Me: Gee, I finally write something other than Sasuhina! This is one of my favorite pairings, but I've never really written it seriously before. So, I guess, I'll just give it a go. Iku(1), Shikatema!

Sasu: ...then why am I here? I'm not even in this story.

Me: Au contraire, my dear ice cube. You'll be in this fic. Eventually. Plus, you're the comic relief character!

Naru: WHAT THE F***? Sasuke steals my potential girlfriends, my adoring fans, my screentime, and now you're giving him my JOB? Aw, hell no!

Sasu: (smirks) Deal with it, dobe. They might as well name the show 'Sasuke'.

Naru: No way! TV Tokyo, Studio Pierrot, Shueisha Inc., and Shonen Jump would never allow that!

?: Actually, we're filling out the paperwork right now.

Everyone: (shock)MASASHI KISHIMOTO?

Masashi: Indeed.

Shikamaru: (pops up out of nowhere) Oi, I'm here...even thought it's troublesome...

Naru: Oh hey, Shikamaru. (turns to Masashi) HOLY F***ING SH** MONKEYS! HOW COULD YOU CHANGE THE NAME OF THE SHOW?

Masashi: How could I not? I mean, this is what the fans wanted.

Sasu: (smirks at Naruto) Hear that, dobe? The fans wanted me. (says under breath)...and so did your fangirls.

Naru: (flips Sasuke the finger) F*** off, Sasuke!

Masashi: You? Oh no, Sasuke. We're not renaming the the show after you.

Sasu: (draws katana, Sharingan activated) Oh yes you are.

Naru: (grins gleefully) In your face, teme! They still love me! *tears of joy*

Masashi: ...we're still changing the name of the show, Naruto.

Naru: (looks heartbroken) W-W-What?

Masashi: That's right - from now on, this show will be called - (flings arms out dramatically) AKAMARU!

Shikamaru: ...the hell?

Me: Enjoy the story! (mutters) At last...

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Nara Shikamaru was greeted with a massive hangover.

The early morning light strained through the half-drawn curtains, shining directly onto his face. He grunted and winced, feeling the sunshine invade his eyelids and the enormous headache throbbing against his skull.

He rolled over onto his stomach to escape the bright light, sighing deeply and burying his face into the soft pillow. His eyes snapped open when he inhaled. The pillow smelled like...a woman. Like passion flowers and coconuts. Like temptation. He knew that smell. Blearily, he raised his face from the pillow and turned his head to the side.

The sunlight was spread across the entire upper half of the bed, illuminating the figure beside him, turned away . The unmistakable sandy blonde hair the light fell across seemed to sparkle and shine.

Long, smooth, sandy blonde hair.

With a groan, Shikamaru dropped his face back onto the very nice-smelling pillow and cursed his life.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Temari sighed through her nose and snuggled deeper into the warm blanket. Belatedly, she realized she was naked. Behind closed eyelids, she rolled her teal eyes. Shit. Nice job, Temari. Yawning, she blinked, ignoring the pounding inside of her brain, and sat up in the bed, stretching. Now who the hell did I sleep with? She looked to her right and her gaze fell upon a facedown figure with a head full of dark brown, spiky hair. Oh.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Shikamaru remained on his stomach when he felt Temari move beside him. He heard her sigh, as if saying, 'That's unfortunate. Oh well.'

He felt her move again, and then felt her weight leave the bed. The ruffling of clothes was audible in the otherwise silent room. This time he turned his head so that he could see her. She had already put on her panties and was just clipping her bra. She noticed his eyes on her and smiled wryly at him. "Good morning, Nara."

He grunted and turned his face back into the pillow. She chuckled and began searching for her pants. Well, they weren't on the floor...maybe she'd discarded them elsewhere. She tried to think, racking her foggy brain. Had the two of them been in the kitchen? She could remember a table...or, more accurately, being pinned to a table by the boy lounging in her bed.

Ah, well. She'd find them later. Right now she had to deal with a certain shadow user.

Shikamaru felt the blonde woman poke the back of his head. He grunted and turned towards her. "What?" he ground out, glaring at her. She was standing beside him, holding something in her hands.

His boxers.

