Author's Note:

Firstly, I must apologize for the lack of updates over the past few years. I have to admit that I lost my passion, not just for writing this story, but for writing anything at all. I have been incredibly busy attending school and working full time on top of balancing a social and family life. These are not acceptable excuses and I know this.

Secondly, I have to thank whoever has taken their time to read this. The only reason I have been motivated to update is because of the unwavering support of the readers.

And thirdly, please forgive any mistakes I may make in regards to the plot. I published this story almost five years ago, which means I most likely started writing it while I was still a teen. My writing style has undoubtedly changed and I can only hope it has improved.

I cannot promise to update frequently or even often, but I will try to make it right by you, the readers.

Sincerely,

BeachHouse

Letting Go

The never-ending blackness provided for a terrible, torturous sleep. No amount of writhing and twisting could relieve the burning pain. Countless times I would reach out for something, anything, to catch my balance but my fingers passed through thin air and I continued to spin further and further away from reality.

After what seemed like hours of hopeless falling the relentless buzzing in my ears quieted. The soft sound of a voice reverberated inside my mind. It was a girl's voice, melodic and flowing like spring water. I knew somewhere deep inside of me that I recognized the voice. I knew this person, but in my weakened state I couldn't figure out who it was. She was talking to someone else, she was giving them orders.

The voice that replied turned my blood white hot as my mind was able to immediately grasp a name. Christina. A paralyzing fear gripped me as I thrashed out, trying to get as far away from her as possible. Knowing she was so close, that she could reach me and kill me… I was terrified beyond belief.

Through my panicking I became aware of the sensation of being shaken. A tightness on both of my upper arms radiated warmth that I desperately seized onto. Another voice that drowned out the other two called my name.

"Audra!" Oh, the sound of that voice. I couldn't have cared about the dark or the terror or the pain; I just wanted to hear that voice again.

"Audra, I'm here. I need you to wake up." A wave of relief immediately swept through my body. My muscles relaxed and my hoarse breathing slowed. Was this voice real? How could it possibly be real? I reached out, trying to grasp the sound as if it were a physical entity. "Open your eyes."

That request was so simple, but so difficult at the same time. I tried once, my eyelashes fluttered but failed. Once more I mustered my strength and tried to open my eyes. Immediately I was blinded by a bright light and instinctively I closed my eyes against the pain. "Ow," I whined, my voice sounded hoarse and foreign to my own ears.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing he said. "I drank too much, it's my fault."

His voice sounded so resolute that I had to open my eyes to see his expression. Ethan looked grim, like he had almost watched me die in his arms. "I'm okay," I told him, but the sound of my voice couldn't have been reassuring. "I just need a drink."

I tried to sit up and in the process Ethan, who had been leaning over me, moved back to allow me some space. The muscles in my neck tensed in protest against my sudden movement. I reached my hand up to my neck; it was sore to the slightest touch.

"It's bruised," Ethan confirmed my unvoiced question. His fingers brushed mine out of the way so that he could inspect the bite. I looked over at him cautiously. I wasn't afraid of him in the slightest, but I was afraid of what he would do to himself. His eyes met mine in sympathy and a resolve that made my stomach churn uncomfortably.

"Ethan," I started carefully in a soft voice. The tone of my voice, the way someone would speak to an injured child, caused him to push away from me abruptly. "It was just an accident." As he began pacing I could see the angry expression on his face. "It's perfectly understandable, you hadn't fed in a long time and-"

"Just an 'accident'?" He mocked cruelly, slanting a sideways glance in my direction.

"I asked you to do that," I argued, standing from the bed and walking toward him.

Ethan sighed and an unsteady hand rose to comb through his hair, a telltale sign of frustration. "You just don't understand, do you?"

"I do understand, Ethan. You are the one who doesn't understand. All that you can see is your own self-loathing."

"I could kill you!" He finally exploded. "I could lose my control for just a single second and you would be dead." He stopped pacing and turned to face me, desperation clear on his face. "And I would have to live forever knowing that I caused the death of one of the only people I've ever cared about."

I stopped breathing for a moment. I knew Ethan had to hear the pause in my heartbeat but he didn't show any outward signs of having noticed. "You won't kill me, I know you won't."

"Your trust is gravely misplaced," he said. His eyebrows bent as he finally walked up to me. "I don't know how it got to this," Ethan breathed. He stared into my eyes intently and for a few moments he was completely silent. "I owe you an apology," he intoned. The surprise the reeled through me stopped any questions or comments begging to get free from my mouth. "I forced you into a life that you wanted no part in. I took away your free will and nearly broke your spirit. Nothing I can ever do will right the wrongs I have committed against you. I've thought this over and over and after all of this," he motioned to my neck, "I have to do something." My eyes bent in confusion and my lips parted to begin questioning but Ethan continued, "I have to let you go."

My stomach immediately dropped. "What?" My question came out a breath as thought it was ripped from me.

"Well, I didn't say I would be happy about it," he joked, but his sad smile didn't lighten my mood. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm giving you a choice."

While I had just been feeling the freezing cold hand of abandonment grabbing me tightly, it was almost instantly replaced by a thawing relief that blossomed into warmth. Ethan was giving me a way out.

