Lochlan&Lillith: Alrighty, so this is the second chapter to Listen to Your Dreams. We finally find out what is really going on! I hope I did okay. I kinda feel like this wasn't as put together as I would have liked, but that's what this site is for, right? It's for improvement, advice, and constructive criticism! So I hope you like what I have so far, and if you have any thoughts, please feel free to message me. I'd love to improve! Thanks reader!
(P.s. I would like to give a shout out to ShirukuKage who is a major inspiration to this chapter! You're an awesome friend, Twin! ;3)
I didn't sleep at all that night. Doubts about this being real kept flashing through my mind. Every so often, I would reach out and catch hold of fabric at the end of Keisuke's blanket, just to make sure that it was tangible; that he was still there. I would hold my breath just to make sure I could still hear him breathing.
When the first traces of the sun finally slipped in through the cracks in the curtains, I let out a sigh of relief. For some reason, I felt that those weeks I'd spent in Igra had been devoid of sunlight, and if I could just see the golden rays of light peeking over the horizon…I would really be back. The faint resonance of people waking came softly at first, and then as more woke, began to grow into the normal morning routine sounds. To others it would seem ridiculous how happy it made me to hear such a thing, but it did. Curling up, I squeezed my eyes shut and thanked everyone out there that all that horror had just been a dream.
Before Keisuke could wake up and fix those large meek eyes on me, I slipped out from under my covers and headed for the bathrooms outside. The school trip we were on (as part of our graduation tradition), took us near the base of Mt. Fuji in a hot springs. As long as you paid the set amount, you got to go. Keisuke and I have been working extra hours at the factory after school to save up for it.
Ever since our first year in high school, it's all he's looked forward to. Personally, I didn't really care that much. It was just something that all third years did, nothing too extravagant. But to him…it was going to be something special, something that we would get to share together and remember for a long time. When I think of the look in his eyes now, I can't help but smile a little.
The bathroom was empty. The others hadn't been entirely awake yet when I left. And I doubt they would be for a while. So I stood in front of the sink and scrutinized my reflection in the clear mirror as I let the hot water run. It was strange to see how worn I looked. I must have gotten only a couple hours of sleep, judging from the dark circles under my eyes.
As the steam turned the reflective surface opaque, I could feel my mind begin to cloud over with anxiety. All of it had felt like it really happened. As I knelt beside Keisuke, his bowels lying on the asphalt of the street, I could feel his life leaving his body. What if this was some sort of trick? What if Shiki or Arbitro or the government was trying to make me think Keisuke wasn't dead?
"Oh, God…what am I saying…?" I asked myself, clutching my throbbing head in my hands. I sounded insane. It was all just a bad dream. I'd been fighting in Blster too much.
But where did I get all of those crazy ideas? The Third Division? Igra? Il-re? …Line? It all seemed too much for my completely uncreative mind to come up with. With a heavy hand, I reached up and wiped the condensation away from the mirror and stared back into my red rimmed blue eyes.
"Oh, Akira…! Keisuke was looking for you." One of my classmates said as he entered the bathroom, rubbing his tousled hair. I refrained from jumping in surprise and merely gritted my teeth, nodding my acknowledgement to him.
After he disappeared into a stall, I decided that I needed to get some air. With purposeful strides, I went out and around the small garden to the rear gates and rested my head against the cool wood, taking in deep soothing breaths. I couldn't let Keisuke see me so weak. Only when I felt like I had my head under control once again was I able to let myself turn around and head back to the room.
The sound of laughter and excited talk met my ears as I reached out to open the sliding door. When I stepped in, Keisuke standing shirtless and messing around with the others greeted me. I couldn't help but feel my heart pang with a sort of broken sense of happiness. Part of me still didn't think this was real.
"Ah, there you are Akira!" he called, his eyes going wide as he caught sight of me. He disentangled himself from the others and strode over, a small tentative smile turning up the corners of his mouth. For a moment, I wanted to reach out and cup his face in my hands and collapse into his chest, but instead I merely froze and waited for him to say something.
"S-so, are you excited to go home…?" he asked bashfully, motioning to our packs (both of which he packed while I was in the bathroom).
I wanted to say thank you, but instead I merely averted my gaze and muttered, "I guess…"
"Hehe, you probably wanna get back to Blster!" he laughed, scratching the back of his neck. "Can't let all those guys think you've gone soft, right?"
