If You Only Knew – Chapter 2

By Figgy4EverAndEver

This chapter will be like the first chapter, only Iggy's POV. The rest of the story will alternate POVs, but they won't always have to do with the same thing like this one does.

-Iggy's POV-

=== That Night, Ten Years Ago===

Maybe I was miserable being blind and needed release. It wasn't until I got into bed with Fang that night that I realized I had feelings for him. Normally, you're supposed to wait, but I suddenly wanted him and things, at least for a while, worked out after that.

As I laid there next to him that night, thinking about how he had been watching what I had heard. We were growing up. I'm sure Max wouldn't approve, but I knew Fang and Max didn't have anything that physical going on between them. Maybe the poor guy needed release. And thinking that Fang needed to feed his urge, I took a chance.

I put my arm around him, waiting for him to react. I knew he wouldn't react well, and then I grabbed him, staring even though I couldn't see. Yet I could feel his eyes on me. That was when I reached for his pants. He pushed me back, tearing my pants down.

"Fuck me, Fang." The words came out. I never wanted anything so badly before.

Pleasure and pain mixed. I tried not to scream, afraid he would stop, afraid we would lose the moment. He pushed me against the bed, all his weight on me as he penetrated. Slowly, he began to thrust, in and out. Breathing into my ear from behind, kissing my neck, I could feel that this wasn't just a one time thing.

"Ahhh…." Fang breathed out heavily.

I buried my face into the pillow, feeling myself reach the breaking point. He exploded into me, warmth filling me up. After that, he collapsed onto me, exhausted. I pulled the blanket over us, putting my arm back around him.

Of course the next morning, Fang was scared. He would never admit it, but I could tell by the way he talked that he was afraid of what we could become. So I had to show him that I was being serious, that I wanted him, not just physically, but that I had feelings for him too. The kiss wasn't supposed to end up with us rolling around, but it did, and I remember running to the elevator, trying to fix ourselves to look presentable to the flock. You can only imagine Angel's face as she read our thoughts. Thank God she didn't tell anyone.

Our secret affair went on for the next five years. It wasn't all about who could get the other's clothes off the fastest though. No, we had our times of romance. I cooked for Fang. Sometimes when we were alone, we would sit for hours in the kitchen talking until I could hear Nudge's chatter, warning us the rest of the flock was near. We had our moments.

===The Night Before Fang's Wedding, Five Years Ago===

And then Fang and Max decided they were going to get married. I don't know why, but I'm guessing she influenced him. He knew he either had to break it off or make a move. The night before his wedding was the last chance I had to convince him that we didn't have to play this runaround game with the flock. We needed to tell them and be honest, but like I said before, I always knew he was scared of our relationship.

"Why are you marrying her?" I asked him. "We should run away, together. You don't love her Fang. And you have everyone else so convinced that you do that I'm starting to think you've convinced yourself too."

He spoke the truth next, but it wasn't enough for me. "Iggy, you know I love you more than anything in the world."

And I cut to the chase, telling him what I wanted and telling him what his marriage with Max meant. "Then this is the end Fang. If you marry Max, I'll just have to go along and ask Nudge to marry me. We can't….we can't carry on like this if we're married."

"Yes we can." He was so naïve. I didn't understand him sometimes, yet still, I loved him, even though I knew I would walk away hurt, walk away and possibly never ever see him or talk to him again, I would still love him.

"No, Fang. You can't have everything. You can't make Max happy and yourself happy. You're going to get hurt either way. I know you don't want to be selfish, but if you had only told Max," I had said.

"If I had only? It's your fault too! If we had decided how high the water had gotten, maybe we would have figured out something when it was only knee deep!" He grabbed me by the wrist, his face inches from mine. "It's too late to tell them."

I pushed him over so now that I towered over him on the bed. If this was it, I was going to get my last fill. Well, I only felt that way because I was angry at him.

I told him, "I didn't come here tonight to argue with you, Fang. I came here to try to convince you, but seeing as it is, I'm not going to win. I'm going to lose you because you care too much about Max. And you know, I came here ready for this!"

I ripped off his pants and then mine. Fang looked like he was on the verge of tears as I continued, angrily beating myself into him. I knew it was wrong, but I continued until I finished, pulling myself out and dressing quickly.

"Don't go, Iggy," he begged.

It hurt to walk away, but I had to. I thought that would get to him. "I love you, Fang. I don't care what they think about us. You're just so fucking stubborn."

He pulled his pants on, coming towards me. I opened the door. Even now, I still remembered the last words I spoke to him that night. "In another place or time, I might have kissed you goodbye, Fang. And every time you look at Max, I hope you remember what you threw away too."

I slammed the door. He would never know this, but I sat on the other side of the door crying too.

The next day, he came to the wedding looking like he had just pulled himself together, barely making it. I still said my speech at the dinner later. After all the time I spent on it, he still deserved to hear it, he still needed to know that I still thought all those things.

When he got back from his honeymoon, I would already be gone.

===My Wedding, Five Years Ago===

That was the most painful night of my life. My anger hadn't worn off, so I wanted to lash out at Fang, to push myself farther away from him by marrying Nudge. I cared about Nudge, but she still felt like my sister, the whole thing felt wrong. At least on our honeymoon she enjoyed shopping more than staying in bed all day. We went to Italy. Someplace I would have liked to go with Fang.

My wedding was the last time I talked to Fang. I pulled him over to the side. I wanted him to understand that everything that was crashing down was his fault, even though in some sense, it was also mine. I shouldn't have asked Nudge to marry me. I should have let her go with Gazzy. He loved her. More than I ever would love Nudge. In my eyes, I was trying to start a war, but the people who would end up getting hurt wouldn't be ourselves, it would be the people surrounding us, innocent bystanders.

===Present Day===

I didn't want to have kids, for reasons you can guess, but Fang had a son with Max now. They sent us pictures. He had been a beautiful little newborn. Nudge was too busy with work and her designing that she didn't have time for a kid and honestly, I wasn't going to cross that far over the line. Although I got the feeling that Fang would have a hard time coping after he had Ari. Sometimes I would pick up my phone when Nudge wasn't home, which was all the time, and dial Fang's number, but I could never bring myself to let the call go through.

Five years later, you think I would have gotten over Fang already, but I hadn't. I wondered if he still thought about me. Maybe he had convinced himself that he loved Max, and if he was happy with that, then eventually I guess I would be happy for him. Someday.

"Iggy!"

I stood, moving towards the front door. Nudge was home from work early, that was unusual.

"The company is going to let me open a new store wherever I want," she announced.

"That's great!" I said, pulling her into a hug, trying to fake my way through enthusiasm.

"Yes, I was thinking we could go back to Arizona and get a place near Max," she smiled.

I wanted someone to knock me out, someone to kill me and drag me away. There was no way that I could last living near Fang.

A reunion for Fang and Iggy I suppose is next. Things shall, well, heat up. Didn't slap an M rating on this for no reason after all.