This fic is of cause AU, an more like a "What if." Fic, I don't think dear Snape ever got to even see Lily after he defected in his youth, but what would happen if they did meet? what would their feelings be? What would they say to each other? Well, this is an guessing attempt to find out, and no! No no no, they most certainly would not go all romantic about it, I honestly don't believe that's the case! Please review, and please check out my other fics.

As usual, if you find errors in the text, it would be because I am not an native English speaker.

Twenty-one year old Severus Snape appeared with a loud crack in what looked like a warm living room, frantically he started turning around searching the room with his eyes, in a odd jerk he went for the door, almost sprinting towards it, his body shaking, he laid his hand on the handle, and stood there indecisive for a while.

"Shit." Severus murmured as he turned away and frantically started pacing. He had to physically restrain himself from shouting as he in pure frustration threw his arms over his head, he was not supposed to make any noise! He could not make any noise in here because if there was other people in the building, they could not see him.

There were sounding running steps on the other side of the door, immediately Severus sprinted towards it to press his ears against the wooden door.

"Damn what a fine catch." A rough voice sounded.

"How many do we have?" a young mans voice asked. "I think some of them got away." Severus had to refrain himself from grunting, it was Sirius Black, that idiot to an arrogant prat. And that he was there on the other side, knowing everything that had happened, well that was just unfair!

"We got six of them, but your right." It was Alastor Moody's voice that responded. "There was differently more."

Yeah yeah, Severus thought. What about Lily! Is she okay, come on, out with it!

"Damn!" Blacks voice responded. "Oh well, we'll get them next time."

And they were gone.. dammit in hell! Why couldn't the fleeting voices have dished up with the important stuff! Grumbling Severus went back to the room, and had to keep himself extra much under control now that he knew there were order members in here, Jesus he had been at the very same field only five minutes ago, he was one of the escaping death eaters! If they found him here he was done for! No matter what Dumbledore tried to say in his defence, and this whole situation was just all in all unbelievable frustrating.

A new pair of foot steps sounded in the hall way, and again Severus sprung for the door to press his ears against it. Biting together in grumbling annoyance, you should have thought he would have learned about not listening to doors like this by now, but no! He couldn't even stop himself.

"You'll go along." An old very familiar voice sounded. "I will just be a moment." And the rest of the food steps continued while Severus sprung away from the door and tried to sit down, trying to at least appear calm so Dumbledore wouldn't catch him in this state. Severus could fell the anxiety fill him as he restrained himself with all of his might, slowly the door handle started turning, way to slowly, and at last the door opened to reveal Dumbledore.

Despite himself Severus sprung up again. "How?" He asked at once even before Dumbledore had any chance to step into the room. "Is she safe?"

"Of cause they are." Dumbledore nodded though with a little frown on his face.

And at once it felt like Severus had been inflated, all the tense energy leaving him as he sank down in the chair. "Thank Merlin." He sighed.

"What are your loses?" Dumbledore asked.

"The dark lord doesn't know that it was a failure yet, he will surely summon us all to throw some cruciatos's when he finds out." Severus sighed. "Seven people did not return to our roundabout point, and three were severally injured."

"And your not one of them?" Dumbledore asked.

Severus shook his head. "I kept out of the fire, I didn't really want to fight the order."

"You know you must." Dumbledore made aware. "You must keep up pretend and fight, otherwise they will get suspicious."

"Well that's the good thing about wearing stupid masks isn't it?" Severus asked. "They don't even know that it was me who was holding back, they just thought it was a random coward."

"That's a poor excuse and you know it."

Severus growled annoyed.

"Your to young to be suicidal." Dumbledore looked a little annoyed at him. "Do you want to them to figure out that you have defected?"

"Maybe." Severus shoot back. "I don't want to have any part in it any-more!"

"Well you did take the mark, out of your own free will." Dumbledore looked sternly at him crossing his arms. "There is no turning back, so Severus, don't be a fool and deal with what you got."

Severus hissed annoyed.

"Is there anything of importance I should bring to the order meeting?" Dumbledore then asked.

"That because of this, I will most surely be cruciated in about two hours." Severus grumbled.

Dumbledore lifted an eyebrow. "You want appreciation."

"A little would be nice." Severus sneered before spatting. "No! I don't have anything of importance, so hurry up to that meeting, I will probably be more likely to have something after Voldemort is done cruciating me, so you can have your information together with the morning section of the daily prophet if that is what you want!"

Sighing Dumbledore shook his head. "Stay here." He told in a surprisingly soft voice. "Rest until he calls you, at least in here no death eater will be able to get suspicious over your behaviour, you must learn to control your self better."

"I am controlling myself!" Severus stated. "When the game is on, I can deal with it! It's this down time that is tearing me apart."

"Well, that would seem to be right now, so try and rest." And Dumbledore walked for the door. "Remember why you are doing this, if you get figured out or die, what will stand between Voldemort and her?"

Severus bit back, and looked down as Dumbledore excited the room.