Unable to think of what I could say, I brushed past him, and mentally cursed myself for being so hurtful. He didn't even seem to care. But of course…I knew better now. Maybe my dream was trying to tell me something about Keisuke. Could it be that I was supposed to stop him from hurting himself because of me again? What would he think if I were to suddenly start acting like a completely different person all of a sudden, though? Maybe he'd stop talking to me. I shivered at that thought and handed my bag to the kids that were loading the busses.
"D-did you sleep okay after…uh…you know…?" Keisuke asked, tossing his bag next to mine and running up to my side as I headed for the line onto the bus.
I shoved my hands into my pockets and nuzzled into my jacket a little more closely before answering, "Yeah…"
Once again, I could tell that he wanted to talk more, but I couldn't bring myself to allow him. Truth be told…I guess I was scared. Of what though, I still wasn't sure.
The ride home was loud and uneventful. Mostly I sat, gazing glassy eyed past my reflection on the window and out at the countryside passing by until it slowly became recognizable. By then, the sun was beginning to get low in the sky again. It'd be around dinner time by the time we got back to our homes. Other times I would focus in on what Keisuke was doing beside me. I never noticed before, but…he really was kind to everyone. I don't think he stopped laughing or talking until we had retrieved our bags and were heading down the road back home.
He waved over his head animatedly at the others, then turned and ran to catch up with my already retreating figure. He asked breathlessly, "Are you going to do Blster before going back?"
"I don't think so…" I replied, noticing the surprise that immediately flooded his eyes.
He must have realized what kind of a reaction he had and thought it was rude, because he instantly stuttered, "R-really? I g-guess you would be tired after all…"
The silence stretched on as I angrily tried bullying myself into saying something to him. For a while I thought that we were going to part awkwardly, but when he turned and said, "See you at school, then." I said barely audibly over the cool breeze, "Let's go to Blster together tomorrow…"
It was almost comical the way his entire body froze and his eyes grew wide.
And just then, I felt my own body grow still. I stood looking up at him in awe as the sun began to set behind him, casting a golden aura around the outline of his frame. Above, the soft clouds were starting to take on the hues of deep oranges, pinks, and brilliant yellows. For a moment, we both stood, looking at each other in separate silences.
"Th-that would be great…I mean, um…sure if that's o-okay with you…" he answered, finding his tongue first. My own mode of speech still hadn't returned so I merely took a mental picture of what just happened, turned on my heel, and waved goodbye like always.
When I was around the corner, I noticed that my other hand was clutching the spot above my pounding heart. Was it really that hard to say goodbye to him just then?
I looked up into the now darkening sky and answered myself: yes…very much so.
My adoptive parents were waiting for me in the kitchen when I came in the entrance. I heard them call in surprise, "Oh, Akira, we didn't think you'd be here until much later!"
I thought back guiltily to before I left. I had said that I wouldn't be home until around midnight. But that was because I figured I was going to compete in Blster. I set my things down by the umbrella stand, kicked off my shoes, and strode into the kitchen. There they were, sitting side by side at the counter, enjoying a meal together. I grimaced and muttered, "We skipped a few stops on the way…"
"Oh, well, we're glad you're finally home!" Father said happily, pushing up his glasses as he set his fork down.
"Did you have a good time?" Mother asked, jumping up from her stool so she could fix me my own plate of food.
Another wave of shame crashed into me as I watched them fuss over me and run around trying to make me comfortable. I never realized before how much I took them for granted, or…treated them like they weren't anything important to me. Ever since I came to them when I was ten, I was indifferent to their affection. To me they had always been the people that felt sorry for me. But while I watched them now…I saw parents that loved the child that had been a gift to them.
As Mother passed by me again, still standing in the doorway to the kitchen, I reached out and grabbed her hand. It was like a jolt of electricity had shot through her. She made a small, "Oh…" before stilling. It was a foreign affection to be showing for me as well. I wasn't sure how to proceed. Mostly I was embarrassed for doing it so abruptly in the first place. Quickly, I muttered a small, "I'm going to bed…" before spinning around and heading for the stairs letting her slack hand slip from my own as I went.
Once in my room, I closed the door and pressed my back against it, closing my eyes. My legs gave out and I slumped to the floor. Pounding images of my dream kept flashing through my mind as I sat there, completely powerless to stop them. I tried sleeping, but after a few hours of thrashing about, I realized it was pointless. By then, Mother and Father were in their rooms fast asleep, and the house was quiet.
