Romano sighed as he stared at the ceiling, unwilling to get out of bed. He hated anything and everything that his eyes fell upon. But, it was different from his old pettiness. No… this wasn't a petty hatred in his heart any more. He loathed everything. His life, was in ruins. Perhaps the only thing that kept him going was his little brother.

Poor, sweet, innocent Feliciano. Barely pregnant, but glowing with pride every time someone mentioned the baby.

That baby would be Lovino's niece or nephew. So he constantly told himself, to keep going, that as a soon to be uncle, Feliciano, the soon to be mother needed him more now than ever. Ludwig was the father, without a doubt, and that Lovino had come to accept surprisingly fast. But he wouldn't be there twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, and being blind, Feli would need help with the baby. So, taking his responsibility, Lovino had promised to be there whenever Ludwig or someone else wasn't there.

You'd think, that with so much happy events occurring in these dark times, Lovino would be at least his standard of happy. But deception is easy to master.

Everyone tried to hide it from him, especially Ludwig and Feliciano. But he knew all too well, hearing the whispers in the halls when people thought he was asleep. The war on the Spanish front was a massacre. The Spanish army had been completely cut off from all their allies and reinforcements.

Not that it mattered to him anyway, as he constantly told himself. Ever since the accident, that bastard had been ignoring him. When he spoke to him, he focused his eyes on the ground and as for the duties a lover, especially the nation of passion as a lover, well… such things were non existent. The last time Lovino had seen the Spaniard, his green eyes had been dull, his mouth set in a grim line and he had been adjusting his armour, mounting his stormy grey Arab, and riding off to war. It had been almost three full months since that time.

He looked over with an irritated sigh, to the clock on his wall. Surprising that it would still work, as a lot of other technologies had faded away, it told him that his brother would be coming through the door soon. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, ignoring the cold, empty half of his bed and rose to his feet.

He wanted to recoil away from the cold stone floor, but shook it off and wandered over to his closet, pulling out a pair of black jeans that he had salvaged and a red shirt, with long sleeves. He pulled them on quickly and went to the bathroom, dumping his night clothes in the basket for one of the women who volunteered, to collect for washing later. He looked at the pyjamas with the same loathing. It proved he wasn't the same Lovino. He usually preferred sleeping naked. But there really seemed no point now.

As he started walking out of the bathroom, he caught his reflection in the cracked mirror… and almost broke down right there. The right half of his face, and a good portion of his body beneath the clothes was completely normal, flawless… The left half, that extended to just above his waist, was… Was… it was horrible. He felt a hot prickling behind his eyes as he stared at the scarring. He looked like a freak! He hated this above all else. He watched as the first few tears rolled over the scars, not able to flow freely, hindered by the twisted surface.

Needing to look away from his face, he looked down at his hands, which turned out to be a not so great idea. His left hand was as scarred as his face. The skin was twisted and clung to the bone, making his fingers thin and skeletal.

Why him? Why? Was it because he wasn't nice and happy like his brother all the time? He had become a monster in his own skin. Now that monster was out for everyone to see.

He fell to his knees and hid his face in both of his hands, sobbing into them, the sobs themselves tore out of his throat, making it too raw for his comfort and still the came, like the selfish part of him wanted out.

He didn't care about anything. Not feliciano. Not the baby. Not any damned potato bastard. He wanted things to go back the way they were. He wanted to live happily, tending to his garden and look like his old self. He wanted Spain… he wanted Antonio. He didn't care about the world or it's problems. He wanted his lover back. He wanted him to hold him, and listen to him and laugh the way he used to. He wanted to see him smile a smile that wasn't pained with years of loss, war and hardship. He wanted to lock himself away in the last free, happy part of the world with Antonio and turn his back on everything else.

Before Lovino realized, he was being pulled up off of the floor by a comforting hold. He would have liked to at least imagine it was Antonio who carried him away from the bathroom and calmed him, promised him that everything would be alright, no matter what it was that he wanted righted.

But he knew, with a sinking despair that it was Ludwig. As he came out of that selfish moment, and accepted the present once more, closing his eyes and taking comfort in the warmth of the German's body, he accepted, no longer surprised by this acceptance, that Ludwig was there to protect him and take care of him. Like it or not, the German was really, one of the only people he could turn to with Antonio gone.

He felt Ludwig sit down, on the sofa because it didn't have the softness of his mattress, and keep a hold of him. He knew that Feliciano was right there beside them, and as he refused to cry any longer, the three sat in silence for quite a time.

This silence was broken by a soft knock on the door and Lovino felt Ludwig shift as he turned to answer.

"Um, Ludwig… We just a got a message via dove. Alfred and Arthur are almost here." It was Vash, sullen and devoid of anything but determination and loyalty. His emotions were all bottled up, sheilded and locked away, guarded by his anger and loss.

"Danke Vash… I'll come with you and Francis to greet them." Ludwig stood and set Lovino down beside Feliciano carefully, giving a quick apology and kissing Feliciano's forehead before leaving.

Again there was a moment of silence as the two brothers listened to the footsteps fade into the distance. And then it was Feliciano to first speak.

"Lovino… why are you so upset…?" His milky eyes stared into space, cold, warmth lost, though somehow, it didn't matter.

"I miss Antonio Feli… as always… why won't he talk to me…? Why doesn't he look at me? Feli… Oh god, I'm a freak… I know I am… He's not coming back and even with the slightest chance that he could come back, he would come back to me! He's left me! He doesn't love me anymore…" Lovino, so desperate as he was, clung to his younger brother who sat there expresionless as he listened. The southern italian was on the verge of breaking down and crying again.

Tears did fall, and he hid his face in the other's arm, curling his fingers in the fabric of his sleeve.

"Lovino… He loves you… I know I can't prove this to you… but he does love you very much… he thinks he's failed you and can atone his failure by fighting to free us all… he wants you to be happy and free and he wants to grow you as many tomatoes as you want and do everything you ask of him. You know he asked you, to just trust him. He's going to make things as they were for you Lovino."

What Feliciano said was very close to what Antonio had said to him the night before he left.

'Lovino…All I want is for things to be as they once were…that's… that's why I'm going to fight… I'm going to fix the land and then we can go back and… and be happy… I promise…'

'Antonio… listen bastard… stay here… please… I love you, dammit…s-so stay… don't fight an s-say you love me too… please'

'…. I'll be back soon…'

"I don't think so Feli…I don't think so…"

,',','

Second chapter, finally.

I actually, knew what I was doing but at the same time was incredably clueless as to what my fingers were typing.

Anyway, hope this is enjoyable to read and starts to reveal a little more of the story to you all ! :D