If You Only Knew – Chapter 1

By Figgy4EverAndEver

-Fang's POV-

===That Night, Ten Years Ago===

It was a night I remembered well. All of us were tired. We had just finished settling a court case, one that would compensate us for everything that's happened, although money would never make up for our missed childhoods, our emotional damage. They were lucky we made it out strong and not dead. The end of the case had shut down a bunch of secret science facilities, over a hundred scientists were prosecuted. It was a length trial and now we were finally on our final stretch to getting home.

Tonight we stopped at a hotel. We managed to get two rooms, the last two actually. Max took my hand as we started towards the elevator.

"No, you two are not sharing a room," Nudge piped up.

We were seventeen now and we behaved ourselves mostly, well, we did sneak off every now and then to get away from the flock, a few brief moments with each other, not anything, you know, gross. The fact that the flock didn't trust us sorta made me angry. I wouldn't hurt Max like that.

"Alright, alright, we'll split up then," Max sighed, still holding my hand. "Angel and Nudge with me. Gazzy with Iggy and Fang."

"No, I'm not rooming with Iggy!" Gazzy protested.

I wonder what those two were fighting about now. Since the trial had started, the two had been prohibited by Max to make explosives. So the two spent their time going at each other. Usually it was Iggy and I fighting over what Gazzy had said in our voices, but that had stopped. Come to think about it, I think they were fighting over Nudge.

"Fine, then go room with all of them," Iggy rolled his eyes.

"Fine," Gazzy spat, taking a step closer to Max.

Max sighed. "Okay, your room is on the floor above ours, Fang. Here's the key."

I pulled her into a kiss and the rest of the flock groaned. She smiled as I let go of her, leading the way to the elevator without another word.

The elevator ride to the second and third floor was the longest thirty seconds of my life. It was way too cramped in there. We said goodnight to them, Gazzy grumbling a goodbye before the doors closed, bringing us to the next floor.

Iggy followed me down the hall and I found our room, opening the door. It looked just as small as the elevator. Okay, I was exaggerating, but there was only one bed and no couch. I kicked off my shoes and claimed the bathroom first.

I came out and took a seat on the bed, Iggy mumbling as he took his turn in the shower. After scanning the room a couple of times, I found the TV remote. Impatiently, I started to press buttons. The markings on the buttons were all faded and they all looked the same. How was I supposed to know which one changed the channel?

And that's when I accidentally ended up on the adult movie channel. Of course Iggy had this perfect timing to be around when you didn't want him to be.

"What the hell are you watching?"

I turned off the TV. "I swear I didn't mean to put that on."

He smirked. "Of course not."

Iggy sat on the other side of the bed, hesitating as he lay down. "I bet you Max and them got a huge room."

"Yeah, probably," I agreed quietly. "Well, goodnight."

He shrugged and I turned off the light. I was still thinking about the few images I had seen on the TV. I felt…excited by it. Glad Iggy couldn't see, I pulled the blanket up, hoping my boner would just die down. But it was normal for a teenager to be like that, right? Raging hormones or whatever. Just as I erased what I had seen from my head, I felt an arm come around me.

"Iggy what the fuck are you doing?" I sat up, pushing him off.

Even in the dark and blind, he grabbed me by the shoulders. I could see his pale blue eyes, staring at me intensely. And suddenly, that urge I had felt before was back. His hand moved to my waistband, pulling my pants down. I pushed him back, moving on top of him.

"Fuck me, Fang," he breathed out.

I hadn't realized that I had become so hard. This wasn't the kind of thing that jerking off was going to get rid of. Whatever doubt, whatever questions that had filled my mind before was gone. I put my hands on his hips, pushing in. He let out a grunt of pain, but coaxed me on.

"Mmm…" I hunched over him and we fell against the bed. "It's so…tight."

Iggy arched into me, begging me to go deeper. I moved in and out. He was moaning in pleasure and I found his neck, kissing it, speeding up my thrusts. Over and over, he repeated my name, telling me deeper, harder, faster…

"Oh god, Fang, I'm gonna come," he rasped.

My pace became hurried as I felt myself nearing my climax. We were shaking the bed now, my hands around Iggy's wrists. He cried out as I exploded into him, and then I collapsed against him, things blurring away…

The next morning, I woke up with Iggy's arm around me, the two of us still undressed. Everything that happened hit me. I felt disgusted. What the hell had I done? Our clothes were strewn on the floor around the bed. I collected mine and pulled them on quickly. Iggy, now feeling my absence, woke up. I picked up his clothes and threw them at him. Just as he pulled his pants on, my cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"You guys ready to go? We're meeting in the lobby in ten minutes," Max said.

"Yeah, we'll be there," I said, trying to sound like I had just betrayed Max. If she found out, she'd murder me.

I hung up and Iggy stood in front of me now.

"You're angry," he whispered.

"You…You…You took advantage of me!" I growled. "I'm not gay, Iggy."

Without another word, he pushed me up against the wall, his lips smashing against mine. I leaned into him, kissing him back, and we moved back towards the bed. We fell into it, his hands in my hair, rolling in the blankets. Finally we fell to the floor, realizing that the time had gone and we needed to be downstairs already.