Slowly, I stood, letting the still night air wrap around my shivering body. The moon was casting a soft glow through the gap in my curtains. That is what I was drawn to as I let my numb mind tell my feet to carry me to the window. Outside, I could see across the rooftops of the neighborhood and the tops of trees to the river in the distance. For some reason, seeing that seemed to calm me. And only when the sun began to rise again, did I emerge from my stupor.
Another sleepless night behind me, I thought as I went down to make myself a cup of coffee. Would I ever be ready to let myself dream again? No. I couldn't stand the thought of going through that nightmare again. Sighing, I ran my hands over my tired eyes and forced myself to wake up. Today I needed to get a hold of myself.
Mother and Father were surprised to see me up so early, but summed it up to my going to sleep early. I didn't speak much. And when I left for school, we said our normal goodbyes. So far, nothing out of the ordinary.
School was even the same. Surprisingly, there wasn't much talk of the trip. Again, nothing out of the ordinary.
Only when Keisuke and I were nearing Blster, did anything bring me back to all that had changed within me. I set my backpack down and headed for the ring of men that represented the arena area. Keisuke set his own things next to mine, but instead of wishing me luck like usual, he snatched up my elbow and dragged me to the side.
"I know you're going to do fine, but just…be careful okay…?" he muttered in a rush, his eyes boring into my own. I could feel the heat from his body coming off in waves. It took every ounce of my reserve to keep still.
"I-I mean...you've seemed distracted…and um I don't w-want you to get hurt…" he stammered, releasing me, and averting his gaze as a blush crept onto his cheeks.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets once again and said, "You don't have to worry about me…"
The smile he gave me made me feel like I was the most amazing person ever. For about the hundredth time since I woke up, I asked myself: How could I ever treat him like nothing? He was the most important thing in my life.
The first couple of opponents were newbie's to the group, and I easily knocked them out. The last combatant, however, was a boy who had been vying for my championship spot for quite some time. He was definitely a worthy rival. I could see the determination glimmering in his eyes as he reared his fist back and charged. Over the months, he had gotten better at controlling his outbursts, therefore becoming more and more difficult to overpower. Still, I found him easy to defeat.
But, I was tired. The past two nights were getting to me. You could see it as his fist sunk deep into my gut. I gasped; spit flying from my mouth as I was momentarily lifted from the ground. For that instant, my eyes found Keisuke's. And I saw in them horror and worry. I had never seen him look at me that way before. All the times I'd fought, he had been there to cheer me on, always believing in my abilities. Secretly, did he really hate the fact that I put myself in danger?
Flashes of his pained smile came back to me, and I knew what I had to do.
My feet landed roughly on the ground, but my legs had deadened from the shock of the blow. Normally, I would have rolled out of the way to give them time to recover, but today, I sat there on my knees, clutching my middle, and waited for the blow that I knew would end the fight. I glanced up into my rival's eyes and saw the surprise in them just before his fist collided with the side of my face.
When my eyes opened again, I was flat on my back, gazing up at storm clouds that had miraculously materialized. For a moment, I was terrified. It was like I was gazing up at Toshima's sky. But then sound suddenly assaulted my ears, and I heard the disbelieving cries of those gathered around. I'd only just gotten knocked down for a moment. And sure enough, Keisuke was the first one at my side.
I almost laughed. It looked like he was gonna cry. His rough hands cupped my now throbbing cheek and he asked from what seemed like far away, "Akira…can you hear me?"
I could only blink, and stare up at the gathering crowd, relieved that I hadn't woken back up in that hell hole without him. When I didn't answer him, he and a couple others hoisted me up and led me to the fence, propping me against it. The cool metal against my back and head felt good. Again Keisuke knelt in front of me.
"Can you hear me? Please say something!"
His voice broke, and I trained my gaze on him. Once I'd focused, I muttered a slurred, "I'm fine…"
But he didn't back away. Instead, his grip on my arms tightened, and he bowed his head so I couldn't see what he was thinking. Was he mad? I did it so he finally wouldn't worry about me.
"What's going on with you lately?" he asked, his voice shaking with emotion. "Why have you-"
"What are you trying to pull?" came the sudden demand from behind Keisuke. We both looked around in surprise. There stood my rival, fists clenched, still out of breath, and brimming with simmering fury. His hair fell in his eyes, but he didn't even bother brushing it aside.