As he was alone again, Severus sank down in a corner, feeling both anxious and tense, his immediate first concern about Lily's safety was now out of the way, leaving the anticipation for the moment that Voldemort would call upon him. He starred out in front of him, his wand resting lightly in his hand. Oddly monotone he reached for his sleeve to pull it slowly away, he starred hypnotized at the dark mark of a grinning skull and a snake.. He had been so proud if this thing, was it only a few months ago?.. He had been so happy the day he had gotten it, filled with anticipation for all of the greatness he thought it would bring him, So sure it all.. it was honestly ironic.

The snake on his arm almost seemed alive, looking mean at him, the skull grinning triumphantly as it reminded Severus that he was no longer his own man, this mark was Voldemorts name tag, he had given himself to Voldemort, and there was no going back. Slowly he pulled the sleeve back, letting it cover the make so he wouldn't have to see. Eternity went past, and Severus had nothing to do but wait, for either Voldemort to call him for some ranting and hexing or Dumbledore to come back and tell him what was happening, though only the barely necessary, in case Severus ever broke in the dark lords presence, or stopped being defected returning his loyalties to Voldemort.. though, as much as Severus couldn't know if he was ever going to break or be found it, he could break, there was no doubt about that. But he felt very sure he would never ever turn again, he had his eyes opened, and he would never support Voldemort again and be liking it in the least.

"Severus…" The old mans voice sounded, Dumbledore was back in the room.

Severus looked up, to see him standing there.

"He hasn't called you yet?"

Severus shook his head. "I think he is busy with other matters right now.. Though.. It will come, I am sure of it."

"Look, I have been thinking about our conversation." Dumbledore hesitated. "You are strong and incredible smart Severus, but you have nothing to go on for, it wont do for you to have a death wish."

"How is that any of your business?" Severus asked a little annoyed.

"Your working for me, you're my responsibility." Dumbledore stated. "And I also do think your right.. you deserve at least a little appreciation, it's not much I can do but. Perhaps it could give you a little extra strength to endure your charade."

"Spare me." Severus grumbled. "I don't want anything from you."

"Maybe you'll change your mind." Dumbledore shrugged. "Stay here." And he went back to open the door, to talk to someone on the other side. "Now remember, calm yourself, this man is the soul reason for tonight's success. You owe him your life." And Dumbledore stepped aside.

Severus looked fascinated at the door, anxiety coming over him once more.. and then the person stepped through, a smaller elegant frame.. dark red hair and green eyes.

Severus gaped as his eyes widened, he felt stunned into fright, he had not seen her since their graduation.. That was over three years ago, three years that felt so much longer than that, everything had happened in that time, nothing was the same as back then. Dumbledore nodded at the corner Severus was sitting in, and Lily's brilliant eyes looked at him, before they widened in recognition and she stepped back looking wide-eyed at him.

Severus felt his heart thrumbing, and was suddenly way more scared than a moment before, he tried to raise himself, but stumbled as he could not get his eyes away from here, only the wall behind him kept him from falling down, and finally he stood there, pressing against the wall, while he still starred wide-eyed at her, he could even fell the sweat on his neck and his cheeks being completely red.. they were in complete silence.

Until Lily lifted her hand and pointed at Severus. "You!" the word was drenched in venom.

Severus tried to say something but his mouth was completely dry, he just kept opening and closing it, in a complete panic stricken manner.

"Albus, I don't know what he told you, but he is a death eater! Hand him over to Alastor!" Lily sneered.

"Lily!" Severus blurted. "No! I mean ehr." He flustered frantically. "I know this must seem pretty bad to you! But it's not what it looks like!"

"So you're saying you're not a death eater then?" Lily sneered.

"Well no.. I am, but.. Okay it is what it seems like but not.." he kept on flustering, not able to control his words.

"So that's seven death eaters captured tonight." Lily responded her face in dark folds. "Albus I have nothing to say to him, I don't know why you brought me here."

"Perhaps he has something to say to you." Albus suggested.

"Then I don't want to hear it!" Lily stated.

Severus was lost for words, he squirmed under her anger.

"Lily, please." Albus sighed. "Just try."

"I doubt he'll have anything to say I would want to hear." Lily snorted. "But if you really insist Albus." She grumped annoyed. "One thing Snape! Tell me one thing to convince me I should listen the least bit to you." She growled.

Severus's mouth was so very dry, he had never been this frightened, not even as he had first faced voldemort again right after his defection and betrayal, he felt the sweat of angst on his forehead, it was burning hot, he was completely unable to speak.. why old man! Why did you bring her here?

"Well Severus." Dumbledore looked friendly at him. "Don't you have something to say?"

Severus shook his head, and then stopped to nod, to shake it again and looked down.

"Albus your wasting time." Lily rolled her eyes. "Just take him away."

"Severus." Albust tried again. "Now is your chance, it may never come again, what do you want to say?"

Lily sniffed annoyed, just about to turn away.