"Fang…" Iggy breathed out breathily. "You can't tell me all of this was for nothing."

I stood, pulling him off the ground.

For the next five years, Iggy and I met in secrecy. Usually Max would give in and take Nudge to see some chick flick. Angel would go because, in all honesty, she knew what was going on, and Gazzy went because Nudge went. Max never protested much when I told her that I didn't want to go. Having the house to ourselves, we fooled around, but there were times between us that were a little more romantic than ending up in bed. Iggy cooked for me whenever we had the chance to be alone and we would sit in the dark kitchen, the only light being candles. Sometimes, when it seemed like too much time had passed, Iggy and I would sneak out. Keeping a relationship up with Max to hide everything was a challenge though. Every time I spent time with her, I felt guilty. I was lying to her and lying to myself. I didn't love Max.

===The Night of MyWedding, Five Years Ago===

Fast forward five years from that first night I had with Iggy and you'd end up with the last night I ever spent with Iggy.

"Why are you marrying her?" Iggy asked, twisting my hair around his fingers. "We should run away, together. You don't love her Fang. And you have everyone else so convinced that you do that I'm starting to think you've convinced yourself too."

I frowned. "Iggy, you know I love you more than anything in the world."

He shook his head. "Then this is the end Fang. If you marry Max, I'll just have to go along and ask Nudge to marry me. We can't….we can't carry on like this if we're married."

"Yes we can."

Iggy laughed, sounding amused. "No, Fang. You can't have everything. You can't make Max happy and yourself happy. You're going to get hurt either way. I know you don't want to be selfish, but if you had only told Max."

"If I had only? It's your fault too! If we had decided how high the water had gotten, maybe we would have figured out something when it was only knee deep!" I put my hand around his wrist. "It's too late to tell them."

Iggy pushed me down on the bed, his hands at my belt. "I didn't come here tonight to argue with you, Fang. I came here to try to convince you, but seeing as it is, I'm not going to win. I'm going to lose you because you care too much about Max. And you know, I came here ready for this!"

He jerked my pants down before pulling down his own. There was no pleasure in this, only pain. I felt the tears just roll down, staining the pillow as he pushed in and out of me. When it was all over, he dressed and stood at the door. I sat up.

"Don't go, Iggy."

He put his hand on the doorknob, his voice quavered as he spoke. "I love you, Fang. I don't care what they think about us. You're just so fucking stubborn."

I stood, pulling my pants on, moving towards him. He pushed me away and I could feel tears. The door opened, sending in a breeze of cool air.

"In another place or time, I might have kissed you goodbye, Fang," he muttered, turning to me. "And every time you look at Max, I hope you remember what you threw away too."

He slammed the door in my face and I leaned against it, sliding down to the floor. I cried the rest of the night, barely making it on time for the wedding. Iggy still came, still proceeded to be my best man, but he didn't say a word to me other than his speech he had written weeks ago. After the wedding, he disappeared.

"What's wrong?" Max had asked me before we got into the limo, heading off to Hawaii for our honeymoon."

I took her hand, fought back the tears, and led her to the car.

When we got back from Hawaii, Nudge informed us that she and Iggy would be heading to New York. She was going to get a job there at some fashion company and Iggy would be going with her. I knew he really just wanted to get as far away from me as he could.

===Iggy's Wedding, Five Years Ago===

A couple months later, we heard the two were getting married. That was the last time Iggy ever talked to me. He pulled me aside as he let Gazzy have a dance with Nudge.

"This is your doing," he said in a low voice, his hand around my wrist. "I wish you luck with Max, Fang."

"Iggy…"

He let go of my wrist and walked away.

===Present Day===

I've been married to Max for five years. Five fucking long years. We had some good times, I'll admit. I mean, we had been through a lot with each other. As time went on, I realized that maybe back that, Max would have forgiven me, that I might still have had a chance to keep her as a friend and to have a relationship with Iggy. But as I woke up every morning, looking at myself in the mirror, it got harder and harder.

We had a four year old son now. His name was Ari, after Max's half brother. I'm sure you know that story though. He was a good kid, but like I saw when I looked at Max, it was only another reason that I would never ever get Iggy back. It hurt. I wished I could take it all back, redo things and done them right. Max didn't even deserve me as a husband. She deserved way better than me.

I trudged out of the room, Max already awake because of Ari. He sat at the kitchen table, eating cereal. Even now Max still couldn't cook and I didn't have the heart to try, not after all the things Iggy had cooked especially for me.

"Good morning," Max smiled.

Like every morning, I went to her, wrapped my arms around, kissing her briefly. Routine was easy and we didn't deviate from it much. Once the day started to happen, I forgot about all my pain. Max always seemed happy anyway and maybe that was what kept me going after all these years.

"Nudge called last night," she said as I sat down.

I blinked. "Yeah?"

"Iggy and she are coming back to Arizona. She's going to open her own shop here," Max nodded. "I mean, we haven't seen them since their wedding? I can't wait for them to come back."

And I couldn't wait for them to find another reason to leave. The one person I thought I would never see again was suddenly going to just come walking back into my life.

Thanks for reading! I'll have the next chapter up soon since I think it's almost done being written.