Well, what can I say, I'm so sorry? Eeek. I feel terribly guilty, and what's worse is that in all likelihood the gap between chapters is only going to happen again. It's not really something I can help right now, so for that reason the story is on hiatus for now. I wish it didn't have to be. But it's better than trying to make promises I may not be able to keep. I hope you like this chapter, I didn't really and I know it's very different direction to the rest of the story. Almost like a different story together, at least the end. But, yeah. I can never control my writing. Loved the season finale - finally badass Stefan! And jesus that kiss. Sigh.

Hope you guys can forgive me for being such a terrible and inconsistent updater. I will try to finish this story no matter how long it takes me.

Song: Pablo Blaqk "Find Your Way" - one of my favourite songs, I would strongly advise you take a listen while you read.

Open your heart open your soul
And let me slide on in
you are my love you are my light
that always guides my way
through this black maze of flesh and pain
you always push me through
if you fall fast love I'll carry you
until it all comes shining through

She had been expecting pain, and maybe it was the alcohol, but she felt none as he sunk his teeth smoothly into her thigh. She felt the invasion though, and tensed, staring at the ceiling in a dreadful kind of anticipation. Several seconds passed and nothing happened. Her breaths came fast as she waited, trying not to think about how hard his free hand was pressing her thigh into the bed, how close that hand was to where her body really wanted it. She risked a glance down at him, her stomach lurching when she saw him looking back up at her, his lips to her skin, hiding where they were joined. He was completely still. She jutted her chin at him defiantly, hiding how vulnerable she felt. Her adrenaline, and an undeniable desire, overrode her fear and she glared back at him.

"Just fucking do it, Damon." Her voice came out sounding far more desperate, and far less commanding, than she'd intended.

She was pleased to see a brief glimpse of the Damon she knew when his eyes widened briefly, before they narrowed again, and she felt the grip of his mouth tighten in her. After that she saw no more.

She was falling. Something was pulling her hard, painfully, so fast she felt dizzy. There was a rushing sensation running through her everywhere and her free hand clutched desperately at the bunched up sheet at her side, the other was entwined, white knuckled, with his. Her unseeing eyes closed against the low pain, which slowly ebbed away as her head lightened. She suddenly became aware the soft, rhythmic touch of Damon's thumb rubbing back and forth over her knuckles, soothing her. It followed the same rhythm of each draw he took from her, and she realised her own body was lifting slightly each time too, encouraging him.

It took only half a minute for the pain to reside completely, and for the pleasant rush of blood being pulled from her body to take over.

As Elena's hips began to surge more strongly upwards, Damon was forced to move his hand to her hip, holding her still. He'd never been so present during a feed before. Even while her blood cursed hotly through him, his mind stayed sharp and controlled, unwilling to allow himself to get carried away. He knew it was a bad idea, but he wanted this to be good for her, needed it to be, with a urgency he wasn't sure where came from. He would ideally like to be buried in her, drinking from her neck, but this wasn't about him. And even though he knew he would've have been able to show her, so much more effectively, how amazing this could be, he knew there was no way it was happening. Not yet, anyway. She wasn't prepared for that level of intimacy, would not allow it, and he could not bring himself to coerce her into it, despite the smell of her arousal betraying her. Still, as her hips continued to resist his restraint, he found himself toying with the edge of her panties, his fingertips touching her skin lightly while his palm stayed firm against her bone, fixing her to the bed.

Elena had been trying to ignore the arousal that had been building, in an entirely too strong way, but when he began to tease her, and she knew he knew what he was doing, the rational part of her mind seemed to forfeit any control it'd had over the situation. As his fingers inched painfully slowly along the hem of her underwear, closer to where she was throbbing for him, she whimpered unwittingly. Damon faltered for a moment, before continuing with renewed confidence, drawing a particularly deep mouthful of blood at the same time, causing her to let out a low, keening moan. His fingers tucked under the material, stroking along the inside of her thigh slowly, leaving her gulping for breath, her body straining with an urgency Elena couldn't believe. He hadn't even touched her, but she could feel her clit swelling and her inner walls clenching as if he had.

