Cuddles walked into Sniffle's office and sat down. He said, "Alright, what's the status of Giggles and my divorce settlement?".
Sniffles, Cuddle's lawyer, looked over Cuddle's statement and said, "I'm not sure we can put this through".
"Why not?", Cuddles asked.
Sniffles sighed and said, "I don't think you can divorce Giggles because she's crazy".
"I didn't say 'she's crazy'!", defended Cuddles, "I said, 'she's fucking Nutty'!".
*****
Cuddles and Giggles busy schedules only allowed them to have sex once a month. So, Giggles bought a box of tweleve condoms, figuring it would last them a year.
Three months later, she went to get one, only to find the box empty.
When she asked Cuddles about it, he said, "I... erm... masterbated with them".
The next day, Giggles was talking to Prickly, she told him the story and she asked him, "Have you ever done that?".
Prickly nodded, smiled, and said, "Yeah. I do it all the time".
Giggles looked shocked and asked, "Really? You've masterbated with a condom?".
Prickly smacked himself on the forehead and said, "Oh, that's what you meant. I thought you were asking if I ever lied to my wife".
Toothy went to the drug store to buy condoms and was waited on by a Petunia.
She asked him what size he wanted and he said he wasn't sure. So she asked him how big he was and he said, "Compared to what?"
Petun ia held up one finger and asked if he was that big.
Toothy said, "I'm bigger than that."
Then she held up two fingers and asked if he was that big.
He said, "I'm bigger than that."
Then she held up three fingers and asked if he was that big.
He said, "I'm about that big."
She put the three fingers in her mouth and said, "You're a medium."
One night Flippy and Flaky went to Flippy's house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I forgot to mention, I have a roommate. We share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "Ham" and if you want to go faster say "Cheese"
So they were getting it on and Flaky was screaming "Ham, ham, cheese, ham, cheese, cheese"
Suddenly, Russel (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise on me"!
One day in the forest, Flippy, Cuddles and Toothy were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attacked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while Flippy returned with 10 apples. The chief then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his ass without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, Cuddles came in with 10 grapes. The chief soon ordered him to do the same as Flippy. After to the 9th grape, Cuddles started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
Flippy and Cuddles soon met in heaven and Flippy asked Cuddles, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
Cuddles answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw Toothy walking in with pineapples."
If you didn't laugh, you have no sense of humor. I'm gonna try to finish my other stories. It's gonna take some time though. Bye.