Title: Scars of the Past and Present

Author: FaeSolo

Summary: Taken from a prompt on the LJ Glee Angst Meme: "Kurt's been cutting on and off for years. His arms are covered with scars. He told someone once (Burt/A teacher/A friend) but they brushed it off as him being over dramatic. Now he's at Dalton, and between the trauma of Karofsky's bullying and the stress of changing schools, he's been cutting more often then ever. He thought it was all under control. Until one day he cuts too deep."

Length: 1, 702

Warnings: Lots and lots of angst! Self-harm though.

Sometimes, Kurt just needed a way to let out the stress of the things that happened to him every day. The dumpster diving, the locker slams, the name calling, the notes. "Hey faggot!" being yelled at him frequently. The drawings of his dead body that people would shove into his locker. "Go die fag!" was frequently yelled just when he walked down the hall. So, when he was 13, he started to cut. Not often, and not deep enough to be noticeable. He usually cut on his upper arms or his thigh. There was just something so fascinating about being able to be in control like this. With every slip of the blade he could see the impurities leaving his body. He kept this up for a year, and then stopped until he was 15, when things gradually got worse. This time, he cut more than he had before. When he first started cutting, it had only been once or twice a week, just when things got too hard. Now, it was 4 or 5 times a week, and he had taken to wearing long sleeve shirts all the time to cover up the marks. Soon though, he realized that he had a problem. He had become addicted to the cutting and he needed help. So, he decided to ask his best friend. Obviously, that had been a bad idea. He had approached her after Glee practice.

"Mercedes, I have something I need to talk to you about. Something serious."

She finished putting her books in her locker and turned to him. "Shoot."

He took a few deep breaths. "I have a problem. I… I cut. To deal with the stress of everything."

She slammed the locker shut. "WHAT?"

"I-."

"No , I heard what you said. And I think it's ridiculous that you'd lie about something like that." She gave him a fierce glare and Kurt reared back in shock.

"Mercedes! Why would I lie about something like this?"

She glared at him and sighed. "Look Kurt. I know you're jealous because I'm starting to spend more time with Quinn. But really, that's no reason to be over dramatic and make something like that up. I'm done with this." And with that, his best friend walked away. Just like that. And it was then that Kurt realized he couldn't really trust anyone with his problem. He'd have to help himself, like he always had. And Kurt did manage to stop, until he was 16 and the bullying escalated.

Once Kurt had met Blaine, he thought that everything would be okay. Now, he had someone to actually talk to about things. But then Karofsky kissed him, and he relapsed all over again. And now, it was incredibly bad and getting harder to hide. Luckily, no one cared enough to ask him about all the long sleeves and jackets he'd been wearing, and the weather was actually starting to get cold, so if they did ask he now had an excuse. As soon as he switched to Dalton, he vowed to never cut again, now that he should no longer have a reason to. But then there was the Warblers incident, and then Blaine constantly telling him that he needed to tone it down a bit, that he needed to fit in. And trying to fit in honestly stressed him out, so he reverted back to old habits.

Thank goodness for those blazers. It made it so much easier to not have to think of excuses, because Blaine actually cared and asked Kurt why he never took off his blazer, or why he never wore the short sleeved uniform shirts. Kurt merely laughed it off, saying that he hated his arms and didn't want to show them, and for awhile Blaine believed him. Until the day when he walked in on Kurt doing the deed.

That day had been particularly stressful for Kurt. He lost another chance for a solo, and even though he'd been at Dalton for almost two months he was still just on the outside looking in. He'd never fit in with their perfect group, he'd never fit in anywhere. Sometimes, he thought that everyone would just be better off without him. And he had these thoughts quite often, which frightened him. So every time he had one, he would make a small cut to distract himself from them. But something about today had just made everything so much worse, and he had rushed back to his dorm after Warblers rehearsal, not even bothering to stay and talk to Blaine like he usually did. He was in such a state that he forgot to lock his door as he ran to his bathroom. Thank Gaga for a single room.

