Please Come Home

Merlin stared out at the snow as it fell, the night was tinged a dark blue grey and if Merlin leaned out far enough he would be able to see the empty nest that the sparrow had abandoned as soon as the winter chill had begun to set in. Merlin's fingers were numb, he could barely feel them past the sting as he dug them deeper into the stone as he gripped the ledge tighter.

The wind blew through the windows and into Arthur's rooms sending papers, important court documents no doubt, scattering throughout the room. Candles blew out, and cupboard doors slammed; but still Merlin did not move from his spot infront of the window.

Merlin was vaguely aware of the bells ringing; Uther was rallying more knights for the search, but Merlin could not think past the terrible things that those bells had precedented, how those bells could sound so uplifting, and innocent; and illude one into thinking they were nothing of importance and yet truly be the sign of impending doom.

In the back of his mind those bells were to blame for all the wrongs that Camelot has known, for now at least, as the moment would pass and Merlin would go right back to blaming himself for things that could no sooner be the bells fault. They had rang before Gwen's father had been killed, as Mordred escaped, when the Great Dragon attacked; and once more when Arthur had been wounded by the questing beast.

And here they were once again, just Merlin and those blasted bells and Merlin grips onto the ledge and onto the hope that maybe, just maybe those bells wouldn't attempt to steal Arthur away from him again. Merlin wouldn't let them; he would do whatever he had to do to never have to go through losing Arthur again.

And yet here Merlin was already, struggling to remember everything he could about the prat. He tried to remember what the first thing he said to Arthur was this morning when he rolled out from beside him; probably something along the lines of "Up and at em' you insufferable ass!"

He tries to remember the feel of Arthur's fingers as he pulled Merlin back down beside him. He tries to remember the taste of his lovers tongue, the pressure of his lips, his voice merely a whisper in his ear when they were alone, his laughter loud and warm that made Merlin feel like he was enveloped in a hug; Arthur's hug that was so comfortable and warm; it left Merlin feeling so protected and safe.

But Merlin doesn't remember. He can't remember, his mind too busy with the swirling thoughts and the yelling that had taken place only moments before Arthur stormed off in a fit of anger on patrol; alone. Merlin should have run after him, he knew. It was his job after all but he let his emotions rule this time, his role as lover upstaging that of manservant as Merlin strolled leisurely along doing chores for Gaius and favors for Gwen before heading back to Arthur's chambers. Only to find that he had gone.

Merlin had searched frantically of course, only to be told by a stableboy that his highness had already left. Merlin naturally, might have yelled at the stableboy for a little bit, asking if he was blind or had he just missed the fact that it was a blizzard outside and if he wanted the future king of Camelot to be turned into a human ice cube.

He had apologized right after though, Merlin knew he could be quite scary when he needed to be. The rest was a blur; Merlin remembers being called an idiot by Uther, threatened to be put in the dungeon and coming into Arthur's chambers to light the fire so it would be warm when Arthur came home.

The fire had gone out by now and it was cold, so cold, but Merlin still stood at the window, waiting for his lover to emerge from the land of ice and snow. Merlin would have rode out right into the snow to look for Arthur himself if he could have, but all the horses had been taken by the search party of knights that had left to search for the Prince, not to mention that Gaius had made him promise not to be an idiot and go searching for him and freeze to the death.

Merlin remembered the yelling, and the words exchanged; those terrible, horrible things that were said. "You are just like your father, Arthur Pendragon." Merlin sobbed, his legs buckling beneath him and he slid down to the stone floor. His fingers numb, and bleeding as he wrapped his arms around himself, wishing.

Praying, that Arthur was there in his arms so he could whisper, and apologize, and kiss all the pain he had caused Arthur away, kiss all the pain that Arthur had ever felt away so that there was nothing left on Arthur's face but the smile that made Merlin's heart beat fast in his chest and his stomach do flips; not unlike the feel of falling.

"What are you doing, Merlin!" Merlin freezes, mid-sob and he brings up one bloody hand to swipe at his eyes, to clear the tears away. He hears a clanking, like the sound of metal thrown across the room, quick footsteps headed in his direction and soon familiar fingers are wrapped around his own.

He feels cold, chapped lips on his bloody, raw fingers and he wants to scream, yell and curse, but his tears don't stop flowing and he can't suppress the shudders and the sobs that now rack his body. Fingers stroke his hair, and he's vaguely aware of being wrapped in a cloak with arms around him.

And warmth, no, Arthur's warmth is everywhere at once; so thick he feels like he could drown in it - Merlin has no objections. When Merlin's tears finally stop and his sobs begin to subside, then and only then, did Merlin dare to look up into his lover's face.

Arthur's lips are chapped and cracked, stained with the blood from Merlin's fingers, his hair damp and he wore a crown of ice crystals. He looked beautiful. Arthur says nothing, merely smiling down at Merlin and laying a soft kiss on his lips, a question, an answer, an apology, a confession; all at the same time.

"You were gone." Is Merlin's reply, as he snuggles deeper into Arthur.

Arthur laughs, and Merlin can feel the low rumble as he lays his head on Arthur's chest. His laugh warms Merlin from the inside, and it's so warm, almost too warm, but Merlin decides that no, it's perfect.

And it was.

"Don't be such a girl, Merlin."

But the arms around him tighten.