The Camper With The Shades: A Total Drama parody of
Hi guys its John Morrison Invades TDI here! This fic here will be a play on popular segments from such as The Nostalgia Critic and Todd's Pop Song Reviews. It will be multi-chapter, but updated not as frequently as Total Drama Next and CAW (need to get to work ASAP for those two) However, I still promise that it'll be entertaining enough to keep readers hooked.
Disclaimer: I only own my OCs; anything else belongs to Fresh TV or their respective owners.
The Drama Critic (Noah And Izzy)
Noah- Hey what's up, loyal viewers of Total Drama, it's Noah here, along with my co-host, the princess of crazy Izzy. And we have an exciting show here for you.
Izzy- All right, I love Fanfiction as I love sleeping with California King Snakes. We review the works of Fanfiction fans every week, be it good, bad or pure ugly.
Noah- First, before we start off, we'd like to thank the fans for their enthusiastic response to the initiation of this show. In our first week alone, we received whopping 99 requests for a certain Fanfic to be reviewed.
Izzy- Now that's crazy, still not as crazy as the time where I shipped myself onto a missile heading for Cuba. It was a blast! Drum roll please...
(Drum roll. Izzy rolls here eyes upwards to complement the sound effect)
Izzy- It's none other than thephrasethatpais by dunkieishawt. I think we're gonna have a whale of a time reviewing this!
Noah- All's good and well in the Total Drama Fanfiction Archive. In these stories, Owen farts, Courtney denies (or more recently, Heather) and I throw in a snarky comment or two.
Izzy- All of a sudden, a female descends onto the Archive.
(Cue music)
"Hold your head high heavy heart.
So take a chance and make it big,
Cause it's the last you'll ever get.
If we don't take it, when will we make it?
I make plans to break plans,
And I've been planning something big, planning something big, planning."
Izzy- She's named... Jasmine Alice Canary Ramirez Tansho. And people think Isabella Etna O-Hara' Slater is long.
Noah- So our protagonist who thinks Japanese is kawaii launches a tsunami upon us. And by the time it has receded, the damage is inconceivable. Now let's view some of the reviews.
"On a scale of 1-10, 1 being lowest..
spelling? 0
grammar? 0
idea? 2-3
originality? 4-5
ability to make me laugh for 10 minutes, cause you spelt shirt wrong and the sentence turned out 'I have a black shit with boobs?'? +2 :P"
bellask8er
"I have an account, but I'm unmotivated to log in.
Listen, sweety.
I have flamed you and reported you repeatedly. Now, I'm getting everybody else in on it. We have united as one, in a group named Wildfire. As our name implies, we are here not only to flame, but sear. We will continue to flame, until this fic burns to the ground.
The fire multiplies, because our numbers grow each day, we multiply like Rotavirus.
You have the gall to admit to being a troll, andwe agree; you are.
As such, like all trolls, you need to be stomped out. We will not stop, so don't try us.
You're going down, Haley, down in flames.
I, Shadowed Theatre, Leader of the Burning, will destroy you myself if need be. You should know better than to play with Fire."
Shadowed Theatre
"i read ONE chapter. ONE. now that i'm back from the hospital and my eyes are no longer crying blood, i'm going to explain some things to you.
first, this story is APALLING, a word i doubt you can spell correctly.
second, you can't even spell the characters NAMES right. seriously, it's Geoff, Chris, and Duncan.
third, your typing in textspeak. WHAT THE HELL.
fourth, you completely ignore the thousands of flames begging you to stop torturing us with your miserible fic. apparently, this review won't be noticed by you, so i'm going to send it in PM as well.
finally, the characters are so OOC that you should just rename them and turn them into new characters. my God...
go ahead, call me a fucking stupid Gwen lover, or in your native language of Fail, "fukin stoopid gwen luver". She's my fourth favorite character. Duncan cheated on Courtney, and he kissed Gwen. he's the one at fault- not to say Gwen's completely off the hook, but she's definitely better off.\ and doesn't deserve the number of haters she gets.
i told myself i wouldn't read this, but seriously? the FAIL that was emmanating off of it pulled me in. i just had to tell you this, even if you completely ignore me."
Hawkfire111
Izzy- Oh...k. These reviews don't really put this fiction in a positive light. Without further ado, let's get into the story!
"Heyyy! Im Jasmine Alice Canary Ramirez Tansho and im way more kawaii then u, ok? In im so much cooler den u that dunkin luvs me. Ja, he luvz my shiny, shouldr-length blonde hair with purple and blue streaks that luks wai cooler than that loser gwen's hiar. Yeah, she stole the blu hair idea frum me cuz im just that haawt and sexiiiii.
I have a blak shit w/ boobz and a blue one under it that matches the blue in my hair and I were tight, sexy purple pants that maek my ass look even hawter. I also have fishnets on my arms cuz my x-bf Jeff thinks tehy make me look sexxy. (Jeff & I went owt 2 years ago, he was a total loser though and he didnt even no how 2 make out!)
NEway, I wuz sittin in my room watchin rerunz of Total Drama Iland wen my cell phone ringed. It was Kris! "hey hawty, do u wanna cum 2 the sho an hang wit the campers?"
