Rewind the Years

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. The lyrics to "Rewind the Years" belong to the wonderful Shawn Mullins.

Summer nights
Lakewood heights
By the lake
In your daddy's car
In your daddy's car
Ferris wheels
Kisses to steal
And the radio
Playin' Ebb Tide
Playin' Ebb Tide

He remembers his time on New Earth. It was the most peaceful he's ever been. Being alone, with her, was in some ways a dream come true.

He remembers the day when she finally stopped hunting for a way out, and began to accept their situation. It might have been the happiest day of his life. When they'd discussed their camping trip, a plan had begun to form in his mind. On the last night before their return, he'd ask her to marry him.

He'd never gotten that chance. The discovery of a cure had stopped his plan cold. Once he was back on Voyager, he'd never felt comfortable enough to do it. He wishes now that he had. Why had he waited until it was too late?

Now the days get old
And the nights are so cold
And I still hear your voice
Singing sweet songs
And I fight back my tears
Try and rewind the years
And that's all I can do
Now that you're gone

When the news came that Voyager was missing, presumed destroyed, it had nearly killed him. The thought that she had finally accomplished the one thing she'd wanted for the past five years, only to die before she saw the fruits of her labor, was unbearable. The only thing that could come close to that level of pain was when Starfleet gave up the search.

He can still hear her voice, her laughter, the way she said his name, the sharp edge that came into her voice when she was angry, the quiet, determined way she spoke when she'd made up her mind. Not a day goes by he doesn't miss her. Not a night goes by that he doesn't dream of her.

Black and gray
Led me astray
And the deepest love
Behind your sad eyes
Behind your sad eyes

He remembers the day she got the letter telling her her fiance had married someone else. He'd felt sympathy, as a friend should. But underlying that had been joy. Pure, unadulterated joy that he couldn't suppress. She was no longer bound to another man.

He'd waited, trying to give her time to get over Mark. He'd told himself it was the right thing to do. But now he realizes he again waited too long. He'd had another chance, and he blew that one too. That chance had been his last.

I was wrong
And you played along
You followed me
Into the sea
Into the sea

Why had she trusted him? Why had she put so much faith in their plan? If she'd just realized the danger, if she'd just called the whole thing off, they would've been fine. They would have remained trapped in the Delta Quadrant, but that no longer seemed half as bad as it had when it had been the case. He'd take a life in the Delta Quadrant with her over a life in the Alpha Quadrant without her any day.

He'd made a mistake. And over a hundred people had paid with their lives. But it's one in particular that won't leave his mind. The face of a woman with auburn hair and gray eyes haunts his every moment.

Now the days get old
And the nights are so cold
And I still hear your voice
Singing sweet songs
Singing sweet songs
And I fight back my tears
Try and rewind the years
And that's all I can do
Now that you're gone

He kneels beside the frozen body, tears streaming down his face. She's so still, so quiet, so cold. In this moment, he's forced to accept that she's really gone. And it's no easier than it would have been fifteen years ago.

The garbled recording of her last message almost breaks him. For a moment he wants to die with her. It would be so simple just to put his phaser to his head, to lie down next to her and die in the arms of the woman he's loved from the first moment he laid eyes on her.

The only thing that makes him keep going is the knowledge that if his and Harry's plan succeeds, some version of him will have her back. He bends over and kisses the cold, still lips.

"I love you, Kathryn Janeway," he whispers.

Since you've been gone
I can't find reason
Lord, can't seem to find my way
With the changing of the seasons
It just a-faded away

What La Forge can't understand is that his life means nothing to him. It ended the day Voyager crashed and killed her captain. Every breath he takes now is pointless. His only purpose in life is to erase the last fifteen years.

The days get old
And the nights are so cold
And I still hear your voice
Singing sweet songs
Singing sweet
Singing sweet songs
And I fight back my tears
Try and rewind the years
And that's all I can do
Now that you're gone
Now that you're gone

The computer makes it clear they've sealed their fate. "Warp core breach in fifteen seconds."

Tessa grabs at his hand and he lets her. For a moment, he can't help but feel guilty for getting her into this, for getting involved with her at all when his heart still belonged to another woman. He never lied to her, never pretended to give her more than he was able, but it's still the one thing he's done in the past fifteen years that he regrets.

"Seven, six, five, four, three, two -"

"YES!" Harry Kim's voice drowns out the countdown on the computer. For the first time in fifteen years, Chakotay feels truly alive. Even as the warp core breaches, as the explosion rips through his body, his heart sings. They've done it. They've turned back the clock. Voyager will survive.

As he dies, he has only one thought.

I love you, Kathryn Janeway.

Please review.

This idea popped up out of nowhere while I was listening to "Rewind the Years". I just watched "Timeless" yesterday, so that might have had something to do with it.

3/20/11: A reviewer just pointed out that it's Ebb Tide, not Ed Tide. Sorry about that. The mistake has been fixed.