And then, with a sudden decisiveness that made Elena shiver, Damon slipped his hand completely under the elastic and thrust two cool fingers into her. Before Elena could stop herself, she cried out his name, her hips moving roughly to draw him in further. He remained still for a moment and then began expertly pumping her and drinking from her at the same time. Elena clamped her eyes shut and gritted her teeth in an attempt to hold back her scream as she immediately came around his fingers, the sensation of him pulling her apart, in two ways at once, throwing her into oblivion. Damon roughly held her rocking hips still enough to continue drinking from her, alternating long, slow pulls with short violent ones, to match the movements of his fingers.

"Da-mon…oh fuck!"

He couldn't help but grin against her skin as she continued to come undone around him. He wanted to keep her going all night, but knew soon he would've been drinking from her too long for it to be safe. He refused to think about the implications of the sudden sense of responsibility he had for this girl. He knew doing this was probably an enormous mistake, but then; he'd already known that as he had watched the sensuous sway of her body from the motel room's doorway. Hell, being fucking honest, he'd known that since she'd stood in his bedroom, dripping wet, asking to leave with him. He couldn't pretend this trip was still just for him. He'd meant to leave behind his humanity. But now, with the rich, painful taste of her still in the back of his throat as he licked the remaining blood from around the two already healing marks in her thigh, he realised, this girl still shuddering lightly around his slowing fingers, was his humanity.

When Elena finally woke she felt exactly the same as she had felt several years ago when she'd caught mono. Her whole body ached and splinters of pain swept through her when she moved each limb gingerly. She allowed herself to think back to only a few hours earlier, the intensity of the sensations, and a wave of heat rushed over her, so strong she actually felt a little physically sick.

It would have been tempting to let herself fall into the many thoughts that threatened to overwhelm her, all the reasons why last night was so wrong, and the reasons she should hate herself for allowing herself to think 'but it didn't feel wrong'.

Instead she pushed all that to the back of her mind. There would be time to mull later, but right now she needed to deal with what felt like the worst hangover she'd ever experienced. Slowly, she let her eyes creep open, thankful for the closed blinds, and turned her head gently to glance at the glowing green numerals of the clock next to her bed. 13:40. She let out a groan and closed her eyes again, throwing her forearm across her face dramatically.

She'd thought that Damon would be gone, but when she heard a shuffle and opened her eyes again quickly, she was proved wrong.

He was leaning right over her, looking at her in a way that made her want to shrink back under the covers.

"Good. You're awake." His voice was void of any emotion, but she thought he looked a bit relieved. She gave out an apathetic groan in response, and began to move up onto her elbows. In a spectacularly unnecessary show of his vampire skills, she thought, Damon had her quickly pinned back down to the bed with one hand. For a moment Elena felt sure he was going to continue what had happened last night, and felt a surge of panic, as well as the heat of her cheeks blushing, before she realised he wasn't even looking at her as he held her down at the shoulder, the rest of his body turned away slightly.

"Don't sit up, not yet."

She began to protest, confused, but he simply gripped her harder, and she was silenced when she saw him bring his other arm to his face. She turned her face away, a wave of nausea rushing up her throat when she heard the noise of ripping flesh. She closed her eyes tightly when she saw him begin to swing back around, screwing up her nose at the smell of his blood. It wasn't unpleasant, but nor was it anything like the smell of her own blood.

"Elena." She knew he was holding his wrist in front of her, waiting. She ignored him, ignored the bed shifting with his weight as he sat down on the side, his hand still on her shoulder even though she was no longer trying to move.

"Come on Elena, hurry up, it'll drip…"

She cleared her throat, wincing at the pain it caused.

"I can't." She sounded so pathetic. She heard him sigh.

"It was part of the deal. Your idea, remember?"

"I know."

"So, you've…lost a lot of blood. You need this." He said, even-toned. She bit her lip, part of her wanted to cry and part of her wanted to just laugh at the weirdness of this situation.

"It's so…odd. It doesn't feel right." She hoped he couldn't see right through her, see the real reason she was hesitating. The intimacy of the act…it was too much, especially after the events of only a few hours ago.

Damon was silent for a while, and she cracked open her eyes, looking past the bloody wrist 10 inches from her face to where he sat facing her but not looking at her. His hair was freshly washed, he smelt clean. When he finally lifted his eyes to hers she silently berated herself for the clench she felt low in her abdomen.

"You'll get used to it." His voice was quiet, but the words were loaded with meaning. He understood. She studied him for a moment longer, his eyes were a peculiarly crystal clear blue, and looking back at her so earnestly she could only nod feebly. She saw him bring his wrist closer to her mouth out of the corner of her eye, but she kept her eyes trained on his face. Her body trembled lightly, she was terrified, although she wasn't quite sure why.