"Ttly!" I screemed, uber-exsited."
Noah- What?
Stone Cold Steve Austin- What?
Samwell- I said what what, in the butt...
(Stone Cold hits a Stunner on Samwell)
Noah- Thank you, Stone Cold. Now, this girl wears a "blak shit w/ boobz". Firstly, how can a shirt have breasts?
Izzy- Izzy is the Master of Magic, but even she can't do that. Not E-Scope, Explosivo, Esquire or even Brainzilla! This girl's writing makes me look normal. Really? Ttly?
Noah- And of course she bashes Gwen. I'm not the biggest fan of Gwen, but it's indeed shallow to criticize Gwen with no rhyme or reason.
Izzy whips out "Short Man Official Lady Gaga Dictionary- 100% more Rah" from her shit, I mean shirt.
Izzy- This is a chore. Izzy can't even recognize 90% of these words that dunkieishawt wrote.
Noah- Alright, let's continue.
"OMG!" I screemed. A bot that wuz just lik the ones frum the ferst episode that all the camperz were ridin on was rite outsid my house!1 I run on2 it and do a backflip onto it cuz im coole nough 2 be able to do backflips.
Izzy- Yeah, a backflip, that's a big deal. In his stories, John Morrison Invades TDI makes me do 900 degree back tucks!
John Morrison Invades TDI- I'm guilty as charged. Just kidding, but I'm not appalled to see her do backflips. After all, most poorly written OCs can do a backflip!
lyk? review kk? if u dont revew then ur a fukin stoopid gwen luver! SHE STOLE DUNNKI FROM MEH11!1
Noah- Oh, we're Gwens if we don't review. That's a blessing in disguise. Gwen outlasted both of us in all three seasons and had a whiff of the million back on Total Drama. Only a fool would shun such treatment.
Izzy- And it fails even more when one considers her reasoning. She stole Dunnki From Meh? Given the way you've been writing, it's no surprise if Duncan left you, not the other way round.
Noah- Ah, sweet relief. With that the first chapter is over. The first out of a hefty TWENTY-FIVE!
OMFG A CHAPTER!1111111111REVIEW NO FLAMES! Im seryous about the story bitchiies. I'm not a troll1!1111 I'm so pretty!11 an S3xiiiii1!1
Noah- Eee! A new chapter. Congratulations honey, it all goes downwards from here. Wait a minute, it already did.
"YeAh, tewtally, Gwen its over. Plus courtney its over too, and newg stole Jasmine's hair. Which is sooooo kawaii!"
Gwen raan to tha hotel and cried.
Izzy- Mary Sue Rule #34- Always use some unknown word like kawaii when confronted with a character clearly less flawed than yourself. 100% success.
Especialy Noaah "Omg ur soooo hyawt! I'm now tewtally strait now!1!"
"U basterd! She's mien1!1 yah im lesbo nao1" bRIDGETTE yalled
Noah- No! No! No! Don't drag me into this, I thought you liked Duncan and Duncan liked you!
Izzy- Apparently Izzy knows that Mary Sues make everyone fall in love with them.
PLZ STOP FLAMIN1!1 I'm NOT an troll, whatEVer that is. this sint a trollfic! I tried to put efort into this chapter! Stop flaminplz.
Today I wock up. I put on mah faaave A black n pink n purple miniskirt with a panic at da disco tshiiirrt over mah blu brah. I wor mah highlighter blu vans and put in a butterfly nosering. I put on knee haigh kyut socks. I looked so hot and indie!1!1 Tehn I met Duncan and we went to the pool and went to the lounge chairs.e
Dunkin and I were mackin our (omfg isnt he sooooo hawt?) wen kodi and bridge came owt. They were all emo n werin blak cuz cody luved noha who love me and bridge lovd me but kissin gurlz is gros so I had 2 say nein (LOL NINE) plus im with dunkie.
Anway so we wuz makin out and he was about to take off mi sexy pants and he gotz to 12th basee wen noah walked up 2 us! "wut the fuk r u doin" he esked. Dunkin took his hawt lips of mien an said "were makin out dumbass what does it look like? Im fell the boobs inher shit."
Noha shuffed duncan an said "SHES MINE U NATSY BASTURD!11!y" dunkin an I were so surpissed.
Anyway noah jumpd on me an started humpin me! it wus so hat and I coul feed his erekshun but I luv dunkin so I pushed her off an said "EW U FREAK GET OFF ME."
HE WAS SO Surprise.d and douch-y tha t he slappppd me. "u bitch u no wat I ha8 you!11" and he runned off and jumpd on codey and they started makin out (isnt that so hawt? Yaoi!)
"wow what a freek, ur so beutifl and perfekt and I love you" said duncan with sexyness in his voice. We started makin out again and I stuck my hand in his pants and he grabbed my ass and it was so hawt.
But then...
omg clif hanger! No flmaing!1!
Noah- Now I get stuck like glue onto this airhead and become fodder for her. And what in the world? I make out with Cody? For the last time, I'm not gay!
Izzy- Izzy would say "Yes", but Izzy wouldn't be inclined to agree with this abomination of an author.
