Title: Zero Pain
Rating: M
Summary: Jake's wedding calls for Bella to head on back to Forks. Being Angela's Maid of Honor, she has to arrive a little earlier than normal. Her behavior has changed since her days in Forks. With her frequent arguments with frenemy Paul Lahote, she learns that the pack has a few more secrets than she bargained for.
Disclaimer: I don't own Stephenie Meyer's universe. I just like touching it.
Warnings: Cursing, fluff, smut, arguing, anger issues, potentially unhealthy relationships, imprint.
Spoilers: Non canon compliant. Takes place after Edward leaves in New Moon, during Bella's senior year of college.
Author's Notes: I think many of you will say "Finally."
Chapter 17: The Little Things
Instead of joining in on the drinking and festivities, Bella sat on the back porch, a thick blanket wrapped around her, with a small glass of wine. And her eyes to the sky as she waited for the fireworks. Port Angeles would be doing some this year, which meant that she should be able to see them if the conditions were right.
She didn't realize someone had joined her until she heard the glass door slide shut. By the heat radiating off of them as they approached, it was definitely a wolf. "Hey," she said absently, tucking the blankets under her toes and hoping it would keep her from freezing to death.
"Your lips are blue. Aren't you cold?"
"It's not that bad. Just the wind is freezing." It wasn't bad. The chill was mostly as she had said. The snow had melted in a heat wave the last few days and just now, at midnight, it was particularly cold. She glanced to Paul, though, seeing he was wearing a nicer shirt and some shorts. She could hear Sue and Emily laughing at something that was being said, and saw Charlie through the glass door telling them a story. "I didn't know you were here."
"Sam convinced me to come." Bella glanced to him again, meeting his eyes. "Mind if I sit?"
"Sure. Keep me warm." He grunted and sat beside her, his side pressed up against her own. She finished off the rest of her wine before setting it off to the side. "You know what I realized? After I woke up, I was so focused on … on moving forward, that I don't think we ever established what it is we're doing." He tensed slightly. "Are we dating? Are we just hanging out and saying fuck it? Are we just … doing whatever? Friends?"
"Whatever we want. No rules, I guess. Do you want to be dating?"
"Is that how you ask a girl out?"
"You're the one that asked me on the date, leech lover." Bella felt a faint smile touch her lips and she glanced away from him, towards the water. Oh, yeah. She had. "I don't know. Once you remember everything, it's just going to go back to what it was." It was like she couldn't convince him. "Do people that hang out and say fuck it also constantly making sex jokes?"
"What? You can't be panting after a friend?" Bella retorted.
Paul snorted. "Not in this pack."
"So what are we, then?"
"I'll tell you what. You remember us… we'll figure it out then." He was serious. He was so convinced that … that she would remember and leave. She couldn't understand it. She didn't think that their fights over the years had caused that much bitterness between them. But… maybe she had affected him more than she thought. She still needed to get Sam alone and ask him what was going on with Paul.
Why he was a shell for someone that he was hiding from the world - the wounded man.
"You're upset," Paul observed without looking at her. Sometimes… he just knew that shit. Sometimes, he could know how she felt without even looking at her. If she was in pain, he knew. She didn't have a clue what it was from, but she suspected it was the imprint. Sam did the same thing with Emily. Could finish her thought just by being in the same room as her. Jake knew if Angela was anxious and needed someone to call her to ask if she was okay. It had to be the imprint.
But why now? Why could he tell she was upset now, when before … it hadn't been like that. But, Bella reasoned, maybe it was because they didn't talk to one another like this before, either. Maybe they were just more open now.
It just made her realize that Sam was right. He was trying. Paul had been trying for… months. Because he wanted this to work. And she wasn't being fair.
"Paul?" She reached beside her to a pile of rocks, grabbing one and smoothing it between her fingers as she pulled it back into the blankets. He grunted. "Why were we so mean to each other before? I mean... you've yet to be mean to me since I woke up."
"Fresh start, right?" Paul muttered. He shrugged. "Don't want to fuck this up like I did last time."
"I remember." She blurted it out without much thought behind it. "I remember everything." Paul's tense form seemed to get even more rigid.
"Oh." It was said in a defeated tone. She swallowed, taking a deep breath. Her eyes closed.