When she felt the moisture touch her closed lips, she slowly, reluctantly, opened her mouth, feeling the first taste of him settle on her tongue. Damon's eyes darkened, she saw them look down to her mouth and narrow.

"Close your lips around the surrounding skin, and suck," he commanded when she didn't do anything further. She rolled her eyes at him, wishing she could tell him to shut up – as if she didn't know what to do, and he gave her a quick grin. Then as she did as he'd said, he pulled his gaze from her, and his face became blank.

As Damon felt the first tentative tug of blood from his wrist he willed himself not to react. He was fairly confident he could do it, that is, prevent her from picking up anything revealing from his blood. After all, he'd done it before with other girls. Just not girls he was in love with. Fuck, and those were the exact thoughts he shouldn't be thinking while she was drinking from him. He managed to stay relatively blank minded for the next minute, until he felt her tongue licking around the wound before she pushed his arm away. He glanced over at her as the gash healed, but she avoided his gaze, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she pulled herself up in the bed.

He was pleased to see that she looked much better already; her pale, cool skin and dark under-eyes had scared him when he watched over her as she slept.

"Feeling better?"

"Uh, yeah. Thanks." Elena was sure she sounded far more nonchalant than she felt. Just as well. Ignoring the feeling of his scrutinising gaze on her, she swung her legs out of bed and grabbed a towel from the cupboard before heading to the bathroom. Just as she was closing the door, she heard him say her name, saw him rise from the bed and begin to walk towards her, a question on his lips.

She let the gentle sound of the door shutting and locking answer for her.

.

.

.

It was a sunny afternoon, the glare of the light hitting the snow on the ground splashing the world with a strange brightness. For the first time in days, Elena felt good, carefree. She rolled down her window and let the cool air rush through the car at speed, causing her hair to blow everywhere in her face and mouth. She heard Damon laugh as she rolled the window back up, watching her pick her hair back out of her mouth. She gave him an amused smile in response and lent her head back against the window. She liked watching him drive when he was like this. So well-practiced and relaxed his movements were like liquid, he drove with the same skilled control that he did everything else with. Well, with the exception of murder perhaps.

"How long have you been driving for?" Elena asked, curiously, wanting to take advantage of his good mood.

Damon slowed down and glanced at his watch.

"Only about 3 hours since lunch. Why? Do you want to have a turn?"

Elena, surprised, shook her head. "No, I meant how many years…although if you want me to drive for a bit I'd be happy to. I just don't know where we're going."

"Don't worry about it. I'd rather not risk my safety", Damon replied with a grin, ignoring her grumbles, "And I've been driving since the middle of the nineteen twenties."

"Oh, wow. No wonder you're so good at it." Elena replied, somewhat stupidly.

"Applies to everything," Damon winked at her, "one of the advantages of eternal life."

Elena just raised an eyebrow. She didn't want to get into this kind of talk. He'd just reminded her of how good he really was at some things in particular, but she didn't want to let on that she was thinking that. He was already cocky enough. Besides, they never actually talked about that early morning three days ago. She had felt extremely awkward for the first day, but Damon acted as if nothing had happened, and they had slowly slipped back into their usual dynamic, minus the disappearing acts he'd been prone to. She wasn't really sure what the post-blood drinking etiquette was, but it had slowly been dawning on her that he would need to feed again soon. He hadn't brought it up though, and she certainly didn't think she could just ask him. How do you bring up something like that? "Hey Damon, remember the other night when you fed from me while simultaneously bringing me to multiple orgasms with your fingers? When do you wanna do that again?" Not quite. Besides, she was fairly certain the whole orgasm thing was a one off. She rarely allowed herself to think about it, it was too complex, and the rush of sensations that even the memory brought back rather overwhelmed her to be honest.

She was jerked from her thoughts by the car slowing down and pulling off the main road, onto an unsealed gravel road.

"Where're we going?"

"I think we're here…" Damon replied slowly, squinting at the road thoughtfully. "It looks quite different, but I think it's the right one." He sounded as though he was talking to himself.

"The right what?" Elena asked, squinting ahead just like him, but seeing nothing but the same trees she'd been seeing for the past 200 miles.

