Chapter 4

Well What Now?

At the edge of a crater, ROB and Olimar examined Zelda in her crystal, trying to figure out how to release her. Normally, Ganondorf's magic wore off when he was defeated, but he had cast that spell under unique circumstances. Several methods had already been tried and failed. Among them were a chisel, jackhammer, sledgehammer, laser, beam sword, home run bat, and even a couple fire flowers out of desperation. Short of dropping Bowser on it from high up, the pair were running out of ideas.

Ganondorf, as punishment for trying to run away with a captured Zelda, was left groaning at the bottom of the crater. He had been of minimal assistance against the ESRB army earlier.

Snake had gotten the crap beaten out of him for destroying the Smasher's only defensive structure—and the landscape—for over a mile. Then he was forced to keep an eye on Captain Falcon. It wasn't hard, since Falcon only cried and wandered aimlessly, but it was agonizing to behold.

Most of the Smashers were busy, either digging ditches and building up dirt walls as some sort of defense, or trying to rig up communications with anything in range. Even Falco and Wolf were having trouble reaching their ships thanks to the radiation. At one point, Peach had suggested they leave the radiated zone, but Marth refused. The radiation was adding a lovely sheen to his hair and he didn't want to lose it. After what the Executive had said to Marth, no one wanted to argue with him.

Finally, there was the Top Eight. Or at least, the Reformed Top Eight. With Link corrupted, Samus kidnapped, and Pikachu's crushed spirit over the lack of infinite treats, Mario had to bump some heads around. First was Mario, naturally. Then to replace Link was Toon Link, because replacing the swordsman with a cartoonish younger version of himself was the best they could do without Zelda. To replace Samus, Mario had brought in Luigi. His brother was technically ninth in line, after all. Fox retained his fourth seat, and Lucario had taken Pikachu's fifth spot. DK was still sixth, but Metaknight was filling in for Kirby. The pink puffball was busy eating the dead mindless drones from their earlier battle. And finally, Pit in all his innocence was the eighth seat.

They were gathered off to the side so as to tempt less people to eavesdrop, using a pair of mindless drones as a table. "So let's get this straight," Toon Link said. He was standing as tall as he could in an attempt to seem more mature. Metaknight thought Toon Link was reminding him who was taller and thought him a jerk. "The ESRB is really mad because they're evil now. And we beat up their guys, but he left to get stronger guys," Toon Link summarized.

"Also, the Executive controls paper," Fox said, resting his head in his hands and his elbows on their makeshift table. "Meanwhile, Link and Samus are awol, Ganondorf's beat up, Zelda's stuck in a crystal, the mansion's gone, Red' s Charizard is close to giving birth, and someone called Marth gay to his face."

"So should-a we pack our-a bags and get-a running?" Luigi said.

"We're warriors! We can't just surrender," Metaknight argued. "All that would accomplish would be dying slowly and preventing anyone else from getting a fighting chance."

"Lucario Lucario car car lu. Lucario," Lucario pointed out. And yet there's no defensible position here anymore. The mansion's gone, remember?

"Wonder who that's thanks to. I had five thousand bananas stored in my room," DK grumbled.

"But our rooms weren't refrigerated. Wouldn't they have been inedible?" Pit asked.

"Who says I eat them!" DK shouted, slamming his hands on the makeshift table. The dead mindless drones slid a foot into the earth.

"...Disturbing," Fox said. "But back to the problem at hand. What if we call some of the other consoles for help? This a general problem."

"And where would we put them?" Metaknight asked. "Unless you suggest we start offering pokeballs as places to stay.

"Rio car!" Lucario defended. You guys are not bunking with me in there I just got everything the way I liked it!

"Maybe this is unimported right now," Toon Link said, still trying to stand up straight. "But can we go look for my brother? And Miss Samus? Maybe they can defeat the bad guys."

"Toon Link, your brother's several words that I-a can't-a say in front-a Pit," Mario explained. "And we have-a no way of-a tracking them."

"Lady Palutena says bad words are the poop Medusa leaves upon the world," Pit supplied.

"Don't look now, but I think Kirby's trying to eat Zelda," Metaknight said.

An argument broke out as everyone began speaking over each other. Toon Link jumped onto the makeshift table and Metaknight flew up, tired of being the shortest one. DK insisted he needed bananas to Lucario, who in turn called DK an addict. Fox sighed.

Luigi sighed as well, and then an idea struck him. "Hey, I got an idea," he said. "We need a place to stay so we can have-a defenses and bring other-fighters over to help-a us. Why not relocate-a to Bowser's castle-a?"

"Why?" Mario asked suspiciously.

"It's a floating castle over-a lake-a lava and brimstone," Luigi pointed out.

"It's-a Bowser's castle," Mario insisted.

"Mario, your brother's made the only decent point today. Either we pack up to somewhere we stand a chance, or you can kiss your six minute adventures goodbye," Fox said.

"Let's-a go!" Mario cheered. The Top Eight ended their meeting to spread the news, and Pit tugged on DK's arm.

"What's a six minute adventure? Can I go on one?" Pit asked innocently. DK screamed in terror of Pit losing his innocence and ran off before Palutena could decide he was corrupting Pit. Elsewhere, Marth screamed as he realized the radiation was making his hair fall out.

(**)

Link had never whistled faster in his life as Samus stirred to life. It was good thing he already knew the melody, because if he had missed even one note, he wouldn't have had enough time to start over. Right as Samus became coherent and realized what had happened, Link finished the Song of Remembrance, and magic enveloped Samus. It lifted her off of him and thankfully out of arm's reach as the Song did its work, properly this time.

