A/N: A fluffy MotochikaxMotonari story. This was originally supposed to be a oneshot, it just sort o evolved into two chapters! I saw the reality show "Big Brother", and one of the guys was very confused why everyone kept saying "that's what she said", so it gave me the idea to do this. ;) I know samurai probably wouldn't have a modern joke like this, but I wasn't in the mood to write an AU fic. This is my first Sengoku Basara FF, so please tell me what you think!

This is based on Sengoku Basara 3, but set before the attack on Shikoku.

All Joking Aside

Chapter One

It was glorious day, the sun shining down it's brilliant rays as if to comfort the confused samurai. Motonari Mori was many things; cruel, intelligent, pragmatic, strong...but confused? That was a word no one had ever used to describe the master tactician before.

What did he mean by it...? Motonari pondered, sipping his green tea as his brow furrowed in thought. He had gotten into a squabble with Motochika earlier that day; it had been a small clash fought for no particular reason other than that they had both been in the same place at the same time and both disliked each other. It's not as though Chosokabe thinks about half the fights he gets himself in, regardless. Motonari, who looked down on the simple-minded man, thought. Yet for someone who was convinced he was entirely superior to the ruffian pirate, Motonari was utterly baffled by what the insolent hooligan had said to him as their blades locked.

"Today's the day I finish you, Mori!" Motochika had thrown out a typical, insipid line.

"I find that hard to believe. You'll never thrust that ridiculous thing of yours into me." Motonari replied coolly, referring to Motochika's unorthodox anchor-forged weapon.

Without warning, the purple clad pirate cracked a smile, which quickly grew into a fit of laughter. Motonari saw it as an opportunity to strike, swinging his weapon towards his enemy while his guard was down. If not for Motochika's honed skills, the distraction may have cost him his life. Luckily, he managed to evade the blow and only earned a nick across his bare chest. "That's what she said!" Motochika called out with a grin, as if the green suited samurai would understand his words.

"She...?" Motonari paused for a moment, but wouldn't allow whatever was running through the pirate's hollow head to distract him. He advanced forward again twirling his sharp, circular weapon around menacingly. The small fight ended in a few clashes later when one of Motonari's men approached and gave him information of a more important matter. Without giving it much thought, the busy general decided to leave Motochika for another day.

I'm glad he left. The dirty-minded pirate grinned, looking at the shoe-prints Motonari had left in the sand. I don't think I could take him seriously after he said something like that.

Motonari sighed as he finished his cup of tea. All his plans were in order, his troops were strong as ever, the sun was magnificent, and he had no true threats left to worry him...all that he had grating on his mind was that scandalous pirate and his obnoxious riddles. It's nothing. He was probably just relating me to someone else he knew who happened to say the same thing. Perhaps I'm just offended that anyone that dim-wit knows would remind him of me. Motonari's wonder left him as soon as it had come. The answer he provided was sound enough for him, he didn't want to dirty his hands by digging into Motochika's personal life any further. He sat in the sunlight peacefully, enjoying it's soothing rays until night finally fell.

While Motonari's evening passed by with little more unrest, Motochika couldn't erase the sound of his rival's voice from his mind. He sat with his shipmates in the dim dungeon-like lighting of their ship, the crew seated around tables with enough poker cards to build a card-kingdom.

"Ya don't usually lose like this, Captain." One of his men remarked, "Are ya busy thinking about where we'll go next?"

Motochika blinked, but recovered with a quick, loud chuckle. "Of course I'm losing. How can I make a comeback if I don't let you win first?" His men all joining in laughing, in awe of how wise their leader was. Motochika smiled, glancing at his hand of cards as he continued to think of the battle from earlier that day.

Mori's always so serious, it's just funny to remember him saying something so...unlike him...and with a completely straight face, too! Motochika thought, throwing more cards down on the wooden table. Though the scene had caused him a good deal of laughter it had also given birth to another, more troublesome thought. Motochika had never considered his slender rival anything more than that, but the small sexual innuendo had brought another part of his life into their relationship, opening his eyes to something he had never seen in Motonari Mori before.