"The right destination." Damon clarified, changing down gears as the road began to incline, and the car shuddered along, sending a cloud of dust up behind it.

"I didn't know we had a destination planned." Elena replied, her tone betraying a slight feeling exclusion.

Damon just snorted. "Of course I did."

Elena frowned, and decided not to give him the satisfaction of asking exactly what this destination was. Instead she settled back in her seat, grabbed some M&Ms from the packet between them and turned on the CD player. For the next ten minutes they passed through the forest without speaking, Damon taking several further turnoffs, until he suddenly turned onto a narrow, and surprisingly sealed, driveway, giving a small exclamation of satisfaction.

As they drove slowly along the driveway, Elena was surprised to see a small child run out from behind a tree up ahead, and jumped a little in her seat when Damon gave a series of beeps from the car horn, causing the small boy to laugh and wave. When they reached him, Damon rolled down his window and the boy, who Elena guessed was about seven, ran over, smiling.

"Damon! You came back!"

"How's it going Ed?" Damon replied easily, while Elena just gaped in the background. "I assume Mary's home?"

"In the kitchen, if I know that woman at all," Eddie replied with a roll of his eyes, sounding to Elena more like a husband than a child.

"I'll meet you up at the house," Damon said, before rolling the window back up. Just as Elena was about to ask what was going on, the question was ripped from her lips by a gasp, as Eddie was suddenly gone, speeding up the driveway and out of sight.

"Holy shit" she breathed, as Damon began the car again. "That kid's a vampire."

Damon just nodded.

"Don't worry. It's safe to be here. You'll see…"

Elena just stared at him. He glanced over at her and then beckoned ahead to where they were turning the corner, "Look."

Looming up ahead, only twenty metres away, was an enormous brick house, with a distinctly Gothic style. The grounds surrounding it were beautiful, if not somewhat unkempt, and although it looked a little strange in the middle of a pine forest, Elena couldn't help but be awed by the sight. Damon parked the car to the side, behind a few others.

He turned to face her, watching as she studied the building ahead. She finally tore her sight from the house, and met his gaze, as always unprepared for the beauty she found there. And as always, it stole the breath from her lungs. He looked extremely calm, and for the first time since they left Mystic Falls she actually wanted to say something of meaning to him. Ask him something real, something revealing. Something like, "Why did you let me come with you?" or "Why are you so full of pain?" Or maybe, "How can I make your pain go away?"

A small frown made its way onto his forehead, and before she could gather all these sudden thoughts into words, he was opening the car door and stepping out, as if he could sense what she'd been feeling. As if he knew she was finally ready for a conversation he wasn't sure he could have anymore.

He leaned back into the car for a moment and told her to come out when she was ready.

"Damon, what is this place?" Elena asked seriously.

"Have you ever wondered what happens to children who're turned?"

Elena was a little shocked to realise she hadn't. She'd just assumed that would never happen. "Who'd be so cruel as to turn a child?"

"A vampire." Damon replied simply, with a wry smile.

Elena glanced back up at the house, noticing children watching them from the upstairs windows.

"Why do you know this place?"

"This is where I brought Stefan about a year after we were turned." Elena looked back at Damon in shock. "This is where he learnt how to be the…man he is today," he continued, with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"I didn't know…" Elena said slowly, still confused.

"There are still a lot of things you don't know Elena." Damon began to close the door.

"Wait! I'm coming with you." Elena called out, scrabbling to undo her seatbelt, before opening her own door and jogging around to stand beside Damon. They started up towards the shadowed front porch, Elena falling slightly behind Damon as they got closer. She trusted him not to lead her into a dangerous situation, but a house full of vampires, children or not, was still an intimidating thought. He surprised her by reaching back and grabbing her hand, tugging her forwards so she was next to him again. She glanced up at him, but he didn't look back at her.

"You'll want to try to avoid showing weakness. These baby-vamps aren't dangerous, but they can be mean." He said by way of explanation, but didn't let go of her hand for a few seconds. Then as a woman appeared in the doorway, he gave Elena's hand a quick, hard squeeze, one she wasn't sure had anything to do with being reassuring, before he let it go.

Open your mouth sincere & slow
Lay my lips on top of yours
And every part you break me
Surrender all your ghost
Love trust in the things I say
Release all of your ghost
With broken fingers I built you this home
Love I always find my way.

Questions, criticisms, and ideas are always, of course, welcome.