She raised an eyebrow at him and held them out. He immediately sat up and snatched them from her, a small blush on his cheeks. Temari laughed a little at his reaction. "What? Are you embarrassed?" she asked, clearly amused. Shikamaru grimaced. "I'm more hungover than embarrassed," he said, his voice gravelly. Temari shrugged her tan shoulders, then sat down on the edge of the bed. "Whatever you are, you're cute," she replied, flicking him on the nose. He looked dumbfounded. "How are you so casual about this?" he muttered, staring at her. She shrugged again. "It's not a big deal." She stood up and walked over to the closet.

His eyes trailed her, still looking astounded. "It is a big deal," he insisted, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Temari opened the doors of the closet and looked back at him. "Oh? How so?" she asked. He gaped at her. "Temari, we had sex." He said bluntly. The Kazekage's sister rolled her eyes and began rifling through the hanging shirts. "I can see that," she replied, calm, "So what if we did?" Shikamaru simply stared at her back. "This really doesn't bother you, does it?" he said quietly, more to himself than to her.

Temari stopped her actions and turned back to him, putting her hands on her wide hips. "Did it matter to you?" She cocked her head to one side. "You and I were completely wasted when we left Ino's birthday party. Neither of us had any idea what we were doing. It's not like we did it knowingly, Nara." She paused, staring at him. "We were drunk. We had sex." She said pointedly. He was silent.

A slow grin spread across her lips. "Did you not enjoy it?"

Shikamaru looked away, scowling, but his cheeks were tinged pink. "That's not the point," he muttered. Temari walked twards him, her grin still in place. "That's exactly the point. Did you not enjoy it, Shikamaru?" she repeated. He pressed his lips together, not answering, his eyes looking elsewhere.

Suddenly, she was right in front of him, on her hands and knees,inches from his face. His head whipped back to face her, eyes wide, and she leaned even closer, so that their noses were touching. He found himself frozen in place as Temari grinned at him, her deep blue-green eyes sparkling. "You sounded like you enjoyed it," she murmured, tilting her head to one side.

He couldn't even speak. She moved closer, and ever-so-casually rested her hand on his hip bone. He drew in a breath, his cheeks flushing. She leaned down and laid a small kiss on his collarbone. "I enjoyed it," she announced in a whisper, making him shiver. "In fact, I wouldn't mind doing it again." She raised her head and brushed her lips against his, speaking so quietly he didn't dare breathe in case he couldn't hear her. She caressed his hip slowly, sensually, ad he groaned. "Temari..."

Abruptly, she pulled away, and he blinked, confused. She smiled at him, showing her pearly teeth. Oh, hell no. "Come here, Temari," he said warningly, glaring. The blonde raised her eyebrows. "You're not so passive when you're in the mood, are you?" she mused. In a flash, he had pulled her back to him so that she was straddling his lap. "You're the one who caused it," he told her, his lips against her ear. He felt her smirk. She brought a hand up and lazily traced a line down his chest, eliciting a hiss from him. "You're more aroused than impatient," she said, the quite suddenly flicked her tongue against his cheek. He flinched and she took advantage of his moment of weakness to draw away from him. He made a grab for her, but she was already sliding off the bed.

A bit too late, he realized he was missing something.

Temari held up his dark green boxers and smiled. "Make me breakfast and I'll consider giving these back."

He stared at her in awe. "You played me," he said, a hint of respect in his voice.

She merely smiled again.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

(1): Iku = go

(2): Kamaitachi = Cutting whirlwind, a jutsu of Temari no Subaku's.

Me: If you didn't get it by the chapter title, I'm using a play on movie names for each chapter. Just cause I can.

Sasu: ...You're an idiot. And when do I get my steamy sex scene with Temari?

Shika: You motherf***er.

Me: (eye twitch)You don't get a steamy sex scene, Sasuke.

Sasu: (pulls out machine gun) Hell yes I do.

Me: You almost get one.

Sasu: (puts away gun) Good.

Shika: Hell no he doesn't.

Tema: Review, or I'll Kamaitachi(2) your ass! (blows a kiss to Sasuke)

Shika: Temari!

Tema: (shrugs) What?