So then, liek Duncan stopped mackin me. (Sooo not hawt!111) And then he ran to
Newg and started talkin to gwen!111111111111
I was sooooo fucking surprissed! "Dunkin~!#R$# ur cheatin"
"No, Jamine Alice Starkit Ramirez Tansho!1! I luuuv u and no one!"
"Toooo l8 Duncain, I h8 u!" and I ran off
Then brrudget was abput to jump "omg noo! Don't jump1!"
But she did and I caught her and kissed her! (Grlz r so yummi!)
Then courtni was soo surpriiised and slapped Dunki! "Culdn't u see I secretly
luuuved u? Stop luvin herr!"
And she ran off while I macked on sexiii bridgee :) :) :)
Noah- Wow, Duncan cheats on you for talking to Gwen. Lady, you must have issues.
Izzy- Starkit? What does that have to do with Canary? At least other Mary Sues retain their name throughout! And finally, Duncan sees the light.
Noah- Heck, what's with the change of heart? Now you're ruining Bridgette, another good character.
Izzy- Come on, Izzy loves yaoi and yuri, but this is so awful. Bridgette would not do that in reality.
Justyme used SUPOR UBER SEXIII PELVIK TRUUUUUST!
He dyed!1 OIMFGGGG. There was blud everwhere? I started cyring! He had died over meh! I cyred "JUSTYN DON'T LEV ME! I LUV U!11!"
Noah- I'm sure you meant anti-me there. And really, he dominates his adversary with a pelvic thrust?
Izzy- Pelvik Trust Inc. keeps your money safe and sound... and makes sure you lose every single penny.
Noah- To avail yourself to the services of Pelvic Trust Inc, call 1800 69696969.
N we walked inot...
TRENT N A BERA HAVIN SEZZUAL INNERCOARSE!1111!11!1!1!111!1!
Noah- No comment. Seriously, how do you expect me to have something coherent to say about bestiality?
Izzy- Izzy had a bear boyfriend before, but we didn't go all the way to 34th base.
THE VOLCANOE ERECTED! WHITE HOT LAVA SHOT UP IN the AIR. IT CAME DOWN SUPER RED HOT!~
i ran away and drank da last of das vodka cuz i was thirst! I ranned to the camp cuz it was close but not too close to get burned!
Noah- Nice personification. I didn't know that volcanoes had man bits.
Izzy- I don't even have anything to say about this. Let's skip to the end.
OMFG! LAST CHOTER! Ladidood editd dis 1! (ty33333)
Ladydude Kawaii Tansho-McKleine wsd a bountiful babii. b4 i ven saw him i new: she was PERFEKT!
He had pink haor nd bleu eyes. Hiss skin was soooo wite! I new je coldn't b chefs cuz shef is black.
"Its teh syko killahs" i deciduated.
teh baby aslo had purplee freckles.
"lets nME HIM Ldydude kawai tansho-mcclean" Kris sagt so we narmd him ladydude kawaii tansho-mcclean.
evry1 wanted 2 hold my new newborn baby. I dint want them too but tehn I let Noha jold him nd he cyred happy teras of jo. He locked codry nd tehy decide to have a babe 2.
every1 was so happeh 4 me exept NEWG EW cuz she suckles.
TEH END!
Tehres gun be a sequirrl!1 ill typ he 1 chapt sooooooon! Itl be a creat-ur-own-OC fik so plz mack an oc333!
Noah- Oh, she got pregnant. And gave birth to a pink-haired baby who grew up and became Nicki Minaj.
Lil Wayne- Yeah, Young Money!
(Stone Cold gives Wayne a Stunner)
Izzy- And that concludes the abysmal phrasethatpais. That reminded me of my uncle Molotov, except that Molotov writes much better.
Noah- This female Pomeranian clearly has the lyrical ability of Soulja Boy...
Soulja Boy- YOOOU!
(Stone Cold pummels the rapper with a third Stunner)
Noah- ... and is as drunk as Ke$ha. Also, if you can spell words like "marijuana" correctly, you should be able to do better.
Izzy- This story actually makes Izzy feel like a normal kid again. Such is the terrible writing of dunkieishawt.
Noah- This is like getting Hepatitis B from playing Mario Kart. A larger magnitude of failure could not possibly exist!
Izzy- I shudder at the thought of her initiating a sequel. Or squirrel? Squirrels are kawaii! You know I was just kidding.
Final Rating: If there was a Z rating, this fic would cut the cheese
Noah- And that's a wrap for this edition's Drama Critic. I'm Noah...
Izzy- and this is Izzy. See you all next week.
"Glass Shatters" (Stone Cold's theme) plays to end the episode.
And that's it folks, we've come to the end of the inaugural Drama Critic.
To make things more interesting, I'm opening the floor to a vote. I know that the audience had no say in "thephrasethatpais", but I figured I would eliminate one of the most popular candidates first. Reviewers can now vote on which Fanfiction they want Noah and Izzy to do next. Voting will be closed the next time the Drama Critic airs, which is in a month.
This is JoMoInvadesTDI, and these have been my reactions to thephrasethatpais.