Title: Names

Author: DeathsRedMinstrel

Rating: T

Characters: Suzaku, Lelouch, mentions of Milly, Nunnally and Rolo

Pairings: Hinted SuzaLulu, could be read as deep friendship.

Notes: A quick little oneshot post Zero's Requiem, Suzaku reflecting on what each name Lelouch had means to him. I don't know where this started or where it ended, so I'm not sure I like the ending.

XxX

There's something painfully hilarious about Lelouch, Suzaku finds in the middle of his worse nights. The Demon Emperor is what they call Lelouch now, and whenever Suzaku hears the title all he can think of is the violet eyed boy he played with, back when both of them were young.

But it's worse when Milly is trying to cheer him up. She calls Lelouch 'Lulu,' and the only thing that the nickname brings to mind is a black hawk like mask and tactics that did not discriminate between civilian and military.

(He knows the mask well, perhaps too well, he has worn it and held it and he is the reason for the phantom red across its side. He has no one to blame but himself. He knows this.)

Hearing simply 'Lelouch' in all of the varied tones and accents, hurts badly. It's not the worst that memories of his Emperor can evoke in him, but it strikes close. He refuses to admit to anyone what he sees.

(An enraged one time prince, an eye filled with scarlet wings and hatred, a throne room, a smiling emperor)

Anyone includes to himself.

When he hears Zero, oh that's a bitter pain. They, whoever 'they' are, always think that they are addressing him. But no, they speak to the ghost who is Suzaku's (puppet master, emperor, brother, beloved) mask, and Suzaku attempts to hide the way he remembers a heavily ornamented sword, sharp despite the bejeweling, the way he remembers white robes stained red and the brilliant arc of scarlet that Lelouch's blood made on the float when he performed chiburi.

But no, for all that he will forever regret that day's necessity; he said his goodbyes before the completion of Zero's Requiem. That is not the worst name to hear, not the worst thing Lelouch is called.

The worst thing he hears is 'His Majesty,' in all of its varied forms. He avoids the historians, he avoids Jeremiah, he avoids Lloyd and everyone he can imagine might call Lelouch that to his face.

He avoids them not because the memories are so horrible, but rather because they are so kind, so gentle. He remembers Ashford mostly, and the way that Lelouch would smile at Nunnally (Or Rolo, his mind whispers, painting the picture of the gentle way Lelouch always treated his brother who wasn't his brother), or fight against Milly's schemes only to inevitably lose.

Perhaps because those times were so simple, they are so hard to let go of. Bathed in the summer gold of innocent memory, they all seem to highlight just what he lost when he took the helmet that would be his punishment, his Geass, his last order from his emperor.

(He can still remember the small, sad, arrogant smile on Lelouch's lips as the blade was leveled at his heart, the gentleness of his voice as Lelouch was dying.)

Those memories are bathed in honey, and perhaps that is the source of his aversion

(The worst poisons always taste sweetest)