"I've always remembered it." She felt his body jerk sharply away from her. "But when they told me you read to me every day... I... I wanted to be a bitch. I wanted to … to just lie to you, because I thought they were lying to me. And that was… so stupid of me. And Sam… Sam proved it was true. And… Maybe it'll get you angry or something, now that you know, but... I kept it up because... I liked it. I liked not fighting with you all the time and being cautious. I like this. I like what we have..." She glanced up to him to see he was shaking. "I'm sorry, for keeping that from you. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I was such a bitch… I didn't mean to … keep it up for so long, but Sam said that it would… it would be a good way to prove that we could be something other than who we were before. And… So I just let go. I let myself be who we couldn't be… But... thank you, anyway, for the month we did have."
"So, what? You were going to tell me and laugh at how I've been treating you?" His tone was sharp and bitter and every bit betrayed that she had had nightmares about for weeks now.
"No," Bella admitted quietly. "I like you, a lot, Paul. I'm sure you know that, if you know about me crying in the dressing room." He winced, his anger receding slightly. "I was just selfish, and I really, really wanted to see if we could be...If you really had been the person I always knew you were under the anger. And you were. It was nice."
"I've been trying Sam's anger technique," Paul muttered, glancing away from her.
"It works, whatever it is," Bella admitted. "What does he do? Chase rabbits around or something?"
Paul snorted. "No. He pictures Emily right after he scratched up her face." Bella swallowed. Oh. "I see you in the hospital bed."
"That's really morbid."
"It works," Paul admitted. "Because I know if I do one thing to fuck anything up again, you'll be right back in that bed."
Bella frowned, glancing down at the stone in her hand. The heat began to escape the blanket, but she was sure she shivered at the reminder of the hospital. "Paul..."
"Sam originally tried to get me to skip rocks, but he knows I can't fucking do that, so he was just trying to see how dedicated I was to controlling my anger," Paul continued before she could start.
"Were you?"
"Never fucking stopped throwing the damn things. And when you went to the hospital, I started piling them up instead.'
"I can't believe you can't skip a rock," Bella admitted after some silence.
Paul shot her a glare.
"What?" Bella asked, defensively. "It's the easiest thing in the world. Come on, help me up, I'll show you."
"You... want to teach me how to skip a rock?"
"When you say it like that you sound like I'm going back in a coma. Come on, help me up. I can't get up yet. Stupid therapist says it won't happen for another few weeks." He pulled her to her feet and she turned the stone in her hands, her thumb running over the surface. She let go of the blanket and immediately regretted it. But she took a few steps away from the deck. "You just twist your body like this and keep the rock as flat as possible and just... toss."
Paul stared at it a second as it skipped across the sand, and when it disappeared, he stared at the water for a minute before grabbing a rock and mimicking her, but it didn't work. It flopped into the sand. Bella giggled and he glared at her.
"Try a flatter rock. And swoop lower to the ground. Here, let's get closer to the water." They did.
It still splashed. Bella rolled her eyes and grabbed another rock, putting it in his hand. "You're pathetic," she insisted. He huffed, and she knew he was close to getting frustrated. She kept one of her hands in his and turned her body so that her back was to him. "I'm giving you permission to touch me, so you better seize it," Bella retorted. "Come on, line up."
"What?"
"Ugh." She reached behind her, grabbing his belt loop on his shorts, and tugged him closer until his chest was flush with her back. He froze. But it instantly warmed her up. Her hands then moved to adjust his grip on the rock. "Now, just... move with me, I guess." And she moved him back slowly before she swooped his arm and had him toss a rock. It skipped twice before plunking down. Bella stepped away from him, turning towards him. "See? If Claire can do it, you can."
He swallowed. "Yeah, sure."
Bella chewed on her lip as he narrowed his eyes at her, like he was assessing her. "I'm sorry I lied about my memory," she said quietly. "But ... I don't regret it. I think we both proved something to each other... that we can actually get along when we put our issues aside."
"You're still a leech-lover."
And even though she wanted to forget about the Cullens, about that entire thing, hearing Paul call her a leech-lover, after so long without hearing him say it... she had missed it. She really had. And the way he said it now, it wasn't full of loathing and malice, but sort of a teasing lilt, like a reluctant grumble of a grumpy, chastised old man. Like a term of endearment. There was so much rolled into how he said it, that she found herself giving him a light smile. "And you're still the shaggy dog."
"I'm not shaggy!" he snapped. Bella grinned, and he huffed, taking a deep breath. "Don't do that shit. You know I get mad."
"Sorry. That was the last time, I promise." There was a beat of silence. "So, you agree, you are a dog?" He glared at her and she gave him an innocent smile. "That was really the last one, I swear this time." He looked like he didn't believe her.
