Well, he did know how to make an omelette.

They sat across from each other at the table (Temari hoped it was not the table) eating his surprisingly delicious egg creation. Shikamaru definitely had an appetite, having engaged in some...rigorous activities last night, but he was too uncomfortable to really taste the food. After all, Temari - who looked completely at ease - had yet to give back his underwear. Plus, he had an erection.

Mentally groaning, he set down his fork and looked at Temari directly. "Can I have them back now?" he asked, painfully.

Temari paused, then nodded and tossed him the boxers. Sighing, he caught them. He looked back up at Temari, who politely turned away. After a moment of struggling into them, he sat back down, relieved. She turned back around looked at him pointedly. "It's not like I haven't seen it before, you know," she said. Shikamaru frowned. "Can we not tell anyone, ever, that this happened?"

Temari set down her fork as well and looked him straight in the eye. Her tone was completely serious. "Yes, Shikamaru. Because I was totally going to publicize your sex life and tell all of your friends that you got drunk and screwed me." She rolled her eyes (something she seemed to do with him a lot) and took a drink of her orange juice. She set that down too and scrutinized him, as if something had just occured to her. "Was that your first time?" she asked, searching his face. His eyes widened for a second and he looked down at his plate, forcing himself not to blush.

Her own catlike eyes widened and her jaw dropped in shock. "Oh." she said, surprised. "I...oh." she immediately looked guilty. He raised his head and looked at her, confused. "What?"

She bit her lip, her eyebrows drawing together, and for a split second Shikamaru thought she looked cute. She spoke, explaining. "Well, your first time is supposed to be...special. With...someone you love." She looked extremely guilty now. Shikamaru tilted his head to one side. "Was your first time with someone you loved?" he asked, one eyebrow arched. She blinked, then said, "No...but that was my choice."

Shikamaru's eyebrows rose. "And it wasn't my choice?" He laughed then, startling her. "Jesus, Temari, you make it sound like you raped me." She stared for a moment, then cracked a smile. Shikamaru then stopped smiling and took on a serious tone, his eyes dead-set on hers. "Besides," he began in a quiet voice, his hand reaching across the table to cover hers. "It was with someone I loved."

Temari stared, mouth agape, complete and utter shock plastered across her features. Then, a lovely smile graced her lips, and she reached out her hand to cover his other one. "Oh, Shikamaru," she whispered, looking up into his dark brown eyes, "I've always wanted to tell you," she leaned closer, and he followed suit, his gaze never leaving her. Her beautiful eyes were filled with hope, and longing..."you're so..." she released his hand and brought hers up to caress his cheek, and he leaned into her palm, closing his eyes,"...full of BULLSHIT!"

Abruptly, his face was shoved away, and he fell back in his chair. Temari was glaring at him from across the table, her arms now crossed. Shikamaru stared at her, stunned. and then a slow smirk crawled across his face. "How'd you find me out?" he asked, his voice again a drawl.

The Sand Shinobi blew air out her lips. "I may not be a genius like you, Nara, but I'm not stupid." She reached for her glass of orange juice.

Shikamaru was mildly impressed. Not only did she trick him in the bedroom, she called him out on his little trick. "Troublesome," he muttered, pleased when he sounded bored. Temari once again examined his face. "Why'd you try to fool me?" she asked, unveiled curiosity in her voice. He sighed to himself. Might as well tell her, he thought. "My pants are under your chair," he pointed out. Temari leaned over and caught a glimpse of a pair of black shinobi pants, crumped under hear seat. She winced. Crap. This was THE table. I hope we didn't do anything too bad, she thought. turning back to the lazy genius, she quirked an eyebrow. "So where are my pants, oh wise one?"

Shikamaru thought for a second. "The bathroom," he answered, inclining his head towards said bathroom. Temari looked surprised and confused. "We were in the bathroom?" she wondered aloud. Shikamaru nodded. "If I remember correctly, your pants are hanging off the shower curtain rung," he scratched his chin thoughtfully. Temari raised her eyebrows and looked up towards the ceiling. Damn. "So what exactly did we do in there?" she asked him, her eyes fixed on the lamp structure above her.

There was no answer.

She looked back down at the Nara. He was blushing again, scratching the back of his neck. She smirked. "C'mon, tell me." she goaded, leaning across the table. Shikamaru glanced at her, then back at the wall. "We, ah..." he sounded humiliated, his voice lowered. "...you gave me a lap dance."

"Oh." She remembered now.

Flasback:

Temari stumbled into the bathroom, her lips connected to Shikamaru's. Vaguely, she recognized her surroundings. "This isn't the bedroom," she said idly, while the boy in front of her kissed down her neck, gripping her waist. Her shirt was gone, (no surprise) and Shikamaru still had his mesh undershirt and boxers on.

He growled into her collarbone and sat down on the toilet seat lid, pulling the blonde ninja with him. "Whatever," he muttered, "let's just do it here." She giggled, then slid into his lap, shaking her arms around his neck. "How 'bout I give you a preview?" she said, ever the seductress, even drunk. Shikamaru nodded eagerly, and she laughed, rolling her hips against his. He gasped and leaned back, his eyes wide and his lips parted.