That night Motonari slept soundly, the "she" of Motochika's joke logically and rationally pushed out of his head. Motochika's dreams, on the other hand, were plagued by thoughts of his arch-enemy.

"Oh, don't thrust your huge spear into me~!" The Motonari of his dream cooed, backed into a wall as Motochika stood over him, his hulking weapon in one hand. The delicate child of the sun wasn't wearing his usual helmet, nor was his weapon anywhere to be seen. He looked surprisingly fragile beneath his signature armor, his frame slight and his features elegant. He was rendered completely defenseless against the rough pirate before him, and from his expression, he wasn't minding it at all. A flirtatious grin graced his lips, his sparkling eyes drained of their usual cynicism as he stared up at Motochika with a coy expression that was both an invitation and a challenge. "No, Motochika, You can't!" He teased, playing hard to get.

"It's your fault for asking for it, Mori." Motochika chuckled handsomely. The ragged Sea Devil wasn't much of a romantic, so the lines of his dream were just as uninspired as a typical cheesy romance, or perhaps a rather corny porno. It all played out like one of Kasuga's Keshin-gasms, a rosy hue of seductive perfection flooding the entire scene. Despite how utterly unrealistic it was, Motochika indulged in the pleasant fantasy, taking advantage of the dream-Motonari's willingness and defenselessness. He drew one hand up, gently stroking the side of the smaller general's face. His smooth skin was soft to the touch, his flustered cheeks warm regardless of how cold his heart was. His eyelids fluttered shut, his lower lip quivering as he practically begged for his rival to take him.

"Oh, Motochika..." His voice came out a lust-filled whisper. The pirate felt his heart palpitate at the sound of Motonari's honey covered voice. He couldn't resist him any longer, overcome with a flood of emotions as he moved closer, grasping a handful of his rival's brunette hair. His lips were waiting, beckoning Motochika's as the self-proposed "fearless demon of the sea" inched forward, ready to claim the treasure that he saw as rightfully his.

His single, sky blue eye shot open as he stared at the roof of his ship, his dream dissolved and the shame setting in. He ran a hand across his forehead, wiping sweat from his face as he sat up in bed, disgruntled and disgusted that he had even toyed with such an outrageous idea. He's still Motonari Mori, after all. The same stone-hearted cur as always. My mind just got ahead of me, is all. The pirate rationalized, setting his buzzing head back down on his pillow.

"Oh, Motochika..." The erotic voice rang in his head again, resonating off the sides of his skulls as if it was trapped.

He always sounds so cold...how could I imagine him...sounding so perverted...? Even the vulgar pirate felt bashful at the thought of the dream-tart Motonari and the bewitching way he had purred his name. Damn... Motochika rolled over in bed. I guess this is what I get for teasing Mori like that.

It was two days later that he came face to face with the sun-obsessed general again, on the same beach where they had last fought. "You really have nothing better to do than bother me?" Motonari seemed irritated by his presence.

"It's your fault for running away last time. Stop being a coward and face me head on." The fearless Sea Devil challenged, ignoring the fact that he had been thankful for Motonari's retreat. That same old glare...what was I losing sleep over? He shook his head, almost laughing at his own stupidity.

"Hmph. I see your idiocy shines as strong as ever. I did not run from you, Chosokabe, I simply found something more important than playing with you." Motonari spoke in his signature apathetic, condescending tone. "If you're so eager to die, by all means, come at me. I'll have you on your knees."

Normally, Motochika might not have seen anything suggestive about Motonari's speech, but his recent giddiness had made him more keen to any innuendo that came his way. Without a shred of dignity the pirate declared, "That's what she said."

This time Motochika detected a slight change in Motonari's stern expression, but rather than getting himself concerned in the lives of others he engaged the former in battle, the metal of their weapons clinking together as they fought. "Feel like losing yet, Mori?"