"What are you talking-" Keisuke started defensively but was cut off as my rival's words cut through like steel, "One minute, you're fighting me like the King of Blster you are, and the next, I've downed you with two hits! What I want to know is, what are you planning?"
The tension could be cut with a knife. I merely sat there, my head finally clearing and said softly, "You beat me…"
"Eh?"
"I lost. That's all."
Just those few words seemed to cause every ounce of anger to dissipate from both Keisuke and my rival. As I watched his eyes sparkle with happiness, I could have sworn that if he were to dye his hair blue and wear an eye patch, then he would be that guy from Igra. He turned away from us and shouted at the others gleefully, "I beat Lost!"
For a moment, it felt like a small amount of weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
"Akira…why did you do that…?"
Keisuke was still there, kneeling next to me, looking completely confused. I merely offered him the smallest of smiles and muttered, "I'm done fighting, Keisuke…I'm tired."
He still seemed like he wanted to delve deeper into my psyche, but I wasn't exactly willing or ready for that just at the moment. So instead, I pointed at my now boasting rival and said, "Besides, he wants it. More than I ever did."
He didn't seem satisfied with my answer, but thankfully didn't question further. Instead, he hoisted me up and began leading me away. I had recovered enough now to carry my own bag, but found that my whole body was aching. As we came to the corner of the street, I turned back and took in my last sight of Blster.
Keisuke said goodbye where we normally did, but seemed reluctant to go. So like always, I left first.
It was a long day to say the least. And I felt that the rain that started just as I raised my hand to wave to Keisuke was an omen of sorts. I was glad when I made it inside. Mother and Father weren't home, yet, so I went up to my room and fell heavily on my bed, groaning as my bruised stomach stretched uncomfortably.
Maybe I could close my eyes…just for a moment…
Blood, there was so much. How could one person have so much blood in them?
Akira…
I could feel his body growing colder.
Akira…
I sat up gasping for air clutching my chest, and looking around wildly as a flash of thunder illuminated my room. All of my senses were on overload. My ears were pounding as my lungs continued searching for air. There wasn't enough of it. I couldn't get a hold of myself. The edge of my bed disappeared, and I went tumbling to the floor.
Oh god, no. It was real. He did die. Keisuke was dead!
I clutched handfuls of my hair and pulled, barely feeling any pain. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't produce any sound.
In my world of Igra…Keisuke was killed because of me. And every time I closed my eyes, I had to relive it- over and over and over again. Was this my punishment for not being a good friend…? For not being a good son…? I could never start over. I was doomed to misery every time I closed my eyes.
That night, I stayed curled up on my floor with my blankets cocooned around me. For hours and hours I lay there, going back and forth with myself. Had I gone mad, perhaps? Did I deserve to be here at all anymore…?
When my parents came in to see why I hadn't come down for school in the morning, I told them I wasn't feeling well. Mother tried resting her hand against my forehead to see if I had a temperature, but I wouldn't let her touch me. They left looking more worried than I'd ever seen them before. But what could I say? How could I tell them that I was a monster on the inside?
I'll just end up hurting everyone. It's better if I stay here alone.
"Akira…!"
Was I dreaming again? I don't know if I could handle seeing Keisuke like that again. He didn't deserve it.
"Akira…!" he called, his voice sounding closer.
No, don't come here. You'll die if you get close to me.
"Akira, are you here?"
My eyes shot open. I was still huddled in my blanket on my floor; the sound of rain outside was still as strong as it had been last night…as strong as it had been in Igra. What if, when I look out from underneath my covers, I'm back in Toshima?
I shook my head. If I wasn't crazy before, I'm definitely crazy now.
Keisuke's hand on the other side of the blankets pressed down onto my shoulder suddenly, and I stiffened. Slowly, I peered out from under the folds and saw his large concerned eyes gazing down at me.
"I b-brought you some cold stuff…" he said, sitting down by my side, the shopping bag rustling as he did. I noticed dimly that he was wearing the factory work uniform. So he'd had to work today.
"I would've come sooner, b-but I told boss that I'd work extra for you…"
One more thing I'd done wrong with my selfish existence. I whispered a small, "Sorry…"
"It's nothing! I'm just glad you got some rest!" he said, waving off my apology with a smile as he pulled a package of cool patches out.