"I'm sorry!" Severus blurted as he raised his head to look desperately at her. "I'm sorry Lily! For everything I'm sorry! I'm sorry for ever wanting to be a death eater, I'm sorry for not believing you or ever doubting you! I'm sorry for having thought the dark lord was anything! I'm sorry for supporting him or having ever helped him! I'm sorry for thinking that muggleborns isn't worth anything! I'm sorry for everything I did! Lily!" he looked at her. "I am sorry."

Startled Lily looked at him, as he gasped for breath, feeling how he shivered. Lily swallowed. "your sorry.." she said in a oddly monotone voice. "And you think that is going to fix anything?" her voice rose once more. "I admit, I didn't expect that, and it's a step in the right direction, but what of it! What are you going to do about it?"

Ashamed Severus looked down.

"He is doing something." Dumbledore then told. "I told you, it's only because of him tonight were a success."

"You mean.." Lily hesitated. "He was how your figured the death eaters was going to attack me and James?" she asked.

"Yeas." Albus told.

"He told you?" she asked again, squinting her eyes.

"Yeas." Dumbledore repeated. "And other small facts, such as Travers in the department of magical animals is a death eater and so ford, our whole list is only possible because of him."

"Wait wait." Lily uttered. "So what he basically is.. is a spy? And he have convinced you that he betrayed Voldemort?..." she frowned. "You're sure he is not working with Voldemort against you. He is extremely good at tricking people, making them hear what they want to hear, I know from exsperience, trust me."

"Severus a double agent?" Albus asked. "No I don't think so, but if it'll put your mind at ease, why don't you talk to him to figure out yourself?"

Severus bit his lip, swallowing.

Lily looked at him, her eyes apprehensive, yet also a little puzzled. "Well." She asked. "I am listening, more you want to say?"

Severus opened his mouth, and then closed it to look down as he shook his head. "I'm sorry… that is all." He mumbled.

"Merlin, and to think it all finally came biting your in the arse, but first after it's to late." Lily shook her head. "Your such an idiot." She mumbled.

Severus nodded ashamed, his eyes fixed on the floor, he was reduced to a bumbling child again, she was the only one able to do that to him.

"Fine." Lily sighed. "We are going to sit down and have a long talk, that is what you wanted right?" she asked.

"I.. I don't know." Severus hesitated.

"We are going to." Lily stated in a stern voice that indicated that she had decided and he had nothing to say about it. "I don't trust you in the least, and you have tons to account for, but obviously Albus thinks your trustworthy, god knows why, and I want to figure this out, so you Severus Snape, are going to sit down and tell me everything."

"okay." Severus mumbled.. and there was a bit of silence, him looking down, her looking sternly at him, slowly Severus looked up to see her stern eyes. "Now?" he asked.

"Is there any better time?" Lily asked. "Explain yourself!"

Severus took a deep breath, considering what to say next, he knew that he would have to be careful. "Well." He hesitated, and suddenly a pain shoot through him. "ARGH!" he grabbed his arms where the mark was placed.

Confused Lily looked at him. "What's happening?" she asked as Severus grumbled in pain.

"He is calling me." Severus grunted bowing together. "And he sure as hell is angry."

"Then you must go to him." Albus said. "And remember this time around, there is a red haired woman who wants to hear your explanation, so don't be foolish."

"Like I would have survived a day of being a traitor if I were any kind of foolish." Severus sneered. "ARGH!" he bit together.

"Better be quick, or he'll get suspicious."

Severus nodded, and vanished in a loud crack.

And Lily's anger seemed to be sipping out of her.. "Is… is he really in life danger?" she asked.

"Yeas." Dumbledore nodded. "And there is nothing to do about it, if he tried to run, Voldemort would be able to track him down, or simply kill him through the mark, there is no running for a death eater once they have been marked."

"Why would he do something like this?" Lily asked. "Turning! You don't know how he was, he really did believe in Voldemorts philosophy, he was looking so much forward to become a death eater, he found their methods and goals glorious."

"That, is for Severus to answer, don't you think?" Dumbledore asked, Lily looked nervously back at him. And Dumbledore sighed. "Can I trust you not to say this to anyone, not even your husband."

"James would have a fitt if he figured I had talked to Sev and not turned him in to the Aurors." And Lily clasped her hands towards her mouth.. it had just slipped, she had called him Sev! She didn't mean to, he was death eater Snape now, and until further prove was presented he would remain that way.

Dumbledore looked seriously at her. "I mean it Lily, you can't say as much as a word or hint it to anyone! You know there is a traitor in the order, if that traitor gets the least suspicious towards Snape, the traitor will go to Voldemort, and then Severus is very much dead."

Lily gulped as she nodded her head looking down. "Oh the irony of it all, both sides having their own traitor in the inner circle." she rubbed her eyes looking very tired. "When will he be back?" she then asked.

"I don't know." Dumbledore looked sadly at her. "I can contact you once he is fitt to see you again if that is what you want."

Lily nodded her head. "Yeas please." She answered. And then turned around clinging her hands into fists behind her back as she bit her lip.. god Sev, what have you gotten yourself into now! Please just don't die on me now!