"Hardly." The self-proclaimed "child of the sun" replied. "You may have strength, but your lack of intelligence prevents it from being of any use to you. Even though you have such a long weapon, you always let me get close to you like this."

"That's what she said." The cocky fighter grinner wider.

"What are you talking about Chosokabe?" The agitation was finally present in Motonari's voice. "Is it that impossible for you to focus on fighting me?"

"So the child of the sun has been kept in the dark!" Motochika burst out, his booming laughter like thunder. Motonari stepped backwards, eyes widening for a moment in surprise and then narrowing in disgust. What was this pirate playing at?

Mori always acts like he's so much smarter than everyone else...well, maybe he is, but it's nice to hold something over him for once. It must be eating away at him that he doesn't know why I'm making fun of him! Motochika thought, enjoying his new feelings of power. Consider it revenge for invading my dreams...ever since you said that line during our last fight...I haven't gotten a solid night's worth of sleep.

"Silence, Chosokabe." Motonari glared at his opponent, shooting him a death stare that would have stopped anyone in their tracks. Unfortunately for him, Motochika was too busy laughing to pay his rival any attention.

"That's what she said." He repeated.

"Who, you fool?"

"...she did." Motochika smirked.

"So, you would like me to believe there's a woman somewhere who is repeating everything I say? That someone just happens to say the same things as me? That's ridiculous, Chosokabe, clearly you've lost what little semblance of a mind you had to begin with." Motonari insulted him, but the act only fueled Motochika's laughter.

"Why don't you ask your troops about it, Mori? I'm sure they'll understand." Motochika suggested.

Done talking, Motonari attempted to silence the pirate himself. The general in green closed the distance, his circular weapon locked with Motochika's. For a moment, the pirate's single sky blue eye locked with his enemy's sharp glare. The sweet, starry-eyed Motonari of his dreams came into mind as he looked back at him, his dark stare absolutely penetrating. He felt his heart hiccup again, a sudden desire to reach out and stroke the side of the vexed general's beautiful face overcoming him. Holding his weapon with one arm Motochika stretched out his free arm, pressing his hand against Motonari's chest and shoving him away. Motochika was an expert in the rough ways of hand to hand combat and could have set the thin samurai spiraling backwards if he had given his all and punched him, but the simple shove had been so much more satisfying. He watched with a grin as Motonari stumbled back (but regained himself quickly).

One of Motochika's men called down to him as he came running down the sandy beach, interrupting the general's clash. "Captain! There's going to be a storm! We have to prepare the ship or we'll be stuck here!" He warned him urgently.

"Consider yourself lucky, Motonari Mori." Motochika bailed, walking away from his enemy. If anything, the quick quarrel had only caused more confusion to manifest in the minds of the two fighters-Motonari baffled over the pirate's continuous jokes and Motochika perplexed over his own feelings toward the prideful tactician. Their spinning minds would have to wait until their next meeting, Motochika walking away from Motonari with his back turned to him-an unconscious insult to clever general.

"Hmph." Motonari said nothing, turning away and walking down the length of the beach. Such a hypocrite. He scolds me for leaving a fight, and yet he does the same the next time we meet. Chosokabe has never left a serious fight before...but perhaps he no longer takes me seriously...How can he show his back to an enemy likes it's nothing? Motonari thought, scowling as he remembered how Motochika had laughed at him. People had sworn and cursed his name many times over, and that meant nothing to him, but he had never been made a fool of before. "Hmph." Motonari made a small sound of discontent as he returned to his troops, deciding to take the wanton's advice and get to the bottom of the irritation. Unfortunately for the pure-breed general, his troops were left as dumbfounded as he was.

"Uh..." The interior samurai gulped when his general approached him. Even the men of Aki trembled when under Motonari's cold stare. "I would think that would mean...that a woman said the same thing...?" The confused man stated as though it was question, hoping that his general would approve. Motonari shook his head and walked away, the troop letting out a sigh of relief. The truth was, no one knew what Motonari was ever thinking, and that made even his own men wary of him on occasion. Motochika had assumed Motonari's men would be more social than him and know the joke that seemed so common among his crew, but his pirate comedy hadn't spread to the upper class of the samurai yet.