After everything that had happened in our relationship, if it could be called that, the one thing that kept us apart was that Ethan had practically kidnapped me without thought of my own life or free will. He had taken me to suit his needs. My thoughts and feelings were inconsequential to him. Now, though, it appeared that Ethan had finally come to realize that in order to begin something real, he would have to let go of his control over me and allow me to choose him. Or not.

"If you want me to walk away, just ask me. I'll do it, and you'll never see me again," he promised earnestly. "I swear it."

"And what if I said no? What if I said that I wanted to be with you?" I dared to ask, my cheeks flushing.

"Then you'll have to live in my world with me, the way that I am," he answered bluntly. "There will be no returning to your old life, because I won't be able to do that with you."

My breath caught in my throat. Fear raced through my veins; fear that he would leave me, fear that he had finally been pushed to his limit, fear that he would hate himself. I reached up and curved my fingers around either side of his face. Ethan had always seemed indestructible, impenetrable, to me. The vulnerability I could see in him only tore at me even further. "I can't believe you're actually leaving this up to me," I smiled faintly, and in return Ethan snorted a laugh. "I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me." I took a deep breath in and let it exhale carefully. "But, I think I need a little bit of time to make that decision."

Ethan gazed at me as if he was frozen for a few seconds. Finally, he let out a defeated sigh and let his head hang down against my shoulder. Afraid of what I might say if I opened my mouth, I cradled his head in my arms. His soft hair brushed my neck and I shivered.

"Is there anything I wouldn't do for you?" He asked, his voice a breath against my bare skin.

My heart raced inside my ribcage and I squeezed my eyes shut against the sudden wave of emotion. There was one more thing I wanted but asking could only mean more trouble.

With Audra back safe and sound, and awake, in his arms Ethan knew the most profound feeling of relief. There had been a few brief but terrifying moments where he'd thought he would never hear her voice again. The blush he loved so much would fade until she was pale and cold, like he was. Life after Audra would prove to be a dark and desolate time for Ethan and everyone who was unlucky enough to come into contact with him.

"There is something," he heard her breathe softly, "that I want to ask you for."

Ethan raised his head to look into her blue eyes. Her chestnut hair lay on her petite shoulders in sweet curls. He immediately became intrigued when he noticed her pink tinged cheeks and the sound of her heart beating faster beneath him. "Anything," he vowed.

"I want…" she hesitated, her blue eyes blinking their full lashes at him as she debated continuing. "I want you to make love to me."

Every muscle in Ethan's body froze. Well, almost every muscle, but before he could give any attention to it he had to think logically. Surely things would get even more complicated than they were if he did… make love to her. He would never be able to part from her then. Her surrender would mean too much. Her pleasure would intoxicate him like a drug.

But the longer he took to give her an answer the darker her blush grew. She finally looked away from, her bottom lip disappearing beneath her row of pearly white teeth while she awaited her fate.

Unable to resist, Ethan leaned forward and captured her lips with his. The warmth she evoked captivated him and for a moment he nearly let his growing desire take control. Just as she opened her mouth for him, he pulled himself away.

"Audra," he gasped as her gaze flickered back to meet his. "I know you're frightened and you need comfort, but I don't think it's me you want." Ethan wasn't sure he could live with himself if he took advantage of her in that state and it would certainly hurt unbearably if she used him to fulfill her needs and never wanted anything to do with him afterward.

For a second her sweet lips picked up at the corner in a soft smile. "You don't know what I need," she finally said. Immediately the desire to argue welled up inside of him, but he had known Audra long enough to know that she would argue back. Most likely, she would win.

"Please," Ethan begged for possibly the first time in his life, "don't ask that of me." It was impossible not to notice Audra's smile falter and he cringed against the thought that he had hurt her. "At least, not yet. Not tonight." Ethan combed his fingers through the soft hair that framed her face and tiled her chin up gently for one more kiss. "After everything that has happened, I just want to be close to you. Let me hold you," he requested.

Audra nodded, though her blush had not disappeared. Not wanting to part from her for a single moment, Ethan bent down to pick her up in his arms. Audra's resounding giggle made a smile grow on his own face. Her infectious smiles were one of the many things he loved about her.

As Ethan laid her down onto the bed he hesitated for a moment. Love? That had never seemed possible to him.

"What's wrong?" Audra asked as she buried herself beneath the covers.

Ethan hadn't even heard her over the sound of his own thoughts. Were his feelings for Audra more than what he had thought? Was it love? Hell, he'd asked her to stay with him forever. That was a fairly large investment for someone to make.

But, as he looked down at her face and into her crystalline eyes, he felt a calm contentment wash over him. Every piece of Audra that made her who she was, inside and out, was almost opposite of him. At first it had seemed that would never work, but now he was seeing things clearly for the first time in his life. It wasn't that the things that made them different kept them apart; they brought them closer. The things that Audra embodied made him a better person, and he would be a fool to believe they weren't meant to be together.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asked, now clearly feeling insecure.

The words threatened to spill from his mouth, but he forced them back. He couldn't tell her now, not tonight after having almost drained her of all of her blood. He would wait for her to make her decision and then he would tell her.

"You're just so beautiful," he finally told her. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth either.