"I'm going to transfer," she said after a second. "To Seattle, finish my classes in Washington." he frowned slightly, as if confused. "With therapy and everything, still, going back to Florida isn't a good idea. And ... being back here, I really miss it. I miss the pack and the beach and the trees. The seasons. God, Florida is just sun and it's ridiculous." She shrugged slightly. "I like being here, so... I'm moving into the beach house. I'll have to go and get my things out of the apartment in Florida, or Renee's... wherever they put my stuff. And ... I'll move in here."
"I'm not going to be a romantic asshole."
"You're just an asshole, but one that I somehow fell in love with," Bella admitted. He swallowed at that revelation. It wasn't like it was a secret. "I don't expect you to be romantic. But if we could continue on like this month, I'd appreciate that, at least. It's okay if you get angry a few times, but ... if you become the dick again, I won't be letting you into my bed. I mean... don't you like what this is now?"
"Yeah..." He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I like this."
"Then... let's stay this. I won't make comments to make you mad, you don't piss me off at the same time. Sure, it'll be a bit difficult at times, but... we'll work out. I mean, imprint gods put us together for a reason, right?"
"Maybe to kill each other."
"Maybe," Bella agreed, a small smile on her face. Paul shifted slightly. "If that's okay?"
"Yeah, I like this. I want it to stay like this. And while the fact that you pretended this whole time pisses me the fuck off, and that Sam knew about it, let's... keep this."
"Good," Bella nodded. She jumped at the sound of fireworks and turned, towards the woods behind them, to see the miniscule Forks firework display. It must have been midnight. Sure enough, more fireworks could be heard farther away in Port Angeles. She stared at the small fireworks peeking out just over the trees and said to Paul quietly. "Happy New Year."
"You, too." She turned to him, chewing on her lip. And his eyes darted to her from the fireworks.
"Aren't you supposed to like, kiss me or something? For New Years?"
Paul snorted. "Or something."
"Careful, mutt. I'm still not cleared."
"Don't have to be," Paul shrugged. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I dunno if I should, now. That was my original plan when I came out here, but now…"
Bella rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll go find someone else. I'm sure Quil would be more than willing-"
Paul growled and had her lips on his own in less than a few seconds. It was… ice. Startling and tough and jarring at first, but she melted. His hands must have pulled out of his pockets because they were gripping her waist, pulling her closer as she shivered in the wind. And she felt like she was frozen but surrounded by fire. She … she couldn't even focus on what was going on, there was so much at once.
Her arms came around his neck, both holding herself up and pulling him down comfortably to her height. Bella could hear him growling in his throat slightly, and felt his hungry kiss against her like he was trying to devour her. She pulled away, swallowing as she stared at his chest. "Do you have anything to do tonight?"
"Nah, Colin and Brady have patrols until morning."
She felt her shoulders relax. "Stay with me?" She glanced up as she asked, meeting Paul's eyes.
"You're not cleared-"
"There are other things to do," Bella said with a smirk. She started to walk towards the porch again, glancing back to see Paul still in the sand. "Well? I'm exhausted, and freezing. And you're always warm."
She winced as she made her way up the stairs, grabbing the blanket and her empty wine glass, and glanced back towards him from the door. "Hurry up, James Dean. Because once I'm asleep, I don't want you to slide into my bed."
He looked like he was weighing his options, like he was analyzing his self-control. Like he was waiting for some sort of signal. Bella raised an eyebrow as he stood there for another minute. "Alright," she said slowly. "Have fun sleeping at home alone-"
"Fuck, I'm coming." A wicked twist of her lips as he moved towards her promised a joke.
"Not yet."
What Bella loved about the beach house most was that going to her bedroom didn't require going through the main part of the house. So it didn't require her walking across the group of people drinking and laughing to say goodnight - or get Paul caught up in having to explain where he was going. They could make a turn and be right at her bedroom door.
She went inside and hadn't even taken a few steps before the bedroom door shut as Paul entered. She turned to face him just as Paul made to step towards her, and chewed on her lip to glance up at him. "No sex, but… I'm sure there's something else to do." She tried to hide her grin at his face - he was eager, but also extremely wary. She reached to his collarbone, trailing a finger down his chest in thought. "My jaw is still a little sore and I won't be able to open up too well… but I've still got one good hand."
"Are you drunk? You really aren't supposed to be drinking either-"
"I had one glass. It's New Years. The doctor can go screw himself." She paused her finger an inch from the button of his shorts and Paul swallowed hard. "What do you say?"