"What was Lord Motonari talking to you about?" What of the other men asked the first samurai later that day. When he responded, the second continued, "That's what she said? That's the punch line to a joke, isn't it? You know, you're supposed to say it after someone says something that could be interpreted as sexual." At least one of Motonari's men was able to catch on to the hidden innuendo.

"Really? Are you going to tell him?"

The second paused and then shook his head. "That would be pretty awkward...besides, he didn't ask me, or anything. I doubt it's a big deal." His mind was made up, and so Motonari stayed ignorant, which was not something he enjoyed.

The general was plagued with images of Motochika's back turned to him as he casually walked away, mocking their rivalry with every move. Motonari had never expressed much interest in their relationship, always pushing off battles when they weren't convenient and talking down to Motochika. The pirate, on the other hand, had always chased after him. He always had enough passion for the both of them, allowing their rivalry to continue, and in truth, Motonari liked the fact that Motochika had always been transfixed on him. Now he laughs when I fight him... Motonari thought. He couldn't stop thinking of Motochika turning his back to him, visualizing the scene constantly and wishing futilely that the pirate would turn around and face him, that he would look straight at him with that one brilliant sea colored eye and never dare look away again.

Determined to expel the bothersome emotions gnawing at him, Motonari resolved to discover exactly who the antecedent of "she" in "that's what she said" was.

Meanwhile, Motochika's quixotic dreams intensified, his steamy fantasies becoming more true-to-life with each passing night. His nightly visions always started in the middle of things, Motonari already disarmed and thoroughly seduced (maybe his dreams started that way because he had no idea how he could realistically get aloof general so turned on. He could only follow through once the ground work had already been set for him).

"...Motochika..." He heard the amorous call again, his rival laying beneath him on his bed. Each time he dreamed about Motonari, it seemed the amount of clothing he was wearing decreased. That night the thin siren of his dreams was only wearing his usual pair of white pants, his shirt laying by the side of the bed. "I won't let you shove that huge thing of yours in me..." The first, perverted line Motonari had said in real life had become even more twisted in the world of Motochika's fantasies, a new alteration appearing in all of his midnight adventures.

He's so...beautiful... Motochika thought, putting a gentle hand on Motonari's side. He took a deep breath, running his fingers up the submissive samurai's stomach and pressing his hand against to his bare chest. Alas, his dreams only teased him (or maybe it was his conscience), because each time he moved to steal the genius samurai's lips, he would wake up, feeling cheated by his short but sweet fantasies.

Thoughts of the enticing tactician weren't limited to the night, Motochika's crew becoming increasingly worried about their captain. He always seemed distracted, as though his mind were elsewhere, trying to figure the complex child of the sun out. He leaned over the railing of his ship, the breeze refreshing and the seagulls singing above him. He held his hand out, remembering the feeling of of his hand pressed to Motonari's chest as he pushed him away during their last battle.. Even though it was only a second...I could feel his heart beat...Mori...you do have a heart, after all... He thought, looking out across the sea.

"Hey Captain!" Two of his burly shipmates approached him, hoping to cheer their leader up. "I know what will make you happy-" One began.

"That's what she said!" The other butt in. The two chuckled before going on about a huge fish they had caught and would make a feast out of for dinner. Motochika smiled at his men, but the mention of the joke only made him think of Motonari again.

Somewhere across that deep ocean, the child of the sun's quick wit and research had paid off. A week later, Motonari was certain he had discovered the elusive "she" that Motochika spoke of. So, he thinks of me as little more than an irritation now that he's involved with a new rival? Hmph. If he thinks that I'm so low as to allow myself to be compared to someone like her...or for someone like her to be taken more seriously than me, he is sorely mistaken. Motonari thought, a new scheme brewing.

The trap began with a letter, a friendly call for help sent to his rival...