I'm back! For those of you who don't know, I used to write New Connections and also parodies of Season 2. This came to me the other day, so I'd thought I'd jot it down! It's all in good humour as I'm actually really enjoying Season 3. Hope you like- if so, review away!
Will is sitting in his classroom making last minute preparations for the first Glee club meeting of the year. He gets out his pen and writes the words 'CONTINUITY FTW' on the whiteboard. The rest of the Glee club enters and sits down.
Will: Alright guys! Welcome to the first meeting of the year! I'm psyched! Now first order of business….
Rachel (interrupting) Mr Shue if I may. Can I ask why we've met in what appears to be a Spanish classroom rather than the choir room?
Will: Well, firstly it's my classroom (Students turn to each other in confusion)
Mike (astounded): You're a Spanish teacher? No one ever mentions that.
Will: Anyway, secondly if we meet in the choir room, you'll all be tempted to break into song and we need to get this shit locked down! First order of business, stand up and face the camera please. Now take these name tags. (Will distributes name tags that have 'junior' or 'senior' written on them)
Tina: I'm a junior! A whole extra year of storylines! Yay!
Will: Well it was literally because I couldn't be bothered to write you an exit story but whatever.
Blaine: How am I Junior? Seriously?
Kurt: So, he gets an extra year of air time? Bitch please, I need a love triangle and I needs it fast!
Will: Quiet down, we've got a ton of stuff to get through. (reading from Checklist) Okay, I need Finchel. Where is Finchel? (Rachel and Finn raise their hand)
Will: Right, make notes Rachel please. Had sex yet?
Finn: Err excuse me?
Will: We need to get that sorted asap.
Rachel: I'm a woman of integrity! I refuse to give into carnal desires until I'm at least 25 or the rating flag to such a desperate level that we're in danger of getting cancelled.
Will: I'm thinking four weeks time.
Rachel: What the…
Will: Well you need to get out of the way before the engagement; we don't want people accusing us of the whole 'no sex before marriage thing.' I've got enough of that with Emma.
(Finn begins to hyperventilate and considers jumping out of the window)
Finn: I'm proposing. Oh hell no! This cannot be happening. I specifically requested that this year I would be acting normal. You got the contract revisions didn't you?
Will: Yes I did Finn (sarcastically) I don't think you needed to underline 'No Fuinn' three times but…
Finn (interrupting): Believe me I did, those fans be cray!
Rachel: If we may get back to the fact that I'm getting engaged!
Will: Yep, now if we plan it in January we can get the wedding for the winter finale.
Finn jumps out of the window. A pause.
Will (laughing nervously, waves hand): Don't worry, he'll be back. He did this when I suggested he got Quinn to cheat on Sam but it all blew over eventually!
Rachel: It's not happening!
Will: Rachel, you're being unfair! We need something for a cliff-hanger- what else am I supposed to do?
Rachel (rolls eyes, sarcastically) Gee I don't know, hit someone with a truck!
Will: That's actually I really great idea Rachel! Any ideas who guys? I mean the obvious choice is Tina. (Tina sobs hysterically) but we don't want people making it a racism thing. I mean obviously Glee club isn't racist in any way. That reminds me, Mercedes. I've got the perfect guy for you since I blackmailed those guys to… I mean since Sam got transferred.
Mercedes: Let me guess, he's black right?
Will: Yes, how did you know?
Mercedes: You we're saying? (sarcasm is totally lost on Will)
Will: Anyway, Let me just jot that down! I'll think of someone to get hit later I'm sure. (Will adds to checklist)
Rachel: Mr Shue, is that a print out from the Glee forum website?
Will: Yeah! Isn't it great? I just copy and pasted the best ideas! Sure, there's some crazy things out there but on the whole (looks at the next item on the list) I know it's a long shot Rach, but you wouldn't consider becoming a lesbian with Quinn? Just for like a day? It would be a big help! (Rachel storms out of the room, Will shouts out after her) Fine, could you at least stare at her for like half episode then? Those Faberry fans will take anything.
END SCENE.
Scene 2, Will's Classroom
Will: Thanks for joining me again guys (he nods at Finn-who now has his arm in a cast- and Rachel in particular) This actually is taking a lot longer than expected. Right, let's get going. Mike?
Mike almost faints with shock before raising his hand.
Mike: Yes Sir.