"No, I'm sorry…I'm not really sick…"
His hands stilled as he gazed at me confusedly. He looked so innocent just then. I couldn't meet his gaze. Instead I looked at the plastic bag.
"Akira…please tell me what's going on…"
It felt like I was falling away, bit by bit. I wanted to catch a hold of him, to steady myself, but…could I be that selfish? Carefully, feeling a bit dizzy and weak, I sat up and faced him.
"Y-you…" I started my voice fading as my voice shook.
He nodded as if to say 'go on'. I shook my head, feeling tears stinging my eyes. I slumped, and couldn't stop myself from reaching out and gripping his shirt tightly. Without meaning to, or really even wanting to, I had my face buried in his chest as I cried. He felt so warm, and real, and alive. I couldn't help but try and pull him closer.
"A-Akira?" he stammered, both hands on my shoulders. It must be alarming, someone who seems to have no emotions suddenly bursting into a fit of hysterics.
"You died…" I gasped, finally spitting it out.
Only the sound of my fat tears falling from my chin onto the fabric of his shirt could be heard. For an awful moment, I thought he would be as disgusted with me as I was by this news. But then he said, "Y-you mean that nightmare you h-had on the school trip…?"
I nodded solemnly.
"That's why you've been acting so weird? Because of a dream…?" he asked almost sounding relieved.
I nodded, my breaths coming in short sputtering gasps now. He suddenly wrapped his arms around me, and I almost stopped breathing all together. He muttered into my hair, "It was only a dream Akira…"
"But you died!" I cried, trying to struggle away from him now. "It was so real!"
"It's not! I'm right here!" he came back with, still holding me tightly. We wrestled with each other, but I realized that I was too worn from getting my ass kicked the other day and then not eating or drinking today. Once again I slumped against him, my dull fingernails digging unforgiving into the skin on his chest.
I whispered haltingly…painfully, "I was so alone…"
His calloused fingers ran along my back soothingly as he listened. I could imagine what his face looked like right now. Clear and pure and innocent, smiling with happiness as he realized what was wrong. What an idiot my precious Keisuke was. He didn't realize why it was wrong.
"Akira…I will always be here for you. No matter what." He muttered, the words tickling the hair on the back of my neck. "Even if I die in a dream, I'll always be here for you when you wake up. Nothing can make me leave your side…"
Please don't forget the importance of why I died…
That voice was Keisuke's…but then again…it wasn't. It was the dream. I closed my eyes and found myself transported back to the streets of Toshima with the sounds of Shiki's and N's fight in the background as I clutched the dying Keisuke to me. He smiled that sad smile and whispered, Please don't forget the importance of why I died…
What was he trying to tell me?
His cold, bloody hand reached up and cupped my cheek as he said clearly, He is important to you. Don't let him slip away. Realize how much you need him and show…show how much you care about him…
Tears spilled out from behind my closed eyes, and once again, I was back in my room, my Keisuke holding me in his arms. At that moment, I knew what the purpose of that dream was.
"Will you stay…?" I asked softly, the rain almost drowning out my words.
"What…?"
"Will you…stay with me…until I fall asleep?"
His chest rose as he sucked in a surprised lungful of air, before he stuttered nervously, "O-of course…I mean, I-If that's what y-you w-want…."
I couldn't help but smile as I unhooked my fingers from their vice grip on his shirt and sat back. Our eyes met. I could feel our mutual love for each other colliding mid-air. Some day, I think I would need to tell it to him out loud, but for right now…sleep was the only thing on my mind. Without another word, I went over to my bed, and curled up on top of the covers. He followed soon after, grabbing up the blanket from the floor as he went.
Tentatively, he slid in behind me wrapping his arms around me once again as he settled the blanket over us. After a moment, his arms circled protectively over my chest and hugged me close as he whispered, "I'll be here when you wake up…"
The tension I'd been carrying around for the past couple of days suddenly vanished, and in the next minute, I was sound asleep, peacefully dreaming of absolutely nothing.
a/n: That's the end I guess. Um, but I'm not sure. If you think I should keep going, let me know, and I'll try and brainstorm more storyline! Oh, and the word document thing wouldn't let me put in the Blaster for the 'a', so excuse that. Wasn't sure if I should just put an 'a' or just leave it, so I...left it lol. Please review and tell me what you think! Thanks again! XD