If Aeons Played Blitzball
Written By: x-keelan-x
If you would like a slightly more dramatic story, please read another one of my Final Fantasy stories, Life's Little Problems. I need more reviews, so I can continue! Thanks.
**DISCLAIMER** I don't own anything related to Final Fantasy 10, so don't sue me. Please? Oh, and I don't own any part of Final Fantasy 8 or the Grand Theft Auto 3 world, though I wouldn't mind a Banshee. And I claim no part of Martha Stewart either…
Ixion – Finally, a story about me!
x-keelan-x – Ixion… we've been through this. Its not JUST about you, its about you AND your friends.
Ixion – Damn.
x-keelan-x - -_-
x-keelan-x – Alright everyone, lets get started!
IF AEONS PLAYED BLITZBALLIfrit – I'm bored.
Shiva – I'm hungry.
Valefor – I need to be loved.
Ifrit – Ah, shut up *smacks Valefor*
Valefor – *Whimpers*
Shiva – Well, we need to do SOMETHING to curb our boredom… and hunger. Hey, x-keelan-x, can you write a sandwich into the story?
x-keelan-x - *sighs*
A nice big juicy sandwich is sitting on a table next to Shiva.
Shiva – Gee thanks! *chomps down the sandwich*
Ifrit – Well, now you're satisfied… but what about me?
Ixion – Yeah we're both bored.
Valefor – I NEED TO BE LOVED!!!!!!
Ifrit – I've had enough of this. Hellfire!
Valefor is burned to a crisp.
Shiva – Oh my god! You killed Valefor!
Ixion- You bastard!
Ifrit – I need Cheesy Poofs… HEY! You're making this sound like a cheap cartoon!
x-keelan-x – Sure, Ifrit. *rolls eyes*
Ixion – How about we take up a sport, like… chess?
Ifrit - *roars* HOW IS CHESS A SPORT??? If we're going to do a sport, I suggest we all play blitzball.
The Man – Blitzball? This doesn't look like Liberty City. And where's my Banshee?
Shiva – Hey! Get your own game!
The Man – Sorry. *takes Uzi and leaves*
Valefor – Well, that was interesting!
Ifrit – I thought you were dead!!!
x-keelan-x – He's an aeon, he can't die. You really think I'd kill of my own characters?
Ifrit – ……………………
Ifrit suddenly dies.
x-keelan-x – Just kidding!
Ifrit comes back to life.
Ifrit – GRRRRRRRR!
x-keelan-x – I thought I told you, aeons can't die!
Ifrit – Whatever.
Shiva – Guys, stop arguing! Lets just go play blitzball.
Valefor and Ixion – YAY!!!!!!
Ifrit – Best freaking suggestion I've heard all day…
The aeons arrive at the stadium, and try to sign up at the registration desk. Instead of the normal woman, they find a scary blue thing that bears a striking resemblance to the shoopuf driver.
Valefor – Hi, we'd like to sign up for the blitzball tournament.
Thing – No, eets imposhibibble! Imposhibibble!
Shiva – Please?
Thing – IMPOSHIBIBBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ifrit loses his temper and casts Hellfire.
Ixion – Look what you did! You destroyed the registration desk!!!! And I think I broke a hoof… *whimpers*
Ifrit – Whatever.
Shiva – Lets just crash a locker room, pretend we are who we aren't, and go out and win the tournament!
Selphie – That's an excellent idea!
Shiva – Who the hell are you?
Selphie – Why, I'm the gorgeous Selphie, star of Final Fantasy 8!
Ifrit – HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL THESE PEOPLE TO GET THEIR OWN GAMES!!!!!!
Selphie screams and runs away.
Ifrit – Whatever.
The aeons enter the Aurochs locker room, only to find Lulu and Wakka engaging in a very… personal… activity.
Ifrit – WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN OUR LOCKER ROOM?!?!?!?!?!
Wakka - *Wipes sweat off face* Your locker room? This is our locker room, ya? This can't be happening…
Ifrit – Yes it can! *Casts Hellfire*
Valefor – AAAAAAAH! You burned down the locker room! Why the hell do you keep casting Hellfire??? And how the hell do you build your overdrive so fast?!?!?!
Ifrit – Whatever.
Ixion – Hey, guys, I kicked the Al Bhed Psyches out of their locker room! Its ours!
Shiva – Perfect, lets roll!
Ixion – I just thought of something you guys… we don't have enough players to field a team!
Valefor – We need another aeon… but who?
All except Ifrit – YOJIMBO!!!
Ifrit – Whatever.
The group approaches Yojimbo, but get a horrible surprise…
Shiva – Martha Stewart??? What are you doing here?
Martha – The stadium hired me to use my exquisite fashion sense and decorative style to help them make it a bit more appealing to the eye! *eyes Ifrit* Wow! You sure look like you have a fiery personality! Could use a change of clothes though…. Phew! You stink!
Ifrit – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
x-keelan-x – Ifrit, calm down!
Ifrit – Why did you have to put her in the story???
x-keelan-x – Because you need to meet new people.
Ifrit – Whatever. *casts Hellfire*
Shiva – Ifrit!!!
Ifrit – Look on the bright side, I've rid the world of a terrible nuisance.
Valefor – But… I loved Martha Stewart…. *faints*
Ifrit – Whatever.
The aeons finally managed to make their way to Yojimbo.
Shiva – Yojimbo… will you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease please please please please pretty please?
Yojimbo – I'm confused… what am I supposed to please… it will probably cost you. Hee hee hee I'm closer to gillionare status every day.
Ifrit – She wants you to join our damn blitzball team!
Yojimbo – It will cost you.
Ixion – How much?
Yojimbo – 200,000 gil
Valefor – 200,000 gil!!!!!! That's enough to put my kids through college!
Ifrit – You don't have kids, you stupid idiot!
Valefor – Oh yeah, right.
Shiva – Well… we really need a goalie… I guess 200,000 will work… but for ONE game! That's all.
Yojimbo – Hee hee, no problem at all, Shiva. Whoah! You're breath is icy cool!
Shiva - *blushes*
Ifrit – Whatever.
x-keelan-x – Well, they are FINALLY ready to get down to serious business and play some blitzball. But, unfortunately, that's all the time I have for today… the author has chores to do…
Valefor – Nooooooooo! You can't abandon me now! I still need to be loved…
x-keelan-x – I'm sure someone will take care of you.
Valefor - *Sniffs*
The Man – I still haven't found my Banshee…