"Legolas?" I called as loudly as I could whilst having my head pummeled by enraged hobbits wearing fairy wings.

"Please call them off! I'm sorry okay!" I was begging now

"No."

"But I don't want to be beaten to death by fairies! How would that look on my death certificate?" I whined "Cause of demise: Was beaten to death by hobbit-like fairies"

"It is your fault. You not only provoked them but you painted Aragon blue with pink spots, gave Boromir the facial features of a pig, shaved Gimli's beard and…" here his mouth formed a tight line before he opened it again to speak "YOU TOUCHED MY HAIR!" he shrieked

"Aragon?" I tried a new tactic… ask everyone else

"No!"

"Boromir?"

"NO! Oink!" he snorted loudly

"Gimli?"

"Never!" he shouted picking up an eagle feather that just happened to be lying on the ground beside him. Evil Valar!

"Please he he he someone heeee no no nooooooo take pity on meeee!" I squealed amid laughter.

"Nope!" "No" and "NEVER!" were the resounding replies from the fellowship.

"Nobody will help me?" I begged

"Nope!" They all said in some freaky form of unison, popping their 'P's at EXACTLY them same time.

"Aw damn! You sure?" I questioned while quickly and quietly muttering under my breath "You will release me and help me?"

All the fellowship, minus the elf with the freakishly good hearing, gave me a resounding "Yep!"

While the elf shrieked "No! NEVER!" Gaining some odd looks from the others who all thought he was agreeing to help me, so they ganged up on him too, pinned him to the ground and began tickling him mercilessly.

While they were focused on my poor elven friend I snuck off and vanished in a puff of randomly created, startled looking blue whales and bowls of petunias.