She continued grinding into him, her lips at his ear, whispering sweet nothings. He groaned, his hands falling on her rocking hips. Then, without warning, he pushed her off of him. Before she could even ask why, he was sliding her pants down her legs, then impatiently ripping them off, tossing them to one side. He sat back down and pulled her back into her previous position. Noticing the look she gave him, he explained, "They were getting troublesome." He gave her hips a squeeze. "Again," he demanded roughly, and she grinned.

:End flashback

"Oh, yeah," Temari mused thoughtfully. Then, she frowned. "Did we do stuff in other weird places, too?" she asked, half to herself, and was vaguely surprised when he answered.

"The couch, the floor, the wall...the closet..." he ticked them off one by one on his fingers. "And I'm pretty sure we spent a while making out on the roof."

Temari scrunched up her eyebrows, but whether in disgust or confusion, Shikamaru couldn't tell. "How the hell did we get on the roof?" She looked even more confused. "Moreover, how the hell did we get down?"

Shikamaru smirked. "You were too wasted to even walk, so I carried you, there and back."

Then, it was Temari's turn to smirk, as she turned a critical eye towards him. "Oh? Were you not wasted as well?" she teased. "How many drinks did you have?"

Her smirk slowly faded when Shikamaru hung his head and mumbled, "Three."

Temari all but leapt up from the table. "THREE?" She shouted. "You had three drinks?" She looked disbelieving, and then her eyes widened, as if something dawned on her. "You screwed me half sober!" she accused, though not angrily. "Oh my god!"

Shikamaru by now was looking extremely distressed. "That's not true!" he insisted, a little hysterical. "I was not sober!"

Temari calmed down a bit. "Then explain why, after three drinks, you were supposedly drunk?"

Shikamaru blushed - damn, I've gotta stop doing that around her - and mumbled, "I can't hold my alcohol very well." Temari calmed down entirely at his statement and sat back down. "Why didn't you tell me?" she murmured, sounding almost...sympathetic? He scowled. "You would've made fun of me," he said. She shook her head, then paused and said, "Probably. Still...usually, when you've only had a few drinks, you're pretty sound of mind. I'm here feeling guilty because you were a virgin, and then you tell me that you had three drinks, making it look like you took advantage of me." She shook her head again.

Shikamaru sighed. "But I didn't. I was drunk. You were drunk. It was a mistake." He looked at her. "Okay?"

She nodded, sighed, then picked up his plate and hers and dumped them in the sink.

A thought came to him, and he stood up. "Hey, I..." he cleared his throat, "...still need my pants back."

Temari turned and shrugged. "You get them." So he went for them, reaching under her chair, and she made a face. "I'm not even sure they're yours." That froze Shikamaru in his tracks. "What?"

The blonde turned back to rinsing the dishes, completely comfortable with him seeing her in just her bra and panties. "They could be someone else's," she explained. Shikamaru frowned and straightened up. "Please tell me that 'someone else' means you."

Temari turned around again and huffed. "They might be another guy's, Shikamaru," she informed him. He just stood there. "You...had sex with someone else?" he asked.

"Yeah. Is that not allowed?"

"Well...no."

"No, it isn't, or no, it is?"

"It is," he said uncomfortably.

She glanced at him over her shoulder. "Good."

And for the first time in many, many years, Shikamaru felt a tiny curl of something in his stomach, unfurling and rising so that he could not only identify it, he couldn't ignore it.

Jealousy.

He grimaced at his own deduction. You're not jealous, Shikamaru. You are not jealous. Jealousy is something that happens over someone you care about. You do not care about Temari. At least, not in that way...maybe as a friend. A friend who had sex with you. A friend who had amazing, perfect, MIND-BLOWING sex with you...

"Ugh!" he said out loud, pissed at his thoughts.

Temari, on the other hand, was thinking more along the lines of what she should have for dinner. Steak. No, maybe lamb. Onigiri? Haven't had that in a while. In fact, I haven't been to Konoha in a while, so...I could get the Inuzuka to buy me dinner, he seemed more than willing the last time we met. Or maybe I should ask that Hyuga boy, I hear he's single...

She was startled out of her rather uncouth thought train with Shikamaru's grunt of frustration. She turned around, and was greeted by a rather comical sight.

The Nara seemed to be having an internal battle, and with each new thought that popped into his head, his expression changed. Anger...resignment...adoration...? "Nara," she said, amused, and he almost jumped. Instead of frowning at her, or muttering, "Troublesome", he actually looked stricken. "Temari, how many men have you slept with?" he asked earnestly.

The Sand shinobi raised an eyebrow. Weird question...

She headed for the bathroom, intent on retrieving her pants. "Buy me dinner, and I'll tell you," she called over her shoulder.

She chuckled when she heard a faint, "Troublesome..."