Will: We're going to meet your Dad this year! Not sure what we'll do, maybe go visit him at Panda Express or...
Mike: My father doesn't work at Panda Express Sir. He's a doctor.
Will: Shoot! Really? Okay, we'll figure something out there then. (thinks for a second) I've got it! Your father forces you to choose between dancing or Harvard! It's brilliant- I might actually dedicate, like a whole ten minutes to it. (Will begins to applaud himself)Rachel: Mr Shue it's extremely unlikely Mike would be applying for such a good school. What next, Quinn transforming herself in time for early admission at Yale? Ha! This isn't Gossip Girl!
Will: Another amazing idea Rachel! I'm so glad, I actually listen to you this year. Quinn going to Yale! Of course it'll be a push, with her being insane at the moment but we'll work around it, get her some meds…
Rachel: It was a joke! (muttering) I need to stop speaking.
Will: Any idea how we could get Quinn to stop being crazy guys? I'm thinking she just clicks her fingers and gets better… or murders someone? I guess the murder would be more likely but….
Puck: Er, here's an idea. Why not reuse an old plot line. Like the fact she has a baby! It worked last year right?
Will: There were a ton of new plot lines last year!
Puck: Name one.
Will: (pauses) Err, so about this baby thing! Let's do it! I'm so on board! We just need to get what-ers-name in on it!
Rachel: My mother?
Will: No, no, the one who adopted Beth?
Rachel: Yes. My mother.
Finn: I really think you are referring to her mother Mr Shue.
Will: Finchel! I really haven't got time for you making up storylines right now. Just take the engagement one already! Geez!
Puck: Alright! I'm so up for an emotional storyline! We need to get rid of Lauren…
Will: Consider it done! Alright guys, if you could put on your special vision googles and watch the powerpoint carefully, I'll run through a few more changes this year (A series of slides come up on the screen. They read as follow: Slide 1- Get rid of Lauren- Wrestling Scholarship? :Slide 2- Sam transferred, Don't ask.:Slide 3- New Irish Guy. Won't really notice him, please think of relevant Irish storylines: Slide 4- New Christian Guy. We'll put him off for as long as possible. Slide 5- Find Artie a girlfriend, if anyone's still bothered about him.
Artie: (pauses slide) Hey? I'm relevant! Get me a love interest.
Will: Perfect! I do have someone in mind. She's a new character... a potential love triangle actually..
Kirt (shouting loudly) Don't do it! They tell you that as they're a new character, you'll get all the airtime. Until everyone falls in love with them and you have to stay with him just to meet the minimum airtime quota for season regular!(then, turns to Artie- whispering) I have a guy who can temporarily blind people, let me know if you want in.
Artie: Oh please bro! I ain't got nothing else going on since Preach got trademarked by another show.
Will: It's sorted then! Now, before you leave you may have noticed a subliminal message that played through the presentation. It was a special word. Can anyone tell me what it was?
Finn: Conti- Contan- err?
Rachel: Continuity Finn!
Will: Finn, you're really going to have to drop the dumb thing if we're ever going to believe you have a chance of college. Fast! Moving on, the word is indeed continuity. This means, we need to constantly remind the audience we remember what happened in other episodes. To show that season 3 is different and finally put paid to those cruel allegations of our brains being rewired after season 1 (shakes head) Right, Finn and Rachel, could you try it out please?
(Rachel and Finn stand at the front)
Rachel:(getting into role, excitedly) Sure! Hey Finn, remember when you first joined Glee club… it was so romantic?
Finn: Err, when Mr Shue tricked me into joining for marijuana possession, which was both unethical and decietful? Sure.(pause) I did it! Continuity! Yay! (Finchel high five)
Will: Not exactly! Something that doesn't get me fired! Try again.
Finn: Hey Rach, remember when we loved each other for ages. That was great wasn't it! With the whole Quinn thing (begins to shake vividly) Sorry guys- I still have scars. Then the whole popularity conflict that I repeated on three different occasions.
Rachel: Totally. I mean, except when I was in love with Mr Shue and he and his wife used me to clean their house, which was on reflection inappropriate.
Finn: Ooh you know what else was inappropriate Rach? When Mr Shue took us to New York and left us alone for long periods of time with no supervision! I'm so good at this game! (Another adorable Finchel high five!)
Will: Ok, you need to shut the fuck up! Class dismissed.
END SCENE.
Ha! Hope you enjoyed it!