full of an unidentifiable green blob, and a slightly burnt roll of bread, Commander Saturn began eating the questionable substance, with a bored look on his face.
That is, he was bored, until a grunt trotted up and said, "Sir, if you don't mind, would you consider going out with me?"
Thankfully, Saturn had had nothing in his mouth at the exact moment the grunt popped the question at him, sparing them both of a very unpleasant mess when Saturn began to splutter and choke in shock!
Passing Saturn his glass of water, the grunt waited while patting his back until the Commander was breathing normally again.
"Oops! I didn't mean to make you choke like that!" the grunt said unhappily
The first thing out of Saturn's mouth was, "You're a man!"
"Yeah, I'm a man. It's not that unusual you know." the grunt replied undaunted
"It's unusual enough that you'll be lucky if I don't have you thrown into a holding cell! And what makes you think you can go around asking me that sort of question anyway! Get back to your post if you've nothing better to do!"
The spurned grunt moved quickly away from the fuming Commander, and Saturn decided he'd lost his appetite.
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14:30ish
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Walking into the Underground Lab, Commander Saturn sighed annoyance, and rubbed at his throbbing temples.
That grunt at the Cafeteria hadn't been the last he'd encountered before he made it back to his office to finish up the paperwork. No, several grunts and gruntettes had asked him if he would consider them as candidates for romantic dates and what-not. Obviously, St. Valentine's day was the sort of day that everyone in Sinnoh used as an excuse to go completely wild, pairing up romantically with anyone for a date, flirtatiously batting their eyelashes at one another, and just being downright mad... What sort of holiday is this!
He'd had to wade through a veritable a sea of Valentines chocolate and cards that were set outside his office, because he wouldn't open his door to accept them formally.
"What's the status of the Galactic super bomb?" he grunted, sitting down at a computer to check some other project that was being conducted
"Oh, that? I already sent the info to Master Cyrus, because he requested it." one of the lab assistants said nonchalantly
"Fine..." Saturn said automatically
He was thoroughly absorbed in the data of a different project, and could care less if the s. bomb project had the Boss' seal of approval, as it meant his own opinion wouldn't be needed anymore.
Leaning back and closing his eyes, Saturn let out a sigh of relief. Finally... Finally! Everything was starting to level out, and gain back some normalcy!
Oh, if only he hadn't thought too soon!
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18:45
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Finished with his lab work, Commander Saturn left his work station at the lab to grab some dinner before he clocked off for the evening.
Although doubting the safety level of the cafeteria, he chose to ignore what had happened earlier, and grab some food anyway. He did miss a perfectly good lunch, after all
Eating what appeared to be crunchy spaghetti, and soggy broccoli, Commander Saturn kept a weather eye on his surroundings, wary of defending himself against another Valentines day attack
When nothing dramatic happened between the time he sat down, and the time it took for him to finish his meal, he relaxed. He actually relaxed!
A female grunt walked up to him as he was leaving the cafeteria and said, "Please! Would you consider going out with me?"
"Please! Would you consider getting a life!" Commander Saturn snapped at the girl, having had it up to here with with this crazy holiday
She burst into tears, said he was a horrible person, and ran off. 'To heck with her!' Saturn thought angrily
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19:20
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Back in his office, he glared at the pile of red & pink garbage several of the grunts had abandoned there.
Thinking that they were probably the best clues to identifying his tormentors, Saturn refrained from tossing them all in his garbage can and setting a match to them.
Looking over his days instructions one last time, he saw again the plainly written note that had been left in the folder the boss had sent to him
Come to the Rooftop Lab at 20:00!
Thinking for a moment, Commander Saturn decided he could not risk the chance that it had been Cyrus calling him to a secret meeting, and skipping it for the safety of his bed.
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20:00
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At the Rooftop Lab, Commander Saturn was faintly surprised to find it darkened, and empty of a living soul.
"So who sent that note?" he asked the empty air irately
"That would be me, sir."
"You!" Commander Saturn had not expected this...
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20:17
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Back down stairs again, Commander Saturn seemed to have lost it, twitching and panting, practically foaming at the mouth!
"Why me!" he bellowed in frustration
He kicked at the nearest wastebasket, pulled at his hair, and yelled like a maniac, causing several grunts to look on in horror at the sight!
"If any of you come near me with Valen-whatsits again, I'll murder the lot of you!"
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At 20:30, he's given sedatives, to calm his nerves
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"So as you can see, ladies and gents, some people are very touchy about certain subjects," Lady U. dismounts from Dialga's back, "And that is why, more than anything, Commander Saturn ended up being 'Madder than a Buneary'!"
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Me: So what do you all think of my V-day fic? I do have a confession to make about it though... I wrote it last year, in the middle of summer.
Saturn: Who cares about that? How dare you post this sorry excuse for a story, at all! How dare you!
Me: Cool it, or I'll have you blasted by my Leaellena's 'Ice Beam'!
Anyway, all, I hope you enjoyed it, and please review!
P.S. Sorry I left you hanging with the mystery person. Obviously, though, Commander Saturn did not take the surprise well! ^-^