"You're supposed to be cleared for a reason. If you get hurt-"
"I'm healed. My muscles just need to get used to working again," Bella insisted. "Besides, you think I came all the way from Florida, with my good underwear, and didn't intend to sleep with you by the wedding?" His eyebrow went up in surprise. "We'll just have to make a few adjustments but… I still plan on enjoying myself if I'm here."
And suddenly he was kissing her, lifting her up and setting her on the bed as he started to tug at her pajama shorts. "Then let me… make sure … you get your money's worth."
"I didn't pay you like some whore," Bella muttered between kisses.
"I meant the gas to drive up here." He was laughing, the rumbling in his throat making his chest vibrate. She couldn't help but laugh in return. His kisses were like fire along her skin, her lips, in her hair. As soon as her shorts were off, he was working on ripping the elastic of her underwear so the hastle was easier. "How much was the gas?"
Bella honestly couldn't remember. But getting laid once, with him, was well worth the money she had spent, she remembered. "Probably a hundred? Dunno. Forgot."
"I've had whores try to pay me more than that," he murmured against her neck. His voice rumbled and her hands tried to unbutton his own shorts, but her fingers couldn't grip it well enough. "I guess I'm going to do the work-"
Bella pulled away sharply. "Said who?" she demanded. He pulled his hands away from her, and the rushing of heat in her stomach only grew as she got a good look at him. "Whatever we can't do, I promise to do once I can." Paul's eyebrow quirked. "Show me your experience has been well worth the anticipation."
He didn't wait any longer. Nor did she. It was slow, tender, as his mouth worked across her skin, and his fingers ground into places she'd been dreaming of for weeks. She did her best to keep quiet, keeping her teeth into her lip or on Paul's own skin, to prevent them from being heard. But she soon didn't care.
She let herself get lost in him. He became lost in her. Their past was forgotten. Her lies. His anger. It was just them. It was just their bodies.
It was bliss.
She didn't remember falling asleep, just the arm that went around her waist and pressed her against his chest, the bare skin contact making goosebumps appear on her skin.
Bella woke to slow movement, a hand trying to unwind itself from under her waist, and a body trying to slide soundlessly across the bed. But he was too large for undetectable movement. He was a giant and had no stealth whatsoever.
"Where are you going?" Bella murmured, her hand reaching out and gripping Paul's own tightly as he tried to slide out of bed. "Don't go. You're going to take the heat with you-"
"I've got... " There was a moment of hesitation, and Bella squinted her eyes open. "I've got to piss, I'll be right back."
She hummed, flexing her fingers around him before she pulled her arm back under the covers, squeezing her eyes shut. "Oh… okay. Be sure to wipe."
"The fuck?" she heard Paul mutter, but the door shut behind him as he made his way out of the bedroom. She slid over onto his side of the bed, the mattress practically radiating heat. It was heaven.
But in the silent house, at around dawn, if the faint light was any indication, she could hear a voice in the bathroom. Paul. Just faint enough for her to get the jist of the conversation. "I know… Fuck, I know. Just… I'll do doubles on Sunday. Yeah, the whole day." There was a pause and then she heard Paul growl out. "Don't you dare. Just… please, Sam. I… I owe you. Yeah… Yeah I swear. You got it. Thanks." The last word was gruff. Bella wondered if Sam was mad at him. But a second later she heard the toilet flush and the sound of the sink before he was moving back to her room.
"What was all that arguing about?" Bella murmured, sliding back over onto her side. Paul grunted as he climbed into the bed, jostling her, and she groaned and buried her face further into the pillows. "Everything okay?" she asked, her voice muffled.
"Everything's fine. Just… figuring out my patrol schedule." She hummed, leaning closer to him once he settled and curling her arm around his waist so that she could keep a steamy warmth that she had gotten used to in the night. But her mind raced. He hadn't said anything about patrols to her. Which meant… he probably had some this morning - that was probably why he was leaving. Why he had hesitated.
"Do you have patrols you need to be on?"
"Nah," Paul muttered. "I don't have patrols until Saturday night." That was not what it sounded like. She opened her eyes, to see he was eyes-closed and completely relaxed on the bed. Not tense at all. Like that was all that needed to be said.
Had he… had someone take his patrols for him, so he could stay with her? It could have been all in her head, he could really not have had patrols… but it was incredibly sweet, if that was true. She melted, closing her eyes and snuggling against him.
She could see the imprint - if it wasn't all in her head. And it made her realize that … that maybe this wouldn't be a terrible decision. They could… they could be normal. As normal as they could get, anyway.
She fell back asleep when he started to lightly snore. And didn't wake until that afternoon.