At least Link hoped so. The Song of Remembrance finished whatever it had done and the magic disappeared, leaving Samus standing over Link. Link realized he should have gotten dressed in that time, or at least stood up. "Samus?" Link asked.

Samus said nothing, but glared down at Link. There was a tense silence as Link wondered whether or not the song had worked this time. Then Samus grabbed Link by the throat, picked him up, and slugged him.

Link was a regular Hylian. Samus was infused with Chozo blood.

In other words, Link had to debate whether the fairies dancing around his vision were real.

Samus grabbed Link again and held him up, shaking the swordsman. "Don't you ever do that again!" she shouted at him.

The answer Link gave was lacking as he fought his newest concussion. "Huh?" he asked. He gasped for breath as Samus pulled him into a crushing embrace.

"I thought you were dead! Why didn't you block that shot? You're more than fast enough and strong enough to survive that! Why'd you just crumple like...like..." Samus muttered, squeezing Link tighter.

Link guessed Samus had her future memories. He was also almost out of air. Fortunately, his desperate effort to survive Samus's hug meant he kicked her shin by accident, and she noticed he was turning blue. Samus put him down and Link breathed.

"I guess you remember now," Link gasped. Samus watched him carefully, afraid he might pass out.

"Mostly. Some parts are fuzzy but I do remember watching my boyfriend get shot by Crazy Hand. Where is she? She'll wish she was a Metroid when I'm done with her," Samus hissed. She looked around, and then realized a simple fact. "Oh, right. Did we just do it? In the open?"

"Yes," Link said, hoping Samus didn't blame him. Thankfully, she really was back, and she sighed.

"You're not allowed to play that ocarina again," Samus grumbled. "Imagine if someone had seen." She was caught off guard as Link hugged her this time. It confused her at first, but then her memories of not remembering him came to mind. Link had thought he'd lost her, too, and now they were back. Hoping nobody noticed the two naked people in the field, Samus gave him a brief hug back.

They parted, and Samus still felt extremely self-conscious. Link picked up on what she was looking for and spotted their clothes. Despite Samus's brief aphrodisiac moment, their clothes were still in good condition. The two Smashers started getting dressed.

"So where is Crazy, then?" Samus asked, putting her armor on. "I want to kill her."

"Not quite," Link said. "She sent me back in time because the timeline was unstable. We have to fix it, somehow."

"Really?"

"Really."

"I still hate her," Samus muttered. "So we're during the ESRB incident, right? We just left the mansion because you were... are you corrupted?"

"Only because I remember the future. It happened during Termina," Link grumbled.

"Termina," Samus muttered. She checked her armor's computer. "That's the country you saved in three days. Wait, you were time-traveling then?"

"I relived those three days, yes," Link said hollowly.

"Then you're used to this—" Samus began, but Link cut her off.

"For twelve years," Link finished.

"...It took you twelve years to save Termina? Over the course of the same three days?" Samus said. Link looked her in the eye, and she saw a pit of absolute despair. She struggled to make sense of what Link said. "Why did it take so long?"

"Termina had a lot of academical puzzles," Link mumbled with the possessed look still in his eyes. "And I am never going back."

"Right," Samus agreed. She tried to think what she would do if she were trapped in the same mission for twelve years, killing space pirates, Ridley, and metroids seemingly without end.

It didn't sound that bad.

"At least you know the basics of time travel, or whatever this is. According to the laws of science, restoring my memory the way you did is not only impossible, it's unheard of," Samus said. Link shrugged. To him, that was magic. "So what's your plan then, Link?"

"Get to the mansion, get Mewtwo, have him read my mind and prove I'm not corrupted," Link said. "Then we can use Pikachu's army... uh oh."

"I don't like that sound," Samus noted. She tried to think through the haze why that was a bad thing, and remembered what Link had done after returning back in time. "You disproved Pikachu's goals and now he probably doesn't have an army."

"Probably," Link said.

"Which means there's nothing to hold off the ESRB while we get the artifacts to summon Miyamoto and Iwata," Samus concluded. "We're all doomed."

"I didn't think of that," Link admitted. He had been more concerned with not being shipped away for testing and evaluation. "Then we should hurry back."

"Wait," Samus thought. "We know what's going to happen. Why not get the relics now and save time? We already know what we're after, right?"

"It took all three consoles companies working together last time," Link said. "Or is that still fuzzy?"

"Yes, although for some reason I want to punch Garrus," Samus growled. Another idea occurred to the bounty hunter. She checked her suit's armor, but the data didn't exist. She grumbled and tried checking for the data a different way.

Link saw Samus pushing buttons and knew he didn't have a clue as to what she was doing. He waited patiently for her to figure it out, and hoped no one else came to 'visit' Wonderland.

"Got it," Samus said. "We can get the relics ourselves and head back...with some backup."

"From who?" Link asked.

"I would've said from potential candidates for the next tournament, but that data doesn't exist on here, now," Samus said. Link couldn't see past her visor, but he suspected she was grinning. "But their names also existed on the list of people who didn't make the cut for this tournament."

Link's face was blank. Samus sighed.

"Let's go recruit the future Smashers," Samus tried.

Link's expression was a little more understanding, but still missing something. No wonder it took him twelve years to save Termina, Samus thought.

"Do you remember the list of names we were making for the next tournament? Let's find them and get them to help," Samus said.

"Oh. That works," Link said. Internally, he was wondering if half of those people existed at that point.