title How to Arch Enemies and Influence People
author patientalien
rating PG
summary Palpatine hates meeting with the Guild, a crossover.
notes So, uh, this is for citizenjess, because she loves Venture Bros just as much as I do, and she also came up with the title

Emperor Palpatine hated these meetings. He was the Supreme Leader of an entire galaxy, for crying out loud, he figured once that happened he wouldn't have to deal with any bureaucratic crap, especially since he'd dissolved the Senate and their stupid, petty squabbling. Yet, here he was, along with Vader, who was not the most entertaining traveling companion.

"This had better be good," Palpatine muttered to his hulking apprentice. Vader just breathed and hulked next to him like some breathing hulking thing.

"Emperor Palpatine." The screens in front of them lit up with the silhouettes of the Council members. "Bow before the Council of Thirteen."

"I don't think I'll do that," Palpatine replied. "Vader can do it." He eyed Vader. "Well?" he prompted, and Vader dutifully dropped to one knee, even though Palpatine was pretty sure he was rolling his eyes behind the helmet.

"It has come to the Guild's attention that you now have the power of a full galactic government, and have for some time," Councilmember 4 said. "And you have not yet completed the necessary paperwork to upgrade your operation."

"I thought you submitted the paperwork," Palpatine hissed at Vader, who was now inspecting a blemish on his boot. Vader sighed - or maybe just breathed normally - and didn't respond. Palpatine wasn't sure why he trusted the idiot with anything, really.

"Silence!" cried Councilmember 12. "Because you no longer qualify for single arching, you must be assigned to additional nemeses."

Councilmember 2 added, "Our records show you have been exclusively arching... Luke Skywalker. It is the opinion of the League that an operation the size of yours has the resources to expand outside of your currently narrow view. We have a list of nemeses who are currently not being arched who, sadly, are not being given sufficient attention by members of the Guild."

"But Skywalker blew up my super weapon!" Palpatine exclaimed. "I think that falls under the Exclusivity Accord of 1215." He focused his anger and continued, "Besides, we've got a family connection." He pointed at Vader. "The brat's his kid. There's got to be some kind of loophole we can get through on that."

There was some murmuring amongst the Council members. "There is precedent that larger villain operations can have a primary subject to arch when said subject has both blood ties and has destroyed a super weapon," Councilmember 5 said with a sigh. "But you need to choose at least one more entity from this list."

A list materialized in front of him, and Palpatine snatched it from the air. "Oh, fine," he said, picking a name at random. "We'll arch this Dr. Orpheus idiot."

"Very good," Councilmember 1 said. "We will inform the Sovereign. You are free to go - thank you for your continued business with the Guild of Calamitous Intent."

The screens winked out, and Vader stood. "Come on," Palpatine snapped. "Let's go get this over with so we can go back to corrupting your stupid kid." He brightened slightly. "Hey, we can test the new super weapon!"

Vader just breathed at him.

Dean Venture was digging in the yard of the compound because Hank had told him there was mysterious treasure under the arbor trees when a shadow moved across the grass.

"Hey Pop?" Dean called to his father, who was sitting on the steps to the main complex brooding about something. "There's a small moon at the gate, should we let it in?"

Rusty Venture had just enough time to call his son a moron before all hell broke loose.

-the end-