He carefully dug out the box from the back of his medical cabinet and selected one of the new blades that he had. He rolled up the sleeve of his jacket and pushed back the sleeve on his uniform shirt and slid the blade across the skin that was already littered with old scars and current cuts. He didn't feel as satisfied as he normally did though, watching the blood flow across his skin. So he cut more. And more. And more. Until he started to feel dizzy and faint and realized "Oh shit." He hadn't cut this deep before, nor this much at one time. He heard the door open and immediately panicked. He tried to shove the blades away and pull his sleeve down but it was too late. He looked up to see Blaine's shocked face right before he passed out.

When Kurt came to, the first thing he noticed was the pain in his wrist, which wasn't all that unusual to him. But then, he noticed that his shirt was off, and tan fingers were tracing the scars on his body. He looked up to see Blaine's face, who's hazel eyes met his. "Why?"

Kurt was taken aback. "Why what?"

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Blaine looked on the verge of tears. Kurt was honestly shocked.

"Look Blaine, it's not that big of a deal." To Kurt, it really wasn't. Why was Blaine so upset over this?

"Kurt, look at you. This IS a big deal. How long has this been going on for?"

"About three years." There was no problem with being honest.

"Kurt… This is a serious issue. You were out for ten minutes, I was about to call an ambulance. Were you trying to kill yourself?" Blaine looked at the younger boy intensely, wondering why someone so beautiful and strong would do this.

He was horrified. "No! Ugh…. I'm usually more careful. I must have lost control for a little bit…. Don't worry, I'll be okay." He got up off the bed Blaine had laid him on and walked over to the bathroom, pulling out some gauze and rubbing alcohol from his medicine cabinet. He pulled off the towel that Blaine had been using to slow the bleeding and using a piece of toilet paper he began to clean the wounds methodically before wrapping them. Blaine just looked on in shock.

"Look Kurt…. I know this is something that you don't think is it a big deal, but it is. Self-harm is an addiction and a problem."

Kurt whirled around and glared at the older boy. "Are you saying I'm crazy?"

"No, of course not!" Blaine was determined to get the boy to realize what was going on with him, and to help him. "What exactly started this?"

Well, there was no point in lying to the other boy. So he explained everything to Blaine, and was surprised to see him nearly in tears again. "Look Blaine, this is something I've been doing for awhile. I'm in control, nothing like this will happen."

"Kurt, you said sometimes you just wanted to kill yourself! I want you to promise you won't ever do this again."

Kurt glared at him again. "You are NOT taking this away from me. I'm fine, I don't need any help and I don't need to stop."

Blaine grabbed him by his uninjured wrist and pulled him over to the full mirror on the other side of Kurt's bedroom. He removed Kurt's pants, despite his protests and forced him to look in the mirror. Kurt really looked at himself for the first time in years, and realized how disgusting his scars made him look. "Dear god, I'm disgusting."

Blaine was horrified. "No! God Kurt, you're anything BUT disgusting. But look at how many there are. Does this look like a healthy way of coping with things?"

"No, but it's the only way I know how to! And it's not like anyone else has noticed until now. Why do you care so fucking much?"

"Because I fucking care about you! Kurt, you're the most important person in my life right now. I can't just sit here and watch you destroy yourself like this. Please Kurt. I won't tell your dad if you just let me help you. Come to me whenever you feel the urge, and call me anytime. I swear to god, I will do everything in my power to help you."

Kurt could barely breathe from the shock he was in, and to his utter mortification, he began crying. Not just small tears, but big sobs. Blaine pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back. "Shhhh, it'll all be alright. I promise you, everything is going to be okay."

"I'm sorry… It's just… after Mercedes rejecting it like that, I thought that nobody would ever care."

"Mercedes is stupid for not taking that seriously." Blaine said fiercely. "Please, promise me you'll stop. I know it'll be difficult, but we'll make everything better. Please."

Kurt buried his face into the older boy's neck. "I can't promise… But I can try."

Blaine nodded. "That's one step closer. Come on, let's get some clothes on you." And he proceeded to pull Kurt's favourite lounge clothes out of his drawer and helped the countertenor into them.

Kurt couldn't help it. Finally, someone to care about him. It had taken so long, but he had found someone. And now, he would be getting the help he needed.

-End-